Uninvited
by Shoshanna33
Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette.**

**Uninvited**

_Like any uncharted territory  
>I must seem greatly intriguing<br>You speak of my love like  
>You have experienced love like mine before<br>But this is not allowed  
>You're uninvited<br>An unfortunate slight_

It was a Friday night and the club in London was jumping with young bodies, drinking too much, and moving to the beat of the music. It was cramped and noisy and the air was stuffy and smoky. Hermione was drinking tequila shots at a table of young men who had seen her pass by and invited her to sit with them. Back in her youth, she was a somewhat shy girl when it came to boys. She was inexperienced and nervous and self conscious of her appearance. She'd never felt particularly desirable to the opposite sex, even despite her short relationship with an international Quidditch star, Victor Krum. He could have had any girl he wanted back then, and he'd chosen her. It had bolstered her ego a bit, but it didn't last long. She went back to feeling plain and boring once he left her life. It hadn't helped that she had been in love with Ron for ages and he did nothing about it except at times ignore her or be mean to her or find some other girl to be with. It had taken them what seemed eons to her, to finally admit their feelings and make a go at things. But it had ended badly. She was emotionally unavailable and he was frustrated with her throughout most of their nine month relationship. But that had been over a long time ago. Ron had moved on, and she had moved into another world where none of her friends were invited to go. They all thought she spent her evenings reading books and petting her cat, while sipping tea under a blanket on her couch. What they didn't know was that Hermione was living a secret life as a party girl. She would drink herself senseless most evenings, sometimes go home with a stranger. She was self destructing inside, but she was determined to enjoy the ride.

And now she was sitting with this group of blokes, all of them urging her to drink more and more, all of them wondering which on of them she'd take home tonight. But Hermione was growing bored of them and their conversations. They were dull to her and while they were all at least marginally attractive, they didn't hold her interest. She stood up from the table.

"Sorry boys, it's time for me to move along," she announced to them somewhat drunkenly.

"Wait, no. We just bought you five shots. The least you can do it stay and chat with us," one of them said as he stood and grabbed her arm.

"Afraid not. I mean, the geo political ramifications of global warming? This is the conversation material you lot are interested in? And they used to call me a nerd in school," she scoffed.

"Just sit down. We'll talk about something else. We thought perhaps you'd be impressed by our huge intellect but we can dumb it down for you if it's going over your head," another one said.

"Dumb it down? Do you think I'm a daft bimbo? I can understand the conversation, I just don't care. Now let me go," she said, wrenching her arm free.

Another stood up and tried to grab her arm again. "Look, we're just having fun. Sit a spell longer. Have another shot."

Just then a blonde man walked up and forcibly removed the man's hand from Hermione's arm and shoved him back.

"You heard the lady, she wants to go. So piss off and leave her alone," he said angrily.

Hermione reeled around and came face to face with her rescuer. She was in shock at first and didn't even know what to say. It was Draco Malfoy.

"Malfoy?" she asked incredulously.

"You're welcome, Granger. Now come with me," he said trying to grab her arm, just as the other men had done. She wrenched it free.

"Don't touch me," she spat at him angrily.

"Look I just saved your ass. Do you want to sit with these losers or do you want me to get you away from them?" Draco asked impatiently.

She thought for a moment and looked down at the table of eager looking faces staring back at her, awaiting her decision. "Alright, we're going," she conceded. Then she called out to the table of blokes she'd been sitting with, "thanks for the shots!" And then she walked away through the crowd being led by her former school enemy and constant thorn in her side. Once they were a safe distance away from the table she pulled her arm free again.

"What exactly are you doing? I could have handled myself," she informed him haughtily.

"Look, I just saved you from a probable gang rape, so a little thanks would be nice," he told her. "What are you thinking sitting with a table full of hormone addled drunk men, allowing them to pour shots down your throat. How did you think that scenario would end?"

"Oh please. I had it under control. It's not as if I don't do this nearly every night of my life. And what the hell are you doing here anyway?" she asked him.

"I'm drinking. What the hell else would I be doing here? I come here all the time too," he informed her.

"I've never seen you. In fact, I haven't seen you since the trials."

"Yeah? Well I keep a low profile. Can I get you a drink?" he wondered.

"No, I don't want a drink from you. I hate you. Just go away. You did your one good deed for your lifetime. You can go now."

"Fine. Be that way. I'm not your enemy anymore. If I was, I would have let you flounder in that situation and wouldn't have stepped in."

"So what, we should be best friends now? I think I'll pass," she said, digging in her purse for a cigarette.

Draco saw her fish the cigarette out and he held up a lighter for her. She just stared at him for a second, then she sighed and accepted the light.

"Could I bum one?" he asked her curiously.

"Bum a smoke? What, are your money bags empty now? Can't afford your own pack?"

"No, I just ran out. I can afford them. Do you want me to pay you for one?" he asked with irritation.

She fished in her purse and threw the cigarette at him. "Here, just take it. Now sod off."

"Since when do you smoke anyway? A prissy little goody two shoes like you should be off trying to cure cancer instead of sucking down smokes," he remarked.

"What do you care? I'm not a prissy little good two shoes. Don't pretend like you know me. You never did," she said, blowing smoke in his face.

"Yeah, well you didn't know me either."

"Well, I don't care to. So either sod off or I'm finding someplace else to stand," she informed him.

"Fine. I'll leave. I don't know what I was thinking stepping in back there. It might have been fun to watch them cart you out of this club off to god knows where. Maybe you would have deserved it," he spat, as he turned on his heel and walked away through the crowd.

That pissed her off. She went running after him and grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him around.

"_Deserved_ it? You think I _deserved_ to be violated?" she asked angrily.

"According to you, you had it all under control, so I'm sure you would have been fine. Why are you following me when you told me to sod off?"

"No woman _deserves_ that. But of course you're a pig, so you'd probably get a thrill from knowing I was hurt."

"Get out of my face, mudblood. I'm done talking to you. You're on your own. I don't care what happens to you. Call it a moment of insanity, me trying to help you. But I'm over it," he said angrily as he marched away from her.

"_Mudblood_? You think that hurts my feelings? It doesn't anymore! I don't care. I don't care about any of it!" she shouted after him, but he was already lost in the crowd.

She had no idea why seeing him again had rattled her so much. Maybe it was because he had been trying to save her. It was weird. And he looked so different. He wasn't clean shaven and his hair was messy and he was in jeans and t-shirt. He looked just like every other Muggle in the club and not a posh high society wizard. He seemed different at first, but it was obvious he hadn't changed. Mudblood. That stupid word. His favorite for her. Why had he bothered to save her tonight? It was clear he still thought she was scum. And it went both ways. She still thought he was scum too. Good riddance to bad rubbish, she thought to herself as she made her way to the bar to get another drink. She wanted to forget she ever saw Draco Malfoy at all. Stupid pureblood snobbish prick.

She sat and drank alone for awhile, until another man approached her. It was almost inevitable in a club like this. A pretty girl drinking alone, was never alone for long. Everyone was looking to get lucky, including her. She just hadn't found the right one yet tonight. But maybe this one would be the lucky guy.

"I'm Jason. And you are?" the man asked as he sat down next to her at the bar.

"I'm Hermione."

"Hermione? That's a beautiful name. Very unique. Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure."

Jason signaled the barkeep and indicated a new drink for the lady as well as himself. And they sat there making small talk the best they could over the loud thumping music. Hermione stood up and leaned over to him.

"I need to go to the loo. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," she smiled at him, thinking he really could be a keeper. At least for the night. She didn't want to lose his interest but after all those tequila shots and vodka tonics, her bladder was about to burst.

She did her business and checked her face in the mirror. Her makeup was much more severe than she'd wear at work. Sometimes at work, she wore none at all. Her friends would probably never even recognize this girl in the tight minidress and high heels and the black eyeliner. And when she stared in the mirror, she almost didn't recognize herself either. She glared at the mirror for a moment, well aware she was a drunken mess, but then she put on her fake smile and fluffed up her hair and walked out of the loo and back towards Jason, who was still sitting there waiting for her. She sat back down.

"Miss me?" she asked coyly.

"Most definitely. I got you another vodka tonic while you were away," he said indicating the fresh glass.

She smiled and lifted it to her lips when suddenly someone stepped in and flung the glass out of her hand and it went crashing to the floor, breaking all over the place.

"What the bloody hell?" Hermione shouted confusedly as she looked up to stare Draco in the face again. "What are you doing?" she shouted at him.

"Ask him. He knows why I did it," Draco said, staring Jason down with one his famous almighty sneers.

"I don't know what this wanker is on about. Who the hell is he? Do you know him?" Jason asked.

"Yes, I know him. And I already told him to leave me alone once tonight. What is your bloody problem?" she asked standing and getting in his face. If it wasn't a Muggle nightclub her wand would be at his throat by now just like old times.

"I'm saving your sorry little ass, yet again. I watched this asshole put something in your drink. He drugged it," Draco informed her.

"Drugged it?" Then she looked at Jason. "You drugged it?"

"I didn't do that! He's lying!" he stood up and faced Draco and he gave him a deadly look.

"Don't look at me like that, you fucking wannabe rapist. I watched you do it. Empty your pockets. Show her your stash. Surely you brought more than one little packet with you?" Draco challenged him.

"I'm not emptying my bloody pockets. Fuck off!"

"No, you fuck off. You leave this girl alone now," Draco hissed at him.

"Malfoy, go away! Why are you doing this?" Hermione cried.

"I'm helping you, you daft bint. He drugged you. I saw it. Why would I lie?" Draco asked her.

"Because you're an asshole. Lying is what you do best. I'd say it looks like you're trying to ruin my evening, not save me. You're no bloody hero," she spat at him.

Draco grabbed Jason and forcibly rooted through his pockets until he pulled out a little plastic baggie filled with some sort of white powder residue. He held it up.

"What do you think this is, huh? A baggie of cold remedy? Baking soda? It's fucking drugs." He threw the baggie on the bar and stormed off through the crowd again. Hermione just looked at the baggie and then back at Jason.

"I thought you were nice," she whispered sadly.

"He's lying. That's not drugs." 

"Then what is it?"

Jason thought for a moment, but he knew he'd been caught out. "Alright, it was just a little something to loosen you up. That's all. I thought you'd be into it."

She slapped him hard across the face and shoved him back. "You asshole! If I wanted drugs, I would have asked for them. I can't believe this! You're disgusting!"

She turned around and ran through the crowd to get away from him. She felt like bursting into tears because she couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. She'd been coming to these clubs for a long time now and she knew never to leave a drink unattended. It was in the mental rule book she'd drilled in her head after reading numerous stories of girls being drugged and violated. But she hadn't been thinking. And what the hell was Draco doing spying on her anyway? How did he see this happen? And why did he step in yet again and save her? She spied him over in the corner at a table talking to some girl. She marched over, not caring if she was ruining his game, because God knows, he'd ruined hers twice tonight. Even if he did actually help her, that didn't matter. She marched up to the table and stood with her hands on her hips.

"So what are you tonight? My guardian angel? Why were you watching the guy I was with?" she asked him.

"What difference does it make? I saved your ass, yet again. Don't bloody ask me why. I don't know," he sighed.

"Who is this girl? Your ex?" the girl at the table with Draco asked.

Hermione and Draco both started laughing heartily.

"His ex? Oh dream on. As if I'd have gone out with this wanker."

"Yeah, like I would have been with _her_," Draco scoffed.

"Well then who is she and why is she at our table?" the girl wondered.

"She's no one. Just someone I knew from long ago. She was just leaving, right Granger?"

Hermione glared at him. "Right. Have a good evening." She stalked off and left the table and just felt more confused than ever before. Why was he trying to save her all night long when it was clear he wanted nothing to do with her? Men were a puzzle and Draco's puzzle was not one she wanted to solve.

After a few more solitary drinks, Hermione left the club alone and stood outside the building just trying to keep herself steady. She was really drunk and her shoes were difficult to walk in sober. She lit up a cigarette and leaned back against the building and just closed her eyes for a minute, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Can I have a drag?" a voice asked her, breaking her out of her reverie.

"You again? Now what? Did someone poison my cigarettes?" she asked Draco.

"No. If they had, I wouldn't be asking for a drag," he informed her.

She handed over the cigarette. "Where's your new girlfriend?" she wondered.

"That bint? Not worth my time. A little daft in the head. I like smart girls," he shrugged.

"Smart girls, huh? Were you planning to take her back to your place and play Trivial Pursuit? I rather thought you were looking for someone to shag," she said nonchalantly.

He laughed slightly. "Yeah, you could say that. But she didn't strike my fancy. No loss. There are always other nights, other girls. What about you? No luck finding a man who wasn't trying to rape you?"

She glared at him. "I didn't need you to save me."

"Yes you bloody well did. Look at you. Dressed up like that? When I first saw you, I almost didn't realize it was you. You're just asking for trouble hanging around places like this alone. Don't you have any mates to go out with? Girlfriends?"

"Yes. And no. I mean, I have friends, but they don't exactly know I come to these places. It's sort of my little secret. If you don't recall, my friends are all a bit straight laced. They wouldn't understand."

"I recall your friends quite well. Hate the lot of them. Haven't you made any new ones?" Draco asked curiously.

"Afraid not. I'm sort of a lone wolf. Everyone thinks I spend my nights knitting tea cozy's. They have no idea who I really am," she admitted somewhat sadly.

"Wanna go home with me, Granger?" he asked quickly.

"What? Are you mad? Go home with you? Whatever for?" she wondered with confusion.

"You know what for. We both struck out tonight. But you do look rather ravishing in that dress. And let's face it, I'm the only guy here who didn't try to take advantage of you. Why not? It doesn't mean anything. Don't tell me you don't find me attractive," he purred, moving closer to her.

"Get away," she shoved him back. "Have you lost your mind? You want us to hook up? How drunk are you?"

He laughed. "Drunk enough. What about you? It'll be our little secret."

She thought on it for a lot longer than she ever dreamed she would. Why would she go home with Draco Malfoy? It was ludicrous. But just as he said, it would mean nothing. And he was rather attractive in those sexy low slung jeans and t-shirt. The shirt that allowed his Dark Mark to glare her right in the face, but he made no attempt at apologizing for it's existence. And she actually found it appealing in a very self destructive demented way. Shagging the enemy. It would be a new one for her. There was something appealing about how wrong it would be. And she liked doing wrong things. They gave her a rush. A rush she knew none of her friends would ever understand.

"Are you a good lover?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because if you're not, don't waste my time."

He smirked at her. "I'm the best you'll ever have."

"Hmm, that's a bold statement."

"Come with me and I'll prove it to you," he said running his hand down her arm seductively.

"Alright, pretty boy. But this better be worth it. And remember, this doesn't mean anything."

"Of course not. Nothing does, does it?" he asked.

She nodded her head quietly and stomped out her cigarette. "Right. Nothing means anything these days."

"So what are we waiting for?"

She took his outstretched arm and they disappeared into the night together. He didn't live far from the club, so they just walked, or rather stumbled along together, until they reached their destination. As she stood in the lift with him going up to his apartment, she knew this was the biggest mistake she'd probably ever made. But she didn't care. It was just for fun. It was a good time. And no one would ever have to know.

Once they got inside, there was no pretense of small talk or offers of more drinks or anything resembling meaning. There was simply animalistic pawing and unzipping and grunting and moaning and writhing around in a frenzied drunken lust. Draco was rough and she was rough right back. All those years of hating each other were not lost on them. It was not a gentle coupling and things were knocked off shelves and pillows were thrown about the room, along with items of clothing and picture frames falling off tables.

"God I fucking hate you," Draco grumbled as he thrust deeply inside her.

"I hate you more," she moaned as she dug her nails into his back, leaving marks.

"Then why are you so fucking irresistible?" he asked breathlessly.

"It's because you like pain and misery," she told him as she grabbed his hair roughly and brought his lips crushing down to hers, effectively shutting him up.

"You like it too or you wouldn't be here with me," he purred into her ear as he thrust deeper and bit her neck, sending shivers to all the right places.

"Just shut up and fuck me," she moaned, trying to block out who she was really with. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

Once they lay on the floor spent and breathing heavily, Hermione was ready to get the hell out of there. She sat up and began searching for her clothes. Draco rolled over and watched her.

"Leaving so soon?" he asked curiously.

"Yep. Where's my dress?"

"I dunno. Over there I think," he pointed across the room.

"Remember, this meant nothing," she told him as she found her dress and zipped it up.

"Right. Nothing."

"Don't think about me when I'm gone," she informed him.

Draco laid back and put his arms behind his head. "Love, I wasn't thinking of you when you were here."

She just stared at him and despite her hardened shell of armor she felt tears prick in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

"Good," she said calmly as she found her shoes and pulled them on. "Thanks for the good time."

"Likewise. I trust you'll show yourself out. I'm going to bed," he said as he stretched and turned on his heel and headed down the hallway towards his bedroom, leaving her alone.

"What a fucking tosser," she muttered under her breath. But what was she expecting? A candlelit room and sweet nothings? They both said it was meaningless and they both said they hated each other. She got what she came there for. And now it was time to go. And tomorrow night, she'd probably be back out there again, playing the same game. Dead actors faking lines, everyone looking to escape lives they couldn't bear to live. Emotions had no place in that world. And she'd locked her emotions up tight for the last several years. She'd suffered too much loss to ever want to feel again. She opened up the door and skulked down the deserted hallway and back into the lift. She was out on the street in no time and proceeded to make her way home, ready to forget this night ever existed. Ready to forget that she and Draco had ever crossed paths again. In her mind, this had all been nothing but a bad dream.

She awoke in her bed the next morning and felt like death. She rolled over and looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly noon. Her trusty companion, Crookshanks, slept on the pillow next to her and she reached over and gave him a little pet before pulling the covers over head and rolling over again. She had been really drunk last night, but she remembered everything. She was kind of hoping she wouldn't. But despite her questionable drinking habits, she'd never once blacked out or forgotten what happened the night before. Perhaps because she was such a control freak, she wouldn't ever allow herself to lose that much control over herself or her mind, even when she wanted to. And she definitely wanted to erase last night from her memory banks. She'd shagged Malfoy. Her childhood tormentor. Her enemy. A man with a Dark Mark. A former Death Eater. What had she been thinking? Was it possible to obliviate yourself, she wondered? Could she perform a spell to erase the memory of him being inside her? Some sort eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, like the poem? She didn't think so. And even if she could, she'd probably screw it up like she did her parents. She obliviated them right and proper and so thoroughly, they were unrecoverable to her. No healers could reverse the effects or the fake memories she'd implanted in them. They were lost to her. She'd ruined her family with her own careless hand. Thinking she knew what was best and that she'd be able to fix them. She'd been wrong. So there she was after the war, an orphan of her own making. And even though her well meaning friends tried to comfort her and tell her it wasn't her fault, she knew they were wrong, because it _was_ her fault. And thus began her downward spiral.

But she was an excellent actress, most of the time. No one knew what she really did with her time. They didn't know about the clubbing or the drinking or the smoking or the meaningless sex. They knew nothing of her life outside of work and the few social occasions she spent with them. The only person who wasn't entirely fooled by her act was Ron. And that was simply because he could sense a change in her and she'd shut him out emotionally. It was why their relationship failed. But he still had no idea the self destructive course her life had taken. They rarely spoke now, and when they did it was all pleasantries and nothing meaningful. Gone were the days when he was one of her closest friends and the one person she thought she couldn't live without. Even with Harry, it was different. He had his own life with Ginny, and with his work as an Auror, he was often away and they didn't have much time for each other. They'd grown somewhat distant, even if they did make an effort to remedy that whenever they both found the time. But largely Hermione had isolated herself and lived a life that her old self would never have approved of. Her old self would never have shagged Draco Malfoy of all people. But that girl she'd been was just a memory now. And Hermione wasn't sure she could ever get her back or if she even wanted to. That girl had been naïve and young and stupidly brave. Risking life and limb to save the world. She'd been idealistic and believed she could effect change and do something important with her life. That girl had been passionate about life and friendships and making the magical community a safe and happier place to live in. But now she just went through the motions. She had a job at the Ministry, but she lacked the ambition to do anything other than what was required of her. The passion had been lost. She no longer cared to make a difference. Let someone else do that job. She'd helped save the world from Voldemort and lost everything in the process. Let someone else save the world next time. She was out of the hero business. It was thankless anyway really. What did it really matter in the end when you had nothing left to go back to when all was said and done?

She finally pulled the covers off her face and forced herself out of bed. She went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Her hair was a bushy disaster and her old eyeliner was smudged and made it look like she had two black eyes. Then she noticed the bite marks on her neck and the bruises on her arms and hickeys on her breasts. She looked liked she'd been in a barroom brawl and not a roll in the hay. But she knew she gave just as good as she got. Draco probably looked like a disaster victim this morning himself. She wondered how those scratches on his back were feeling, right about now. But she shook it out of her mind and proceeded to turn on the shower and let it warm up. She sat on the toilet and just held her head in her hands. She knew she had to stop doing this to herself, but she just couldn't. It was an escape. It was her guilty pleasure. It was her deep dark secret. And somehow her secrets, while damaging, made her feel warm inside. Free. She wasn't ready to let it go yet. But as she stared at the bruises on her thighs, she did wish she could take back her ill advised hate fuck coupling with Draco. It had been a huge mistake. What if he told someone and that someone told someone and it got back to Harry or Ron or Ginny? She couldn't fathom that. But then again, would Draco brag to his friends that he'd shagged a worthless mudblood? Doubtful. He was probably just as disgusted and ashamed as she was. She hoped so anyway.

Once she was out of her shower she grabbed her wand and set about the business of healing up all the reminders of her evening that were left on her body. Gone were the bruises and bite marks and hickeys. It was the only thing she could erase. The evidence, not the memory. But it'd have to do. She got herself dressed and decided to put on her fake happy face and be a normal person for the afternoon. She'd do her shopping and maybe eat some lunch. And just bide her time until the sun set and she went back to the game she couldn't stop playing.

Draco woke up around one in the afternoon and had a splitting headache. He winced when he tried to scratch an itch on his back and realized he had open wounds on his back. His fingers came away tinged with blood. Goddamn Hermione Granger. She fucking shredded his back with her nails. But it had been worth it at the time. So very worth it. He couldn't even count the amount of times in school he wanted to grab her into some empty classroom and just fuck her senseless for the sport of it. Fuck that smug self righteousness right out of her. After she'd humiliated him by punching him in the face, he wanted to throw her against a wall and do very unmentionable things to her until she was sorry for crossing him. She lit a fire in his belly. No one had ever gotten under his skin so much except for Potter. But he never fantasized about fucking him silly. There was a disgusting thought and he shook it away. No, he'd been waiting a long time to get to Granger and last night was his lucky night. But he found he didn't get as much satisfaction from it as he hoped to. She got off on the abuse. She abused him right back. He hadn't done anything except give her pleasure and then she just bloody well waltzed out the door. She wasn't humiliated or demeaned, she didn't give a shit. It wasn't what he expected. He'd only saved her that night because he'd seen her there and wanted her for himself. It didn't hurt that he looked noble, saving her ass. But his intent wasn't exactly pure. He wanted in her good graces so he could get her home and use her up. He didn't bank on the fact that she wanted to use him up too. And he never once imagined he'd feel disgusted with himself like this. Not because he'd tried to hurt her, but because she actually succeeded in hurting him. Just a little, at least. More than he wished. But he swore he wouldn't think of her when she was gone, and he was already breaking the rules. He tried to dispel all memories and just drag his sorry ass out of bed.

He looked in the mirror and saw a stranger staring back at him. He saw a vulnerable sod who'd actually let a woman get inside his head and cause him to feel bad about himself. As if he didn't already feel bad enough. He hated himself most days. He was a screw up. Damaged goods. A pariah. After the war, he'd just run off with Mummy and Daddy and left everyone else to pick up the pieces of their shattered world. A world he'd helped try and bring down. He was no innocent. Yes, he was coerced into helping Voldemort, but if he'd been stronger, he could have resisted. Run away. Killed Voldemort himself. He could have done something. But instead he just bowed down, just like his weak helpless father, and did what he was told. That's what Malfoy's did. What they were told. And they certainly didn't question things. You just kept your mouth shut and did as you were told and acted as you were taught to act. It didn't do any good to have a mind of your own, because that wasn't tolerated. You simply followed direction, no matter who was giving it. First his father controlled his every action and move and then it became Voldemort. Draco was simply a puppet. And he only tried to protect his family. He allowed things to happen that he was appalled by and kept his mouth shut. When he was ordered to torture someone, he did it. How could he not? Was he really going to go against the Dark Lord? But Draco had had enough of that bullshit. Now he didn't answer to anyone. Or listen to anyone. He did his own thing. Sure, he still lived off his daddy's money, but he rarely graced his family with his presence. He couldn't be bothered. Too many bad memories. He still had some friends, which was a miracle. But it turned out that he wasn't the only boy just following their families orders. But he had little desire for companionship unless it was a girl he picked up from a club or a bar. He didn't want meaning, he wanted escape. And his friends were there when he had need of them, and he discarded them when he didn't. He wasn't exactly up for friend of the year. He never had been. He liked having followers, not friends. Not much had changed. To have a true friend meant opening yourself up and actually sharing your feelings. That was something he was taught never to do. Friends were for appearances sake and nothing more. A real man had no emotions. He simply existed.

But that had never really been Draco's true feelings. He'd always kept those hidden well from the general public. The only people who saw genuine emotion emanating from Draco had been a school ghost in a bathroom, Potter, and Dumbledore. The first was already dead and thus didn't even count. The second, he'd tried to silence him with a spell, but had gotten maimed by a counterspell before he could even react. And the third person, he watched him get murdered in front of his eyes and fall down dead off the astronomy tower. Either way, none of these people were talking about seeing a human side of Draco, so therefore it didn't exist. And this business with Granger didn't change that. He hadn't let her inside and never would. They'd used each other. Perhaps he wished it would have been just him using her, but in the end, what did it matter? She was gone now and he'd likely never see her again. But the pain on his back was a constant reminder. He'd have to fix himself up with a healing spell before he even attempted to set foot in a hot shower. But part of him rather liked remembering how he got the scratches. Who knew Granger was such a sadist? Or he such a masochist? No other girl had ever given it back to him the way she did. It was surprising. He thought hero types like her would be all gentle and want to float on a cloud and call it 'making love'. But not Granger. She hadn't been shocked or upset by his roughness. She simply threw it right back at him. And he secretly loved it. And that fact made him hate himself just a little bit more. He should have just left it all alone and let her get in trouble with those other men. He should have turned a blind eye and walked away. Now she was back under his skin again and it had been years since he'd actually given her a thought at all. But seeing her tarted up in that skimpy dress had gotten him going. That wasn't the bookish nerd he remembered. No, he'd misjudged her completely. And he'd apparently misjudged himself because he didn't expect to give a shit one way or the other. But he did. He wanted to see her again. God help him, but he wanted a repeat performance. He was more deranged than he even knew to want that. He raked his hands through his messy hair, grabbed his wand and began the spell to erase her fingernail marks off his back and hoped that would get her out of his mind as well.

**To be continued…Please leave a review! I love hearing what my readers think. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

_Like anyone would be  
>I am flattered by your fascination with me<br>And like any hot-blooded woman  
>I have simply wanted an object to crave<br>But you, you're not allowed  
>You're uninvited<br>An unfortunate slight_

Hermione sat in the familiar nightclub, yet again. The music was pumping and she could feel it reverberating in her chest as she sipped her drink, casually scanning the crowd. She hadn't been there long and so far no one had approached her, but she knew that would eventually change. And no sooner than she thought the words, a young man walked up to her table.

"Hey, you look a bit lonely. Fancy some company?" he asked over the roar of the music.

She motioned for him to sit down and he did so, but she said nothing to him.

"So, don't you just hate places like this?" he asked. "It's such a bloody meat market. You probably get tired of guys like me trying to hit on you."

She shrugged and sipped her drink. "I don't think a girl ever tires of attention from handsome strangers," she smiled coyly.

"Well if that's the case, then let me buy you a drink," he smiled. "I'm Travis."

She just smiled and lifted her glass and motioned for a refill from the waitress. "It's on him," she said pointing at Travis.

"So do you have a name?"

"Of course I do. It's Hermione."

"I've never met anyone named that. It's pretty."

"It's just a name," she shrugged, already feeling bored by Travis. He seemed a tad too nice for her taste.

"So do you come here often?"

"Yep, I like the atmosphere. And the drinks. They're not watered down," she remarked as she fished in her purse for a cigarette. She found it and lit it up.

"You smoke?" he wondered.

"Is that a deal breaker?" she wondered back.

"Uh, no, I don't care. It's your life, right?" he stammered back.

"Yes, it is."

They sat in silence for a bit and it was clear this was not a love connection, not even for one night. Hermione stood up. "I think I see a friend over there. I'm gonna say hi. Nice meeting you. Thanks for the drink."

Before he could say anything, he watched her walk away through the crowd and disappear. She hadn't really spotted a friend, of course. She was just looking to leave. She hoped for better luck at the bar, so she sat down and waited for the next fish to get hooked on her line. It didn't take too long and someone reached over her shoulder and plunked down a fresh vodka tonic in front of her and a lone cigarette. She turned around and groaned when she saw who it was.

"You again? What are you doing?" Hermione asked Draco with distaste and frustration.

"I knew what you liked to drink and I owed you a cigarette, remember? So there you go," he told her casually.

"Thanks. It wasn't necessary. And how do I know this drink isn't drugged?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He ran his hand down her arm and gave her unwanted chills. "Love, I don't think I need to drug you to get what I want from you, do I?" he purred in her ear.

"Sod off. It was one night. And remember, it was meaningless. Go find someone else to bother," she said dismissively, trying to shake the way his touch had affected her.

He sat down next to her. "Just because it didn't mean anything, doesn't mean it can't happen again. It was fun right?"

"Right. Fun. And completely over with. Why even go there again? It was a stupid mistake," she informed him.

"I don't mind making the same mistake twice. At least not when it's as much fun as we had," he shrugged.

"Look, I detest you. We're not pals, we're nothing to each other. I want you to just go away and stay out of my life. Got it?" she said heatedly.

He leaned in close to her and got his face right next to her ear. "You told me not to think of you when you were gone, but I bet you thought of me," he whispered in her ear.

"I did not. I didn't think of you at all. It seems as if you're the one who thought of me even after I asked you not to, or else you wouldn't be sitting here with a cigarette and a drink for me."

"So sue me. Of course I thought about you. You gave me one hell of a ride. Why would I want to forget it?"

"You said you weren't even thinking of me when I was there. So you're a liar. How surprising," she said sarcastically.

"I was just trying to make you mad when I said that," he admitted.

"Yeah? Well I could care less. Just leave me alone. You're ruining my chances at finding a decent bloke to go home with tonight," she informed him as she tried to shove him away from her personal bubble that he was trying so hard to invade.

"You wanna go home with someone else huh? Alright. But let me just show you something first," he told her with a smug look on his face.

"Show me what?" 

"Just come with me. You'll see."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she protested.

"Just come with me. You won't regret it. And then you can go home with anyone else you like and I'll walk away and forget I ever saw you here tonight," he assured her.

"Fine. Whatever. What do you want to show me?" she relented.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her up and dragged her through the crowd. They pushed past people until they ended up at the bathrooms and he quickly ushered her inside the ladies room. There were women standing at the mirror and someone snorting cocaine off a sink and they all barely looked up when they barged in.

"What the bloody hell are you doing? This is the toilet. The fucking _ladies_ toilet. You can't be in here. This is what you wanted to show me?" she asked heatedly.

He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the largest stall and opened the door and shoved her inside forcefully. Before she could protest he grabbed her and shoved her against the wall and began kissing her roughly. She tried to push him off her, but she was so overcome by the ferocity of his tongue battling hers and his hands roaming under her skirt, that her protests grew feeble quickly. She felt him slide his hand inside her knickers and start rubbing her in just the right spot. She moaned in spite of herself and felt her breath hitch in her throat.

"Stop. Draco, don't," she whispered breathlessly between frenzied kisses.

"Make me stop," he whispered back, continuing his handiwork with his nimble fingers.

"Oh God," she moaned and gave up the fight when she felt his fingers plunge inside her and work their magic. It wasn't long before she lost her senses completely and actually shouted out for everyone in the bathroom to hear her before she embarrassedly clamped her hand over her mouth. Draco removed his hand from under her skirt and held it up to her. He let her watch as he licked his fingers clean and then kissed her again so she could taste herself on his lips.

"There now, you're free to go. Hope you find someone else who can make you scream like I can, but we both know that's not gonna happen," he said with a satisfied smirk as he opened the stall door and marched out, leaving her behind in stunned silence.

She walked out of the stall a few moments later, smoothing down her rumpled skirt. She went to the mirror and heard the other girls giggling next to her. One of them jostled her arm.

"He was a cutie. I don't know what he did to you in there, but it sure sounded good. I want some of that!" she laughed loudly.

"You want him?" Hermione asked the girl. "You can have him." And then she just marched out of the bathroom and tried to pretend Draco had not just pleasured her beyond belief in a bathroom of a nightclub. And she tried to pretend she hadn't felt more alive in years than she had in that moment. Damn that fucking Malfoy prick. Who did he think he was? Did he think he could just do that and walk out like it never happened? Yes, yes, that's exactly what he thought. Because that's what she wanted. Nothing from him. And that's what he gave her. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He had given her something. But then he walked away and told her to go home with someone else. He probably would. Why was she even thinking about this at all? It was stupid. He'd forced that on her. She hadn't asked for it. But she didn't exactly stop him either. Her mind was racing. She felt dizzy and her legs were wobbly and it wasn't from drink. He'd rendered her useless with just his touch. She was disgusted and delighted at the same time. But it was never happening again. Ever. No more Draco Malfoy. She calmed herself and headed back to the bar for a drink.

She sat there listening as some guy named Michael regaled her with stories of his life as a bank manager, but it was so boring her mind kept wandering back to that bathroom stall encounter. She'd never felt such loathing for a person as she did for Draco, but his fingers. His lips. She couldn't stop remembering those parts of him.

"So do you want to or not?" Michael asked Hermione.

"What?"

"I said do you want to dance?"

"Oh, sorry. I spaced out. Um, I think I'm gonna sit this one out. I could use another drink though," she told him, somewhat flustered and relieved he wasn't a mind reader.

He ordered up another drink and Hermione just looked over his shoulder and kept scanning the crowd. She told herself she wasn't looking for him, but that was a lie. She wondered if he'd already left. But then she finally caught sight of him. He was dancing in a corner with a blonde haired girl who looked really drunk. He was grinding against her and she had her hands firmly attached to Draco's ass. Hermione found herself feeling upset at the sight and she didn't know why. It wasn't jealousy. She didn't want him. But it was something. Something uncomfortable in her stomach and it was eating at her.

"Hello? Your drink is here. Am I boring you to tears? It doesn't seem like you're listening to me," poor Michael said to her, snapping her eyes back in his direction.

"I'm sorry. I'm distracted. I don't mean to be rude," she apologized.

Michael followed her gaze and saw Draco dancing. "You know that guy? He your ex boyfriend or something?"

"Oh God no. No way. He's just…he's…someone I know. That's it."

"You look kind of pissed off. You don't like his dance partner?" Michael wondered.

"Actually, I don't. I'm sorry Michael, I have to go. Thanks for the drink. Good luck with the banking or whatever it was you said you did," she remarked absently as she grabbed the drink, gulped it down, and walked away from yet another man this evening.

She couldn't stop her legs from taking her right over to where Draco was and she just stood there staring at them for a moment. Then she walked up and poked him in the side to get his attention.

"Ouch! What the fuck? What do you want?" he asked suddenly noticing who jabbed his ribs.

"I need to speak to you."

"What? Forget it. I'm busy," he brushed her off.

"I said I need to speak to you and you'd do well to listen unless you'd like to be turned into a ferret again," she said sternly.

"A ferret? What is this crazy girl talking about Drakey?" the blonde girl asked with confusion.

"My name is not fucking Drakey, you daft bint. I already told you I hated that. And the ferret thing is a joke. It's nothing. And this girl is no one," he told his dance partner.

"I wasn't fucking no one when you fingered me in the loo an hour ago," Hermione announced as she stared the girl down.

"You did _what_ to her?" the girl asked Draco.

"Oh for fuck's sake, why are you ruining my evening, Granger?" he complained.

She got in his face and didn't relent. "Because you ruined my evening."

"I'm done with this. Obviously you two have issues. I'm gone," the girl said as she stormed off and left Draco high and dry.

Draco turned to Hermione. "Thanks a lot. That girl was moments away from going home with me and now look what you did. What is your damage?" he asked angrily.

"Maybe I don't like other girls playing with my toys," Hermione shrugged.

"Your toy? Is that what you think I am? Dream on. You're _my_ toy. I proved that earlier, didn't I? You have no power over me," he said crossing his arms defiantly.

"I'm not your fucking toy. And I think I _do_ have power over you," she shot back at him.

"You completely do not. Now get lost. I might still be able to salvage my evening," he said dismissively.

"Let me show you something," she told him with a smirk.

"We already played this game tonight, love. It's over."

"Not until I say it is," she told him as she grabbed his arm and yanked him through the crowd with her. He could have stopped her if he really wanted to but he was curious what the hell she was doing. But she just led them back to the same bathroom and yanked him inside. More people were in there, but they didn't bat an eye when Hermione shoved him into an empty stall and shoved him against the wall this time.

"What are you doing?" he asked with confusion.

"Just shut up. Shut up unless I say you can talk," she told him forcefully as she got to her knees and unzipped his pants and took him into her mouth.

"Bloody hell woman!" he cried out, shocked by her actions.

"I said shut up," she told him before she went back to work on him.

It didn't take long before he was done for as the shock of the entire thing had melted his brain. She simply stood up, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and then kissed him.

"Remember the last time I said I didn't want you thinking of me when I was gone? Well scratch that. I _want _you to think of me. A lot. I want to invade your mind, your dreams, your every waking thought. Remember this moment. And always remember, it'll never happen again. You'll never have me again. Oh and don't forget to put that thing away and zip up before you walk out of here. I wouldn't want you to embarrass yourself. Goodnight," she told him as she opened the door and strolled out without another glance back at him. Game. Set. Match. He thought he could play games with her? Well he didn't realize she could play too. And she always won. Just because she was supposed to be a so called hero didn't mean she fought fair. She fought to win.

**To be continued….Please leave a review so I know how you like the story. It's much appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette.**

_Must be strangely exciting  
>To watch the stoic squirm<br>Must be somewhat heartening  
>To watch shepherd meet shepherd<br>But you you're not allowed  
>You're uninvited<br>An unfortunate slight_

Draco couldn't believe what she had done to him in that bathroom. The things she said to him? They were totally unacceptable. No one told him to shut up and how dare she tell him to think of her and that he'd never have her again. That was simply not gonna happen. If she thought she could get away with that, she was sorely mistaken, he thought to himself as he lay in bed the next morning trying to process everything. He'd practically ran out of the bathroom once he'd composed himself, but he couldn't find her anywhere. She'd already left the club. And he had no idea where she lived so he couldn't even go to her flat and confront her. He was stuck. And what if she never went back to the club again, just to punish him? He felt like he was going crazy, which is exactly what she intended. Because here he was thinking of nothing but her and knowing he'd never have her. It was preposterous. It's not like he actually cared for the stupid bint. Far from it. She was just a good time. She was just an old wound he was using for his own amusement and pleasure. And yet, she tried to turn the tables on him. And sadly, he had to admit, she had walked away victorious. But he wouldn't just allow that to happen. He rubbed his face and tried to just forget the night had ever happened. But it was no good. It was etched in his brain. She was playing his own game against him. And he didn't feel like the game was over yet. It couldn't be. Not when it was this much fun. He'd just have to find her again. That's all. He just wasn't sure how he was going to do it. Except he could start in the one place he knew she'd be. Work. He'd read the papers after the war and knew that precious Potter was now an Auror and that Ms. Granger worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Two very good jobs for those who never even bothered to complete their educations. It was a special honor for them to be selected, therefore it warranted publicity. And even though that was a few years ago now, he was betting she hadn't quit the job. Who would give up a job like that when it was handed to you on a silver platter? No, he knew she still worked there. He'd just have to track her down there.

Hermione sat behind her desk at work on Monday morning and tried to concentrate on her work. Her caseload was huge and she had a mountain of papers that needed her attention. She was in charge of setting up the trials for the criminals they brought in. She worked with the court system and it was honestly a very dull job. Nothing exciting like Harry's work, actually running off to parts unknown to track down Death Eaters and other wanted fugitives. Harry was like a magical policeman and she was the boring law secretary who simply made a lot of appointments and did nothing befitting her so called title of 'war heroine'. But that had been mainly her own fault for accepting a starting position and not working towards any sort of advancement. She could have been doing something else if she'd cared enough to try. But she didn't. So alas, she trudged through the papers and sighed to herself. She was dressed in a dark blue dress suit with a skirt of appropriate length, and nothing like she wore in her party girl mode. Her hair was neatly pulled back in a bun and her heels were modest and she wore very little makeup. Just some lipstick and mascara. She was unrecognizable to anyone in the club scene, not that she'd ever run into any of those people at work. But she took comfort in knowing that even if she did, they'd never know who she was. She sipped her coffee and tried to focus but then she heard a commotion in the front cubicle where the receptionist sat to welcome visitors or people who had business appointments with the staff. She could hear giggling and laughing and Hermione surmised that someone handsome must have walked in because Shelley, the receptionist, always got giddy and way too loud with her flirtations of these men.

Hermione tried to ignore Shelley, as she wasn't expecting any clients, so whoever it was, was of no concern to her. But a few moments later she looked up to find Shelley standing at her desk with a smile and her cheeks were flushed.

"Ms. Granger, I'm sorry to bother you, but you have a visitor," she informed her.

"A visitor? Who is it? I'm very busy," Hermione said dismissively.

"Um, well, it's actually Draco Malfoy. You know that insanely rich and handsome wizard you went to school with? I realize he was a Death Eater, but my God, he's gorgeous. And did I mention filthy rich?" Shelley asked her.

"You've got to be kidding me. Malfoy is _here_? At your desk?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Yes, he came to see you. He said you'd know what it was about. I tried flirting with him, but he was very adamant that he had an urgent matter to discuss with you."

"Well send him away. He doesn't have an appointment and as you can see, I'm swamped."

"Do you know why he's here though? He said you would."

"Yes, yes, I have a good idea. But I don't have time for him right now. Send him away," Hermione said firmly.

Shelley reluctantly walked away from the desk and went to tell Draco she was unavailable, but she ran into him midway back to her desk.

"Is her desk back here?" he asked Shelley.

"Um, yes, but she said she's very busy and can't see you. Perhaps you'd like to make an appointment?"

"No, I don't have time for that. Just point me to her desk," Draco said quickly.

"But she won't be pleased."

"Just show me where the desk is."

Shelley was flustered and simply pointed around the corner and let Draco walk off. She hoped she wouldn't get fired for this but she didn't know how to say no to someone with eyes like that.

Draco walked down the aisle and passed other cubicles and rounded the corner and found Hermione hidden away in the back. She looked totally different than what he'd seen at the club. She was downright matronly and dowdy and looked bored out of her skull. He marched up to her desk and sat down on the edge.

"So you don't have time for me eh?" he asked curiously.

"Oh my God, I told Shelley to get rid of you. What are you doing on my desk?" she asked with extreme irritation.

"Shelley? Was that her name? Hmm. Yeah, well I just batted my eyelashes at her a little and she stepped aside. Seems some women can't resist me," he shrugged.

"Yeah? Well Shelley is a horny half wit. And mostly she's just dazzled by your money and not your eyelashes. So what is it you actually want?" Hermione wondered.

"I wasn't exactly too keen on the way you violated me the other night and then just disappeared."

"Violated you? Please. I'm pretty sure you enjoyed that. After all it was over in about fifteen seconds if I recall," she said with a sly smirk.

"Yeah? Well you caught me off guard. But you don't just do that and then walk away from me. I won't allow it," he informed her.

"You won't allow it huh? Well too bad. I do what I want and then I leave. I was done with you. Now please do get over yourself and get off my desk and go home," she said pointing towards the exits.

He leaned over into her face. "No one tells me what to do. Got it? I've had enough of being ordered around my entire life and I will not have some fucked up bint like you telling me what to do," he whispered menacingly at her.

"You think your little speech scares me? What are you gonna do to me? Tell your father about this? I seem to recall that being your favorite go to line every time someone wronged you," she hissed back at him.

"My father has nothing to do with my life any longer. So just shut up about that," he informed her.

"Get out of here, Draco. I mean it. I'm working. I don't have time to mend your wounded ego."

He stood up and went to her chair and grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her up. "You're coming with me," he told her angrily.

"What? No. Stop it. Let go of me!"

"Keep your sodding voice down, will you? Now just come with me."

"Where are we going? I can't just leave. I have a job to do!" she told him.

"Relax, we aren't leaving. We're just going someplace more private," he informed her.

"Private? Like where? This is the Ministry. This isn't a hotel. There are people everywhere."

"We'll find someplace. Now just fucking smile and come with me. Act naturally," he instructed her.

"Let go of my sodding arm. You're gonna leave a bruise."

"You like bruises," he smirked at her.

"You like scratches. Shall I scratch your pretty face right here and now and see how you enjoy it?" she asked him with her own smirk.

"You are asking for it, missy. Now shut up and act natural," he told her in a low angry voice.

She shut her mouth and proceeded to let Draco lead her through the cube farm and into the lobby. Draco never let go of her arm, but she smiled and prayed no one she knew would see them and question his presence. She had no idea why she didn't just call security and have him removed. She'd obviously lost her mind. But Draco ushered them down a hallway and stopped at a door marked 'janitorial'. He pushed open the door and shoved her inside and closed the door behind him. They were standing amidst buckets and mops and brooms and trash bags and it smelled like dirty water.

"What the hell is this? A broom cupboard? Just let me go," Hermione said, trying to push past him.

He pushed her back against the wall forcefully. "Nuh-uh. You're not leaving. Not yet. Now take down this ridiculous bun. You look a thousand years old," he said as he yanked the clip out of her hair and threw it on the ground. Her hair tumbled messily around her shoulders.

"What are you trying to accomplish?" she asked him breathlessly, hating herself for the way her body was reacting to his touch and his rude arrogant behavior. She should be disgusted, but she was merely intrigued.

"I want you to be the one thinking of me. I want you to be the one seeking me out," he purred to her as he reached under her frumpy skirt and removed her panties. He picked her up and shoved her against the wall as he unzipped his own pants. He thrust into her and she had to stifle a scream.

"I'm never going to seek you out," she said panting for air, and fully aware she was probably lying.

"I think you will," he said as he drove deeper into her and gripped her tightly.

"I'd sooner throw myself in front of a bus," she squeaked out, trying not to moan.

Draco just smirked at her and kept thrusting into her until he could see her eyes roll back in her head. No more arguing. And no one was going to jump in front of any buses. He was certain of that. When she came, she came hard and fast and it sent Draco tipping over the edge. They had tried to be quiet, but it was near impossible. But after a few moments, he let go of her and she just sort of slid to the floor wordlessly. He zipped himself up and he leaned down and handed her knickers to her.

"Put these back on," he ordered her.

She just looked up at him and yanked them out of his hand.

"Don't ever come to my work again, do you understand?" she said calmly as she pulled her underpants back on and straightened her skirt.

"Don't make me have to," he said simply. Then he tugged open the door and walked out, leaving her sitting on the floor alone. He walked into the hallway and much to his dismay he saw Potter coming around the corner, headed for an elevator. He kept his head down, but Draco stood out with his white blonde hair and tall stature. If Harry didn't have his glasses maybe he'd stand a chance of not being recognized, but no such luck. He still tried to go past wordlessly and without eye contact, but Potter noticed him.

"Malfoy? What are you doing here?" Harry asked with confusion.

"Um, nothing. I just had some stuff to take care of," Draco said, raking his hands through his messy hair.

Before anyone else could say another word, Hermione stepped out of the broom closet and Harry noticed her too. She looked disheveled and a bit out of sorts and her hair was pulled back all messy like and not polished like normal.

"Hermione? What were you doing in the broom closet?" Harry asked her as she approached slowly, noticing Draco had been stopped as well.

"What? Oh, I spilled something and was looking for a mop," she explained.

"Why not just call a janitor? You don't have to do that yourself."

"I didn't want to bother them," she shrugged, then looked at Draco with a glare.

"Oh. Well, as you've seen Malfoy is here. What a lovely surprise to see him again, eh?" Harry said sarcastically.

"Sod off Potter. My business here is over. Oh and Granger? You've got a spot of something on your skirt," Draco pointed out as he waltzed away and left his old enemies standing there staring at each other.

Hermione looked down and noticed there was evidence on her skirt of the torrid broom cupboard encounter. How horrendously embarrassing. She wiped at it furiously and hoped Harry wouldn't ask questions. But he did.

"What is that? It looks like lotion," Harry remarked.

"Uh, yeah. It must be. Oh God. I gotta go Harry. Sorry."

She rushed past him and ran into the bathroom and tried to catch her breath. What the hell was she doing? This was not supposed to happen. No. Her work life and her play life were never to collide. And why in God's name had Draco come to her work? Was he clinically insane? And more importantly, why had she let him have his way with her in a broom cupboard? She was just as insane obviously. And now she had a fucking spot of spunk on her skirt. How revolting and humiliating. Thank God Harry was naïve and a bit slow on the uptake or he might have realized Draco had just emerged from the same cupboard only moments before her. And then there was Shelley to contend with. She was enamored of Draco and would no doubt tell the entire world he'd stopped by to see her. She had to put a right stop to that, if it wasn't already too late. She washed the spot as best she could and then fixed her hair more appropriately so it didn't look like she'd just been fucked in a broom cupboard. And then she put on her stoic and professional façade again and walked out of the bathroom back towards her desk.

Much to her dismay, a group of women were gathered around Shelley's desk and they were all giggling and laughing. They stopped immediately when Hermione approached.

"What's so amusing?" Hermione asked them coolly.

"Oh, I was just telling them that Draco Malfoy came to see you and then he dragged you away someplace. Do tell! I mean, are you dating him?" Shelley asked with utter glee and amusement.

"Are you insane? Me dating Malfoy? That's a horrendous thought. No, he simply had some business he wanted to discuss," Hermione assured them.

"So then where did he drag you off to?"

"That's none of your business. Now everyone scatter. This isn't a gossip lounge. I trust you have work to do Shelley, or else I can find something for you to do," Hermione said gruffly.

"Right Miss. I'm sorry. I'll get back to work," Shelley apologized, and her friends scattered and went back to their jobs too. Hermione leaned into the desk close to Shelley.

"Shelley, next time, my private visitors are just that. Private. Do keep your mouth shut. And don't tell anyone else who came to see me. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm very sorry. I just got a bit carried away. I'd never met him before. I'd only seen pictures. He was more dashing than I expected. It won't happen again," Shelley said, suitably chastised.

"Good. Now back to work."

Hermione marched off and sat back down at her desk and held her head in her hands. Those gossips would spread the word quicker than wild fire. The damage was probably already beyond repair. Soon everyone would know Draco had been inside the Ministry to see her. Even Harry. And then the questions would begin like the Spanish Inquisition. She didn't have the mental capacity to handle that right now. She was too confused and tired and upset with herself. This thing with Draco was so bloody wrong. They hated each other. They hurt each other. They humiliated each other. And yet she wanted him so badly. She could deny it all she liked, but she wanted him. And it was ridiculous because she'd never once in her entire life ever even had a conversation with him. She knew nothing about him, and likewise. They were virtual strangers who only spoke to one another in order to insult or demean the other person. This was completely unhealthy and disturbing, but just as he told her, she'd want to seek him out. And she did. But she wasn't a helpless puppet. She had some self control. At least when she wasn't with him. She'd simply stay out of the club and hide away for awhile and eventually Draco would lose interest in the game. Right? I mean, he'd have to. And so would she. She might want to seek him out, but she wouldn't. Period. End of story. This ridiculous game was over now.

Hermione did her best to forget about Draco, but it wasn't easy. He was in her every thought and had begun to spill over into her dreams. She'd wake up after having a particularly naughty dream of him and feel disgusted with herself. She didn't know how to get him out of her system. And she couldn't for the life of her understand the appeal he had over her. Sure he was handsome and sexy, but so were lots of other blokes. It definitely wasn't his personality. That left a lot to be desired. So what was it? Why couldn't she let it go? It made no sense. She was sitting in her apartment now drinking a bottle of wine in order to dispel any thoughts of anything from her mind. She wanted to go to the club, but she couldn't risk him being there. She was a shut in. Of course, she could go to another place. There were other haunts to choose from. But she couldn't be bothered tonight to get dressed up and put on the costume required for the game. So she sat in her old jeans and a tank top and just drank her wine, as she aimlessly flipped through shows on the telly.

Once the wine was gone, she was feeling quite drunk and relaxed. She'd been watching some American teen soap opera called Dawson's Creek and it had held her interest enough that she stopped flipping channels. But she couldn't help notice that nice guy Dawson was about as appealing as watching grass grow, and that Pacey was actually the one she found sexy. He was the bad boy and the rebel. Why wouldn't she like the nice guy? But no, she was rooting for the bad boy to get the girl. The story would seem so dull if Joey ended up with Dawson. Her childhood best friend. Perhaps the story hit too close to home. Ron was Hermione's Dawson. And that didn't work out. She wasn't even sure she believed in love anymore. Perhaps no relationship ever would work out for her? It's not as if she'd actually attempted a real relationship with anyone else since Ron. But she felt unable to give herself to someone in the ways necessary for an actual love to bloom. It was just easier to have fun for a night and then go about your life. She told herself she wasn't lonely, but sometimes that was a lie. Like tonight. The stupid TV show had made her feel lonely because she had no Pacey or Dawson fighting for her love. She was simply alone with her cat and a bottle of cheap wine. She flipped the telly off when the show ended and just sat back and closed her eyes. She wanted someone tonight. Someone to hold. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to talk to. But it was far too late to pop in on Harry, and she assumed Ginny wouldn't appreciate her cuddling with Harry on the couch anyway. He wasn't her boyfriend and never had been. It wasn't what she wanted tonight. Friendship wasn't enough. She missed Ron at moments like this. But she knew he'd moved on long ago and was happily engaged to another woman. She'd missed the boat on that one. She had his heart and she shoved him away and lost it all. Now here she was. Alone. And yes, she was lonely.

She got up and decided she should head to bed, but something stopped her. It was a nagging feeling that there was a person she could seek comfort in, even if not the kind of comfort she really wanted. He wasn't going to cuddle her and love her, but it was a warm body and it was a body that could help her forget. It was amazing sometimes what a good shag could do, even if you didn't stick around for a cuddle afterwards. It was the only way she knew to connect with someone these days. But she'd been trying to be good and stay away. It had been five days. Not that long really, but it felt long enough. Would he turn her away? Doubtful. He liked trying to hurt her, but she didn't think he could resist if she offered herself up to him. It was worth a shot. She put her shoes on and grabbed her purse and proceeded to head out into the night in search of her only source of comfort. Draco Malfoy.

She walked up the steps to his apartment building and immediately felt stupid. She was playing into his hands and who knew if he'd even be home? He might be at the club with another girl. Or worse yet, he could be inside his flat with another girl. She'd be really embarrassed if that were the case. But despite her fears and her better judgment, she got into the lift anyway and made her way to his place. She knocked on the door and part of her hoped he wouldn't answer and then she could just go home and go to sleep like she should be doing. But he opened the door up and was standing there in nothing but his sexy jeans and an unbuttoned shirt and his feet were bare. He smirked at her.

"Well, well. Lookie who we have here. It's Granger. Come for another round in the broom cupboard?" he asked smugly.

"Do you even have a broom cupboard?" she wondered.

He shrugged. "No, but what are you doing here?"

"Why do you think I'm here?" she asked impatiently, feeling foolish.

"Alright. Come on in." He motioned for her to enter and she walked into the room and saw another girl sitting on the couch.

"Oh. I'm sorry. You have company. Why didn't you say so?" she asked him as she felt her face turning red.

"This is Stacy. She was just leaving. Right Stacy?" Draco said as he looked at the girl.

"But I thought we were going to…" she started to say.

"Change of plans. Maybe some other time. I'll be in touch," Draco said dismissively as he walked her to the door.

"You're throwing me out because of her? Who is she?" Stacy asked him.

"She's an old friend. You understand. She's going through a rough patch and I think she needs my comfort. And you know me, I just love listening to people's problems and helping them out," Draco said with a fake smile, as it was the last thing he loved doing in actuality.

"Right. Yeah. You're a good man. And a good friend. Call me okay?" Stacy said hopefully.

"Sure thing, babe. Catcha later," he said as he ushered her out the door and closed it. He turned to face Hermione. "I thought she'd never go. You saved me from having to listen to her prattle on about her ex boyfriend. As if I give a shit. I was about ready to fake my own death when you knocked."

"So you just pretended to care about her life?" Hermione wondered curiously.

"Of course. Did you think I'd actually care? I don't even know her. I deduced she was a needy sap and an easy target, but I had no idea she'd actually want to talk. I just thought we'd shag. But no, Stacy wanted to tell me her life story. God, I hate people sometimes," Draco complained.

"You're a disgusting pig, you know that?" Hermione said with her hands on her hips, glaring him down.

"So? You're the one who likes to roll around in my filth. Don't act all high and mighty, princess. You didn't come here to talk either," Draco said as he lit up a cigarette and offered one to her.

She snatched it out of his hands and he lit it up for her. They both sat down on the couch and said nothing at first. Finally Hermione spoke.

"You're right. I didn't come here to talk. Why would I? You don't care," she shrugged.

"As if you do? Do you want me to talk to you? Tell you about my life and my pain and my innermost feelings? You don't give a shit about that. You never did," he said with a bitter laugh.

"Did you actually want me to give a shit about that? If you did, it might have helped to not call me a filthy little mudblood every time I walked past you," she reminded him.

"I was just playing. Trying to get your knickers in a twist. I don't care if you're a mudblood. As if that matters," he told her.

"Sure seemed to matter during the war when you and your pals were trying to rid the world of people like me."

"You think I actually cared about the mission statement? I was just following orders. I proved that at my trial. And as you remember, I got off scot free. I'm innocent," he shrugged and took another drag off his cigarette.

"You're still a wanker and a prat and a fucking asshole," she informed him.

"Yeah? And yet here you are on my couch at nearly one in the morning. Why is that?"

She crushed out her cigarette in the ashtray and stood up.

"You're right. I don't know why I'm here. I should go."

He stood up and stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"Not so fast. I got rid of Stacy for you. I think you owe me something for that," he told her seriously.

"You already said you wanted her gone. I did you a favor already. I don't owe you anything," she said defiantly.

"Take off your clothes," he told her with a smug smile on his face.

"What? No. You take off your clothes," she told him haughtily.

"Alright." He pulled his shirt off and threw it aside and then removed his pants and stood before her in his underwear. "Now, you go or I'll just come over there and rip them off."

"I'd like to see you try," she challenged him.

"Really now? Because don't think I'm lying," he informed her as he walked closer and kicked over the coffee table in order to get it out of his way.

Hermione was startled and a little frightened by the look on his face. It seemed downright angry and not just arrogant and smug. She backed away as he kept approaching her.

"Stay away from me," she said suddenly.

"No. I don't like your games. You wanted me to undress and I did. Now it's your turn," he informed her as he closed in on her.

For some reason she panicked and turned around and tried to run away. He chased after her easily and threw her down on the couch and jumped on top of her.

"No fair running," he admonished her.

"Get off me. This was a mistake. Just please get off me," she pleaded with him.

He leaned down and kissed her greedily and she couldn't help herself from responding to his kisses. They were frantic and rough and so powerful. She melted and her resolve melted. Any fear she felt was lost to her now. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and pulled him closer. The heat of his skin was intoxicating and it was comforting. Human contact. She needed it. She craved it. He reached down and pulled her tank top off and tossed it aside. He pulled her bra out of the way and bent down to suck at her breasts and she let a low moan escape from her lips.

"Oh yes, yes. Keep going," she uttered to him mindlessly lost in passion.

"Tell me you want me," he urged her.

"I do. I want you," she said breathlessly.

He reached down and undid her jeans and yanked them off.

"Tell me you need me," he commanded her.

"I need you. Please. Take me," she told him with tears forming in her eyes.

He didn't notice the tears because he was too lost in the game. He removed her knickers and took off his own boxers and tossed everything away.

"Say I'm the only one who makes you feel alive," he told her.

"You're the only one who makes me feel alive," she responded, tears leaking down the sides of her face.

And with that he thrust deeply inside her and thus began their frantic coupling. Hermione didn't even realize she was crying and neither did Draco. They just kept going and going, his fingers digging into her arms and his teeth raking across her flesh. She scratched at his back and his chest and kept urging him to do it harder. She wanted it hard. She wanted to feel it. And he obeyed her breathless commands until they both erupted into bliss and rode the wave together, oblivious to anything else in the world or in their minds or in their hearts. They were just two animals rutting about without thinking. But when it was over and the rush subsided, that's when Hermione realized she was sobbing. Draco looked down at her with confusion.

"What's wrong? Did I actually hurt you?" he wondered suddenly feeling remorse. He'd never meant to actually cause any harm to her.

"No, you didn't hurt me. I don't know why I'm crying. Just forget it. I'll stop," she told him, wiping her eyes.

"You wanted this, right? I mean, that's why you came here," he said worried that he'd gone too far.

"Yes, I wanted it. You didn't do anything wrong. I guess I'm just tired," she said weakly.

"Well it is late," he remarked.

"No, not tired like that. Tired of this. The games. Draco, we don't even like each other. What the hell are we doing?" she asked tearfully.

He rolled off her and tried to find his boxers.

"I don't know what we're doing," he finally admitted once he found his underwear and pulled it back on.

He gathered her clothes and set them beside her.

"Here, put these back on and then you can leave," he told her quickly.

"Leave? You just want me to leave?" she wondered sadly.

"Look, love. I don't know what you were expecting. And I haven't a clue why we started this game. But if you're over it, then so am I. I don't need to have you sobbing on my couch after I fuck you. It makes me feel like a rapist or something. So just go home. This is played out," he said uncomfortably as he lit up a cigarette and walked to the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

"I'm sorry I cried. I couldn't help it," she said as she started getting dressed again.

"If I wanted someone to cry after a shag, I would have kept Stacy here. She was a right basket case. But you? I thought you were having fun with me," he explained as he downed a shot of whiskey.

"I _was_ having fun. So sue me if I have some emotions in my body! I'm not a fucking robot like you are," she said angrily as she pulled her jeans back on and zipped them up.

"You think I have no emotions? Typical. You never did see me as human. I was just the asshole and the enemy. You and your fucking pals never once wondered why I was the way I was. Who do you think made me into that monster, huh? You try being a fucking Malfoy for one day and see how you fare. You try taking orders from a fucking maniac serial murderer and see how you feel. Then come back and tell me what a fucking robot I am then. Now piss off. We're over," he spat angrily as he slammed his glass down on the counter.

"You want me to feel sorry for you, Draco? Well fat chance. You made your choices and you acted the way you acted of your own free will. You could have been different. You could have said no. You could have stood up for yourself but you're just a fucking coward and always will be!" she shouted at him.

He marched over to her and grabbed her by the shoulders forcefully.

"I am not a fucking coward! I was trying to save my family. I didn't have a choice! I'm not a fucking hero. I'm not Potter. But I'm not a fucking monster either. So just shut up! Shut the fuck up and get out of my flat. I hate you!" he screamed at her with more emotion than he'd shown in several years to anybody.

She shoved him back and kept shoving him until he lost his balance and fell to the floor.

"Don't ever yell in my face again! And do not grab me again either! You want me to feel bad for you? What about you feeling bad for me huh? Or does the filthy mudblood not count? Does it not matter that I lost my fucking family entirely? You still have yours. Cowardly as you all were. You still have them! I don't. So fuck off and go tell your problems to a shrink or something, because I could care less," she hissed venomously to him.

She started storming towards the door and he just stared at her for a second. Then he called out to her.

"What do you mean you lost your family?" he asked quietly.

She stopped and faced him yet again.

"They're gone," she shrugged.

"Did they die?"

"Good as. Might as well be dead."

"What does that mean?" he wondered curiously.

"It means I obliviated them, okay? I erased their minds and I implanted new memories. A life where I never existed. They don't know me. They live in Australia and they don't have a daughter. I'm alone. Happy now? I essentially killed my family," she told him with tears in her eyes.

"I didn't know. Why would you do such a thing?" he asked, pulling himself off the ground.

"Because I thought I was protecting them. I thought I could get them back when the war was over. That is if I survived. But I failed. They have no idea who I am and actually think I'm insane. They're Muggles, remember. They don't know about magic. They think I'm raging loony."

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Don't be. I don't need your pity. And you're right. This game is played out. I'm going home," she said as she turned on her heel and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

Draco just stood there and didn't know what to do. He'd been so angry at her but somehow she'd halted the anger and it turned to something resembling actual caring for her life and her situation. It was rather sickening. She didn't care about his problems. She'd made that clear. So why should he care about hers? Stupid fucked up bint. Why did she ever come back into his life? He was doing just fine before her. And now here he was, feeling an actual emotion. That was unacceptable. That was not allowed. But yet here he was, standing in his living room and his heart ached for the broken mess of a girl who just walked out of his life again, this time probably forever. And it horrified him to realize he'd actually miss her.

**To be continued….Please leave a review! I love to know what my readers think. Thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette.**

_I don't think you unworthy  
>I need a moment to deliberate.<em>

Hermione sat in her apartment, alone on Sunday morning. She'd barely slept at all and simply just gave up around seven am. She pulled herself out of bed and just stood there staring out her window. How did her life come to this? She hated herself for turning to Draco last night, and the way it had ended had been terrible and full of such anger. And not just on his part, but mainly on hers. He'd actually calmed down and asked her questions and like a fool she offered the answers. She already knew he didn't care. He as much admitted that he often pretended to care what a girl said, when in reality he could give a shit less. But she wasn't sure that what she saw in his eyes last night had been an act. It almost seemed like compassion or at the very least pity. Which she didn't want. That's not why she told him. In fact, she wasn't sure at all why she said anything. The entire evening had just been an emotional rollercoaster for her. She couldn't even believe she cried during sex. What was wrong with her? Who did something like that? She was embarrassed. But it was just as if her heart couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep playing a game when all she really wanted to do was sob in someone's arms. Anyone. Maybe even Draco's. But what good would it do? It wouldn't fix her life. It wouldn't fix her problems. It wouldn't fix her. She was broken inside and there might not be enough pieces left to put back together. Who would ever want such a broken shell of a person? She'd locked her heart up tight long ago and she was way too scared to ever open it again. She'd sacrificed her family for the so called greater good, and it had left her empty afterwards. While everyone mourned their dead and celebrated their victory, she just felt hollow inside. She didn't know why. She thought getting her parents back would fix it and was looking forward to crying in her mother's arms and letting her comfort her ills like she did when she was just a child. But that was not to be.

She'd come face to face with her mother and the woman didn't know her at all. When Hermione was forced to knock her parents out with a spell and drag them to healers, she still hadn't given up hope. But when all efforts were exhausted, she just stood there staring at these two people who'd given her life and love for 18 years and now they were frightened of her. They threatened to call the police on her. They called her a lunatic. They threw her out of their house and never even glanced back at her. They were gone. And it was her fault. Harry tried to comfort her because he knew what it was to not have parents. But he still didn't understand because he'd not caused his parents death. Not really, anyway. Not the way she was responsible for erasing her parents memories and implanting false ones. She'd tangled with magic she was too unskilled to really understand, but she thought herself capable and invincible at the time. She wasn't as good of a witch as she thought. Or rather maybe she was too good, because she'd damaged them beyond repair. She wasn't sure. But moments like these, she wished for nothing more than to sit and share tea with her mum and talk about life and boys and sometimes her hopes and dreams. Her mum was always so encouraging, even of the things she didn't understand. And her father had been a kind and gentle man. She remembered him always kissing her goodnight no matter how old she got, and calling her his little princess. But that would never happen again.

And her love life was a joke. She'd tried so hard to be a good girlfriend to Ron and open up to him, but she couldn't talk about her feelings. A wall had just gone up and she couldn't break it down. His family had been lovely to her and welcomed her as their own, but the Weasley's were not her parents. No matter how nice they were. In the end, Ron just stopped trying to get close to her. He gave up. They'd become pleasant strangers who shared meals and read the paper silently. There was no passion either. Ron was very gentle and caring, but there was no connection there. Eventually they'd simply peck each other on the cheek and roll to their separate sides of the bed and go to sleep. She wasn't surprised when he ended it. She knew it was coming. She'd just been trying to hold on in the hopes eventually she'd change. But it was too late. He just wasn't in love with her anymore. And she wasn't in love with him. It was a childhood crush that fizzled out. She was glad he was happy now, but she mourned for the old dream that it would be her making wedding plans with him and not some other girl. But what was the use in thinking of that now? It didn't matter. Nothing really did.

She went to her kitchen and was going to make coffee when she realized she was fresh out. She'd forgotten to pick up more. So she sighed and decided to go to a coffee shop instead. She brought a book with her and figured she'd just sit and read and get lost in someone else's story for awhile. But once she sat down and began reading, her thoughts were still racing and concentration was difficult, so she just put it down and stared off into space. Then someone entered her sight and stood before her.

"I thought I might find you here. Can I sit down?" Harry asked as he stood at her table with a smile.

"Harry? What on earth brings you into London on a Sunday morning? Where's Ginny?" she asked as she motioned for him to sit down.

"Ginny's with her parents. I told her I wanted to visit with you. It's been ages. I went to your flat and when you weren't there, I remembered this place. I knew you liked it here," he explained.

"Oh, well, it's a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting you or I would have invited you to come rather than have you track me down."

"It's okay. I found you. So how are you? You know we don't ever really talk anymore," he said somewhat sadly.

"I know. Who has the time right? It's always work, work, work. And then of course you have Ginny," she explained.

"Yeah, she's your friend too. Remember? You could pop over for a visit sometimes. If you wanted."

"Well I don't remember being invited," she shrugged.

"Yeah, sorry. My bad. I suppose I hadn't invited you formally. But there was a time when that wasn't necessary. We just popped in on each other all the time. What happened?" Harry wondered.

"I don't know. People grow up and grow apart. It happens. I know you enjoy your alone time with Ginny and I don't want to be a third wheel or an annoyance," she explained.

"You're not. We'd love to have you by. We get plenty of time to ourselves."

"Alright, well maybe I'll stop by some time," she smiled.

"How are you? You never answered that question," he prodded her.

"Me? I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" she asked.

"I don't know. You seem weird. Distracted. And I heard a rumor that Malfoy was at the Ministry to see you. Is that actually true?" Harry asked curiously.

"Oh God. Shelley and her big mouth," Hermione grumbled.

"So it's true then? He came to see you? What on earth for?"

"Nothing. It was nothing. He's just a pain in the ass, as usual."

"Yeah, but you haven't seen him for what? Almost five years? Why'd he show up now?"

"I have no idea. We ran into each other one evening and for some reason he thought that gave him a reason to see me. But I set him straight. He won't be coming around again," she assured him.

"That's weird. Why would he even want to talk to you? We all hated each other," Harry said perplexed.

"I don't even want to get into it. It's stupid. He was just trying to piss me off, as per usual. I guess he's bored or something. Can we talk about something else?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Sure. Sorry. I was just curious. I mean, I had no idea what he'd want with you."

"He doesn't want anything with me. Trust me. So tell me, how's Ginny?" she changed the subject quickly.

"She's great. Um, actually, I wanted to see you today mostly to tell you the good news. We're getting married," Harry beamed.

"What? Get out! Are you serious? You're engaged?" Hermione asked with a huge grin.

"Yep, we're engaged. Finally, as she would say. She never thought I'd ask. But I was waiting for the right moment!"

"Well congratulations. I'm really happy for you both. Wow, you and Ron are both getting married. That's something," she said with a slight tinge of sadness in her voice.

"Yeah, it is something. Something pretty major. I'm scared witless. But I adore Ginny. I want to spend my life with her. What about you? Any special man in your life?" Harry asked.

"My life? God no. Who has time for dating? All I do is work and go home and crash. But it's fine. I'm rather independent and I don't know if I'm suited for romance," she admitted with a small shrug.

"But surely you must get lonely."

"Me? Lonely? Rubbish. I'm quite content. Besides I do get out occasionally. It's just never serious. I'm biding my time," she tried to explain cryptically without giving too much away.

"Well you deserve happiness. I hope you find Mr. Right. I'm sorry you and Ron weren't suited," he lamented.

She waved her hand in the air. "Forget Ron. That's ancient history. He's happy and I'm fine. It's all good. Not all of us meet our true love in school like you and Ginny."

"True. I suppose we were lucky. We just work. I can't explain it. But I love her. We're gonna be happy," he smiled at her.

"Of course you will be. I'm so pleased. Tell Ginny I said so. I want my friends happy," Hermione said sincerely.

"I'll tell her. But perhaps you should tell her yourself? Give her a call. She wants to show off the ring. I kinda went overboard," Harry laughed slightly.

"Spoiling her, eh? I'll call her. I'd love to see the ring. I'm sorry I've been so out of touch."

"No worries. I just wanted you to know I'm here. I still love you. You're my best friend, aside from Ron. I want to see you happy as well," he told her.

"I'm fine, Harry. Honestly. Don't worry about me."

But Harry did worry about her. She hadn't been the same girl he once knew for a long time. He thought she was alright for awhile, especially when she was with Ron. But he wasn't privy to all the fights they had or her emotional distance, until the two of them had already ended things. Harry had been shocked. He'd just assumed that his two friends were meant to be after he watched them pining for each other for years and then finally going for it. He thought they had something very special, but according to Ron, Hermione had checked out. She had grown cold and sometimes callous. It went beyond her normal bossiness and into something else. Ron said he didn't know her anymore and Harry had to concur eventually. He just hadn't wanted to see it at first. He didn't know how to help her. He knew she blamed herself for her parents and nothing he said ever made it better. He understood her pain, losing her parents, but he knew it was different for him because he'd never actually known his parents. She'd lived with hers her whole life and then suddenly they were just gone. But he suspected there was more to her weird behavior than just loss, but he didn't know what it was.

They sat in companionable silence for a bit and then Harry watched her root through her purse and a pack of cigarettes fell out.

"What are those?" Harry asked as he picked up the pack.

She looked embarrassed and grabbed them back up and shoved them back in her purse.

"They're nothing. Don't worry about it," she said dismissively.

"You've started smoking? I always thought you found that a horrid habit," Harry said with confusion.

"It is a horrid habit. I'm gonna quit. It's just a phase. I've had the pack for ages," she lied, trying to save face.

"Well I hope you do quit. It's bad for you," Harry reminded her.

"Really? No one told me that. Thanks for the info," she said much more harshly than she meant to.

"I'm sorry. It's not my business. But seriously, what is up with you?" Harry asked with some slight annoyance.

"Nothing is up with me. So what if I sometimes fancy a smoke? It's not a crime. I'm a big girl."

"Yeah, a big girl. All grown up now and hardly recognizable. I'm trying here, Hermione. I'm trying to be your friend. But you make it difficult sometimes," he admitted with a sigh.

"I know you're trying to be my friend, but maybe I've just outgrown what we shared? I don't know. Sometimes the friends we have in school don't always stay our friends forever. People change, Harry. And what did we ever have in common except trying to save the world? And well, we did that. So perhaps there's nothing left to talk about?" she explained, trying to push him away like she did to everyone.

"You've outgrown me? That's pretty cold to say. I've stood by you and I've defended you to everyone. And yeah, I suppose people do change, but it looks like you're the only one who's actually changed. The rest of us are still the same and still caring about you. But you've shut us all out," he told her.

"Look, what do you want me to say? I'm a shitty friend. I have pushed you away but it's only because I don't know how to live in your world anymore. I don't feel like I belong there. And my life? You'd never understand it. Not in a million years," she informed him sadly.

"Try me. Maybe if I actually _knew_ what your life entailed, I _would _understand. But you don't even give me the chance," Harry argued.

"You want to know? You really want to know? Fine. I'm a party girl, Harry. I go home and I put on skimpy clothes and makeup and I go to clubs and drink myself silly. And then I meet men. Lots of men. And I go home with them. Sometimes I can't even recall their names. And then I go out the next night and do it all over again. All the time. That's my life. I'm basically an alcoholic whore. Happy now? Does that make you feel closer to me? Understand me? Are we best pals again now?" she asked near hysterical tears that she tried to hold back because other tables had stopped to watch her making a scene.

Harry just sat there dumbfounded. Was she joking? Was she just trying to shock him? Was this some sort of speech to make him freak out and just leave her alone? He didn't know.

"Hermione, that can't be your life," Harry said softly.

"Well it is! Oh and Malfoy? Remember him coming to see me that day? Wanna know why he was really there, Harry?"

"Why?"

"Because we shagged each other. Repeatedly. I gave him a blowie in a bathroom. And oh yeah, we did it in the broom cupboard at work. That's why I was in there. Not looking for a mop. I was shagging a Death Eater who hates me. How do you like your friend now?" she cried as she held her head in her hands.

"You can't be serious. You're just saying this shit to make me leave, but it won't work. This isn't you," Harry insisted.

"Yes, it is. You wanted honesty from me, and I gave it. Now please just go now. I can't even bear to look at you," she told him sadly.

Harry sat for a moment and tried to absorb this information. He was horrified and also very sad for her. If this was really her life, no wonder she seemed to hate herself.

"Did you really shag Malfoy in the broom cupboard?" he asked finally.

"Yes! Did I stutter? Yes."

"My God. I don't get it. You were right, I guess. I don't understand. But I want to. I wanna know why you're doing this. I want to help you. I want to fix whatever's wrong," Harry pleaded with her.

"Harry, I'm not a damsel in distress. I don't need your hero services. I'm not your problem to solve. Just forget about me," she told him as she stood up and gathered her things.

"Wait, don't leave! We need to talk more!"

"No, we don't. I have to go. Please don't follow me. I need to be alone," she told him as she turned and walked away from the only person in the world who actually still gave a damn, and she'd just blown that. It was as if she wouldn't be happy until she'd ruined everything she once loved. She didn't know why she did it, but she just did it. And now her best friend probably thought she was disgusting and pitiful. But it didn't matter. He was just one more thing she had to shut out and she should have done it long ago. Now she was truly on her own in this world. She'd severed the last tie she had to normalcy. And now she was truly isolated. It's what she deserved.

She had walked numbly through the city after that encounter and she didn't even know where she was going. She just needed to walk. She just needed to get away from that coffee house and the reality that she'd actually told Harry the truth. Which meant she couldn't ever look at him again. She was horrified at herself and her behavior. She hadn't been kind to him. He deserved so much better. He was loyal and she shut him down. She didn't know why she felt the need to hurt people who cared, but part of her just didn't want anyone to care. Because if no one cared, it was easier to just disappear and fade away. That's all she wanted to do. She was lost in her thoughts and she ran right into someone on the sidewalk. She collided roughly with his chest and she almost fell backwards, but she felt a hand reach out and hold her up.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't looking," she muttered, not looking up.

"No shit, you weren't looking. You almost walked right into that lamp post but I broke the impact. You're welcome, by the way," Draco told her as he looked down at her tear stained cheeks.

"Oh God, it's you. What are you doing here?"

"I live right over there. Were you coming to see me?" he wondered.

"No. I didn't even know where I was. I was just walking," she informed him.

"Well you almost got a concussion if you'd walked into that pole."

"You should have just let me do it. What would it matter?" she sighed.

"What's wrong with you? You look as if you've been crying. Did someone die?" he wondered.

"Yeah, I did. Look, you don't have to pretend to be nice. You can run along," she told him.

"Maybe I'm not pretending this time? You look like hell, Hermione. Why don't you come up to my place and at least tell me what's going on," he offered sincerely.

She stared at him for a second, unsure of his motives or what had actually come out of his mouth.

"You called me Hermione. You've never once said my name before in all the years I've known you," she uttered with confusion.

"So? It's your name, isn't it? Don't make a thing of it. I just wanted to help," he shrugged.

"Help? Me? Right. Your version of help is not what I need right now. Besides, I thought you said we were played out?" she informed him.

"We are played out. But I wasn't inviting you in for a hate shag. I just thought maybe you wanted to talk," he said uncomfortably. He never sincerely offered to talk to anyone, but something about her broken demeanor made him change his mind.

"You honestly want to talk to me? You already told me you fake it and don't care when a girl sobs on your shoulder. Why would I talk to you?"

"Look, I'm being genuine. I mean, when you left last night, I felt like shit. You were so upset and I didn't even know what had happened until you told me. I felt badly."

"You felt badly? Since when? I'm not in the mood to be played with okay? Just go away," she said pushing past him.

He followed her down the street and raced to keep up with her.

"I'm not playing! Just come upstairs and tell me what's made you look like you've been diagnosed with cancer of the puppy," he urged her.

She stopped walking and faced him.

"We aren't friends, Draco. We never were. Why start now?"

"Because I'm beginning to think I'm all you've got," he said with his hands on his hips.

She hated how perceptive he was. She hated that he saw through her so easily. And she hated that he was right.

She sighed. "Fine. I'll go upstairs with you. But we're not shagging. Got it? I'm not doing that again. So if you're trying to woo me under your spell just to get a little more action from me, don't bother," she told him seriously.

"I promise, no shagging. Just some whiskey and an ear. I can be a gentlemen if I want to," he told her.

"Then why are you normally such a fucking arrogant prat?"

"Because I like being that way more than I like being a gentlemen. It's more fun. Doesn't mean I can't be nice sometimes," he shrugged.

"You? Nice? That remains to be seen. But fine. I do want a whiskey right now," she said with a small smile.

"Let's go to my place then," he said with a grin as he took her arm gently this time and led her with him.

Once they got upstairs and into the apartment, Hermione felt foolish. What on earth was she doing? It was bad enough she'd shagged him, but now she was gonna sit there and pretend they were pals and talk? It was ridiculous.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she said as she looked around and noticed that the couch was still rumpled from the night before and the coffee table was still tipped over.

"No, no, it's fine. Sorry I didn't pick up after last night. I just sort of passed out," he said as he went and righted the table and smoothed the cushions on the couch. "Here, sit down. I'll get the whiskey."

Reluctantly she sat down and pulled out her pack of cigarettes. "Can I smoke in here?" she called out to him.

"Of course. We already smoked in here together before. But I'm afraid I don't know where the ashtray went. It's on the floor somewhere over there," he informed her as he got glasses from the kitchen.

She rooted on the floor and finally found the ashtray under a pillow with old butts lying all around the ground. It was sort of disgusting but she didn't care. She wasn't his maid. She suddenly wondered if he had a maid. He might. Who knew? After all, she knew nothing about him at all. He sat down next to her and poured her drink. And then they both lit up cigarettes and just sat together in silence.

"Well love, if you wanna talk, words have to actually leave your mouth," he reminded her, breaking the awkward silence.

"I'm just not sure what to say. Especially to you. I mean, you don't even like me."

"Bollocks. Who said I didn't like you?" he said dismissively as he blew smoke away from her.

"Um, you did. Last night you said you hated me. Remember?"

"Oh. That. Right. Well fuck me. I'm an asshole. I didn't mean it. Truth is I have no reason to hate you. Or like you. I'm indifferent. So just think of me like a therapist," he shrugged.

"A therapist? Right, okay. Well basically today I flipped out on Harry and said a lot of awful things and told him the truth of my life and then I basically told him to sod off. And he was the only person in my life who actually still gave a damn about me. But I fucked it up," she explained nervously as she gulped her drink down.

"Why'd you'd do that? I mean, if he's your mate, why be such a bitch to him?"

"I don't know. I have no idea. That's the problem. I do stupid things and I don't even know why. God, I'm fucked in the head," she muttered unhappily.

"We're all a little fucked in the head, love. It's called being human. I mean, take me for example. I'm a colossal ass. I know this. I say rude shit and I hurt people. And you want to know why I do it?" he asked her.

"Why?"

"I don't fucking know. See, that's the beauty of it. Who knows? Something's just screwy in my brain and I keep people at bay by being a prick. I don't know. Maybe I just don't want to be nice because then that makes people want to actually know you. And I'm not really one for meaningful relationships," he explained.

"Why don't you want anything meaningful?"

He shrugged. "I'm not really good at that shit. The way I was raised, you just kept everyone at arms length. We always had something to hide, so you couldn't trust anyone."

"Well the way I was raised, you did form meaningful bonds. It was vital to life. In school, before Hogwarts, regular school, I didn't have many friends. People found me tiresome and irritating. It wasn't much different at Hogwarts at first. I tried to make friends, but people ignored me. Except Harry and Ron. But even Ron didn't actually like me at first. I overheard him talking bad about me to Harry. It really hurt me because I'd tried so hard to fit in," she explained.

"That's messed up what the Weasel did to you. But I guess you ironed it out. You lot were always joined at the bloody hip when I saw you. Pains in my ass, I'll tell you that. But I still remember that every time I tormented you, you'd throw it right back. No fear. No hesitation. It was maddening, but also intriguing. I honestly thought nothing could touch you. I thought you were one tough little bitch," he laughed slightly.

"I was a tough little bitch. I wasn't going to put up with your bullshit," she laughed back.

"You know, last night is the first time I'd ever seen you cry after all these years," he said softly.

"Yeah? I like to do my crying solo usually. Last night was just a fluke," she said with a sigh.

"Yeah, I like to do my crying solo too," he admitted barely above a whisper.

"You cry?"

"Didn't Potter tell you he caught me that one time in the bathroom?"

"Right. Yes. I remember that now. But I mean, you still sometimes do?" she wondered cautiously.

"I told you last night I'm not a robot. I have plenty of feelings. I just don't share them freely. Or at all."

"Then why are you telling me?"

He sighed and poured them both more whiskey and then sat back with his glass and just stared into it for a bit. Then he spoke.

"I have no idea why I'm telling you. Normally I wouldn't. But I guess…I don't know. Maybe for the first time in my entire life I've met someone who's just as broken as I am," he admitted as he took a large gulp of his drink.

"You think I'm broken?"

"Aren't you?"

She took a sip of her own drink and nodded her head.

"Completely."

"Then we have one thing in common. Who knew? Malfoy and Granger. Kindred spirits," he laughed bitterly.

"I'd hardly call us kindred, but I dunno. I suppose there is some solace in knowing someone else understands it all," Hermione informed him.

"I don't know if I _understand_, because then that'd have to mean I understood myself. And I don't really. But I get it. I know what it's like to hate yourself."

"Yeah. I suppose you do know a bit about self loathing. But despite what I said before, you're not a coward. You were just trying to survive, like the rest of us," she admitted quietly.

"I _was_ just trying to survive. I didn't _want_ to do those things. I just wanted a normal life. Whatever passes for normal, anyway. I didn't want this bloody mark on my arm," he said bitterly as he scratched at it, as if he could somehow rub it off his skin.

She grabbed his hand and held it still.

"Stop. You'll scratch a hole in your arm," she told him.

"So?"

"Just stop. I know you didn't want that. But it doesn't mean anything anymore. Voldemort's gone."

"I know. But that doesn't stop the nightmares from coming. Every time I look at this, I remember what he made me do."

She held out her own arm to him and showed it off.

"Look at this. It's rather faint, thankfully, but it's still there. Mudblood. Remember when I got this scar? You were sitting right there watching. I have to live with this too," she explained softly.

"Oh God, I'd never even noticed you could still see that. I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry I just let her do that to you," he apologized.

"Don't be. What could you do? We were both helpless."

"But she was my fucking aunt."

"Yeah, and she was a complete lunatic. You don't think she wouldn't have killed you too?"

"No, she probably would have. But maybe I should have done it anyway? I mean, why am I still here and other people aren't? Do I even deserve this life?" he asked her sadly.

"Do any of us deserve this life? Who can judge that anyway? Do I deserve this life more than you just because I helped save the world, while you simply saved your ass? In the end, we're both still standing. And look what I'm doing with this life that I fought so hard to keep. I'm destroying it," she admitted angry at herself.

Draco was silent for a long time, just drinking and puffing away on a cigarette. What had gotten into him? He'd awkwardly invited her up to talk and he didn't even know why he did that. But then here he was doing most of the talking. He'd gone mad. He never told anyone any of this shit. Ever. Why was he telling her? Why was she trying to comfort him? And he her? They weren't supposed to be together at all. They came from two different worlds. He, from a pureblood elitist snobby evil family, full of riches that Draco knew were probably acquired by dark means. And she, a hero of the war, a mudblood, raised by Muggles, born to fight against the very things he was taught to uphold. How the hell did they end up in the same place like this? And why were they choosing to walk in this dark place together?

He finally stood up and put his drink down.

"Look, maybe you should go now," he told her quickly.

"What? Why?"

"Because. This is strange. I don't know why I told you the things I did, but I wish I hadn't. And you? You don't want my ear. You should just go crawling back to Potter and apologize and you'll be right as rain again. He's your friend, not me," Draco told her as he ran his hands through his hair.

Hermione was taken aback because she'd actually found herself enjoying his company, but it was clear it was one sided. She stood up and put her glass down.

"Right. Okay. I'll go. I'm sorry if talking to me bothered you so much."

"It's not that. I asked you here to talk. But you were supposed to do the talking, not me. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay, you know. I can keep secrets. Hell, I've been keeping secrets for years. Do you think I'd share your thoughts with someone? I don't have anyone to share them with," she reminded him.

"Look, just go home. You seem better and I just need a nap I think. I was up too early. Show yourself out, okay?" he said as he turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway out of her sight.

She felt tears pricking her eyes again, but she wiped them quickly. What did she expect from Draco Malfoy? Did she honestly believe he'd cuddle her and fix her ills? It was ridiculous to attempt actual conversation and she didn't know why he'd asked her up in the first place. It was all just a stupid mistake, just like everything she'd done with him. She gathered her stuff and slipped out quietly and told herself she never wanted to see him again.

**To be continued…Please leave a review! I know you lot are out there reading this and I'd love some feedback. Thanks again for following and favoriting! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette and Three Days Grace.**

**Warning: This chapter contains a scene of sexual violence, but it's not graphic or very long. But if that triggers you, be warned. I promise it's vital to the story.**

_Pain, without love  
>Pain, I can't get enough<br>Pain, I like it rough  
>'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all<em>

_You're sick of feeling numb  
>You're not the only one<br>I'll take you by the hand  
>And I'll show you a world that you can understand<br>This life is filled with hurt  
>When happiness doesn't work<br>Trust me and take my hand  
>When the lights go out you will understand<em>

Hermione called in sick to work for four days. It was completely unlike her and even at her lowest points, she always upheld her professional life. But right now, she just couldn't handle the pretense of going through the motions. And more importantly, she did not want to face Harry. She couldn't. He'd left messages on her voicemail but she hadn't returned any of his calls. He finally seemed to give up. She was glad of that. Harry meant well, but she couldn't deal with his honorable intentions right now. She wanted to forget everything. She wanted to forget Draco. She wanted to forget everyone who ever attempted to get inside her head. It was too dark in there for anyone else to see. She wanted to walk alone in that darkness.

But she stood at her mirror now, dressing herself up for an evening at the club. She wanted to get drunk and find someone she didn't know and who didn't know her, and just enjoy herself. She wouldn't be Hermione Granger for the night, she'd be someone else. The club was a world where no one wanted to really know who you were and names didn't matter. They'd be forgotten before long anyway. She finished her eyeliner and slathered on her bright red lipstick that went perfectly with her tight little red dress and heels. She looked like a new person. It was her mask that she hid behind. It comforted her. She kissed the mirror and left her lip prints on it and then she put on her fake smile.

"That's it. You look perfect. Just keep smiling," she said into the mirror, before she turned around and walked out.

She got to the club and it was busy as always. She sat at the bar and ordered her poison and soon she'd downed three of them before anyone approached. But eventually someone always approached. Tonight was no different. A man sidled up to her and sat down.

"I'm Brian. And you look like you need another drink. Can I have the pleasure of buying it for you?" he asked with a smile likely just as fake as hers.

"Sure Brian. Make it a double. I'm in the mood to party tonight," she informed him with a plastic grin.

He ordered up the drink and one for himself, then he turned to her.

"So what's your name?"

"Call me Beth."

"Beth?"

"Uh-huh. Do I look like a Beth to you?" she wondered curiously.

"Sure. I guess."

"Beth sounds so wholesome and happy. I like it. I'm Beth," she said more to herself than to him.

He thought she seemed a little weird but what did he care? She had a smoking body and she was looking to party. That's all he needed.

"So Beth, you really wanna party tonight?" he asked with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"You bet I do."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out two little pills. He showed them to her.

"You want one?" he asked.

"What is it?" she wondered.

"It's Ecstasy. Have you ever done it?"

"No. I don't do drugs," she said dismissively.

"Oh come on. This feels good. It's like having an orgasm for hours. Just try it," he urged her.

"Are you taking the other one?" she asked.

"Yeah. One for each of us. It'll be great. And trust me, you've never really partied until you've tried a little E."

Hermione knew this was the worst idea in the entire world. She'd never once taken a drug. Nothing but cold remedy or aspirin. But tonight she didn't give a shit. She held out her hand and he dropped the pill into her palm.

"Just drink it down and wait about twenty minutes and you'll be flying," he assured her.

She put it in her mouth and swallowed it quickly. It was too late to go back now. Not unless she ran to the loo and made herself vomit. But she didn't fancy that. So she just sat there and kept drinking.

"I don't feel anything," she said after about ten minutes.

"Give it time. Trust me."

"You do this a lot? This drug?"

"Sure. Half the people in this place are buzzing on it. I'm rather shocked you've never tried it," Brian told her.

"Never wanted to. But tonight…tonight I'm ready for a new adventure," she announced as she held up her glass in salute.

"I like adventurous girls. What else adventurous thing do you want to do tonight?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Hmm, ask me again once the drug kicks in," she said flirtatiously.

It wasn't too much later that everything in Hermione's mind went dark. The room was spinning and voices seemed to echo around her. The music was so loud she felt like it was inside her brain. But she felt good. She felt free. And she didn't have a coherent thought in her head. She was simply floating along without a care in the world. She knew she was dancing with Brian and he was rubbing all over her and pressing hard against her leg. She could feel his excitement, but it was of no concern to her. Let him suffer. She really just wanted to be alone in this fantasy drug addled bubble and didn't want him around anymore. She tried to push him away.

"Get away," she told him hazily. "I wanna dance alone."

He pulled her closer and didn't let go.

"I don't think so. You're mine tonight," he told her huskily.

"Sod off. I'm not yours. I don't even know you," she protested.

"I gave you a good time and now you're gonna give me one. That's how this works," he informed her.

"Dream on. Let go of me. I want to go home." She tried pushing him away but he was strong and her arms were weakened by the drugs and alcohol in her system.

"Stop fighting me, you little tease," he hissed in her ear.

He dragged her through the club and she started yelling for someone to help but no one could even hear her over the music. She just let herself be pulled along because she couldn't stop him. They got outside and he dragged her kicking and screaming into an alley.

"Stop touching me! Let me go! Where am I?" Hermione cried, completely out of sorts and confused.

"Just shut up. Be quiet and be a good girl," he told her as he pawed at her and pushed her against the wall.

She kicked him hard in the shins and that only pissed him off more and he threw her to the ground.

"Stop making this difficult!" he shouted as he tried to lift her skirt. She slapped his hands away and tried to kick some more.

"Get away from me!" She struggled to find her purse that had been dropped and she knew she had her wand in there, but she couldn't get to it. "Please, just stop!"

But he didn't stop and he kept trying to force her skirt up as he pawed at her breasts. The moment didn't even seem real to Hermione. It was like she'd left her body. But the next thing she knew Brian was off her and being thrown across the alley, colliding hard against the wall.

"Don't fucking touch her, you asshole!" Draco yelled as he started kicking and punching at Brian on the ground. Hermione had never seen Draco so angry. At least she thought it was Draco. Her eyesight was fuzzy.

"You are a fucking pig!" Draco spat at Brian and kicked him in the stomach again. He struggled to get to his feet, but Draco kicked him in the face and he went down again. Then Draco pulled out his wand and yelled, "Crucio!"

Brian cried out in pain and writhed on the ground in agony as Draco kept his anger focused. After a few moments, Brian stopped moving or screaming. Draco lowered his wand and then kicked him in the face one more time, just for good measure, before Hermione got to her senses enough to stop him. She grabbed his arm.

"Draco, please stop. You're going to kill him," she said meekly. She could see blood everywhere coming from Brian's nose and face. And she wasn't sure how badly he was hurt.

Draco stopped and pulled himself together and stared down at the broken man on the ground, as he tried to let the anger subside. "He was trying to rape you. I saw it."

"I know. But please, just stop. He's down. He's not moving. Just let it go," she urged him.

"He _should_ die. What do I care if this loser punk dies?" Draco asked angrily, fighting the urge to kick him again.

"Please. Don't. You don't want to kill him."

Draco snapped himself out of the trance he was in and finally took in Hermione's disheveled appearance. Her dress was torn and one of her shoes had the heel broken off. She was bruised and had scratches on her knees.

"Did he do it? Was I too late? Did he touch you? Did he actually do something?" Draco asked, his eyes burning with fire.

"No. No, you stopped him. I mean, he tried, but no. My God, where did you even come from? Why are you here? Why did you save me?" she asked, beginning to sob uncontrollably. She fell into Draco's arms and he just held her tightly.

"Shh, love. It's okay. I was watching you. God only knows why. Glutton for punishment, I suppose. But I saw you in the club and I watched you getting all grindy with Mr. Rapist here and it pissed me off. So I followed you."

"What? Why?"

"It doesn't matter. Are you alright?"

"No. I'm not."

"But he didn't touch you?"

"No, but I'm still not alright. I'm pretty fucking far from alright," she cried.

"It's okay. It's gonna be fine. What are you on, Hermione?" he asked quietly.

"What?"

"You're on something. Your eyes are like saucers. Did you take something?"

She nodded her head shamefully and started crying harder.

"Goddamn it. Why'd you do that? That was fucking stupid. What was it? GHB? Ecstasy?"

"Ecstasy. He told me it would feel good. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. Just…fuck! You're stupid. You're bloody fucking stupid! Are you trying to die?" Draco yelled at her.

"What do you care? Go away. You saved me and for that I thank you. But sod off. You're not my daddy. You don't get to judge me!" she cried.

"Keep it down. Stop freaking out. I've got to get you out of here. Where the hell do you live? I'm taking you home," Draco said ignoring her outburst.

"I'm not telling you where I live!"

"So you want me to leave your drugged up ass in this alley for someone else to come along and attack you? Or maybe we'll wait for this bloke to wake up and finish what he started? Is that what you want? Stop being a pain in the ass and tell me where you live!"

"Fine! Just take me home and then go away."

"Fine!"

She told him where she lived and rather than walk, he apparated them out of the alley and into her flat. She was in no shape to walk that far. Especially with a broken shoe. They stood in her living room for a moment and neither said a word at first. But then Hermione looked at him.

"You didn't have to save me," she said quietly.

"Like hell. Did you think I'd just walk away from that and turn a blind eye?"

"You did it before. At your house. Me on the floor. The torture. You just watched me," she whispered.

"I said I was sorry for that. I already apologized. I'm not that person anymore. And Goddamn it Hermione, I fucking care what happens to you. Don't you get it yet?"

"What?"

"I said I cared," he told her quietly.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

She stood there looking at him, but he refused to look her in the eye. He stared at the floor and wouldn't look up. Suddenly she felt dizzy and queasy.

"Oh God, I'm going to be sick," she said as she turned and darted off towards the bathroom. She barely made it before her stomach revolted on her. Once she was done being sick she just laid her head on the toilet seat and let the tears fall from her eyes.

"Are you alright?" Draco asked as he cautiously entered the bathroom.

"Get out. I don't want you to see me vomiting. It's gross."

"I've seen worse," he assured her as he sat down next to her and flushed the toilet to get rid of the sick. "Come on. You need a bath. Let me run one."

"No, just go home."

"No. I'm not leaving you. Not like this. Now get undressed and I'll run the tap," he told her firmly.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Don't ask me okay? Just let me do it."

"Alright."

"Okay. So the waters running and I'll come in and check on you in a minute alright?"

"You'll see me naked," she whispered.

"Love, I already have. Now get that stupid dress off and get in the bath. I'll be right back."

Draco left her alone and went to her kitchen to find tea. He knew there would be some he just had to find it. He searched the cupboards until he found the stash and he heated up the kettle and let it boil. Then he poured the tea and threw some sugar and milk in. He had no idea how she liked it so he just made it the way his mum always did. Then he took it down the hall and went back into the bathroom. Hermione was in the tub just sitting there numbly.

"I brought tea. I know it's rather trite, but my mum says tea always comforts people."

"Did you put sugar in?" she wondered absently.

"Yes."

"Good. I like it sweet."

"Well here," he said, handing it over.

"Thanks."

She sipped it slowly then handed it back to him. Her stomach was still a little iffy and she couldn't drink much. She looked at him and he just stared at her wordlessly.

"So do you suppose this is rock bottom? Is this what it looks like? Me drugged up in a bathtub sipping tea with Draco Malfoy perched on my toilet?" she asked attempting a weak smile.

He laughed slightly. "Yeah, I'd say this is rock bottom. But the good news is, it has to go up from here, right?"

"I don't know. I could always go lower. I could always crawl under the rocks and disappear into middle earth."

"Nah, that won't happen."

"How do you know?"

He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead lightly.

"I just know. Now relax and let it go. You're not alone. I'm here. I know I'm the last person you want, but tough shit. You, my dear, are out of options. So it's me. And I won't leave. Not unless you actually pick me up and throw me out," he promised her.

"I would do that, you know. If I could feel my arms, I'd do it," she told him weakly.

"Yeah, well lucky for me your arms don't work. And your wand is missing in action, so looks like you're stuck."

"My wand is in my purse. I could get it. I could curse you."

"Yeah? You want me to get it for you, or do you want to walk naked and dripping wet to go get it?"

"Nah, I don't want it. You can stay. I'm too tired to protest properly," she sighed and leaned back down into the water.

He just sat on the toilet lid and kept her company. Neither of them spoke anymore. There was nothing to really say. Eventually the water got cold and she wanted out, so Draco helped her dry off and got her robe from the door. Then he walked her to the bedroom, got her a shirt to wear and tucked her into bed.

"Are you going home now?" she asked curiously.

"No. I'll be on the couch. I'll check on you. Make sure that stupid drug didn't addle your brain too severely."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know."

"Alright. Well goodnight then," she said sleepily.

"Sweet dreams," he whispered as he walked out and left the door cracked so he could hear if she needed help.

Draco fell asleep on the couch with her cat snuggled under his arm. He'd tried to shoo the beast away, but for some reason it liked him. So he gave up the fight and conceded to share space on the cramped couch with it. But he was awoken when Hermione snuck out to see him. She jostled his arm and startled him awake.

"Draco? Are you awake?"

"What? Huh? What is it? Are you ill again?" he asked, brushing the sleep from his eyes.

"No, I'm alright I think. But would you…I know this sounds stupid, but…would you come to bed with me?" she asked softly, looking down at her feet.

"You want to come to bed with you?"

"Yes. Not for sex. Just to be with me. Will you?" she asked awkwardly.

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair.

"Um, you want me to sleep next to you?" he asked confused.

"Yes. Will you? If it's too much, then it's okay. I'll understand," she stammered nervously.

"No, it's fine. I suspect the bed is more comfy than this blasted couch. But are you sure?"

"Yes. I don't want to be alone."

"Alright. Whatever you need. I suspect I've got a lot to atone for and this isn't much of a hardship," he informed her as he stretched and stood up in front of her.

"You don't have to atone. I'm not judging you. I just need somebody."

"It's fine. I'm here. I promised I would be. Now let's get you back to bed. Are you feeling ill? Do you need to be sick again?" he asked her as he rubbed her arm gently.

"No, I'm alright. Just a bit fuzzy and dizzy. I had bad dreams. I just wanted someone next to me. It's been ages," she explained with embarrassment.

"It's okay. I'm right here. Let's get you back in bed."

They walked down the hall together and Draco ushered her into the bed. Then he went and crawled in beside her and just laid next to her, unsure what else to do.

"Can you hold me?" she wondered cautiously.

"Of course," he whispered back and put his arms around her.

She snuggled down close to him and relished the feel of a warm body next to hers.

"I owe you big time for this," she whispered.

"Shh, just go to sleep. No one is keeping score," he assured her.

And then they both fell asleep with him holding her tightly. He had no idea what the hell he was doing or why, but it just felt right. And she needed someone to care, whether she'd admit it or not. They were all each other had. Draco wasn't willing to question any of it. His motives tonight had been nothing but honorable. It wasn't a game. He wished it were, because that'd be simpler. But no, he actually meant what he said. He cared. And she was hurting and helpless and had no one to turn to. He wouldn't leave her. And now he was cuddled up to her in bed holding her tightly. It made no sense. But he refused to examine it. It was what it was. He just wanted her to be alright. That's all that mattered. He'd worry about the repercussions in the morning. All he wanted to do now was go to sleep.

When morning came, Hermione woke up first. She was very confused and for a moment didn't know where she was. Or who was with her. She felt the weight of someone's arm across her stomach and she glanced beside her to see who it was. She quickly realized and remembered that it was Draco. He'd saved her that night and he'd actually conceded to cuddle with her all night. She felt like an idiot. She couldn't believe she'd actually asked him to hold her, or worse yet, that he'd done it. It was all very bizarre. The whole evening had been bizarre and dreadful and terrifying. But Draco never left her side for some reason. He started to stir and she wasn't sure what she would say to him. She thought about feigning sleep and maybe he'd just get up and go home, but she was too late and he already opened his eyes and saw her staring at him.

"What time is it?" he muttered sleepily.

"It's half past eleven," she responded after a quick glance at the clock.

"Oh God, it's late. It feels like I just fell asleep."

"Yeah, it was a weird night," she said softly, noticing he hadn't removed his arm from her stomach.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her curiously as he finally removed his arm and turned on his side to face her.

"I think I'm gonna live."

"Good. I guess I should probably go home now. You're all better and don't need me," he said as he pushed back the covers and stood up and stretched.

"Do you have to leave?" she wondered softly.

"Why? Do you want me to stay?" he asked with some confusion.

"You don't need to. I just thought maybe you were hungry. I could make breakfast."

"Breakfast? No need to trouble yourself."

"Okay. Well I guess I'll let you go then," she said feeling a pang of sadness at the thought of his departure.

He sighed and sat down on the bed again.

"If you want me to stay, just say so," he told her quietly.

"Then stay."

He turned around and looked at her. He had no idea what the hell he was doing. He didn't know what possessed him to take care of her and sleep in her bed. He could have just let her be once she was out of danger. But he was compelled to stay. And apparently she still wanted him to stay too, which made no sense to him. But he obliged her. He crawled back under the covers with her and just lay next to her with his arms over his head, staring at the ceiling. Neither one of them spoke for a long time, until finally Hermione broke the silence.

"Draco, thanks for last night," she said softly.

"Don't mention it. I wasn't gonna let someone hurt you," he told her.

"I know. But I also meant thanks for sleeping with me. I know it was probably weird of me to ask. It's just it's been a long time since I slept snuggled up to anyone. I rather missed it and needed the comfort last night. So thanks."

"It's fine. If I'm being perfectly honest, I kind of needed it too," he admitted reluctantly.

"You did?"

"Do you know the last time I cuddled up to someone in bed and fell asleep in their arms?"

"No."

"I was about five or so. I used to get these terrible fantasies worked up in my mind about werewolves coming to eat me. I would panic and rush into my parents room, but my father would be very cross with me. He'd tell me to get over it and be a man. And he absolutely refused to allow me in the bed with them. But my mum would feel badly for me and come to my room and climb in with me. She'd just hold me and kiss me. She'd wait for me to fall asleep and I just felt so safe and warm and loved. I almost forgot what it felt like," he told her as he stared at the ceiling and refused to look at her. His honesty was too much for him, but it just spilled out of his mouth. He was helpless to stop it.

"That was really the last time you've slept in a bed with someone? Didn't you have girlfriends?" Hermione asked.

"I had one girlfriend in school. Pansy. We fooled around and snuck a few shags in when no one was looking. But I couldn't exactly snuggle her in my bed in the boy's dormitory. Since her, there's been no one else. I mean, there've been loads of girls, but they weren't my friends, and they never sleep over. I don't allow that," he explained.

"Why don't you allow it?"

He shrugged. "Sex is just sex. It doesn't mean anything. But you actually _sleep_ with someone and you cuddle them, it becomes intimate. And I wasn't looking for intimacy."

"I get it. I mean, none of the men I ever went home with stayed the night. I didn't want them to. They didn't mean anything to me," she said understanding his rules.

"Do I mean something to you?" he wondered cautiously.

"I don't know. Do I mean something to you?" she countered.

"I have no idea."

"Well that's a bit of a conundrum then isn't it?" she said softly.

Neither one of them would look at each other. They were speaking, but somehow it felt safer and more distant if they didn't actually look at one another. They were both feeling very confused. They'd both locked up their hearts and their emotions and never let anyone in. But somehow those walls were crumbling around them and neither one of them knew what to do about it. Or what it actually meant, if anything.

After a long silence, Draco spoke up. "So what do we do here? Do we just chalk last night up to an intense evening that shall never be repeated. Or is something happening here?"

"Um, I don't know. I think perhaps chalking it up to intense circumstances would be best. I mean, you were just being nice. Which is weird, granted. But I'm not expecting anything if that's what you're worried about," she assured him.

"I'm not worried, I'm just confused. I don't understand my own actions right now. And last night, it was intense surely. But it was also very real. Not pretty, but real. I don't recall the last time something real passed between me and another person," he admitted feeling frustrated with himself and his inability to understand his motivations and feelings.

"It was real. I mean, I've hated you for so long. I honestly loathed you. But last night…I've never felt safer or more well cared for. I don't know what to do with that," she said shaking her head in confusion.

"So I actually made you feel safe and cared for?" he wondered.

"Yes."

"Who knew I had that in me, huh?"

"I certainly didn't."

"Well don't get used to it. It's probably just a passing ailment," he said with a small grin.

"Right. Temporary insanity perhaps?" she offered.

"Something like that."

"I figured as much," she sighed and shot him a sideways grin.

They were silent again for a long while, both just lost in their own thoughts. The situation was awkward, but Hermione just didn't want him to leave yet. She didn't know why. And despite his caring for her, she still knew she couldn't trust him. He'd built up walls of armor that rivaled her own, and she knew that he was only staying there with her because she asked it of him. She could sense his flight instinct was pushing in on him by the way he'd scooted all the way over to the edge of the bed and still refused to look at her. He was uncomfortable. But what she didn't realize was that his discomfort came not from her needing him, but from him actually feeling like he needed her. She may have been the one traumatized last night, but so had he been. When he saw that man attacking her, he flew into such a rage he couldn't hold it in any longer. It was like all his guilt and torment over the things he'd done or witnessed and told himself he was helpless to stop, came rushing at him. And this time he didn't sit idly by, he leapt into action. And for once in his life, he actually did feel capable of killing someone. Not because he was told to, but because his hate burst open like a dam that he couldn't stop. He'd scared himself.

He finally spoke. "So, do you think that bloke was okay when we left him?" he asked softly.

"I think so. I mean, you certainly did a number on him. And I suppose we should have obliviated him. After all, you used magic," she explained.

"I didn't even think of that. Shit. What if he tells someone? Or what if I really did kill him? I didn't check. I just fucking left him there bleeding," Draco said uncomfortably.

"I'm sure he's not dead. And he was on drugs and drunk and you'd knocked him silly. I don't think he'll recall seeing your wand or what you did to him with it," she assured quietly.

"Damn it. You know, I swore I'd never use that spell again, but it just fucking blew out of me. I was fucking furious."

"He had it coming. You were only trying to protect me."

"Yeah, but I _wanted_ to hurt him. A lot. Do you suppose the Muggle police will be looking for me? I mean, what if he woke up and told someone he was attacked? What the fuck do I do about that?" Draco uttered miserably.

"Don't worry. It's all fuzzy for me and it happened so fast, but I think you attacked him so quickly he probably never even got a good look at you. His face was pretty messed up."

"I'm not going back to that club. Ever. And neither should you."

"I'm not. I swear. I'm done. After last night, I was such a bloody moron. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep putting on this costume and asking for trouble like that. It was completely my fault. I'm smarter than that," she said feeling completely foolish and angry at herself.

"You _are_ smarter than that. Smarter than me. You always were. Why would you put yourself into that spot? I'm still angry with you, you know," he said, finally glancing her direction.

"I know. You should be angry. I was really dumb."

"I can't always be there to save you. What if I'd not been there spying on you? What then?"

"I would have been pretty well fucked. But I guess I had it coming, didn't I?" she whispered.

"Yes, you did," he snapped at her. Then he saw her face fall and tears well in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. No one has that coming. It's just, you have better common sense. Were you looking to be hurt?"

She wiped her eyes and shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. Maybe? I mean, I didn't want _that_ to happen to me, but I think part of me felt like I deserved the punishment. It's sick and twisted and I know you don't understand," she cried softly.

He rolled over and looked at her. He grabbed her face and forced her to look at him.

"Listen to me. I know you've made mistakes. And I know you've pushed away everyone in your life and hurt them. But you do not deserve to be punished. Especially like that. For fuck's sake Hermione, you're a bonafide hero. What happened to you? I mean, me? I'm a fucking worthless piece of shit. I _should _hate myself. But why would you feel a need for punishment so badly?" he asked seriously.

"I don't know. God, I don't know. It's just, everything's my fault. My parents, losing Ron, hurting Harry. All of it. After the war I stood there posing for Goddamn pictures like some celebrity. But I was just a fucking girl. Barely a woman yet. I was a _girl_. I was scared and tired and I just wanted to go home. But I had no home anymore. I saw to that. And everyone upheld me to these high standards. Job offers, reporters wanting interviews. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted it to be done with. But everyone kept fucking pressing in on me and I had to be this person that everyone thought I was. But I was just a scared girl who wanted her parents," she cried softly, pressing her face against his shoulder, praying he'd put his arms around her once again and just hold her.

He seemed taken aback momentarily, but he finally did put his arms around her. He pulled her tightly against him and whispered in her ear. "It's alright. You're stronger than you think. You'll be okay."

"But I'm not. I'm not strong. Not like everyone thinks. It was all posturing. I mean, I had to force myself to be stronger than I really was. But inside I was terrified."

"So was I. God, do you know how much fucking terror I lived in? Everyday I wondered, 'is today the day I die?' Or 'is today the day Voldemort kills my parents just for sport?'. I was in abject fear and had to pretend to be loyal to these fucking bastards that I was scared witless of. My own fucking aunt would have killed me on a dime should she be given the order. I wasn't safe. No where was safe. And I was all alone. You at least had your friends. I was alone. I'm still fucking alone," he admitted, feeling tears of his own forming, but he would never let her see them.

"You aren't alone. I'm here. For what it's worth, I'm here," she told him quietly.

"Why _are_ you here, huh? If it's just to pay me back for helping you, don't bother. I don't need you to pretend to care just because I did one good deed for you."

"I'm not pretending," she protested.

"Goddamn it. Why is this happening? What am I doing here?" he cried as he pushed himself away from her and got out of the bed and started pacing.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Everything! What the hell is happening to me? It's your bloody fault! You did this to me," he said angrily raking his hands through his hair.

"Did _what_ to you?" she asked getting out of the bed and walking over to face him.

"You made me feel something!" he shouted at her.

"Well excuse me! I didn't ask you to feel something. And I never fucking asked you to save me either."

"Yeah? Well you were stupid enough to put yourself into the position of needing saving. And then you fucking ask me to sleep in the bed with you and give you cuddles?"

"You didn't have to do that! You said you liked it too. Don't put this on me. And why the bloody hell were you even spying on me in the first place huh? You never should have been there!"

"I did like it too. That's the bloody problem. I liked it too much. And I was fucking spying because I knew you'd eventually show up there and I wanted to fucking see you, okay? You're in my fucking head all the time! I can't get rid of you!"

"So it's my fault that you liked cuddling with me? And it's my fault that you're idiotic enough to keep thinking about me? You want to be rid of me? Then just fucking go away! Problem solved," she shouted back.

"I can't! I can't just go away. I've tried. And then you're all I bloody think about!"

She just stood there and stared at him and didn't know what to say. She had no idea he honestly cared. She figured it was just a momentary lapse in his judgment. Or he had a hidden hero complex and wanted to save her just because he'd failed to do so before in his life. She didn't know she was actually getting to him. She didn't even know how to process that. And more importantly she didn't know how she felt about him. She was too confused. She'd relished the feeling of lying in his arms, but was it because it was _him_ or because it was just a warm body? He'd cared for her and she was touched, but did that actually mean something?

"Draco, what do you want me to say or do?" she asked finally, holding her hands up.

"I don't want you to do anything. Just forget it. I really need to fucking leave now. All of this was a mistake," he told her as he pulled his pants on and got himself dressed.

"Fine. Just leave then. I don't care."

"I am leaving," he told her as he pulled his shirt over his head and walked out of the bedroom.

She chased after him.

"You know, don't do me any more favors. I don't want you to accidentally feel something again. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused," she rattled on as she followed him to the door.

He turned around and faced her and just stared her down. She was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and her hair was a disaster and he realized she'd never looked more appealing to him. It annoyed him to no end. But he just grabbed her and pulled her to him and kissed her hard. She initially bristled at his touch, but soon melted into him. It was one hell of a kiss, she had to admit. Then he pulled back and grinned at her.

"Stay out of trouble," he told her.

"What?" she asked confused by his completely bipolar emotions. One minute he was yelling at her and the next minute he was kissing her. She was dumbfounded.

"You heard me. Don't make me have to save you again."

"I won't."

"By the way, you look adorable. I love your crazy hair," he said as he turned and opened the door and marched out down the hallway.

She went out and called after him.

"You're insufferable! You make no sense! You're insane!"

He just kept walking and didn't look back. He hoped with all his might that he could walk away and just forget. Forget she made him feel. Forget she made him care. And forget he'd ever run into her again after all these years. But he feared deep inside, it might be futile. Hermione just stood there in the hallway and watched him disappear. She groaned loudly and walked back inside and slammed the door. What was with him? He was completely off his rocker. His emotions were all over the place. He was like a cat that begged you to pet them and when you did, it got angry and scratched you and ran away. He was a mystery. A beautiful fucked up mystery. And Hermione wished she'd never seen him again. Life was simpler before he came along. Everything was simpler before he came back into her life. But it was too late to stop it now. Whatever this was. She had no idea. And she suspected he didn't either. They were both flying blind and fighting this, tooth and nail. But one day she feared, they wouldn't be able to keep up the fight. Something was gonna give. And when it did, the whole world might turn upside down. She just hoped she could handle what may come.

_I know  
>I know that you're wounded<br>You know  
>That I'm here to save you<br>You know  
>I'm always here for you<br>I know  
>That you'll thank me later<em>

**To be continued…Please leave me some reviews! I've been posting away and I know people are reading but so far no one's said a word. Does it suck? Do you like it? I need some feedback! Thanks for following along.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace and Poe.**

_Wait, I thought I had this down  
>I built all my cages and my hide outs<br>And I covered all my bases  
>I locked the door<br>I shut all my windows_

_But you, you creep in like a whisper  
>It's true, I try not to listen, yeah<br>But I hear you  
>I'm not really sure just what it is you do<br>But do it again_

Several days went by and Hermione just tried to put that horrid evening behind her. She'd pulled herself together and gone back to work and tried to just move on with her life. She'd not heard from, nor seen Draco since the day he walked out of her apartment and she was torn about it. On the one hand, it was probably for the best that they just never see each other again. But on the other hand, she found herself thinking of him way too often. Remembering how he'd saved her and how gentle and kind he'd been afterwards. But she also knew that she couldn't allow herself to feel something for him. Not when he was so disgusted by actually feeling any emotion at all. And he blamed her. But she hadn't done anything. She didn't ask for his attentions. He's the one who kept following her around. But it appeared he'd given it a rest for now. Perhaps his walls were stacked firmly in place once again, never to be touched again. And if that was the case, it made everything easier. That meant Hermione could keep her walls in place too without someone threatening to knock them down. It was safer and better all around.

She sat at her desk working on her papers when Shelley approached her desk with an enormous arrangement of red roses. At least three dozen of them. Shelley plunked them down on Hermione's desk.

"What the hell are those?" she asked with confusion.

"I have no idea. They just arrived for you. Aren't they gorgeous? Who are they from?" Shelley asked with excitement.

"I don't know. Is there a card?"

"Yes, right here. I wanted to peek but I knew you'd be angry so I maintained my self control. But read it! Perhaps you have a mystery admirer?" Shelley beamed at her.

"Doubtful, they're probably meant for someone else. I'm sure it's a mistake," Hermione sighed, but she fished in the bouquet and pulled out the card. She read it to herself. _I hate you…_ That's all it said. No signature or anything else. But she knew exactly who they were from.

"So what does it say? I'm dying here! These must have cost a fortune," Shelley swooned.

"It says 'I hate you'," Hermione told her as she tossed the card onto the desk.

"What? I hate you? Who would send something like that?"

"Don't even ask. A crazy person would, that's who," Hermione laughed slightly, disbelieving he'd actually bought her flowers yet sent such a ridiculous sentiment with them. He was completely tiresome and annoying.

"A crazy person? Do you mean a stalker? Do you want me to get rid of them? Call security for you?"

"No, no. It's nothing like that. Just leave them here. Thanks Shelley," Hermione said, hoping she'd go away now.

"But who are they from?"

"Shelley, don't you remember me saying my private affairs were private? You're my receptionist, not my girlfriend. I'm your boss. Now run along. This doesn't concern you."

"Right. Sorry. I just get carried away. I'm a romantic. And these are beautiful. I was only curious."

"Yes, well, curiosity killed the cat. So get back to work," Hermione dismissed her.

Shelley sighed and walked back to her desk. Her boss was a mystery to her. Sometimes she was really nice and personable, but whenever Shelley tried to make friends with her, she got shoved away immediately. She understood that Hermione was her boss, but she was only a year older than her. It's not as if they couldn't be friendly too. But Shelley just gave up and sat back down and sulked over it until Harry approached her desk.

"Good morning, Shelley. Is Hermione in today? I know she's been ill and I haven't seen her for awhile. I was just checking up," Harry said to her.

"Oh yes, she's been ill. But she's back now. Shall I tell her you're here?"

"No, I'll just show myself back there. I just wanted to see if she was alright."

Shelley let him go and he walked back towards Hermione's desk. He spied her sitting there amidst papers and the huge flower arrangement. She looked up when he approached.

"Harry. What are you doing back here?" she wondered nervously. She'd managed to avoid him for over a week but she supposed eventually she'd have to face him.

"I was just checking on you. You never returned my calls and you've been out sick for a week. I was worried."

"Well I'm fine. I had a nasty bug, but it's better now."

"Are you sure you just weren't avoiding me?" he asked pointedly.

"I was avoiding you, yes. I felt like an idiot. I'm embarrassed," she admitted, looking away from him.

"Don't be. For God's sake, I'm your best friend. Aren't I? Or do you really have no need of me anymore?" he wondered sadly.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said. It was nasty and I apologize. I'm just not quite ready to handle your judgments."

"My judgments? Who said I judged you? I was trying to help."

"I know, but you can't. I'm sorry, but I've got a lot of work to catch up on," she said, trying to dismiss him.

He just stood there and stared at her for a minute. He looked at the flowers and then back at her.

"Where did these come from?" he asked curiously.

"No one."

"Well obviously someone sent them. Unless you bought them yourself?"

"Harry just leave it alone please."

"They're from Malfoy, aren't they? Big flashy bouquet that looks like it cost a pretty penny. Is this your payment for shagging him in the broom cupboard?" Harry asked with more irritation in his voice than he intended.

"They're not a _payment._ And who says they're from Malfoy? Do you think he'd ever deem to send me anything except a flaming bag of dog shit?" Hermione lied, giving Harry a glare. He said he wasn't judging her, but he clearly was.

"I'm sorry. I was out of line. It's not my business what you do or who you do it with. I just wish you'd stop being so annoying and be my fucking friend again. That's all," Harry told her exasperatedly.

"Why does it matter? You're doing fine without me."

"No I'm not. I miss you. And if all those things you told me were true, I want to help you. Clearly you need it. And don't tell me you're fine because I know you're not."

"Alright, I'm not fine. But I will be. A lot has happened recently and I'm sorting through it. I just need some space, okay? Can you give me that?" she asked him pleadingly.

"Space? I don't know how much more space needs to be between us when you're off on the bloody moon half the time. But fine. I'll leave you alone. But you know where to find me when you get over this snit you're in. Are you even coming to Ron's wedding next month?"

Hermione held her face in her hands and sighed. "The wedding. Shit. I forgot all about it. I never sent my reply."

"Yeah, and Ron's been asking me if you're coming. He thinks maybe you're still sore about the breakup."

"I'm not! It's been years. How could he think I was still sore about that? I congratulated him when he got engaged. I was happy."

"Yeah, but then he never saw you or heard from you again."

"I'll send the reply card. If it's not too late."

"Fine. I'm sure he'll be glad to get it."

"I'm doing my best, okay? Just give me some time. I'm sorry I've treated everyone so poorly. I didn't mean to," she said softly.

"It's okay. Honestly. Just ask for help if you need help. I might sometimes put my foot in my mouth, but I'm not judging you. I promise. I love you too much to do that," Harry explained as he put his hand on top of hers and squeezed it gently.

"Thank you."

"Alright. I'll let you get back to work. And tell Malfoy he has good taste in flowers. They're gorgeous."

"I never said they were from him," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but we both know they are. Just be careful. He's an asshole, remember?"

"I'm well aware, believe me."

Harry just nodded and turned around and walked away. Hermione put her head on the desk and wished Harry had not been so perceptive. How the hell did he know who sent the flowers? And why didn't she lie better? And why on God's green earth did Draco send them in the first place? He was going to be the death of her, one way or another. She could already see it coming.

She walked down the street towards her apartment building when she caught sight of a blonde man sitting on her stoop. He stood up when she approached and she just sighed and shook her head at him.

"Why are you here?" she asked tiredly.

"Did you get the flowers?" he wondered.

"Yes. They were completely over the top. And the card? That was lovely. Thank you," she said sarcastically.

He laughed slightly. "I was just playing. I thought you'd get a laugh."

"I did. I laughed. And I also thought you were completely bonkers. Why would you send me roses? You stormed away from me and then you send flowers? Was it an apology for being a hopeless pain in my ass?"

"Something like that. I dunno. I realize I acted a bit ridiculously the last time I saw you and I just wanted to brighten your day," he shrugged.

"You did act ridiculous. And confusing as hell. I don't understand you at all. You make me dizzy with all your changeable emotions. You're worse than a woman with PMS."

"Did you just compare me to a woman with PMS? That's bullshit. I don't act like that," he scoffed.

"Oh really? Could have fooled me," she said moving past him and up the steps.

He followed after her.

"I do not act like I have PMS. You just fucking confuse me too," he told her.

"Then why not just go away? If it's all so confusing, make it simple. Go away."

"I can't."

"Why the bloody hell not?"

"Because."

"Because why?" she asked with frustration.

"I fucking like being with you okay? You're the first woman I've ever wanted to actually be with without being naked," he told her plainly.

"I seem to recall you enjoyed me naked as well."

"I did. I do. But it's more than that."

"It is?"

"Yes. Why do you really think I was spying on you that night? Because I was fucking jealous as hell. You think I wanted to watch you be with someone who wasn't me?" he asked desperately.

"Wait. So you followed me there and saw me with another man and you were _jealous_?"

"Do I have to really say it again? It pained me enough to admit it the first time," he said uncomfortably.

She just stood there on the steps staring at him wordlessly. She didn't know what to say. She was speechless.

"Are we gonna stand outside and stare each other to death or can I come upstairs?" he asked finally.

"Alright. Come in," she said with a sigh and continued on up the steps until they made it inside. They got into the lift wordlessly and didn't even look at each other once. Draco followed her to her door and she let them inside. She threw her purse on the floor and kicked off her shoes.

"Feel free to sit down. Do you want a drink?" she offered, unsure what else to actually say to him.

"You got whiskey?"

"Hmm, no. I have vodka. Will that do?"

"Sure. Anything's fine really," he said as he sat on the couch. Her cat immediately jumped into his lap and started purring. "This beast you have, it doesn't ever leave me alone. It's going to get fur all over my clothes."

Hermione laughed slightly. "That's Crookshanks. He's not a beast, he's a cat."

"He's kind of homely looking. What's wrong with his face?"

"Nothing. He's gorgeous. That's how he's supposed to look."

"We always had dogs at home. My father's prized possessions. Purebred, of course. But I don't like animals. Not after that ridiculous creature attacked me at school."

"Buckbeak? Oh please. You taunted it. You were specifically told to treat it with respect and you just marched up to it like you owned the thing. And besides, you were barely hurt. You milked it. You were such a sissy," she laughed at him.

"Fuck you. It hurt me! I wasn't faking it."

"Yes you were. You barely needed a plaster to cover the wound and you acted like your arm was near amputation," she said plunking his drink down on the coffee table in front of him.

"You're relentless. You never cut me any slack. How do you know how badly I was hurt? You didn't come visit me in the hospital wing."

"I just know you were faking. Everyone did. Except your bloody father who wanted Buckbeak executed for taking a tiny nip of you."

"What the fuck happened to that Hippogriff anyway? They came to kill it and it was just gone. Did you have something to do with that?" Draco wondered.

"Ah yes, the great Hippogriff rescue operation. That was one of me and Harry's more exciting adventures. But I'm not telling you how we did it," she said turning her nose up at him, and sitting down next to him.

"Why not tell me? Obviously you broke all the rules, yet again. But it's not like you can get detention for it now."

"I wouldn't have gotten detention anyway. Dumbledore helped us do it," she said proudly.

"That old codger? Figures. You and Potter were always up his ass, brown nosing. You could do nothing wrong in his eyes."

"I can't help it if he liked us," she shrugged.

"So really, how'd you get rid of the creature? I've always wanted to know," he prodded her.

"You'll just have to keep wondering. I was sworn to secrecy," she insisted.

He sat there for a minute and then he just grabbed her and started tickling her. It was an utterly ridiculous move on his part, but she burst out laughing and started screaming for him to stop.

"What are you doing? Stop it! My God, what are you? Nine? Don't _tickle_ me!" she cried out through her laughter.

"What? You've never heard of tickle torture? This is how you get the good information out of a person," he laughed as he kept playfully attacking her.

"Tickle torture? Are you insane?"

"Yes, but you already knew that."

She couldn't stop laughing, but she refused to talk. Instead she shoved him off her and pounced on him. She tried tickling him back but he didn't respond. She stared down at him with confusion.

"Aren't you ticklish too?" 

"Nope. Years of armor built up. I'm immune," he said proudly.

"We'll see about that," she said as she dove for his feet and tried to yank his shoes off.

"What the bloody hell are you doing? Leave my shoes alone!"

She ripped them off and started tickling his feet. He was not immune to this, much as he'd like to be. She'd found his secret weak spot.

"Okay, okay, stop! Don't touch my feet. I'm gonna accidentally kick you in the face!" he cried as he tried to get away from her grasp.

She let him go and she just lay on the ground at his feet laughing her ass off. It was the first time in forever that she could recall actual laughter escaping from her. They were acting like children. But she loved it. And so did he. He was laughing right along with her.

"Don't ever touch my feet. Ever," he admonished her playfully.

"You think you're so tough but I touch your feet and you panic. You're a baby," she laughed.

"I am not."

"Are too."

"Shut your mouth."

"Shut it for me," she said giving him a flirtatious look.

He smiled and leaned down and kissed her hungrily. He'd never felt this way about anyone before and his head was spinning. He wanted to run away but he couldn't. He was pulled to her like a magnet. She was like a drug to him. And he was a hopeless junkie.

They finally stopped kissing and Hermione just stared into his eyes for a moment. She'd never noticed how pretty they were before. But he broke the eye contact and stood up from the couch.

"I need the loo," he said quickly as he rushed off down the hall. The truth was, the eye contact was just a little too intimate and he panicked slightly. He needed a moment to get back his senses after their ridiculous display of childishness and that amazing kiss.

Hermione just sighed and shook her head. She thought she was a fraidy cat when it came to emotions, but he was far worse. He bailed every time something got serious and kept disappearing on her. It was getting old. But she got up and poured herself a glass of wine and waited for him to emerge. If he didn't crawl out the window, that is. He was taking forever. Finally he came back out and had put his hard face back on. He sat down and picked up the drink she'd left earlier and took a big gulp of it. Then he looked over at her cautiously because he could feel her staring at him.

"Why do you wear your hair like that at work?" he asked curiously.

She touched the bun absently and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It makes me look more mature and polished. Like I actually know what I'm doing and am not a complete basket case."

"You look prettier with it down," he said as he reached over and unfastened the clip and let her hair flow freely.

She ran her hands through it, but it was a hopeless mess unless she actually used a brush. "I must look deranged now or like I've stuck my finger in socket," she said self consciously.

"No, I like it. It's kind of wild and untamed, just like you."

"I like your hair the way you wear it now. It's all sort of messy and bedraggled. You used to always comb it back and make it perfect. This suits you better," she admitted.

"Really?"

"Yes. You look less intimidating now."

"I suppose I was intimidating enough the other night in the alley," he remarked.

"Yes, you were. You were scary. I've never seen you that upset."

"Yeah, well, it was upsetting to witness. I lost control. I didn't scare you, did I?"

She shook her head. "No. I wasn't scared of you. I was scared for the bastard on the ground, but I knew I was safe. Thanks to you."

"We don't have to talk about that again. It's unpleasant. Hey, are you hungry? Do you want dinner?" he changed the subject as best he could.

"Um, yeah. Sure. I've not eaten since lunch. And then I only had a bagel. Shall I cook? I'm not sure I have any proper food here," she told him.

"No, don't cook. That's too much work. We'll go out. But put something else on. I don't like those ugly suits of yours."

"What's wrong with my suit?"

"It's boring. And it's not you. Just go put on jeans or something."

"Alright." 

"Even my mum dresses less matronly than you do at work," Draco informed her.

"Okay, I get it. You hate my work clothes. I'll put on something suitable. Now just shut up, will you?" she admonished him.

She went to her room and peeled off the offending garments. He was right. They were rather ugly and boring. But she was a professional woman! What else should she wear? She wished to be respected so she dressed the part. But she supposed it wouldn't hurt to wear her hair down sometimes at least. She'd consider it. But she pulled on her comfy jeans and nice t-shirt and went back to the living room where Draco was waiting with her cat perched on his lap again.

"Is this better?" she asked, presenting herself to him.

"Much. Now what do you fancy? Something good like Italian or you want to hit a pub?"

"We're not really dressed properly for anything fancy. I could do with a burger."

"I know a good place. It's near my flat."

They headed out and went into the noisy pub and found a table in the corner. They sat down together and perused the menus in silence for awhile. Then they placed their order with the waitress. They'd both gotten beer and they sat drinking it quietly.

"So, Harry tried to make nice with me today," Hermione piped up, trying to make conversation.

"He did? I rather thought it was you who needed to make nice from what you told me."

"Yeah, true. But you know how he is. He's all up in everyone's business, trying to save everyone."

"So what did he say?" Draco asked curiously.

"He just wanted to see if I was alright. And he kept saying how he was there for me and all that. I didn't really know what to say back. Oh and he saw your flowers. He knew you sent them. Can you believe that?" she said, shaking her head.

"How the hell did he know I sent them? I never even signed the card."

"I know. But I kinda sorta told him before that I shagged you in the broom cupboard at work. He put it together," she admitted with a flush of embarrassment.

"What? You actually told him we went at it in the Ministry's broom cupboard? Are you mad?" Draco started laughing.

"Shut up! Stop laughing! It's not funny," she protested.

"Yes it is. It's hilarious. My God I wish I could have seen his face. It must have been priceless," Draco said with a grin.

"He honestly didn't have much of a reaction, to tell the truth. He was more horrified about the other men I slept with. The ones I didn't even remember their names."

"But surely he was pissed you shagged _me _of all people. Right under his fucking nose, to boot."

"You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you? You honestly think it's funny?"

"Sure. You don't?" he asked.

"No, it's not amusing. This is my life and it's horrifying. And I told _Harry_! I mean, no one was supposed to know any of this shit. Especially about you," she informed him.

"What's that supposed to mean? Ashamed of me, are you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. I'm not _ashamed_ of you. But come on. You and me? No one saw that one coming, did they?" she reminded him.

"True. I suppose you have a point. But I guess that's why it's funny to me. Because Potter must have been floored and speechless," he told her.

"I guess. He said you had good taste in flowers, but then he called you an asshole."

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything less. So does he forgive you? For all your little dalliances, including me?" he inquired.

"He says he does. I don't know. I'm pretty sure he thinks I should be committed to an asylum. But he swears we're still friends. He's getting married, you know?"

"Really? Married, huh?"

"Yep. To Ginny. Remember her?" she asked.

"Sorta tall, red hair, bitch face? Yeah, I remember her vaguely. She's a Weasley, right?"

"Yes."

"Well good on him. Getting married. Guess we're not kids anymore are we?" he sighed.

"Nope, not for awhile. You know Ron is getting married too. Next month, as it happens," she told him with a sigh.

"The Weasel? Someone's actually _marrying_ him?" Draco asked with surprise.

"Shut up. He's not a bad person. Why wouldn't someone want to marry him?"

"I dunno. You tell me. I recall hearing the gossip about you giving him the boot. You were together, weren't you?" Draco reminded her.

"Yes, we were together. But he didn't give me the boot. Sadly, I was the dumped. Not the other way around," she admitted.

"Then he's even stupider than I thought. He dumped you? What a tosser," Draco said, shaking his head.

"I wasn't exactly girlfriend of the year. I was a bitch to him. I pushed him away. It's a miracle he still speaks to me at all," she explained.

"Wait, you still speak to him?"

"Not for awhile, but yeah. Kind of. I'm invited to the wedding. Can you believe that? I haven't replied yet though, but Harry said he wants me there."

"That's a bad plan, love. Who goes to their ex's wedding? That's just a disaster waiting to happen," he said seriously.

"Why? And what would you know about it?"

"I just know. I mean, how awkward. You once shared his bed and then you're gonna sit and watch him pledge his life to another girl?"

"But I don't care. I'm over him. It's been years. I want him to be happy," she insisted.

"Yeah, but you wish it was you. Don't lie. Part of you still wishes it was you," Draco insisted right back.

"I do not! If I wanted to marry him I would have done so when he asked me. I said no."

"Wait, what? He proposed?"

"No one knows because he was embarrassed I turned him down. But right after the war he was gung ho and wanted to get married right off and have babies. I panicked. It's part of the reason I pushed him away," she explained.

"You don't want to get married then?" he wondered.

"I don't know. Not then I didn't. I was only a girl. I wasn't ready."

"Hmm, so then you're actually gonna attend this event?"

She shrugged. "I suppose so. It'd be rude not to."

"Who are you going with?"

"Myself. Who else would I go with?" she asked curiously.

"Hello? I'm sitting right in front of you. Am I invisible suddenly?" he asked with a small laugh.

"Are you completely mad? You want me to take _you_ to Ron's wedding? He'd kill me. His whole family would have a conniption. Malfoy's aren't exactly welcome at the Burrow in case you've forgotten how much the Weasley's detest you and your family."

"Yeah, but that's part of the fun. If you show up with me, it's not gonna be boring as shit. And let's face it, most weddings are dull as all get out. Who really wants to see two people pledging their love for eternity, when the rest of us are alone and miserable?" he told her.

"Not everyone is alone and miserable. In fact, I think we're the only ones. Everyone else I know is happy," she told him.

"That's even worse. So you're gonna go there, alone and miserable, and watch your ex tie the knot with some other bint, while everyone else around you is blissful and happy? Why torture yourself," he said not understanding.

"I don't know. It's just what polite people do. They show up when invited to such things. Don't you know how to be normal at all?" she wondered.

"I'm not normal. Why pretend? I don't do polite things at my own expense. Now if they had an open bar, perhaps I'd go. Otherwise? Forget it."

"There's always an open bar at a Weasley wedding. I've been to more than one. They like to drink. Trust me."

"So then take me. I dare you," he challenged her.

"You don't want to go. You just want to piss everyone off."

"It's what I'm good at," he shrugged.

Just then their food arrived and they both ordered more beers. They ate in silence for a bit and then Draco piped up.

"You know I'd even buy a gift. Something nice. It wouldn't even be poisoned or anything."

"Right, like the time you poisoned Ron with mead?"

"I didn't mean to poison _him_. I thought I was poisoning Dumbledore," he said plainly, shoving a chip into his mouth.

"God, sometimes I forget how despicable you can be," she muttered as she shook her head.

"Hey, it wasn't my idea. And everyone was fine. Harry saved the day, yet again. No damage done."

"Yeah, but still. That was bad."

"I know, I know. Don't remind me, okay? Not my finest moment," he admitted.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I know you feel bad about it," she said softly.

"Look it's fine. Let's just eat. And forget that wedding nonsense. I don't want to go anyway. I don't belong there. Hell, I don't belong here with here with you either," he said uncomfortably.

"Stop it. Don't go getting all weird on me again. Just forget I said anything. It's the past. And if you want to go with me, then go with me. Ron will just have to deal with it," she said firmly.

Draco stopped eating and looked at her.

"Are you serious? Because I was just playing. I knew you'd never take me in a million years. I was joking."

"Oh. You were? I thought you actually wanted to go," she said, feeling foolish.

"Why would I? Unless of course it was to piss off everyone, like you said. But I've already fucked with you lot enough for one lifetime. I'm not gonna crash the Weasel's big day. So don't sweat it. Take someone else if you want," he said dismissively.

"Like who?"

"I dunno. Anyone. Surely you could find a date?"

"I don't want a date."

"Alright."

"Besides, wouldn't you be jealous?" she asked curiously.

He grinned at her. "Insanely jealous, yes. But you can do what you like. I'm not your boyfriend."

"No, you're not."

"Nope."

"That would be weird if you were."

"Totally weird."

"We're all wrong for each other," she reminded him.

"Totally wrong."

"Then why do I still want you right now?" she asked looking down at her plate and away from him.

"Because you're crazy?" he offered with a small smirk.

"Look who's talking. I'm not the one spending fortunes on roses," she smiled at him.

"They were too much huh? I've never given flowers before," he admitted.

"They were lovely. But the card could use some work. I don't see a future in a greeting card career for you."

"I'll keep that in mind. Perhaps I should have sent a poem?"

"You write poems?" she asked with astonishment.

"Shh, keep it down. I have a reputation to protect here," he scolded her.

"You actually write them? You're not just messing with me again?"

"I've written some. But they aren't love poems. I don't know anything about that subject," he admitted softly.

"Could I read them sometime?" she wondered.

"No. Never. Not a chance," he said shaking his head.

"Why not? I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," she pleaded.

"You write poetry?"

"I used to. It's been ages. But I have them in a binder. But I won't let you look unless you let me read yours too."

"No. I said no. They're private."

"So? Mine are too. There's one about you in the mix," she dangled the carrot in front of his face.

"About me? You're lying. You never wrote a poem about me," he refused to believe her.

"I did so. It was called Ode to a Ferret. It's really hateful and mean and kind of hilarious," she told him with a grin.

"Ode to a Ferret? You're shitting me. You never wrote that."

"I did! What can I say? The day I saw you turned into a ferret it inspired me."

"Oh God. I'm not sure I care to hear it. But I'll keep it in mind."

"Suit yourself. It's one of my favorites."

"You suck," he told her as he flipped her off.

"You suck more," she said as she flipped him off too.

"Just eat your fucking dinner and be quiet. You're bugging me now," he said with a smirk.

"Will you punish me later?" she asked coyly.

"Only if you want me to."

"Hmm. Eat quickly. I wanna go home," she told him with a smile.

He just shook his head, but he did eat quickly. He had no idea what the fuck was going on with them, but he liked it. God help him, he was hooked. Never before had he ever felt this way about anyone. He was sick of playing games and bullshit and meaningless things. This girl made him smile. No one could do that. Ever. But it was effortless with her. He felt like a stranger in a strange land because these were waters he'd never waded through before. He never cared to. But he couldn't stop this. It was bigger than him. Stronger than the fortress he built around him. All he knew was that he felt for her. He wanted to be near her. He wanted to do stupid things with her and laugh. He just wanted her. Plain and simple. He just never imagined he might actually get her. But he had a feeling he wasn't alone in this. She wanted him too.

**To be continued…Hope you enjoyed this fluffy little chapter after the intensity of the last one. Please leave a review and let me know what you think! Thanks for following along.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe and A Perfect Day.**

_You're beautiful, and you're dangerous  
>A saint with a bad influence<br>And I just might  
>Kill you while you're sleeping<br>But when I toss and turn at night  
>And you smother me in kisses<br>Well, you change my mind  
>You take the good and the bad in me<br>The bitter and the sweet  
>Cause I'm a walking contradiction<em>

Once they left the restaurant, they ended up back at Draco's place because it was right down the street. They got to the steps and he stopped and looked over at her.

"Are you sure you wanna come up with me?" he asked cautiously.

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked.

"I dunno. I mean, before we were just playing a wicked little game. This is different," he tried to explain.

"Yeah, it's different. But that doesn't mean we have to do anything different. I rather enjoyed my time with you before. Didn't you?"

"Definitely. But I don't know. Do you want me to be romantic? I don't think I know how," he admitted feeling highly uncomfortable suddenly.

"Romantic? Did I say I wanted you to be romantic? I said I wanted you to punish me," she reminded him as she playfully kissed his ear.

"I don't wanna punish you, Hermione. Not anymore."

"Oh come on Draco. Stop being weird. You're over thinking this. This is supposed to be fun, remember? Just be you," she urged him.

"Yeah, but I'm a prat. You said so yourself many times. Shouldn't I be nicer?" he wondered.

"If I wanted nice, I'd be standing here with someone else. I want you. I thought you wanted me. Do you want me to be nicer to you?" she asked.

"No. I like the way you bitch me out and yell at me. It's highly arousing," he admitted as he leaned over and kissed her.

"So then what the hell are we waiting for? My virginity to grow back? Let's go upstairs, you dolt! I haven't got all night. I do have work in the morning."

"Fine. Get your hot little ass up these steps or I'm gonna throw you over my shoulder and carry you up," he grinned at her.

"Now that's more like it," she said as she took his hand and ran up the steps with him.

Once they got out of the elevator, he actually grabbed her and picked her up.

"What the hell are you doing?" she laughed at him.

"I'm carrying you," he told her as he flipped her over his shoulder, despite her protests.

She started smacking his ass and telling him to stop, but she was laughing.

"I don't need carrying, you caveman! Put me down!" she cried.

"Be quiet, will you? I have neighbors. They'll wonder what the fuck I'm doing to you out here."

"So put me down!"

"No."

She kept smacking him but she was giggling too much to cause much damage or slow him down. They reached his door and he unlocked it and shoved it open quickly and deposited her on the couch roughly.

"You are a complete moron," she informed him with a smile.

"That's it, keep insulting me. I like it," he purred as he climbed on top of her and began kissing her roughly.

It was easy to get lost in the moment between the two of them. They had a chemistry that neither had ever felt before with anyone else. It was electric. It was intoxicating. And even if they weren't actively trying to hurt each other this time, it wasn't exactly a gentle ride. Draco leaned down and kissed her neck roughly and she felt his teeth bite into her. It sent shivers down her spine, right to her toes.

"Oh God, I love it when you do that," she uttered breathlessly.

"You do eh? You don't mind if I leave a mark on you?" he asked curiously.

"I just wave my wand and it's gone."

"No. Leave it. This time, leave it there," he urged her as he kissed her again.

"I can't leave it. Someone at work will see it," she tried to tell him between kisses.

"So? Who cares? I want you to leave it."

She didn't get a chance to argue with him because he began taking her clothes off and she forgot everything else. Especially when his head traveled south and he planted his face firmly between her legs. Her eyes rolled back and she moaned in pleasure. The man was skilled with his tongue, that's for sure. He sent her reeling over the edge before she had a chance to even gain her senses. The next thing she knew he was kissing her hard and she could taste herself on his tongue.

"I want you in me. Now. I need you," she whispered blissfully.

He obliged her and thrust himself deeply into her, pounding her with more force than he was sure she wanted, but she made him lose his mind. She cried out and he stopped momentarily and looked down at her.

"Am I being too rough?"

"No. Don't stop. I'm not gonna break. Do it hard. I like it that way," she urged him.

And with that permission he stopped trying to be what he thought a lover should be, and just did what came naturally. That's what she liked. That's what she wanted. And that's what made him lose himself in her so easily. She was perfect. And obviously she wasn't shy about her own desires because she made it quite clear he was doing something right. It didn't take too much longer for them both to be lost to utter bliss. But this time when it was over neither of them rushed to get up and get dressed and get gone. They just lay there together on the couch breathing heavily and trying regain their senses. He nuzzled her neck and kissed her lips gently and then just buried his face in her hair, breathing in the scent of her floral shampoo.

"You smell so good," he whispered to her.

"Hmm, I do?"

"Yes, totally edible," he said as he playfully nipped at her neck again.

"That was pretty fucking amazing, you know," she told him as she ran her hands through his messy hair.

"Yeah? I thought it'd be weird or something but it's not. I mean, it felt right. And I'm not even panicking right now because it's been more than thirty seconds since I've come and you're still under me. That's a record for me," he said with a small laugh.

"You really panicked that fast?"

"Normally, yeah. I mean, once I was done, I just wanted to get the hell away. But I kind of like this," he admitted as he scooted down and laid next to her.

"I like it too."

"Stay here tonight. Don't go home," he told her as he ran his hand down her arm gently.

"I can't. I have to work. I don't have clothes here and I'd need to get up extra early," she explained.

"That's not fair. I'm not running away, but you're fixing to leave me this time," he pouted.

"Don't be silly. I'm not running out on you. I'm still here. Put that pouty lip away. My God, did you pull that pathetic face on your mum as a child? I bet she gave you anything you wanted," she laughed as she poked at his pout and tried to make him smile.

"I'm not pouting, I'm disappointed. There's a difference. But yes, that look was always quite effective, I have to admit," he grinned at her.

"Your poor mum. No wonder your parents spoiled you silly."

"Is it working on you? Are you gonna stay?" he asked hopefully.

"No, the look is not working. But believe me, I don't want to leave. I just really need to," she tried to explain.

"It's fine. I understand. You're a responsible adult with an actual job. I'm just a lay about spoiled little rich kid. I have nothing to wake up for in the morning," he sighed.

"Sure you do. You'll get to see me. At least after work. If you want. I mean, I don't want you to think I expect you to always see me. But if you felt like it," she rambled softly.

"How about I meet you at work? I'll bring you lunch. Something proper and not a bloody bagel. That's not even real food."

"You can't come to my work again," she shook her head.

"Why not? Who cares? Potter knows about us. Why hide?"

"Good point. I dunno. I guess you could. But I only get an hour."

"That'll do."

"Okay. I get lunch at noon so don't sleep through it."

"I won't. I'll be there. Do you really have to leave right now?" he wondered curiously.

"Not just yet," she told him.

"Good. Let's just stay right here a bit longer," he said as he closed his eyes and laid his head on her shoulder. This was all so foreign to him but it wasn't as scary as he thought it'd be. It made him wonder a little if he'd had a different life, would he have ever bothered to get to know other girls before he ran off. But then he shook the idea from his mind because he knew it wouldn't have been right with anyone else. He was waiting for her. He just didn't know it. But now he did and he wasn't going to fuck it up. She was the one good thing in his sorry life and he would not lose her to his own stupidity or cowardice. He had to be strong. He had to let go of his fears. He had to trust her. And that did not come easily. He'd never trusted anyone before. But he knew he had to. That's the only way it would ever work.

The next day Hermione went to work as usual. But she stopped at Shelley's desk and bid her good morning.

"Morning Shelley," she said pleasantly.

"Good morning, Miss Granger," Shelley smiled.

"Um, I just wanted to tell you I'm expecting a lunch date today. And I don't want you to get yourself in a tizzy over it again. But Draco will be here at noon. Do let me know when he arrives, okay?" she told her quietly.

"Oh my God, a lunch date with _him_? I thought you said you weren't dating him? You sly devil. Did he send the roses?" Shelley asked with excitement.

"Yes, he sent them. And I wasn't dating him before. I'm not even sure I'm dating him now. But he'll be here for lunch. Try not to wet yourself this time and don't tell the entire office."

"Right. I'll be normal. No problem. I won't say a word to anyone."

"Good."

"But everyone will see him. You do realize he's not invisible and he's rather noticeable when he enters a room."

"I know that. But that doesn't mean you need to gossip. Lips zipped. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll just go to my desk now."

She turned and walked quickly to her desk and hoped it wasn't a mistake to allow Draco back at her work. But it was too late now. But what was the harm really? The one person who she had wanted to hide this dirty little secret from, already knew. And Ron was not in the picture anymore. He worked in Diagon Alley with George. But then there was the rest of the staff to contend with. She shouldn't care what they thought, but she did. She didn't want people gossiping about Hermione Granger being involved with a former Death Eater. It wouldn't sit well. But she was trying to be calm about it. She was trying not to let it affect her too much. She'd worn her hair down today, which she never did. But she wanted look appealing to Draco. But she was still dressed in one of her dingy little suits. But she unbuttoned the top button so she wasn't quite so bottled up.

When lunch time arrived, she suddenly worried that Draco panicked and wouldn't come. Perhaps he'd thought on things, and realized it wasn't what he wanted after all. He was moody like that. And it wouldn't surprise her if he bailed entirely. But just as promised, noon struck, and she could hear Shelley giggling and laughing again. That woman really needed to get out on a date, Hermione thought to herself. But she couldn't have Draco. That thought surprised Hermione for a second. She realized she was feeling possessive of him. But she wasn't even sure if he was hers really. But either way, she stood up and decided to put an end to the giggle fest at Shelley's desk. She walked up and saw Draco sitting on Shelley's desk with a grin and a picnic basket next to him. They were talking and Draco reached over and touched Shelley's arm which sent her into giggles once again. Hermione seethed. Was he flirting back with her?

"Uh, hello," Hermione said, announcing her presence.

"Hey there. I was just telling Shelly how much I liked her dress," Draco told her.

"Really? How nice of you," Hermione said in a clipped tone.

Draco looked at Shelley and then he stood up. "I think I'd better go now. Take Hermione shopping someday, will you? She could use a dress like that." He winked at her and then grabbed the basket and went over to Hermione.

"Did you just wink at her?" she asked with more irritation than she meant to show.

"Relax love. I was just being polite. Remember you told me I should try it sometime?" he reminded her.

"You were flirting."

"It was harmless," he insisted.

"Well don't do it. You'll give her fantasies for weeks," Hermione scolded him.

"Someone's jealous, aren't they?" Draco smirked at her.

"Shut up. I am not."

"Right, okay. Look, I brought food. Are we eating at your desk or someplace else?" he asked holding up the basket.

"At my desk. It's a little more private than the cafeteria."

They walked back towards her desk and once they got to her cubicle he put the basket down and grabbed her up and kissed her hard. She melted into him and completely forgot where she was for a moment. Then he pulled back and smiled at her.

"You wore your hair down, I see." He ran his hands through it and pushed it back slightly and looked at her neck. "The mark is gone. I thought I told you to leave that."

"I couldn't leave it. Are you mad? I can't come to work with a hickey on my neck," she said in hushed tones.

"Why not?"

"Because! It's not professional."

"I'll just have to make a new one," he said devilishly as he bent down and kissed her neck roughly.

She couldn't help but relish the feel of his touch and he knew that her neck was one of her most erogenous zones. She was helpless against him. But she came to her senses and grabbed his head and pulled it away from her neck.

"Stop. You are impossible. Do you want me to be embarrassed?" she scolded him.

"I just want everyone to know who you belong to, that's all," he purred at her.

"Who I _belong _to? Why not write your bloody name on my forehead then? That would do the trick. Besides, who says I _belong_ to anyone?" she admonished him.

He just looked at her and sighed. Perhaps he'd read her signals wrong? He thought she wanted some sort of actual relationship with him, but maybe he was mistaken. And if that's the case, he felt incredibly foolish. Maybe this was still a game to her?

"Look, are you hungry because the food is getting cold. We should eat," he told her as he opened up the basket.

"What is it?"

"It's Italian. I got it from my favorite place." He pulled out the food containers and set them on the desk. Then he sat in the chair opposite hers and opened up his food. They ate in silence for a bit and it suddenly felt uncomfortable for Draco.

"Do you like the food?" he asked finally.

"It's delicious. I'm not used to having much for lunch."

"So you don't want to belong to me, is that it?" he threw out, completely out of the blue.

"What?"

"You said you didn't belong to anyone."

"I don't know. You make it sound as if I'm just an object to own. I'm a person, not a bloody knick knack," she said with annoyance.

"Right. A person. I know that. But I don't want anyone else having you. Is that so weird? Isn't that what it's supposed to feel like?" he asked her curiously.

"Isn't that what, what's supposed to feel like?" she asked quizzically.

"God you're thick. What do you think I'm talking about?" he asked with frustration.

"I don't know. I don't even know what we are. Or what we're doing," she admitted with a sigh, as she pushed her food away.

"Look, I suck at this shit okay? I've never really been in a relationship. You know that. This isn't like with Pansy when I was fifteen. I was a bloody hormone bomb who just wanted to get some tits in my hands. This is different. Or at least I want it to be," he explained as he ran his hands through his hair.

"So you're saying you wish to actually have a relationship? Exclusively? And with me? You want to be my boyfriend?" she asked softly.

"God you really are dumb sometimes. What do you think last night was about? I was trying to show you how I felt. I didn't run off or kick you out. I was trying!"

"Oh. Well you didn't spell it out exactly. I mean, we said things were different, but I just thought it was because we'd actually shared more than three words together before we jumped into bed. I didn't know how you actually felt," she said defensively.

"Would I fucking be in this Godforsaken Ministry if I didn't have a bloody good reason? There are people here who still think my family are criminals, myself included. They don't exactly roll out the welcome mat at the gates when I show up. The first time, they didn't even want to let me in, but they had no actual reason for keeping me out, so they stepped aside. But it's like I fucking walked on hot coals to bring you lunch and spend time with you. Would I do that for just anyone?" he asked her exasperatedly.

"I didn't know they gave you a hard time at the gates."

"Yeah, this one bloke threatened to punch me if I didn't leave."

"Who? And why?"

"Love, you don't want to know why. And it doesn't matter who. The point is, I'm here. And I spent a fortune on this meal. So eat it," he told her with a small smile, pushing her plate back over to her.

She just smiled and picked up her fork again and began eating to please him. Then she looked up.

"So you want me to be your girlfriend? Really?" she asked curiously, the words sounding so foreign on her tongue. She felt like a teenager again suddenly.

"Unless you don't want to be," he shrugged, trying to pretend his very life wasn't at stake with her answer. He'd never put himself out there before and if she rejected him, he'd likely crawl back into his shell and never come out again.

"I think I want to be," she admitted after a few moments contemplation.

"Really?"

She nodded. "I do. I hated you sitting on Shelley's desk. And that wink? I could throttle you," she admonished him.

"I knew you were fucking jealous!" he laughed, relieved by her answer.

"Of course I was."

"Well don't worry, love. No one holds a candle to you. You're my one in five billion," he assured her as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Your one in five billion?"

"Yeah, I heard some bloke say that on the telly. It suits."

"Robbing romantic quotes from the telly, eh?"

"I gotta learn what to say somehow because God knows I have no one else to teach me these things."

"Yes, you do. You have me."

He just leaned over and kissed her again and then he smiled at her. He was going out on a huge limb for her. But he couldn't help it. She'd done something to him. Shifted something inside of his brain. He didn't know how she did it. He thought his life before her was perfectly content. Yes, it was empty and often lonely, but that was easily remedied with lots of drink and meaningless sex. He was doing fine. And he never longed for anything other than what he had. Perhaps because he had no idea just what he was missing. But this girl shattered his fortress of solitude and contempt for the human race, and made him feel something completely new and foreign. He actually cared what happened to another person. Genuine caring. It was unheard of. But he was powerless to control the flood of emotions he'd held inside his entire life. But it was still a terrifying prospect. Caring for someone meant leaving yourself open to being hurt. That had never been an option he allowed before. But he also realized that if he didn't take the chance, he might miss out on something that was far better than the life he felt he deserved. He had to stop being afraid and take the risk.

Once they were done eating, they cleaned up the mess and sadly her lunch time was near to it's end.

"Thanks for bringing this. It was wonderful," she told him.

"Don't mention it."

"You want me to walk you out?" she wondered.

"Nah, you don't need to. I know the way."

"Well I'll at least walk you to the lobby."

"Alright. I wish you could just leave with me. Can't you take the rest of the day off?" he asked curiously.

"No, I can't. I have a meeting. But if you want to, you could come by my place later," she offered.

"You got a deal," he smiled at her.

They walked hand in hand up to the front, and Shelley spied how cozy they looked. But she kept her lips buttoned. She just glanced at their hands and then looked back down at her desk quickly.

"So, I'll see you later?" he said in parting.

"Yes, definitely."

"Alright. Goodbye then."

"Goodbye."

He looked at her for a moment, then he just dropped the basket and grabbed her and kissed her heartily right in front of Shelley and everyone else passing by in the lobby. He let her go and she just stood there in stunned silence for a minute as he picked up the basket and walked out. She caught her breath and turned to face Shelley, who couldn't stop giggling under her breath.

"What's so funny?" Hermione asked as she wiped her mouth discreetly.

"Nothing. Nothing's funny. I'm sorry. It's just, that was some kiss. Everyone was watching," Shelley informed her.

"Yes, well, glad everyone enjoyed the show. Now back to work, right?" Hermione said, feeling slightly rattled by such a public display of affection in her workplace.

"Um, I don't mean to be out of line or inappropriate, but you have a hickey on your neck," Shelley said trying not to burst into laughter.

Hermione grabbed her neck and panicked slightly. "Oh God. Is it really noticeable?"

Shelley nodded. "Very much so."

"Right. Lovely. Okay, I need my wand and then it's off to the loo. How long before my meeting starts?" she asked quickly.

"You have about ten minutes."

"Good. Okay. Plenty of time."

She raced back to her desk and fished her wand out of her purse. She started to head to the bathroom, but she was stopped by a colleague.

"Ms. Granger, I need your signature on this," he said holding out a parchment.

"Can it wait?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

"Fine," she said as she grabbed the quill and signed quickly, then handed it back. "There you go."

"Wait. I need your signature on these too. And also can you tell me when Burrows and Stewart are set for trial?"

She groaned and grabbed the parchments and then went back to her desk, her colleague right behind her. She signed her name and looked through her appointment books to find what he needed.

"What's that on your neck?" he asked curiously.

"What?"

"Your neck. It's a mark. Is that a hickey?" he laughed slightly.

"Please just don't. I need to get rid of it before my meeting which is in like two minutes now," she said feeling frazzled.

"Did Draco Malfoy give you that?" he asked curiously.

"Huh?"

"Well everyone saw him kiss you in the lobby. Everyone's talking about it. I mean, he _was_ an undesirable," he whispered to her softly.

"I realize that. But he was exonerated years ago. He's not a fugitive nor a criminal."

"But still. It's a bit scandalous."

"Bill? Is that your name?" she asked him curiously. He nodded his head. "Yes, Bill. Do please stay out of my private business. It's not your concern. And now I'm bloody late for my meeting."

"Well perhaps if you want people to stay out of your private life, you shouldn't snog Death Eaters in the lobby," he said matter of factly.

"You know what? Just sod off. I've got work to do," she said, grabbing her briefcase and rushing off to her meeting. There was no time now to fix her neck. She just hoped her hair would cover things up enough to save her dignity.

She sat in the stuffy conference room and held her hand on the side of her neck, praying no one would notice what was there. So far, she'd gotten weird glances from a few people and others were whispering and smirking at her. She felt like an idiot. And she wished she'd never allowed Draco to visit her at work again. It was a bad idea. She should have stuck to her firm rules. No mixing her play time with work. It just wasn't right. It was no one's business who she chose to hang out with, but she'd made it everyone's business by allowing him to visit her workplace. She had been foolish obviously.

"Ms. Granger?" a man called out to her and broke her out of her trance.

"What?"

"I asked if you had the schedules we were just discussing. Were you not listening?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Um. Yes, the schedules. That would be Lennon and James?" she asked not having a clue what they'd been discussing because she was so lost in her own thoughts and paranoia.

"No, we were discussing Adams and Jenkins. Do keep up," he admonished her.

"Right. Sorry. The two of them are scheduled…"

"Stand up please so we can all hear you," he interrupted.

"Right." She stood up and tried to pull her hair over her neck. "As I was saying, they are scheduled for trial on the 23rd."

"Perfect. Is there something wrong with your neck?" he wondered, noticing how she clamped her hand over her throat awkwardly.

"No, it's fine."

"Alright. Moving on then. Next on the agenda is Marksome and Thomas."

Hermione just sat down and wanted to disappear. She was mortified. She'd made an absolute ass of herself in this meeting. And people were still staring at her. God how she wished for Harry's invisibility cloak right now. Thankfully the meeting ended and she rushed out of the room, pushing past people and headed straight for the bathroom. She dropped her briefcase and pulled out her wand. She looked in the mirror and shook her head. Draco had really done a number on it. She look as if she'd been strangled on one side. What the hell did he do to her? She thought she pulled him away before he could do this much damage. She looked like Dracula attacked her and then set a Hoover on her neck to boot. She readied herself for the healing spell when two women barged into the room and startled her. She turned and looked to see who it was and it was two women she didn't know, thankfully. She tried to ignore them but they walked up to her anyway and stood at the sink next to her.

"That's some love bite. Who do you date? A vampire?" one of them giggled.

"Yes, he's a vampire," Hermione rolled her eyes at her.

"I heard a rumor you were snogging that Malfoy bloke right in the lobby. Is that true?" the other one asked curiously.

"This place is worse than school! Did someone send a fucking memo to everyone in the building about who I snogged?" Hermione asked with irritation.

"Nothing interesting ever happens here anymore since You Know Who was killed. What else is there to talk about it?" the girl shrugged.

"Well it's no one's business," Hermione scoffed and attempted to ignore them and do her healing spell.

"I heard he has a huge cock," one of the girls informed Hermione.

"What?" she asked, aghast at her vulgarity.

"You heard me. Is it true?"

"How would I know?"

"Oh come on, don't be coy. Is it really huge?"

"Oh my God. This isn't happening," Hermione said miserably.

"Just tell us! We won't say anything."

"Right. I believe that. Everyone here is ridiculous," Hermione grumbled and just ignored them watching and did her spell. Her neck healed up and she was presentable again. Thank God for magic, she thought to herself.

"Fine, don't tell us. We'll just assume it's probably true."

"You really want to know? I'll tell you. It's enormous. Like a porno star. And you'll never get a go at it because he's mine. And you can tell everyone I said so. Put up bloody posters on the bulletin board about it. I don't care. Now get out of my face. I've got work to conduct and don't have time for childish gossips like you lot," Hermione said as she picked up her things and stormed out of the bathroom.

She didn't stop walking until she got to her desk and then she slumped down and put her head in her hands. It was futile. Everyone knew her business. But she wasn't going to be ashamed of it. Why should she be? She was a grown woman and could see whomever she wished. And he may have a nefarious past but he was never convicted of a crime. What did it matter? She had to keep telling herself that or else she was going to panic and chicken out of the whole thing. She felt her stomach flipping and her flight instinct was kicking in. She just wanted a nice private secret fling. She didn't want the world to know everything. She'd hidden her world so effectively for years and now the worlds were colliding. It was terrifying. Everyone she knew thought she was a prudish, bookish, nerdy, cold fish. She was standoffish and aloof and incredibly proper. But now everyone was seeing parts of the real her. She was scared. She felt exposed. What would she do if people kept talking about this? Her façade had a huge crack in it now. And she didn't know what to do about it. She was freaking out on the inside and she could feel her heart pounding loudly in her chest.

"Are you okay?" Shelley asked as she approached the desk cautiously.

"What?" Hermione asked as she looked up startled.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You ran by me so quickly I didn't have time to give you your messages," she said as she handed over a few slips of paper.

Hermione took them. "Thanks."

"Look, I know you always tell me to mind my own business, but don't let people get to you. For what it's worth, I'm rather green with envy," Shelley informed her.

"You are? You don't think it's awful that I'm involved with a former undesirable?"

"The key word is 'former'. He was found innocent. He's rather desirable now. He's on the list of the top ten most desirable bachelors according to Witch Weekly. Haven't you seen the list?"

"There's a list? And he's on it?"

"Yes. He's number three."

"Number three? I had no idea."

"Well I did. Why do you think I practically leapt down his pants when he showed his face here? Who wouldn't want a gorgeous filthy rich wizard like him? You're lucky. Word was he was the biggest player in town and would never settle."

"Yeah, he's not really the settling type."

"He seems rather smitten with you," Shelley smiled.

"Yeah, he does."

"Perhaps the beast can be tamed after all?"

Hermione smiled a little. "Perhaps? So I should stop panicking what others think of me?"

"They're just jealous."

"Thank you, Shelley. I needed to hear that," Hermione said sincerely grateful for Shelley's words of encouragement.

"No worries. I know I'm not your friend and you've made it clear that I'm to keep my nose out, but I just thought you needed a pep talk," Shelley shrugged and then she turned to walk away.

"Wait. Shelley. Look, I'm sorry I was such a hard ass and a bossy bitch to you. You _are_ a friend to me. I just didn't realize until just now," Hermione said apologetically.

Shelley smiled at her widely. "You mean that? We're friends?"

"Sure. Why not? Now get back to work," Hermione teased her.

"Of course. But you know where to find me if you need to gab."

Shelley walked back to her desk and Hermione sat back into her chair. Maybe it wasn't so horrible to let other people into her life? She didn't know. But for some reason it felt like the tides were changing. Perhaps she didn't need two different worlds to live in? Maybe there was room for everything in just one? She was ready to find out. She opened up her desk drawer and pulled out the wedding reply card for Ron's big day. She sat there and stared at it for a moment, then she grabbed a quill and filled it out. _Hermione Granger plus one_, she scribbled out. She was not going to that wedding alone. And anyone who had a problem with that would just have to deal with it. She was done living her life in secret. She just prayed the world was willing to accept her as she really was.

**To be continued….Please leave a review! I would love to hear more what you all think of this little tale. The feedback keeps the muse alive. Thank you all for following along.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day and Lifehouse.**

_We're both looking for something  
>We've been afraid to find<br>It's easier to be broken  
>It's easier to hide<em>

_Looking at you, holding my breath,  
>For once in my life, I'm scared to death,<br>I'm taking a chance, letting you inside_

_We're crashing  
>Into the unknown<br>We're lost in this  
>But it feels like home<em>

Draco came over to Hermione's flat after work, just as she'd asked him to do. He was startled at how much he actually longed to see her. It had only been a few hours. But he waited impatiently for her to answer the door. When she finally did, he just smiled at her. She gave him a glare in return.

"Oh God, what did I do wrong now?" he asked noticing her expression.

"Get in here," she commanded him with a cross voice.

He walked in and she shut the door and faced him with her arms folded across her chest.

"Thanks a lot, you wanker," she admonished him.

"What the fuck are you talking about? No hello? Just I'm a fucking wanker?" he asked with some confusion and amusement.

"You attacked my neck and left a horrendous mark that everyone saw. And then you kissed me like a maniac in the lobby! Everyone is talking about us now," she informed him as she shoved him playfully, a small grin overcoming her.

"Oh that. God, I actually thought I did something wrong," he laughed.

"You did! Do you know how embarrassed I was?"

"You'll get over it. I bet that was the best gossip those stuffed shirts have had in awhile," he said as he plopped himself down on her couch and made no apologies.

"Don't you know anything about discretion?" she wondered as she sighed and sat down next to him.

"Afraid not. I've nothing to hide," he shrugged.

"Well I do. Or rather I did. I don't know. I give up. The whole universe knows my business now," she lamented.

"So what?"

"I guess you're right. I just wasn't letting you off the hook so easily. You made me look foolish in front of my co-workers. I had to go to a meeting with a hickey staring everyone in the face! I'm not fourteen anymore. Grown women don't get hickeys," she scoffed.

"They do if they're lucky," he said as he grabbed her and went for her neck again.

She pushed him back. "Stop it, you dumbass!" she giggled at him.

"No, I don't want to stop. And you love this. Admit it," he said, kissing her neck again.

She closed her eyes and sighed. "You're right, I do. I love it."

"So then who cares who knows?" he told her seriously.

"Well I'm glad you feel that way. Because you're taking me to Ron's wedding," she announced to him.

"What? Are you out of your mind? I already told you I wasn't gonna fuck up the Weasel's happy moment," he said shaking his head.

"Well I'm not going alone. And if you don't care if the world knows about us, then why not go with me?"

"Because. It'll piss off your mates. They don't want me there. You know that," he reminded her.

"I don't care. I'm sick of always caring what everyone thinks. I'm sick of pretending I have no social life and can't even get a date to my ex's wedding. You said so yourself it'd be pathetic and miserable for me to show up alone," she explained.

"Yeah, but do you realize how badly my presence will be received don't you? The Weasley's detest my entire lot. With good reason. What if that woman hexes me or murders me on sight?"

"What woman? Ron's fiancée?"

"No, that Weasley woman. The mother. She annihilated my aunt. You think she won't do the same to me if she sees me show up at her bloody house for her son's wedding?" Draco told her.

"Molly? She's not going to kill you. She's not insane. Your aunt was trying to kill Ginny at the time. That was different," Hermione explained.

"But still. Why are you doing this? Do you want to push your mates further away?"

"No. I want them to know who hell I am. They've not known me for years. I want to see if they still like me if I show them who I really am. That's all. If they don't accept my choices, then they aren't really my mates then, are they?" she told him softly.

"I suppose so. I mean, Potter knows the truth. Maybe he already blabbed it to the Weasel?"

"First off, stop calling him the Weasel if you want to come with me. And second, I'm sure Harry blabbed instantly. I highly doubt it's a secret any longer."

Draco ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "Fine. I'll go. But I'm going armed. And if they kick us out, don't say I didn't warn you," he relented.

"If Ron kicks me out of his wedding then at least I know where I stand."

"Right."

"But you better get a good gift. Something expensive. Something that says 'please don't murder me for crashing your wedding'."

He laughed. "Buy them off eh? I can do that. But I hardly think they'd suddenly like me if I dropped ten thousand galleons into their lap," he told her.

"They don't have to like you. They just have to not chase you off their property."

"This will be interesting at least. I haven't been to a wedding in awhile. But I was actually welcomed at that one."

"Who's wedding?"

"Blaise. He married last year."

"Oh. Really? I didn't know."

"Yeah, he married some girl his parents introduced him to. She's pretty."

"Do you still keep in contact with them?" she wondered.

"Not that much, no. Sometimes. I went to his stag party. That was something else. Are you invited to Ron's fiancée's hen night?"

"No. I don't even actually know her. We've only met a few times. But she seems alright."

"Is she a witch?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes, definitely. But she was two years behind us at school. I never knew her."

"Sure you're not jealous?" he wondered curiously.

"Jealous? Of course not. I told you I'm over Ron. I have been for a long time. We were all wrong together. No, I'm pleased for him."

"So taking me to his wedding isn't some sort of twisted payback for dumping you or something?"

"No. I swear. I'm not doing it to piss anyone off. I'm doing it because you're my boyfriend and why shouldn't I take you?" she said with a small smile.

"Right. Boyfriend. That sounds so weird," he laughed slightly.

"It's what you said you wanted to be."

"I know. I do. I am. Hey, do you want to eat? I'm hungry," he told her, as he tried to shake the lingering doubts from his mind about whether or not he could actually be someone's boyfriend. But he was willing to try for her.

"I'm famished. And I could also use a drink and a ciggie. It's been a stressful day," she said with a sigh.

They ordered out for a pizza and Hermione opened up some wine and sat on the couch with a cigarette in her hand. She took a big puff and blew it out.

"Ah, bliss. I wish these things didn't kill you because I love them so," she sighed dreamily.

"I know. Blasted things. I got hooked after the first one I tried. I always thought smoking was so disgusting and so Muggle. My parents would have a field day if they knew I did this," he told her.

"Mine too. But I guess that's not much of an issue now," she said with a tinge of sadness.

"There's something to said for being an orphan, you know. At least you don't have to worry about seeing the disappointment on your parents faces whenever you visit them," he remarked, taking a puff.

"Is that what it's like for you?" she wondered curiously.

"Mostly. I haven't visited in months. Every time I do my father and I just get annoyed with each other and I storm out. I don't know why I even try anymore," he told her.

"What about your mum?"

"She's the reason I keep going there. But I don't know. It's complicated."

"They'd never approve of you and me, would they?"

Draco laughed slightly. "What do you think?"

"I think they'd have heart attacks."

"Possibly. But it's my sodding life. I'm a grown man. What are they really going to do about it?"

"I don't know. Disown you? Isn't that what usually happens when someone like you goes against the rules?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. My mum wouldn't do that to me. My father might. And I guess he's the one with the money bags. But I'm done kissing his ass. If he disowns me, I'll figure something out."

"Well just don't tell them the truth. I would hate for you to lose your money because of me," she told him seriously.

"I never really considered their reactions before. It didn't occur to me really. Do you know how many Muggle women I've slept with? My father would castrate me if he knew the so called filthy waters I've been dipping my toes into," Draco said dryly.

"It wasn't your toes you were dipping, unless you're into some kinky shit I haven't discovered yet," she said, trying to lighten the mood.

He laughed. "No, it wasn't my toes. You know how I am about my feet. I don't want them touched."

"How many women _have_ you been with?" she asked, unsure if she really wanted to know.

"God, I don't know. Too many. I'm not even going to ask you how many men. I don't need to know," he told her.

"Yeah, you probably don't want to know. Hell, I don't want to know either. I stopped keeping track,' she admitted with some shame.

He turned to her and took her hand. "It doesn't matter now. It's the past. And I think we'd both do well to live in the now and stop thinking of things that happened before. You can't change history, but you can move forward. I think we've both been too stuck on the bloody past," he said seriously.

"You're right. I know I was. But I want to be different. I want to stop punishing myself. It's just difficult. And honestly, this with you? I'm scared," she said softly.

"So am I, love. I'm shitting myself. But it's worth it, I think. Don't you?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes. It is."

"God, what did you do to me? How did I get here?" he said shaking his head.

"I'm magical, remember?" she said with a small smile.

"Yes, you are. More than you know."

She leaned over and kissed him and soon they forgot everything else. They were both terrified but completely helpless. They had a burning need to be together. No one could deny that. It made no sense logically, but the human heart held no logic. They just had to sink into it and let it overcome them.

A few weeks went by and for the most part all the gossip had slowed down at work. But everyone still knew what was going on. Their memories hadn't been erased. They were simply just bored now and waiting for something else to talk about. Harry had been on assignment the day everything flew into chaos, so he'd been out of the loop. And she did not bring him into it. Mostly because he was still leaving her alone, just as she'd asked him to do, and she'd done nothing to remedy it. But she felt guilty for doing so and decided she better talk to him before the wedding, which was happening tomorrow. She had no idea what to say to him, but she supposed she should say something. But she was afraid to. If she told Harry she was taking Draco, he'd tell Ron, and then she might be uninvited on the spot. But then again, was it really fair to spring such a surprise on everyone that way? She didn't know. But she went to Harry's office to at least say hello and try and bury the hatchet as best she could.

His secretary let her in and she walked up to his desk.

"Hello," she said with a small smile.

"Hello. Long time, no see. Are you done avoiding me?" he wondered curiously.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I've been a total nightmare. I'll understand if you're still cross with me or if you think I'm crazy."

He laughed slightly. "You _were_ a nightmare. But I told you I'd be here when you got out of your snit. I do hope you've come to your senses a bit though."

"I have. I'm here with my hat in hand. I'm trying to be your friend again. If you'll have me," she said looking at her feet.

"Of course I'll have you. Don't be silly. So you were going through some rough times. Who hasn't, right? But you seem better," he remarked.

"I am. Actually I've been quite happy lately."

"Really? Good. So then I trust that nonsense with Malfoy has been settled and put to rest?" Harry asked.

"Nonsense? Who said it was nonsense?" she asked him.

"Well you can't actually be serious about him. I mean, it's Malfoy. Obviously you were just going through a moment of weakness over his fake charms," Harry said plainly.

"Right. Fake charms. Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's not fake? That I actually like him?" she wondered.

"What? Are you joking?"

"No. Do I look like I'm joking? He's the reason I'm happy now. You don't even know him," she shook her head.

"I do know him. We all do. And he's a complete wanker. You do realize that he's got a reputation with women. He uses them for sport and then tosses them away," Harry said seriously.

"It's not that way with us. I know his reputation. I know his past. But that doesn't matter. He's different," she said defensively.

Harry just sighed and took off his glasses so he could rub his eyes. He shook his head. "You're making a mistake. I can't bear to watch this happen to you. Just because he sent you some bloody flowers doesn't mean he's a good guy."

"It's not about the stupid flowers. Do you think I'm that daft that I'd swoon over something that trivial? I'm a big girl Harry. And you've never actually known Draco. You simply existed in the same space with him for a few years. You don't know who he really is."

"And you think you do?" he shot back.

"Yes. I do."

"Please tell me you're not bringing him to the wedding tomorrow," Harry said as he closed his eyes in horrification.

"You know what? This was a mistake. Me trying to make nice again with you? It was stupid. I was right before. You _do_ judge me and you don't accept me as I am. You want me to be the girl you grew up with. But guess what? She's gone. This is who I am now. And I won't be treated like some child who doesn't know how to handle her own life. I've been handling myself just fine since I was a child. And I'm not stupid either. If not for me, you and Ron probably would have flunked out of Hogwarts. I did all your bloody homework half the time. So don't act like I'm an idiot or some daft bimbo with stars in her eyes. I don't need you to save me. I never did. I did just as much saving of your ass as you did to mine. The least you can do is respect me enough to allow me to live my own life without your criticisms. Who made you lord of my life anyway? Certainly not me!" she ranted angrily at him.

He just stared at her for a minute and didn't know what to say. He'd never seen her this outraged before. At least not at him. But he was slowly realizing that Hermione wasn't just going through a rough patch. She really was different. But that didn't mean he loved her less. He was just confused.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I never meant to make you feel like I thought you were stupid. Perhaps you're right? I don't know Draco. I honestly don't care to. But it's your life. And I'm not willing to just pretend we never met and didn't share what we shared. That was real and it meant something. You may be different now, but inside you're still you. You're still Hermione. I promise I won't try and run your life or save you. Forgive me?" he implored her.

"Harry, I just want us to be friends again. I've missed you all. But everyone has to accept that my life went in a different direction than yours did. I've made mistakes. Quite a lot of them actually. But what I'm doing now? It's not a mistake," she tried to explain.

"Okay. I trust you. I don't trust _him_, but that's neither here nor there. If this is you, then I accept it. I mean, for God's sake, you're like my sister. And family doesn't ever give up on family. I'm always on your side," he promised her.

"Even when you think my side is wrong?"

"Yes, even then. You and I don't have any other family anymore. We need to stick together. We never should have let ourselves drift so far."

"I know. It was my fault. But I don't want to do that now."

He stood up and walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. She sunk into him and buried her face in his shoulder. She'd forgotten how comforting his hugs could be. Or how much she really did care for him. He _was_ family to her. Even before she lost her own, he was always family to her. They pulled out of their hug and he just held her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"For what it's worth, I think you grew up okay. Maybe a few bumps along the way, but you're tough. And I'm glad you're happy now."

"Thank you," she said, wiping tears out of her eyes.

"So are you actually bringing him with you tomorrow?"

"Don't tell Ron. Let's just hope he doesn't notice us okay?" she pleaded with him.

Harry laughed and shook his head. "I won't tell him. But you realize he's gonna flip."

"I know."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"You will."

"I'm glad you stopped by. I missed you."

"Same here."

And with that, she turned and left his office. She knew sparks were going to fly tomorrow, but she was ready for it. At least she knew one person would have her back. And that mattered a great deal to her. More than she realized it would.

The next afternoon she stood in Draco's flat waiting for him to get dressed. He was dragging his feet and she was getting very impatient with him.

"Are you almost ready?" she called out to him from the living room where she waited.

"Almost!"

"My God, you're worse than a bloody woman. I put on makeup and straightened my hair and shaved every part of my body, and still I'm ready before you," she called out as she tapped her foot.

"Give me a minute, will you? I'm trying to look presentable. Do you know how long it's been since I put on a bloody suit? It's been years," he called back to her.

"Just put the fucking thing on and be done with it. Does it require special equipment or are you just not used to dressing yourself up without servants assisting you?"

"Please shut the fuck up and let me be. I don't even know why I'm bothering to look nice when I'm likely to be thrown off the premises within moments," he yelled to her.

She just groaned and sat down on his couch to wait. Finally he emerged and held out his arms for her inspection.

"So, how do I look?" he wondered.

She smiled at him. "You look dashing. How hard was it for you to put that on?"

"Sorry. I had several suits to choose from. I didn't want to look like I was going to a funeral or a Death Eater convention. I'm trying to look like I belong at a Weasley function. Which is incredibly difficult. I didn't want to be too flashy and I'm afraid all my burlap sack suits are at the cleaners."

"You're such an ass. Burlap sack suits? You realize they're not that poor anymore. They do okay for themselves," she chided him.

"Yeah, probably because most of their kids are married off. They don't have five hundred mouths to feed anymore."

"They always did okay. Just because they weren't rich didn't make them less worthy than everyone else."

"Whatever. They're still gonna hate me, no matter what I wear," he lamented with a sigh.

"How do I look? You never even commented. You just ran off in your underwear when I got here," she said to him with a scowl.

"Love, you look beautiful. Do you ever look any less?" he smiled at her.

"Well according to you I look like a frumpy hag when I go to work," she reminded him.

He laughed. "Sorry, but it's true. But this? This is good. It's perfect. You look stunning. You'll outshine the bride." He leaned over and kissed her madly.

She finally pulled him away and glared at him playfully.

"You'll ruin my makeup. I need new lipstick now. And you need to wipe your face. You look like you've just given a blow job to a clown."

Draco started cracking up and couldn't stop. Sometimes the shit that spewed from her mouth shocked the hell out him. She was definitely not the girl he once grew up with. But he took her advice and got a tissue to wipe the lipstick off his chin and mouth.

"Is this better?" he asked her.

"Much. Now we better leave. We're late. And the last thing I want to do is burst in right in the middle of the sodding ceremony. I want to be discreet. Maybe no one will even see us? That's the plan, okay?" she told him as she straightened his tie.

"Right. Inconspicuous. Should I put on a fake mustache and glasses? Perhaps Weasley won't know it's me?"

"Just try not to call attention to us."

"As if I would. I'm only doing this for you."

"I know."

"So then let's go. Do you have your gift for them?" he asked curiously.

She picked up a small wrapped box off the couch. "Right here. Where's your gift?"

"Right here," he said holding up a card.

"A card? You brought a card? That's not enough," she admonished him.

"Relax. It's full of fucking galleons. What else would I give them? I don't even know either one of them."

"You're giving them money?"

"Of course. Who doesn't want money? At Blaise's wedding they had a money dance. You had to pay to dance with the bride. That's what wedding's are for. To spoil the newlyweds," he explained.

"I just thought you'd get them something more personal."

"Why? Like I said, I don't know them. And Weasley hates me. If I bought them some duvet set or something they'd probably light a bonfire with it. At least I know he won't burn money. Unless he's a complete moron," he insisted.

"Fine. You're probably right," she relented.

"What did you get them?" he wondered idly.

"I got them sheets. They're nice. It was on the registry list."

"Sheets? Now there's an exciting gift. Money is better. Trust me."

She stuck out her tongue at him. "Just be quiet. Let's get out of here. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

And with that, they held onto each other and apparated to the Burrow together. They landed at the front walkway and they could see the house lit up and hear music playing from the back yard.

"My God, _this_ is the Burrow? It looks like a fucking trash dump of shit heaped all together."

"Will you shut up? You are so annoying," she groaned.

"I'm just saying, look at it. It's crooked. It's like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but less interesting."

"I'm going to throttle you if you don't stop," she glared at him.

"Alright. Jesus. I'm just making an observation."

"Well don't. No one wants to hear your observations of their architectural design. They kept having more children so they simply kept building layers. It was efficient."

"It's ugly. But whatever. My lips are sealed. Now where is the open bar you promised me?"

She just sighed and dragged him along towards the back yard where everyone else had already gathered. She herself had not been to the Burrow in quite some time. But it hadn't changed much. Except the yard was thankfully free of garden gnomes and the grass was green and lush and not dying and patchy. And the three rusted out cars that Arthur had stockpiled for his own amusement were thankfully gone or either hidden elsewhere. Hermione just tried to act natural and not let on that she was scared to death to face Ron and his family. They walked up and she noticed Molly standing there greeting guests happily. She was beaming and thoroughly excited. It was obvious she was enjoying this moment very much. When Hermione approached her smile faded slightly. Especially when she saw who was on her arm.

"Hermione! Dear, you look lovely. It's been an age since I've seen you," Molly said giving her a quick hug.

"You look well. And very happy. I'm sure Ron is very excited today as well," Hermione told her with a smile.

"Yes, he is. Um, I don't mean to be rude, but who exactly is this with you? He looks like a Malfoy, but that's not right is it?" Molly said giving Draco a distasteful once over.

"Yeah, actually this is Draco. Perhaps Ron mentioned his name before?"

"Draco. Yes. I remember him now. Spoiled little brat who almost killed Ron once with poison. How lovely you brought him along," Molly said with instant distaste.

"He never meant to poison Ron."

"No, I remember it was accidental. Meant for someone else. So that makes it peachy. May I speak to you for a moment?" Molly hissed at Hermione.

"What?"

Molly grabbed her arm and yanked her to the side. "Why would you bring him? Are you mad? Malfoy's are not welcome here."

"Look, he's not like the rest of them. He's my date. I promise he won't cause trouble," Hermione assured her.

"I can leave," Draco piped up, overhearing the conversation.

"No. Stay. You're with me," Hermione urged him.

"She doesn't want me here. I told you she wouldn't. This was stupid," Draco shook his head.

"No. It's fine. I suppose the past is the past. I trust you're no longer evil?" Molly asked Draco with a raised eyebrow.

"Been clean, five years and counting. You want to see my medallion they give you at Death Eaters Anonymous?" Draco drawled sarcastically to her.

"Just keep him in check. And do not let Ron see him until after the ceremony. This is to be a lovely evening, not a bar room brawl," Molly told them both.

"We'll keep to ourselves. Promise. No brawls. We're just here to wish Ron happiness," Hermione assured her.

"Very well. Bar's over there. Blondie looks like he needs a drink," Molly said in a snippy tone.

"I do as a matter of fact. But I must say, you've got a wonderful home. I do love the architecture. Very unique," Draco said putting on his best fake smile.

"Right. Yes. Well, go drink. And stay out of my son's way. I will not have this day ruined."

Draco and Hermione nodded and marched past her and headed straight for the bar.

"This is a huge fucking mistake, Hermione. Everyone is staring at me," Draco uttered under his breath as they waited for their drinks.

"I know. It was a huge mistake. But we're here now, so let's just make the most of it," she urged him.

"God, everyone here is armed. The entire Order of the Phoenix is here. And yet here I am. This is a bloody nightmare."

"Just drink. No one is going to attack you. You're armed too, but you're not planning to fling curses at anyone, are you? Just relax."

"I will defend myself if needed. Just so you know," he informed her as he downed his whiskey and signaled for another.

"No one is attacking. This is a bloody wedding not a duel."

"That black guy keeps staring at me. I don't like him. I remember his face."

"Well you should remember it. He's the Minister of Magic," she informed him.

"Fuck. That's Kingsley Shacklebolt? Why is he here?" Draco asked miserably.

"Because Ron is a decorated hero. What did you expect?"

"Not this. Hermione, I need to leave. I really do," Draco said, feeling his walls closing in on him.

"Stop. Just breathe. So what if he's staring? You've done nothing wrong. It's a wedding not a trial," she reminded him.

"Right. Fuck. I just sometimes freak out when I see these kinds of people. It brings back bad memories."

"Look. There's Harry and Ginny. They're safe," she told him.

"No they're not. They both hate me."

"Harry's okay. I spoke with him. Trust me."

"But what about her?" 

"I trust Harry's talked to her. I hope," she said weakly as she grabbed her drink and pulled Draco with her towards Harry.

They approached and Harry had no expression but Ginny gave a good glare.

"Harry. I'm so glad to see a friendly face," Hermione said happily.

"Yeah, you look great. And I see you really brought him," Harry said staring at Draco.

"I said I would."

"I hoped you might change your mind. But anyhow, hello Draco," Harry said forcing a smile.

"Potter. This your fiancée? I heard you were taking the plunge too," Draco said, trying to be polite and civil.

"Yes, this is Ginny. Ron's sister."

"You really have some nerve showing up here," Ginny said to Draco.

"I brought him," Hermione chimed in.

"I see that. Which is incredibly outlandish. Are you trying to ruin my brother's wedding?" she wondered.

"No, I'm simply here to wish him well."

"Look, I can leave. I realize no one wants me here. I was just here for the booze, but I can get that anywhere," Draco said as he turned around and started walking away.

Hermione chased after him. "Wait! Don't leave me here alone. The ceremony is about to start. Please, just sit down with me. We don't have to stay long, alright? Just do this for me. Please."

"Fine. I don't get this power you have over me. Why would I subject myself to this? But for you? I do it. I really must enjoy pain," Draco told her with a sigh.

"Just sit down with me. It'll be fine."

"Alright."

Draco relented and they found seats at the back of the makeshift aisle. They were as inconspicuous as they could be. Ron emerged from somewhere and stood at the altar. He had no idea that Draco was there and was completely focused on talking to Harry who stood as his best man. Soon the music changed and the wedding march began to play. The bride walked down the aisle and Hermione smiled for them. Who knew if she'd ever marry herself? Draco wasn't exactly in that mindset and neither was she. Not really. But weddings always made her pine. She couldn't help herself. And Ron seemed so happy. Part of her was slightly jealous, but not because she still loved Ron. It was just because she remembered the days when she assumed she'd be the bride walking down to greet him. But that was not the way it worked out. She had to let that fantasy go. She thought she had until she watched another woman taking her place at his side. She wiped tears from her eyes and hoped Draco didn't notice.

The ceremony was lovely and once it was over, everyone scattered. Chairs were poofed away and a makeshift dance floor appeared. Music filled the atmosphere and Ron and his bride were greeting all their guests as the food was laid out on tables for the dinner. When Ron finally noticed Hermione, his smile faded a bit. But he took his new wife's hand and walked over to her.

"Hermione. I'm pleased you came," Ron told her, pointedly ignoring her date.

"I'm quite happy for you two. It was a lovely wedding. Congratulations," she said sincerely.

"Thanks. I see you brought a date," Ron said giving Draco a quick but painful glance.

"Yes. I did. We both wish you well."

"Right. Look, it's fine. Harry told me he was coming. I think you're off your gourd, but I'm not letting that ruin my happy day. I'm still glad you came," Ron told her with a small smile.

"Harry told you?"

"Of course. Did you think he wouldn't?"

"He promised me."

"Well, he lied. But it's all good. It's better I knew. Saved me from having a coronary at least," Ron told her.

"I wasn't trying to upset you," she told him.

"I know. It's fine," he said, holding up his hands. Then he looked at Draco. "Malfoy. I haven't seen you in a long time."

"Nope. It's been years," Draco said softly.

"May I speak to you for a moment? Privately?" Ron asked, keeping his smile firmly planted on his face.

"Sure."

Ron grabbed his arm and dragged him off away from his bride and Hermione. "Look, I hate your guts. Understand? But I will not make a fucking scene at my own wedding. Just know that Hermione still matters to me. And if you hurt her, I will hunt you down and kill you. Got it?" Ron said heatedly.

"Point taken. I'm not gonna hurt her," Draco held up his hands in defense.

"You better not. I know you're a player and a wanker and if she so much as shed's one tear over you, I'm at your doorstep. Remember that. Harry too. Both of us. We'll destroy you. So you better watch it, Malfoy," Ron hissed.

"I said I got it. I'm not gonna hurt her. If I do? Kill me. Might as well. She's the only good thing in my fucking life, so if I hurt her, you can have me. Give it a good shot and make it hurt. I'll deserve it. But you understand this. You let her go. You gave up on her. I won't. I never will. It was your loss and my gain. And you need to live with that. Now go back to your blushing bride and leave me and Hermione alone," Draco said vehemently.

"Fine. As long as we're clear."

"Crystal. Now go enjoy your wedding. I won't cross your path again. Promise."

Ron just nodded and walked back to his wife and Hermione. He took his wife's hand and they marched off to speak with other guests and Hermione just stood there alone. Draco approached slowly.

"So what was that about?" she asked softly, not sure she wanted to know.

"Nothing. It's all good. He's not as much of a wanker as I thought. He just wants you to be happy, like he is. That's all," Draco shrugged.

"Oh. Well, I am. So everyone needs to stop coddling me like I'm fragile. So what if my ex just got married and I may never do so? I'm still bloody happy. Doesn't anyone get that?" Hermione said shrilly.

"Keep it down. And who said you'd never marry?" Draco asked her.

"I don't know. Is that where we're heading? I doubt it. You'd never marry me."

"What? What are you on about? Marriage? We've only been together a month, give or take. What makes you think we'll never marry?" Draco asked confusedly.

"Oh please. As if you'd marry a mudblood. Your parents would collapse of horror. I know I'm just the girl who fixes you and saves you and then you run along to someone else. I'm not daft. I'm not the long haul girl. I already know. But it's fine. I need another drink," she said, marching away from him quickly.

He just stood there dumbfounded. What the hell was she talking about? Did she want to get married? That was ridiculous. They barely knew each other. But if she thought she was just some girl who fixed him up she was sorely mistaken. She was his everything right now. She was it. And maybe he wasn't exactly ready to drop to his knees and give her a ring, didn't mean he never would. He had no idea what the hell she was pissed about. No one else had ever confused him this much. Mostly because he'd never been with anyone else longer than a day or two before it was over. But she wasn't giving him any credit at all. Did she really think this was just for fun and he wasn't serious? If so, she was mad. He'd risked everything for her. Didn't she realize that? He seethed as he watched her order a drink and down it quickly. He marched over to her and grabbed her arm.

"What are you doing? Let go of me!" she told him drunkenly. She'd already had a bit too much.

"We need to talk. Now."

"No we don't."

"Yes, we really do. Now come with me," he said as he forcibly removed her from the bar line and took her behind some bushes out of sight. "What's got your knickers in a twist huh?"

"Nothing. It's just I know that we're a dead end, Draco. And I thought I was okay with that, but I'm not. Seeing Ron so happy…I just want to have that kind of happiness. And we both know we're not it," she said sadly.

"What do you mean?"

"This with you, it feels good. It's exciting and thrilling and it makes me smile. But I'm still who I am and you're still a Malfoy. We have no future. We both know it. You're not gonna give up your riches for me," she informed him with tears in her eyes.

"Just calm down. You're making up shit in your head. We_ do_ have a future. You _are_ my future. You're everything to me, you stupid bint. Don't you get it? I'm in love with you! I'd give up everything for you!" he said heatedly.

"What?" she asked with confusion.

"I said I'm in love with you. Are you deaf as well as drunk? I love you. And yeah, I haven't proposed, but for fuck's sake, give me time. We're just starting. Stop planning the break up before we even get a proper go at it. You're acting like a lunatic," he informed her.

"You love me? You're not just having a good time until some other girl comes along?"

"Do you really think that of me? Of course I fucking love you. I've loved you almost from the moment we first saw each other again. You got inside me. You invaded me. You broke down every defense I had. I should hate you, but I love you instead. Open your eyes. Get a clue. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"You're such a dick. But damn it, I love you too. I tired not to. I didn't want to. But you invaded me too. You just snuck in and took over. You made me wish for something better than I'd given myself. How'd you do it?" she asked tearfully.

"I'm magic, remember? Just like you. Now stop crying and smile. You're ruining your eye makeup. People will jump to conclusions and assume I've treated you badly when I haven't. So pull yourself together, woman. This is a fucking wedding not a funeral. No more tears," he said sternly.

She laughed slightly and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm not thinking right. I've had a bit to drink."

"I know. But you need more. And you need to be happy. Stop disasterizing our relationship before it even begins. I deserve that much, don't I?"

"Yes. I'm not giving you any credit at all," she admitted.

"Yeah and that sucks. I came to this sodding wedding for you, remember? Would I do that for just anyone?"

"No."

"Right. So pull it together and drink and let's just fucking eat and dance and be merry. What do you say?" he asked, holding out his hand to her.

She took it and he pulled her into a lingering kiss.

"I love you," he whispered to her softly, kissing her neck gently.

"I love you too," she whispered back, holding him tightly.

They finally pulled apart and got themselves together and went back to the festivities. They kept mostly to themselves, but that was okay. When the sappy love songs played, they danced slowly, holding each other tight. Hermione didn't know what the future really held, but she had hope again. Maybe one day, they'd be dancing at their own wedding? Stranger things have happened.

**To be continued…Please leave a review! I know people are reading but hardly anyone has commented. Do you like this story? Please let me know. Thanks for following along.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, and Simple Plan.**

_Hey dad look at me  
>Think back and talk to me<br>Did I grow up according to plan?  
>And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?<br>But it hurts when you disapprove all along_

_I try not to think  
>About the pain I feel inside<br>Did you know you used to be my hero?  
>All the days you spent with me<br>Now seem so far away_

It had been a week since the wedding and things were running smoothly between Draco and Hermione. They both had lost some of the insecurities they had about their relationship. He had been worried that wasn't good enough for her, and she had worried that she didn't mean as much to him as he meant to her. But with his declaration of love, it seemed to set everything straight. It was still a bit scary though. Especially for Draco. He'd never given his heart to anyone before and now she held it in her hands. It was vulnerable position to put himself in and he hoped that he wasn't being a fool. She worried that she wasn't the long haul girl, but he worried more that he wouldn't be her long haul guy. After all, on paper, they were completely mismatched and all wrong for each other. But somehow that didn't really matter when they were together. Their feelings didn't match the stupid paper and they both felt happier in each others arms than they'd ever felt in anyone else's arms. Maybe no one would ever understand, but understanding wasn't necessary to happiness.

They lay in bed together, cuddled up, after a particularly enjoyable encounter. They were both breathless and just relishing the feel of each others bodies pressed against one another.

"Hmm, it never ceases to amaze me how you always know exactly how to push my buttons in all the right ways," Hermione purred as she kissed him softly.

"Really? I guess I just know what you like," he smiled at her.

"Definitely. It's like you read my mind. You're not reading my mind are you?" she wondered curiously.

He laughed. "No, I'm not. I'm afraid I'm not very good at Legilimency. Are you?"

"No. To be honest I've never really delved too deeply into it. I don't wish to know what everyone is thinking. And I'd hate for anyone to see inside my mind."

"Why? Is it really so scary in there?" he asked.

She shrugged slightly. "Depends on who's doing the looking. You might not be scared, but some other people might run screaming from me."

"I highly doubt that. You're simply human. We all have dark thoughts occasionally," he assured her.

She looked into his eyes. "I have them less now. Now that I'm with you, it's not as dark as it once was."

He smoothed the hair out of her face. "I'm glad. Looks like I'm capable of good deeds occasionally, even when I don't try."

"I think you're capable of a lot, if you really set your mind to it. You're not as irredeemable as you imagine you are," she said seriously.

"Really? Tell that to your friends. I could probably rescue a litter of kittens and a bunch of starving orphans from a raging fire, and they'd still think I was an asshole," he lamented with a sigh.

"Don't mind them. They just aren't very open minded, that's all.

"Eh, it doesn't really matter I guess. It's not like I need their approval," he shrugged.

"No, you don't. And neither do I. They might not understand me, but they still haven't written me off at least. We didn't get thrown out of the wedding," she reminded him.

"True. I don't know. I guess I'm just a bit preoccupied at the moment about seeking approval where I know I won't ever get it," he admitted to her.

"Why?"

"My birthday is in three days."

"What? It is? How come you never told me?" she admonished him with a playful slap to the chest.

"Because it's not a big deal really. I'm just turning twenty three. Not a milestone by any means. Plus, you never asked me when my birthday was," he said giving her a slightly disapproving glare.

"I'm sorry, I never thought about it. I should have asked," she said apologetically. "Now I barely have time to buy you a gift."

"I don't need a gift. I already have everything a man could want."

"Why do you seem so down about the birthday? Why does this make you think about seeking approval?" she wondered confusedly.

"Because my mum expects me to visit on my birthday. It's sort of a requirement. After all, she's the one who gave birth to me. I can't say no," he explained.

"Oh. Of course. I'm sure your parents would wish to see you on your special day."

"Yeah, but I don't want to go this time. Things are different. I'm not sure I wish to go alone," he admitted.

"You aren't suggesting I come with you, are you? Because that's a horrible idea," she said shaking her head.

"I know it is. But it was a horrible idea for me to go to that blasted wedding too. But I did it. Your side of the coin knows all about us and no one from my world knows a thing. I've not told a single friend or my parents. I'm still in the closet like some sort of gay person," he sighed.

"Well being in the closet isn't so bad sometimes. Is it?"

"Yes it is. Who wants to live in a bloody closet? Ask your buddy Potter how he enjoyed his cupboard under the stairs for ten years."

"I didn't even know you knew about that."

"Harry's life is well documented. He's famous. But that's not the bloody point. The point is, shouldn't I tell someone the truth?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe you should try a friend first. Someone less likely to actually kill you," she suggested.

"My father won't kill me. Not literally anyway."

"But he's going to have a conniption. I'm not just a mudblood to him, I'm one of the people who got him arrested before. I'm one of the people who brought down his idol. He's going to freak out," she told him seriously.

"First off, Voldemort was no longer an idol of my father's once you helped take him down. He was just as relieved as everyone else that he was gone. Trust me," Draco told her.

"Still. Do you expect your parents to accept me?"

"No, but what shall I do? Never tell them? Are we to someday get married and have children and not tell them? Shall I just shove the children in a cupboard when they visit and pretend I'm still a bachelor forever? Eventually they have to find out. There's no getting around it."

"Well that's a long way off. You don't have to tell them now," she insisted.

"Why not? Are you too chicken to face them? I thought you had more stones than that," he goaded her.

"I'm not chicken! It's not me they'll disown, it's you. I'm thinking of you, not me."

"If I ask you to come, will you?" he inquired softly.

She thought on it for a moment and then nodded her head. "Yes. If that's what you want. God knows you subjected yourself to my judgmental friends. It's the least I can do."

"Then I want you to come."

She took a deep breath and let it out. "Alright. If you're certain."

"I am. I have to know what will happen. I can't just keep hiding from them forever."

Draco knew his parents already didn't approve of his choices that he'd made. When he moved out and into the city, they'd been horribly disappointed in him. He was supposed to stand at his father's side and help run the family empire. But instead he ran off and did whatever struck his fancy. He expected then to be cut off, but his mother wouldn't allow it. She told his father to let Draco have some freedom and assumed he'd eventually come back and fall in line and do his family duty. But that was never going to happen. And they had to understand that. He'd made choices in his life that went against everything he was ever taught or forced to believe in. And he wouldn't apologize for it. His parents views were archaic. As a child he wasn't taught to think for himself, he was simply instructed how to behave and told what to believe. But he was a grown man now and he'd lived life away from all of that negative influence and he wasn't the same anymore. He never would be. And he needed to know if his parents would accept that or not. He was not going through a phase or simply having careless fun before his real life started. This was his real life. He chose it. And he had no regrets. How could he regret something that made him so happy for the first time in his life? He couldn't. They'd just have to deal with it or else let him go forever. He was not keen to lose his trust fund, yet he'd rather be poor than live a life he didn't choose for himself. That was a lesson he learned by being on his own. That he'd rather live honestly and true to himself than try to live up to anyone's expectations. Perhaps his life wasn't exactly righteous or full of meaning, but it was his own. And he vowed to himself that he'd rather be dead than live by someone else's rules.

When the day of Draco's birthday arrived, Hermione was incredibly nervous. But she had gotten him a small gift, whether he wanted one or not. She wasn't sure how he'd like it, but she handed it over to him as they sat on the couch waiting to leave for his parents and the disaster that likely awaited them.

"Here you go," she said rather awkwardly, handing over the small box.

"What is this? I said no gifts," he admonished her with a small smile.

"So sue me. In my world, it's polite to give birthday gifts. Besides it's nothing special. You'll likely think it's stupid and hate it," she rambled, playing with her hair.

"I won't hate it. It's just, I already have everything. You should have saved your money."

"You don't have anything that came from me, now do you? So just open it and stop being all noble. I'm hardly broke. And sorry to burst your bubble but this didn't cost me very much anyway," she shrugged.

"So it's just some cheap piece of crap eh?" he chuckled slightly.

"Oh shut up. I didn't get it out of gumball machine, but I didn't break the bank. It's just a trinket. Open it, will you!"

"Alright, alright." He ripped open the paper and opened the box. Inside was a necklace with a small pewter dragon dangling from it. He held it up.

"Do you like it? It's a dragon. You know, Draco? Dragon? Is it too hokey?" she wondered.

"No, I love it. I don't own a necklace. It's rather manly and interesting. I think it's great. Thank you," he told her, as he kissed her nicely.

"You're incredibly hard to shop for. I had no idea what to get. But this struck my fancy," she explained.

"Well it's great," he said as he pulled it over his head and put it on. "How does it look?"

"Perfect. Just think of me when you wear it. You're my dragon," she whispered as she kissed him again.

"Hmm, I like being your anything. Perhaps we should skip dinner and drinks with my folks and just stay here and get drunk and naked?" he suggested, playfully nibbling her ear.

"No, stop. We can't. They're expecting us. Or at least expecting you. Did you tell them about me at all?" she fretted as she pushed him back.

He sighed. "I told them I was bringing a guest. I didn't tell them it was you. Why scare them off before we actually get there? They're less likely to throw us out than they are to simply tell us not to come at all," he reasoned.

"I'm scared, Draco. They're gonna be so cross and just simply detest me. This is a horrible plan."

"Remember, I went to the Weasel's fucking wedding where every guest there wanted to murder me. You can handle this. They're just two old people," he explained.

"Old people? They're hardly old. And they're certainly not incapable of murder. I've seen them both fight."

"Love, I swear they won't fight you. And if they should try, well you've seen me fight too. I will defend the both of us. I'm not daft. If we have to fucking run away we'll do it. But it won't come to that."

He hugged her tightly and then pulled her up to stand with him. "Just trust me. Now let's go, okay?"

She nodded her head and they both apparated out of her apartment and onto the grounds of Malfoy Manor. The place never failed to look eerie and foreboding, even when nothing was actually happening there. Draco grew up there, but he didn't miss living there. Not one single bit. This place stood for his oppression and the outside world was his freedom. This didn't feel like coming home, it felt like visiting a prison. But thankfully it wasn't a prison to him any longer.

"I'd forgotten how big it was, " Draco muttered as they stood at the gates and just stared at it.

"Is it still creepy inside?" Hermione wondered.

"Well it's less creepy without the Death Eaters and the innocent hostages locked in our cellar," he said dryly.

"Right. Yeah, I guess that's a good thing."

"Come on, let's go." He took her hand and pulled them along towards the front door. They walked slowly and once they reached the door, it swung open without anyone even attending it. That startled Hermione and she looked for a house elf or someone else at the door. "The door senses when someone welcome has arrived. It's a little charm my father put on the door."

"Oh. Well then it didn't detect me then did it?" she laughed slightly.

"No, just me. And it can sense whether I'm under duress, so if you were a kidnapper or something, it wouldn't open and an alarm would go off."

"Very interesting. And advanced. But what else would I expect right?"

He just smiled and pulled her inside and they walked into a large empty foyer. The place was beautiful, Hermione had to admit. But it was like entering a museum and not a home.

"Mother? It's me!" Draco called out.

It took a moment, but Narcissa rushed out from another room to greet her son. She ran up and hugged him tightly.

"Oh happy birthday, Draco! I'm so pleased you came," she told him happily, as Hermione just watched awkwardly. They pulled out of their hug and Narcissa saw Hermione standing there. "Hello. Have we met? You look very familiar."

"Mum, this is Hermione. She's the one I wanted you to meet properly," Draco introduced them.

"Hermione? Hermione Granger?" Narcissa was taken aback.

"Yes, the one and only," Hermione smiled despite her nerves.

"Oh. Well, this is a surprise. I didn't realize you and my son hung out in the same circles."

"We didn't. At least not before. But things change," Hermione explained.

"Yes, apparently they do. Draco, this is the girl you wished for me to meet?" Narcissa asked with confusion.

"Yes, Mum. She's a great girl," Draco explained.

"But I rather thought you were bringing by someone serious. I even told your father that perhaps you'd finally decided to settle down. You know how much he wishes for you to get over your silly exploits and start a proper life," Narcissa told him.

"Mother she is serious to me. Did you think I just picked her off the street and made her come along?" Draco told her.

"Serious? But Draco, she's not one of us," his mother whispered to him, but not out of Hermione's earshot.

"One of us? Do you mean an insufferable snob? Then no, she's not one of us. But she is a witch. A damn fine one, at that. And I do believe she helped kick our asses in the war. Without her help, we'd still have Voldemort sleeping in our guest room right now," Draco said with much irritation.

"No need to get snippy. I was simply pointing out that her parents are Muggles. It's not a secret," Narcissa sighed.

"Did I say it was a secret? No. Now do you want us to leave, or shall we find Father?" Draco asked.

Narcissa looked highly uncomfortable, but she forced a smile. "Sure. Let's go into the sitting room. I believe he's enjoying a brandy right now."

She led the way and Hermione looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her whole so she could disappear.

"It'll be alright," Draco assured her quietly.

"Your mum hates me already."

"No, she's just in shock. Give her a moment."

They walked into the sitting room and found Lucius sitting in a large arm chair with a drink in one hand and his cane in the other. He looked polished and perfect and nothing at all like the broken, unshaven man Hermione had last seen years ago. He looked back to his normal intimidating self and he made no polite motion to rise when they entered. In fact, he didn't even look at them and merely took a sip of his drink and said, "Draco," in a soft but commanding voice.

"Father. You look well."

Lucius finally looked up and took in his son's appearance. "You look tired. Have you been off gallivanting around the city as per usual?"

"No, I've actually been staying home a lot more."

"Good. Who's this with you? She looks familiar. Is she the Forrester's daughter?" Lucius wondered.

"No, she's not. She's Hermione Granger," Draco informed him.

Lucius looked at the both of them and then he just started laughing to himself. He shook his head and laughed some more and then he downed the rest of his drink wordlessly, then held it up for his wife to refill. She took the glass and filled it and handed it back to him. He said nothing and simply stared into his drink.

"Has he gone mad? Why is he laughing?" Hermione whispered to Draco.

"I don't know," Draco admitted, feeling just as confused as her.

Finally Lucius spoke. "The _Granger girl_? Oh how lovely. My son and the mudblood he told me he detested for what six years? Do you realize how many times I had to listen to him complain about you? It was worse than his obsession with Potter. I should have realized it then," Lucius said, shaking his head and drinking some more.

"What are you talking about, Father? How drunk are you?" Draco asked him curiously.

"Not drunk enough for this. You brought _this_ girl to our home, Draco? Have you lost it? I should have realized you spoke of her with such hatred that it could only mean one thing. But I figured you had more sense than to _fall_ for the girl. Have you gone completely mad?"

"I'm not mad. And what do you mean that my hatred could mean only one thing?" Draco asked him.

"Boy, a man doesn't obsess that much over a person they claim to hate unless they're actually _obsessed _with them. I only hoped you'd never show up at my door with Potter on your arm. Your grandfather would have rose from the dead and murdered you before I could even get a chance."

"Lucius, I think you've had enough brandy," Narcissa said, attempting to take the glass from him, but he yanked it away.

"Leave my drink alone. I'll say when I've had enough, Cissy. You must realize how ludicrous this picture is. The boy thinks he's in love with a mudblood. No, Draco, it's not love. It's obsession. Grow up and grow out of it. Don't stand there and wait for my approval because you won't get it," Lucius told him seriously.

"_Obsession_? Is that what you think this is? You're ridiculous. I know the bloody difference between obsession and love. And I love her. I don't need your bloody approval. And by they way, my birthday has been fantastic. Thanks for asking or have you forgotten that's why I was here," Draco shot back at him angrily.

"Oh I'm sorry. Your birthday. Happy birthday, Draco. I wasn't aware it mattered if I remembered or not since you don't seem to need or want anything from me," Lucius told him.

"Look, I'm not here for your approval nor do I give a damn if you care it's my birthday. Mum asked me to come, so I did. She also told me to bring someone, should I wish to. So I did. But if you can't be civil or respectful, then we're leaving," Draco informed him.

"But Draco, I have gifts for you," his mother chimed in.

"I don't want them. Not if he had anything to do with them," Draco said, giving his father a glare.

"I rather think you're too old for gifts, myself. Lord knows, you've got enough money to buy whatever you wish. But your mother feels birthday's are still special. So take the gifts. I had nothing to do with them," Lucius informed him haughtily.

"Maybe I should just leave?" Hermione piped up, feeling highly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"No, if you go, I go," Draco told her seriously.

"Alright, enough! This is a happy occasion! Twenty three years ago I gave birth to my shining star. The one good thing I've ever done in this life. And I want some peace and celebration, not fighting! Does everyone understand me?" Narcissa shouted as she stomped her foot and glared at everyone in the room.

"Cissy, how are we to celebrate when our son has no respect for us or our values? He brings home_ this_ girl and dares us to react. I was simply reacting. Did you expect me to embrace her and welcome her to the family? She's a mudblood! Draco knew this would upset both of us and he did it to get a reaction. It's part of his so-called rebellion. Mingling with Muggles, living with them. Debasing the family name. It's disgraceful!" Lucius shouted.

"Listen to me you old windbag, this is still our son! Our flesh and blood! The one whom I would have died to protect. I don't care if he runs off and joins a bloody Muggle circus if he wishes to. He's still my son! And he's yours too. So wake up and get over yourself before he decides to shut us out altogether. He barely visits and when he does, he gets nothing but grief from you. Who do you think he's rebelling against? It's you! Not me. It's _you_," Narcissa said angrily.

"How dare you speak to me in that way! What has gotten into you? You would actually speak to me in such a way and blame me for our son's bad decisions? How dare you!"

"What are you going to do about it, Lucius? Will you throw me out too? Am I not a proper wife just because I won't be a doormat?" she challenged him.

"Both of you stop! This is my bloody birthday! I didn't come here to fight. Nor did I come here to upset anyone. This is just who I am now. And this is the girl I love. If you can accept that, then fine. But if not, then I will walk out and I won't come back. I spent my whole life listening to you, Father. Doing everything you asked of me. But I'm a grown man now. I make my own choices. And they're not made from spite. Obviously Father thinks more highly of his own opinions than I do because I didn't bring Hermione here to get a rise out of him or to rebel. She's simply part of my life now. And I thought you two would do well to meet her properly. But if we're not welcomed, then we'll go," Draco told both of his parents.

"Of course she's welcome here, Draco. I'm sorry if I was rude earlier. I was simply surprised. To be quite honest, I never imagined Hermione here would want anything to do with the likes of us," Narcissa admitted quietly.

"_The likes of us_? What's wrong with us?" Lucius wondered with irritation.

"As if you don't know. Lucius, we were war criminals. We harbored Lord Voldemort in our bloody home. Don't act so innocent," Narcissa reminded him.

"We _are_ innocent, as I believe Ms. Granger can attest to," Lucius reminded her.

"Look, I'm in love with a wonderful girl who treats me like a king. I don't care if her parents were bloody aliens from another planet. She's still a witch, which makes her one of us. And anyone who doesn't agree with that needs to either shut up and accept it, or risk me walking away. That's all there is to it," Draco shrugged.

"So nothing I taught you as a child matters anymore? You deem a mudblood worthy of your affections?" Lucius asked with confusion.

"Can you please stop using that word? It's insulting. She's a witch. And if I set her loose on your stuffy boring old ass, she'd probably wipe the floor with you," Draco informed him.

"Um, I hardly think I'm good enough for that, Draco. Let's not suggest this as an option please. I'm not fighting your father," Hermione chimed in, tugging on his sleeve.

"At least the girl knows her limitations," Lucius said somewhat smugly. "But I'm not fighting anyone. The last thing I need is to explain how the Granger girl ended up dead in my house. I'd probably not wiggle my way out of that one so easily."

"As if you'd kill her. You'd never dare. You're just saying that because you're angry with me," Draco told him.

Lucius sighed. "Fine, I'm not going to _kill_ her. But I _should_ kill _you_. You bloody well deserve something for the hell you've put upon me."

"The hell I put upon _you_? Are you very high? What about the hell you put upon _me_ my entire life? Haven't you beaten me down enough? Or is the fact that I'm still standing and have a mind of my own such a disappointment?" Draco demanded.

"I raised you the way I was raised. I taught you to behave in a proper manner. To uphold our beliefs and everything we stood for. And you ran off and thumbed your nose at us. You've not been part of this family for years and yet you expect me to continue to support you financially. Don't you think we worry for you all the time? Do you ever give your parents a second thought when you're out there doing God knows what, with God knows who?"

"Honestly, not really. I tried to live the life you set forth for me, but I was miserable in it. The last thing you asked me to do almost got me killed and thrown in prison. So forgive me for not considering your feelings enough as I live my life. You two were stifling me to death with your rules and obligations. I don't want to be what you want me to be. And if you don't wish to give me the trust fund that is rightly mine, then so be it. I'll find another means to live. But I'd really like it if I could just be me and have that be enough for you," Draco informed him.

Lucius was quiet for a bit as he just sipped his drink and swirled it around the glass.

"You really felt we stifled you?" he asked finally.

"Very much so."

"It's true that the last thing I told you to do almost got all of us killed or put in prison, I'll grant you that. I made a grievous error. But at the time I thought it was the only choice."

"Yeah, maybe it seemed like it. Maybe it was? I don't know. I just know it was the wrong choice."

"Yes, it was. I think we can all agree there. But I'm not asking you to practice the Dark Arts or become the next Voldemort. Not even remotely. I simply wish you to live like a proper Malfoy. Is that so much to ask?" Lucius wondered.

"What is a proper Malfoy? All my life, you_ did_ practice the Dark Arts and you remained a faithful servant to a serial killer. Plus you were an elitist snob. Is that a proper Malfoy? Tell me, because I want to know."

"I don't know," Lucius admitted quietly.

"I think what your father wants is for you to marry a girl of your breeding. I'm not up to par. And Draco, we both knew that walking in here tonight. It's not you who's unwelcome, it's me," Hermione told Draco softly.

"That's nonsense," Narcissa chimed in. "Perhaps you threw us off, but you're not unwelcome. And frankly, I think arranged marriages are a bit archaic these days. And _breeding_ shouldn't matter unless you're raising dogs or thoroughbreds. We're all simply people here, right Lucius? Be thankful Draco brought home a witch and not an actual Muggle. Can you even imagine? Now that would be a disaster," Narcissa implored her husband.

"That would have given me a massive heart attack. An actual Muggle? Lord help us. Please tell me you never considered such a thing," Lucius asked Draco.

Draco sighed. "No, I never considered bringing home a Muggle. But if I did, I'd expect you to like her."

"Please. My generosity can only stretch so far. I suppose I can support this dalliance with Ms. Granger."

"It's not a dalliance. It's important," Draco insisted.

"Fine. I shall say no more," Lucius threw up his hands. "Cissy, is dinner ready? Because if not, I need another drink."

"I'll refill your glass, then I'll go to the kitchen and check." Narcissa filled his glass and walked out of the room and suddenly it became even more uncomfortable than before.

"Perhaps I should go check on your Mum?" Hermione offered after a few moments.

"I'm sure she's fine," Draco insisted, not wanting to be left alone with his father.

"Right. Besides I'd probably get lost trying to find her," Hermione muttered.

"Was it always this uncomfortable for us to share space together, without your mother as a buffer?" Lucius wondered curiously.

"Honestly? Yes." Draco admitted.

"That's a pity. I do recall days when you used to look up to me," Lucius sighed.

"I did. Once upon a time. But things change."

"Ms. Granger…"

"Please, it's just Hermione."

"Alright, Hermione. Do you think I'm an awful parent? Do speak freely. I'm curious."

"Um, I don't even know you sir, so I have no idea," she admitted.

"Does Draco never speak of me?"

"Not really."

"Ah, well, then I guess you wouldn't know, then would you?" he sighed. "What of your parents? What are they again? Doctors?"

"No, dentists. Sort of like doctors, but for teeth. But they're no longer in the picture, I'm afraid," she explained.

"Oh? Did they die?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"That's a pity. I still think family is important."

"I do too. But unfortunately we don't all have one."

"Draco does. Do you think he should shun us?" Lucius inquired.

"It's not my business. I certainly never asked him to. That was his choice."

"Father, please stop interrogating her," Draco told him.

"I'm not. I'm simply asking questions," he told Draco. Then he turned back to Hermione. "Am I man you'd allow into your children's lives one day?"

"My children?" Hermione choked out.

"Father, we're not having children right now. We're just dating. Don't give her a panic attack," Draco admonished him.

"I just want to know if she's going to keep my grandchildren from me."

"No, I wouldn't do that. I mean, it's not my choice. It's Draco's. If there are ever to be children, it's his decision, not mine," Hermione explained.

"Would you accept my children if she was their mother?" Draco inquired curiously.

Lucius sighed. "What choice would I have? You've made yourself clear. It's either your way, or no way. And since you aren't a child any longer I can hardly bend you over my knee and spank sense into your head. And seeing as how you're still sitting in my lounge with me, I've not disowned you. So what else is there left to do but accept?"

"Well thank you. I expected much more of a fight. I honestly thought you'd toss me out," Draco admitted.

"I still can. But your mother would throttle me. And honestly the woman deserves a medal for putting up with me all these years. But do you think she'd pick me over you? You're her little boy, no matter how grown you are. I don't stand a chance. You've seen her angry. I'm too old now for battles. I just want to grow old in peace and perhaps have my son be a part of my life once in awhile. You know how much your mum looks forward to your visits and usually I ruin them and then it's months before you come back. I thought perhaps this time I'd shut my mouth sooner before you disappeared and didn't come back this time," Lucius explained staring into his drink.

"You actually sound sincere. Are you feeling ill?" Draco wondered.

"No, I'm simply tired of fighting you."

Narcissa walked in and was pleased that the place was still standing and no one had run off and left. She smiled.

"Dinner is served. It's your favorite, Draco. Rack of lamb," she told him.

"Sounds delicious," Draco smiled and took Hermione's hand and led her toward the dining room. Draco's parents stayed behind for a few moments.

"Were you horrible to them?" Narcissa asked somewhat stiffly to her husband.

"No, I was not. I give up, Cissy. I've tried and I simply give up. Happy now? Draco has inherited your stubbornness and derision for rules."

"I seem to recall those traits being part of the reason you fell in love with me, all those years ago," she smirked at him.

"Yes, yes. It was. Do you remember the things we did that my father would have murdered me for if he knew?" Lucius wondered with a nostalgic smile.

"I never forget anything. I rather thought it was you who'd forgotten what it was like to be young and stupid," she sighed.

"No, I never forgot. It was my mistake believing I'd have more control over my son than my father did over me. I was a fool."

"Yes, you were. Be glad she's pretty. And she is a very good witch."

"I know. I fought her once. She holds up. Pity we were fighting on opposite sides, but you can't have everything."

"Just be nice and enjoy the meal. And stop being a liar. You picked out those gifts just as much as I did. Make sure Draco knows that."

Lucius sighed. "Fine. But he may not want them if he knows."

"He will. He's still here isn't he? Now let's go celebrate his birthday." She took his hand and pulled him with her to the dining room.

They sat through dinner and it was pleasant, if somewhat quiet at first. But Draco's mother passed around the wine and everyone loosened up a bit eventually.

"Do you cook for Draco?" Narcissa asked Hermione curiously.

"Um, sometimes. We eat out a lot," she admitted.

"How long have you two been an item?" Narcissa wondered.

"Not too long. We sort of casually saw each other at first, but then it became more serious. I actually attended a Weasley wedding with her. Can you imagine?" Draco laughed slightly.

"A Weasley wedding? That must have been dreadful. Why on earth would you go there?" his father asked with some slight horror.

"Because she asked me to go. You should have seen everyone's faces. I was not anyone's favorite guest. But I managed to survive it," Draco shrugged.

"Who got married?" Narcissa asked.

"Oh, my ex, Ron," Hermione informed her.

"Oh dear, your _ex_? No wonder you took Draco. I bet that got under his skin."

"That's not why I took him. But yeah, it sort of made a few waves."

"Well he was daft to let you go. But then again the Weasley's aren't known for their intellect," Narcissa said offhandedly.

"Mother, be nice," Draco reminded her.

"Sorry. I thought we could insult them. She's no longer with the boy. Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters. She's clearly still friendly with them or we wouldn't have gone to the wedding."

"It's fine. I'm not offended. They had some choice words for you lot as well," Hermione shrugged as she took a bite of her dinner.

"Really? Well I can imagine. No love lost there," Lucius said with a wave of his hand. "Now if Draco had brought home a Weasley, Cissy and I would be dining alone this evening."

"You'd rather me bring home Hermione than a Weasley? They're pureblood," Draco reminded his father.

"Blood traitors, more like it. And they're just simply beneath you, Draco. Plus do you want five hundred ginger children running around? And can you even imagine us being in laws with those awful people? No thank you. I'd rather stick my head in a dragon's mouth. So Hermione, do tell us, what was it like to grow up as a Muggle? Was it dreadful?"

"Dreadful? No. I didn't know any better. At least not until I got my Hogwarts letter," she explained awkwardly.

"But still, living as a Muggle. How completely mundane. Did you know you were different?" Lucius inquired.

"Uh, sort of. I could do things. Weird things. I thought I might be insane. My parents took me to a shrink once," she admitted.

"A _shrink_? What on earth is that? They shrink you? How do they do that without magic?" Narcissa wondered as she gulped down her wine.

"No, they don't actually shrink you. It's a figure of speech. It was psychiatrist."

"A what? A crazy person doctor?" Narcissa was aghast.

"Yes. But I wasn't crazy. Obviously. But when I told my parents the things I did they thought I was making up stories and needed help or more attention. It was embarrassing really."

"I imagine it would be horrendous to have your own parents think you mad and force you to see a crazy person doctor," Lucius agreed. "That's why Muggles are so wretched. They can't grasp anything that isn't explained by science or the like. It's probably a blessing your parents are no longer with you."

"Father! That's a horrible thing to say," Draco scolded him.

"What? They thought she was mad. What good would they be?"

"They didn't think she was crazy after they understood everything," Draco explained.

"Well, I'm sorry they're gone. But Muggles do get themselves into trouble easily. How did they die?" Lucius wondered.

"They didn't exactly die. I obliviated them. It's a long story. But they don't know who I am. So really it was me who got them in trouble. They had no idea," Hermione explained softly.

"Oh. Obliviated them? Did you really wish to be free of them that badly? Last I heard a grown woman could simply just go her own way," Narcissa said feeling uncomfortable.

"As I said, it's complicated. Can I have more wine?" she asked, holding up her glass.

Narcissa refilled it and then there was uncomfortable silence for far too long.

"Well, obvliated is better than dead, I suppose. At least now I don't have to meet them," Lucius said as he took a hearty sip of wine.

"Yes, well I'm sure that would have been a lovely moment for the scrapbooks," Hermione said with annoyance as she glared at Draco's father.

"Father must you be so insensitive? My God, and you call yourself a gentlemen?"

"I'm simply speaking a truth. It would have been bizarre to say the least to meet a bunch of Muggle tooth healers. What on earth would I say to them? Shall I show them my teeth? Is that how Muggles greet one another in their line of work?"

Draco just sighed and held his head in his hands. He shook his head.

"My God, you must hate my parents so much," Draco whispered to Hermione with embarrassment.

"It's fine. People don't change overnight. Plus I think they're both drunk. I know your father is," she whispered back.

"This is humiliating," Draco lamented with a sigh.

"What are you whispering about over there?" Lucius asked curiously.

"Nothing," Draco informed him.

"Don't be making secret plans to run off yet. We've not had the cake or presents yet," his mother reminded them both.

"I can hardly wait."

"Well let's get this mess cleared away and we'll get on with it," his mother said calling over a house elf to clean up the table.

The cake was brought out, as were the gifts and Draco hid his face as his mother sung Happy Birthday to him, with Hermione chiming in. There was a time when he relished this sort of attention, but not any longer. He felt foolish. But he let them do it and clapped when they finished. Lucius just sat back and observed and didn't really say anything. Draco opened his gifts and most of them were clothing or magical knick knacks that he could put on a shelf or something. But there was one gift that was in a large package and was very heavy.

"You don't have to open that one. It's from me," Lucius admitted before Draco unwrapped it.

"I thought you said I was too old for gifts?"

"Yes, well, I lied. But if you don't want it, just leave it on the table."

"What is it?"

"Open it and see."

Draco peeled away the wrapping and opened the box and found a sword inside with the family crest on it. It was gorgeous and extremely old and valuable.

"It's amazing, Father. This used to hang in the library. You're giving it to me?" Draco asked with confusion.

"I thought you might enjoy it. Not that I expect you to be sword fighting out in Muggle London, but it's a beautiful antique. Its been in the family for generations. I thought perhaps you'd want it," Lucius explained.

"I do. I love it. When I was a kid I'd ask you to take it down and let me stab things with it and you always yelled at me and wouldn't let me touch it," Draco laughed slightly.

"I wasn't going to hand over a sword to a child. And you better not stab anyone with it. Not unless they really deserve it. But it's more of a treasure than a useful item. Keep it safe," his father smiled at him.

"I will. Thank you, Father. This means a lot to me," Draco said sincerely.

"Well, you should have it. You're old enough now to appreciate it."

Draco just nodded his head and didn't know what else to say. It was clear his father had put a lot of thought into the gift. Draco had not expected such a thing. Especially since they'd been so estranged for so long. If he was looking for a sign of a peace offering, this was probably as good as it got. That and the fact that he hadn't thrown him out when Hermione showed up on his arm.

After some more small talk, it was deemed that Draco and Hermione were ready to leave. His parents showed them out and his mother hugged and kissed Draco.

"Don't be a stranger! Come back soon. Not months from now. And bring your lovely girl," she smiled at Draco.

"I will. Thanks for a great birthday, Mum. And thanks for the gift, Father," Draco said as he held out his hand for his father to shake. He shook it and patted him on the back.

"Do as your mother says. Come back soon. And if that sword gets stolen from your filthy Muggle flat I will murder you with my bare hands. Put up security charms, if you've not already," his father told him.

"I will, I promise. No one's gonna steal it. And I promise not to roam the Muggle streets waving it around stabbing things."

"Good man. Now off you two go. The night is still somewhat young. Go do whatever it is young people do these days."

"Thanks for everything. Both of you. It's been a pretty good birthday," Draco admitted.

"Yes, it was lovely. Thanks for welcoming me to your home," Hermione smiled at them both.

They all just nodded and the two of them took off and apparated away from the Manor and landed in Hermione's flat.

"Now that was a weird night," Draco admitted as he put down his presents and sat on the couch.

"It was weird. They didn't hate me that much. At least I'm not a Weasley, eh?" she laughed slightly.

"If you were I'd probably question my own judgment," Draco admitted.

She poked him playfully. "Hey now, I happen to like the Weasley's."

"Yeah, well good on you. The Weasley's and my family have a long and colorful history of detesting one another. Let's not try to change that. One truce is another for tonight."

"Were you really obsessed with me?" she wondered curiously.

"What? No. Of course not," Draco scoffed.

"Are you sure? Your father said…"

"I don't care what he said, I wasn't _obsessed_. I was _annoyed_. There's a difference."

"I don't know. You seemed rather obsessive when I first met up with you again. Following me around and such," she said with a playful smirk.

He groaned. "It wasn't obsession. It was just you were there. I don't know why I kept after you."

"Obsession. Kinda cute, in a creepy stalker way."

"Alright, alright. Perhaps I was a bit preoccupied with you. Not obsessed. But in school you were bloody annoying and when I met you again, you were just too fucking hot for me to walk away. What was a man to do?" Draco held up his hands.

"Nothing I guess. You were helpless against me. I never knew I had such wily charms," she grinned.

"Like hell. You know you have them. You know how to use them too. You knew I'd fall in love with you eventually."

"I did not! I had no idea. Not even a slight clue. You were completely weird and moody and I thought you hated me," she explained defensively.

"I did hate you. But then you changed my mind," he shrugged.

"How did I change your mind?"

"By being fucking adorable as hell and looking at me with those big brown eyes and that unruly mop of hair. The night I took you home and cared for you, I was a goner. You were so sad and needy. I was helpless to stop my heart from opening up."

"I wasn't _needy_. I would have been fine without you," she scoffed.

"No you wouldn't have. You needed someone. And I was there. No one else was. Just me. And you gotta admit, you were kind of glad it was me, weren't you?"

"No. Why would I have been glad of that?" she protested.

"Because I was the only person you trusted."

"You got me there," she admitted quietly.

"Hey, the way I see it, some things are just meant to be. We don't ask for it. We sure as hell don't see it coming. But it happens anyway. You can resist it, but you're really only fighting with yourself. Just be happy I was there that night. If not…"

"If not, I don't even want to hazard a guess what would have happened to me. I already know. You, Draco Malfoy, are my hero," she smiled at him.

"Hero? Are you as drunk as my parents were?" he laughed.

"No, I'm simply stating a fact. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone about it. I know you have a disaffected image to protect. But inside, you're a closet superhero," she smirked.

"Superhero? Like that man who flies around and wears tights? No thank you. I'd rather be me. A hero has too much responsibility. Isn't that the saying? Being a hero is a great responsibility?"

"No, it's 'with great power, comes great responsibility'. And that was said to Spiderman and not Superman. Two different movies."

"Well either way, I only did what was right that night. Anyone else would have done the same," he shrugged it off.

"I don't know. Maybe. But not just anyone would have taken me home and cared for me and held me all night. That was all you. And that was the sweetest and kindest thing anyone's ever done for me. Probably in a moment when I least deserved it. That was the night I knew I'd fallen for you," she admitted as she smoothed his hair and kissed his cheek.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You saw me at my absolute worst and instead of running, you stayed with me. You didn't lecture me. You didn't get angry. You were just there. And yes, you were the only one I trusted to see me that way."

"Is that because I was important, or because you didn't care what I thought of you?" he wondered curiously.

"It's not because you weren't important, dummy. I just said I was glad it was you. But I don't know. Maybe part of me didn't care what you thought because I wasn't sure I'd see you again."

"Did you really think I'd disappear?"

"Yes."

"Then you're the dummy, not me. You're the first girl I ever actually slept with, like actual sleep, and you thought I took it lightly?" he wondered.

"I dunno. Like I said you were weird and moody. I didn't understand you."

"Do you understand me now?"

"I think so."

"And even after spending an evening with my drunk bigoted snobbish parents, you still wish to be with me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

She leaned over and kissed him. "Even more now because I see what you struggled not to become. But they aren't all bad. That was a very special gift your father gave you."

"It was. He's known for years I've coveted it. But I thought he'd bury it with him rather than give it to me. I have no idea why he did that."

"He loves you. And so does your mum. They may be a bit obnoxious but be thankful you have them. I don't have mine. You're lucky," she admitted.

He pulled her over to him and just held her tightly. "I'm so sorry you miss your family. I wish I could help."

"Don't worry. Perhaps your mum will take a liking to me? That is if you're really going to keep me around."

"Of course. You're stuck with me, princess. A few years ago you would have thought that was utter madness. And now look at us?" he smiled.

"It's still utter madness, but I've come to embrace madness from time to time," she laughed slightly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered back.

And they just held each other tightly on the sofa and no more words were necessary. Draco didn't know where they were heading exactly, but they were heading there together.

**To be continued….Sorry it took awhile for this chapter. I had some real life drama to deal with and I had a plot bunny I explored that crashed and burned, so it took a bit to get this together. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review! And thank you all for following. I'll try and be more timely with the next update.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, and Simple Plan.**

_I can be an asshole of the grandest kind  
>I can withhold like it's going out of style<br>I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone  
>Who is as negative as I am sometimes<em>

_I am the wisest woman you've ever met.  
>I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.<br>I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen  
>And you've never met anyone<br>Who's as positive as I am sometimes._

_You see everything, you see every part  
>You see all my light and you love my dark<br>You dig everything of which I'm ashamed  
>There's not anything to which you can't relate<br>And you're still here_

A few weeks had gone by since Draco's birthday and while Draco had feared the meeting would scare Hermione away, she had handled it all beautifully. She even went so far as to tell Draco she wanted to go back again and perhaps this time, there'd be less turmoil since her presence wasn't a surprise this time. Draco was rather surprised she was willing to overlook their obvious prejudices and poor social manners. Of course they were used to keeping company with people who felt exactly as they did, so in that light, their manners were stellar. But Hermione was not one of their snobbish friends. Yet somehow she was unaffected by their off color comments. She hadn't expected anything different. And she really wanted to be a part of Draco's world, just as much as she wanted him to be a part of hers. The two of them had lived for so long with their lives splintered in half, showing one side to certain people, and another to someone else. It was time to stop living in separate worlds and try and bring it all together somehow.

After the horrid debacle at the nightclub when Hermione drugged herself and almost got herself attacked, she'd vowed never to go back to a place like that. And Draco had stood by that choice. After all, he was no longer interested in trolling for sex partners, and he could drink at home if he really wanted to. They'd both vowed to leave the party life behind them. At least the way they were partying. It wasn't healthy for either of them and now that they had each other, the driving need to go out and find meaningless people was just no longer there. They'd been good for one another. But that didn't mean they were opposed to fun. And in light of trying to bring her worlds together, Hermione actually accepted an invitation from Harry to join him and Ginny at a small bar that the two of them enjoyed a lot. The problem was trying to convince Draco to come with her.

"Oh come on. It'll be fun. There will be drinking involved," she said as she pleaded with him in her living room.

"I'm sorry, but an evening with Potter and the Weaselette sounds dreadful to me. That girl despises me. Did you see the look she shot me at the wedding?" Draco complained.

"I know. But I talked to Harry and he promised he told her to be nice."

"I thought you said he told her to be nice at the wedding. You said they were safe and they weren't," Draco reminded her.

"I know. It was a small glitch in the system. Harry and I had words, believe me. He didn't back me up and he didn't talk to Ginny and he told Ron you were coming. I was furious with him. But we hashed it out and it's all good now," she explained.

"All good now? And you think that because Harry gave his word? You've just told me Harry is a big fat liar who can't be trusted with anything," Draco said with a sigh.

"Harry needed some time to adjust. I overestimated his coolness factor. But like I said, we had words. You know how shrill and irritating I can be when I'm angry. Trust me, he got the message this time," she assured him.

"So if I go to this little bar, you swear that they'll at least attempt to be nice to me? I realize you suffered through a Malfoy evening for me, but I'm not in the mood to be glared at or insulted repeatedly. Besides my favorite show is on the telly tonight," he complained.

"So record your show. I have a DVR. We need to have some fun."

"A DVR? What the hell is that?" he wondered curiously.

"It's this thing," she said pointing to the box under the television cabinet. "This is what records shows."

"I thought that was some sort of fancy clock. It has the time on it."

"It also a TV recorder. Not just a clock. The clock is just a bonus. But forget all that, will you come out with me or not? Because I'm leaving in fifteen minutes, with or without you," she said irritably.

"Alright, fine. I'll go. Now show me how to use this bloody clock machine. I don't want to miss the X-Files."

"The X-Files? Isn't that show in repeats now?"

"I don't know. But I never had a telly when it started showing. It's all new to me. It's brilliant really. I can't believe you refuse to watch it with me," he scoffed.

"I don't believe in aliens from space. It's drivel."

"But it's about more than that. There was some Fluke worm monster and a man who ate people's livers and lived inside a wall covered with bile. It was disgusting. I loved it."

"What the bloody hell is a Fluke worm monster?" she asked shaking her head.

"I don't know, but it was fucking scary. It had this mouth of teeth and it lived in the sewer and ate people. You're really missing a good show."

"It sounds lovely. Like I need more monsters in my nightmares," she muttered as she programmed the recorder for him. "There, you're all set. Now is that what you want to wear, or do we need to go to your place to change?"

"Is this outfit not good?" he asked, looking down at himself and his worn out jeans and ancient Slytherin t-shirt that was completely faded and frayed around the bottom.

"Well it's fine, I guess. But a Slytherin shirt is just asking for Harry and Ginny to make fun of you. Plus, it's in tatters," she pointed out.

"This is my lucky shirt. I've had it since I was sixteen. And what's wrong with Slytherin, eh? Someone I know can't get enough of one of us," he said with a smirk as he pulled her down into his lap and attacked her playfully.

"Stop! You're going to mess up my hair!"

"Do you really want me to change?"

She sighed and laid her head in his lap and looked up at him. "I don't care. Wear whatever you like. Green does look good on you," she smiled.

"Should I put on a jacket?" he wondered as he played with her hair.

"Why? It's warm outside tonight. You shouldn't need a jacket."

"Yeah, but I have this," he said, holding up his arm to show his Dark Mark. "I don't imagine your mates will want to stare at this all evening."

She reached out and touched his arm and caressed it gently. "No need to hide it. They know it's there. You know, I hardly even notice it anymore myself."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's just a scar now. We all have scars we have to bear," she leaned up and kissed him.

"I wish you didn't have yours," he said as he touched the faint scar on her own arm.

"Me too. But hey, Harry has a lightning bolt on his head. At least we can wear long sleeves sometimes," she smiled slightly.

"True. Alright. Let's get this show going. But if this turns into a disaster, don't expect me to trust Potter's so-called word ever again," Draco said as he moved her out of his lap and stood up.

"I won't drag you along again if it's horrible. Promise," she held up her hand.

They took off and headed to the place Harry suggested. It was a Muggle dive but nothing at all like the glitzy night life Hermione and Draco were used to being a part of. This was a hole in the wall and you had to walk down several steps in order to gain entry. Inside the place was crowded and noisy and very smoky. But there were tables everywhere and no dance floor. It was strictly a drinking establishment and most of the patrons were older and not exactly the people they were used to hanging out with.

"This place is rather wretched. Is it senior citizen night? We're the only people here under forty, I think," Draco remarked.

"I don't know. Maybe this isn't the place? I don't see Harry or Ginny." She scanned the crowd for them.

"Wait, you spoke too soon. There they are. Over by the stage area. Harry's waving," Draco said pointing in their direction.

Hermione waved back and took Draco's hand and dragged him along to where her friends were sitting.

"You made it. I wasn't sure you'd find the place. It's kind of a secret little hideaway," Harry said, giving Hermione a quick hug.

"Yes, it is. We thought it was the wrong place," Hermione admitted.

"How'd you find this place, Potter? Scouring the old folks homes for date ideas?" Draco wondered dryly.

"I see your boyfriend is pleasant as ever," Ginny sighed as she rolled her eyes.

"I was simply noting that everyone here is very old, aren't they?" Draco asked.

Harry glanced around and shrugged. "They're not old, per say. Mature maybe. I don't know. I've never noticed before."

"Well I'm sure it's great," Hermione smiled as she sat down and pulled Draco down next to her.

"So Ginny is it?" Draco asked, giving her a once over.

"Yes. We've met, you dumbass."

"Not exactly. I do believe you insulted me and scowled a lot and then I walked away from you."

"Yes, well, same difference. I went to school with you. I know who you are," Ginny reminded him.

"Right. I do seem to recall a little bitty slip of a girl getting in my face once and telling me to leave Potter alone. That was you, wasn't it?" Draco asked with an amused smile.

"Yes, that was me. I didn't think you'd remember that," Ginny admitted.

"You made an impression. You certainly got taller. Potter, does it bother you that your fiancée is so much taller than you?"

"She's not that tall. She just wears heels a lot," Harry sighed.

"Your parents must have been small. I always thought you'd get bigger, Potter. But at least you can grow facial hair now," Draco smiled.

"I'm not that short. And you're not exactly a towering mass yourself. And I just forgot to shave today," Harry said, rubbing his stubbly chin.

"So can we get drinks soon please?" Hermione chimed in, breaking up the conversation as best she could.

"Yes, lets order. Are there waitresses or do I need to go to the bar?" Draco asked.

"They have waitresses, but you can go to the bar. It's quicker," Harry told him.

"The usual, love?" Draco asked Hermione.

"Yes, make it a double please."

Draco nodded and took off to the bar and Hermione looked at her friends. "I said to be nice," she told them.

"What? We were! He called me short!" Harry reminded her.

"He's just nervous. Cut him some slack."

"If I cut that man any more slack I will rip my bloody hair out. I promised we'd be nice, but he's a prat. _You_ make _him_ be nice," Harry said seriously.

"Okay, okay. I'll make him stop insulting you. I don't even think he knows he's doing it. That's just how he talks to everyone," Hermione said with a small frown.

"And yet you _love_ this wanker?" Harry shook his head.

"Yes, I do. You don't understand what we share. It's complicated. You've not seen his amazing and caring side. I swear it exists," Hermione assured them.

Just then, Draco walked up with their drinks and set them down. They both took very large gulps and set the glasses down on the table.

"So, was everyone talking about me while I was gone?" Draco wondered curiously.

"Um, no," Hermione lied.

"Oh come on. I saw everyone clam up the moment I arrived back. Let's hear it. What was said? I'll bet all of you twenty galleons that at least one of you called me a wanker, and it probably wasn't Hermione. Am I right? Do I win?" Draco asked with an amused smirk.

Harry sighed. "Alright yes, I called you that. But I'm not paying you. I didn't agree to the bet."

"Sore loser. Look, I know you two can't stand me and you're only here for Hermione's sake. I respect that. So let's just try and get on okay, shall we?"

"Fine by me," Harry said holding up his hands.

"I didn't call you anything," Ginny remarked, looking away from him.

"Good. So why the hell do you two come to this dive? It's boring," Draco informed them as he took another big gulp of his drink.

"Oh, it gets fun. No one is drunk enough yet. Wait till they turn on the Karaoke machine. You'll piss yourself laughing," Ginny told him with a grin.

"A Karaoke machine? What is that?" Draco wondered.

"It's Muggle thing. People get drunk and sing on stage. They put the lyrics on the screen and you sing along," Ginny explained.

"Sing? And that's fun to listen to?"

"It's hilarious. I've tried to make Harry sing but he refuses. He hasn't got the stones, which is a pity. I find a man who's unafraid to be a fool, quite the turn on," Ginny smirked as she shoved Harry playfully.

"I'm never singing, Ginny. Ever. I'm horrible. Not even horrible, worse than that. You'd need to invent a whole new word to describe my singing," Harry insisted with a laugh.

"I'd pay you a hundred galleons to see you sing, Potter. I'm dead serious," Draco said with a grin.

"I don't need your money."

"How about a thousand galleons?"

"No!"

"Oh my God, Potter. That's almost five thousand pounds! You're that stubborn?"

"Why don't you sing, Malfoy? I'll pay you a hundred galleons and you get your pasty little ass on the stage and sing your heart out," Harry challenged him.

"Oh, oh, I'll put money in too! I put in fifty!" Hermione said enthusiastically.

"Me too. Fifty from me! So that's two hundred. What do you say, Malfoy?" Ginny asked with a smirk.

Draco just shook his head and downed his drink. "Do you lot realize I'm fucking made of money? You expect me to humiliate myself for two hundred galleons? I have that sitting in my couch cushions at home," Draco informed them.

"If you sing, I'll do anything you want later. _Anything_," Hermione said seductively.

"Oh eww. I didn't need to hear that," Harry shook his head and made a face.

"Love, you already do anything I want, as I recall," Draco smirked at her.

"My ears, people! They're bleeding!" Harry informed them as he held his hands over his head.

"Spoil sport. You're passing up money and kinky sexual favors? What kind of man are you?" Ginny sighed.

"I already have money and plenty of sexual favors thrown my way. Sorry, you lot will just have to get your kicks elsewhere," Draco sighed as he got up and went to get another drink.

"Damn it. I wanted to hear the ferret sing. That would have made my entire life worth it," Ginny lamented.

"I tried to sweeten the pot, but I almost gave Harry an aneurysm. Sorry, Harry," Hermione said sheepishly.

"It's alright. I just can't picture you and him together in that way. It's icky."

"Icky?"

"Yes, icky. It's like imagining Professor Snape and McGonagall getting it on over a school desk in the potions room."

"Oh my God! That's revolting! Draco and I are not revolting like that!" Hermione cried.

"Harry, now I'll have nightmares. Thanks a lot!" Ginny punched his arm playfully.

"I'm sorry, it's just what I think of. I can't help it!" Harry defended himself.

"You are terrible. I hope Draco brings me a new drink after that scary image you put in my head," Hermione pouted.

"Ginny don't you think it's icky to think of them?" Harry prodded her for solidarity.

"It's more than icky to think of Snape and McGonagall. She's very old and he's Snape. Yuck!"

"I didn't mean them, I meant Draco and Hermione," Harry explained.

Ginny shrugged and sipped her drink. "I don't care. At least they're both attractive. And not a hundred years old."

"Thank you, Ginny," Hermione said, relieved to have someone on her side.

Draco arrived back at the table and plunked down two more drinks. He looked at everyone's faces and could discern he was likely the topic of conversation yet again. He sat down and took a sip.

"So what was it this time? What did I do to offend?" Draco wondered curiously.

"Nothing. You did nothing. In fact it's Harry who was offensive," Hermione stuck her tongue out at him.

"What did he say?"

"You don't even want to know," Hermione insisted as she took a drink.

"No, tell me. If Potter's being offensive, I'm curious."

"He said thinking of you and Hermione shagging made him think about Snape bending old McGonagall over his potions desk at school," Ginny informed him with a small giggle.

"What? Oh God, you're a filthy pervert, Potter. Snape and McGonagall? Your mind scares me," Draco said with a shudder.

"Yours scares me too," Harry admitted.

"You don't even know my mind. Besides Snape and McGonagall? I rather pictured her with Dumbledore," Draco shrugged.

"Oh yuck. That's even worse," Harry made a face. "Besides, Dumbledore was gay."

Draco almost spit out his drink and looked at Harry and started laughing. "What? Are you serious? Gay? Since when?"

"I don't know. Since forever. He kept it secret obviously. But I found out."

"How? Please do not tell me you caught him in the act with someone. I will vomit," Draco grimaced.

"No, I didn't catch him. But his brother told me. But don't spread it around. It's still not well known," Harry said in hushed tones.

"Well isn't that just interesting. I had no idea. I just thought he was mad as a hatter. I didn't know he was light on his feet as well."

"Draco, be nice. So what if he was gay?" Hermione poked him and gave him a look.

"I'm not being unkind. I didn't say anything," Draco held up his hands.

"You said light on his feet, as if it's a bad thing. That's derogatory," she explained.

"Sorry. Jeez, it was just a comment. I didn't call him a raging homo or anything," Draco sighed.

"Will you shut it? You're digging a hole and I'm not helping you out of it," Hermione glared at him.

"My lips are sealed. Can we please stop talking about old teachers having sex and speak of something else?" Draco pleaded.

"Yes, let's." Hermione agreed.

Everyone just sat in silence for a bit and ordered more drinks and everyone was beginning to get a bit loopy. Ginny finally broke the silence.

"So, that mark on your arm? Did it hurt to get it put on you?" she asked tipsily.

"This? No. Voldemort actually brought in a basket of kittens and they gently licked this on for me. And then my mum served tea and cakes. It was a blast," Draco said sarcastically as he shook his head at her.

"No need to be an asshole. It was a simple question," Ginny made a face at him.

"Well what do you think? Does it look like it felt pleasant?" Draco asked.

"No, it looks horrid honestly. Did you actually _ask_ for that?" Ginny wondered.

"No. I didn't want it. I had no say so in the matter. And no one ever _asks_ for this. It's bestowed upon you. Supposedly a great honor. Lovely, isn't it?" Draco said, removing his arm from the table and hiding it out of sight.

"Did you try and say no?" Harry wondered idly.

"No. I couldn't. Do you think if I'd said no, I'd still be sitting here today?"

"Probably not," Harry said looking down at the table.

It was silent again for a bit and then the Karaoke started. This at least brought everyone's mood up and the atmosphere wasn't as uncomfortable. They were all laughing and throwing back the drinks like they were going out of style. It was obvious everyone was trying to get along, but it was awkward for everyone. And the best defense against that was to drink yourself silly until your enemies were no longer your enemies, and all the past was simply wiped clean. Ginny pulled out a camera and started taking photos when no one was paying attention at first. She got one of Harry sticking a straw up his nose, for God only knows what reason, but everyone was laughing. Then she aimed the camera at Draco.

"Smile ferret face!" she shouted over the roar of the music, but she caught Draco off guard. He was gulping his drink and didn't even realize until the flash went off.

"No fair. I wasn't ready! Take another," he urged her drunkenly.

"Okay, look sexy or something," Ginny told him.

"I always look sexy," Draco drawled with a smirk and Ginny snapped the picture in mid sentence.

"Get one of the two of us," Hermione chimed in as she put her arms around Draco and leaned in close. Ginny snapped the picture and handed the camera to Hermione.

"Now me and Harry!" She leaned over and gave Harry a big kiss and Hermione snapped it quickly while his glasses got pushed off his face and fell into his drink.

"Bloody hell, Ginny! You practically attacked my face. Now my glasses are swimming in whiskey," he said, fishing them out and shaking them off.

"Sorry honey, but you're so cute! I wanted to smoosh your face," Ginny smiled and kissed him again.

"I think Ginny's gonna crawl down his pants soon. She's much more fun when she's loaded," Draco whispered to Hermione.

"I told you she was fun. So is Harry. They're both lovely. You just have to know them and be nice to them."

Draco smiled and kissed her quickly. "Alright, I'm gonna do something pretty fucking stupid right now, so everyone pay attention," Draco said as he stood from the table.

"What are you going to do? A striptease?" Ginny giggled.

"Sorry sweetie, that's for Hermione's eyes only. No, I'm afraid this is even stupider. But you all asked for this. You all practically begged for this. So don't tell me I never did anything nice for you lot," Draco announced as he made his way towards the Karaoke stage.

"What the fuck is he doing?" Harry asked with confusion.

"Oh shit, he's gonna sing. He's actually gonna sing!" Hermione cried as she held her head in her hands.

"This is bloody fantastic! Have you ever heard him sing?" Ginny wondered.

Hermione shook her head. "No, never. He doesn't even know Muggle songs very well. If at all."

They watched as Draco looked through the song book and Ginny kept snapping pictures the whole time. Apparently Draco settled on a song because he spoke to the man in charge and the next thing they all knew, he was on the stage holding the microphone.

"Okay listen up people. Yeah, that means you too, cowboy guy in the corner. Nice hat, by the way. Are you from Texas?" Draco called out to the man.

"Oh fuck me, is he doing a drunken stand up routine as well? He's going to hate himself in the morning," Hermione fretted as she covered her eyes.

"I'm from Surrey, you wanker!" the man yelled out to him.

"Surrey? I'm sorry I wasn't aware Surrey had a rodeo in town this week," Draco laughed.

"Hey asshole! Just sing your song or get off the bloody stage!" someone else yelled.

"Fine, fine. God, you lot are a bunch of boring pricks. Okay. Here's my song. I've never heard this before, so I will fuck it up. But I dedicate it to my lovely woman, who's sitting right over there hiding her face in shame," Draco pointed towards Hermione.

"This is the best night of my life," Harry said with utter amusement. "Draco Malfoy is making the biggest ass of himself and I'm actually here watching it happen. I wish I had a video camera."

"Shut up Harry," Hermione told him with a cringe as the music started up.

It was Witchy Woman by the Eagles and Draco messed it up almost immediately, but he tried to keep up with the lyrics on the screen.

"Let me tell you brother, she's been sleeping in the devil's bed," he sang. "I'm the devil in case you didn't catch that part," he added to appease the crowd. "Woo hoo, witchy woman, she's got the night in her eyes…oh fuck it, I'm tired of this song. Is it almost done?" Draco asked the man on stage.

The music cut off and the man appeared to tell Draco to get off and go away because some burly guy grabbed his arm and ushered him off the stage, but he let him go. Draco went over to cowboy guy and said something to him and Hermione feared he was going to get beat up. She stood up.

"I need to go over there. He's going to mouth off and get his ass handed to him," she said worriedly.

But by the time she made it over across the room, Draco was standing there with the cowboy hat on his head and his arm around the guys shoulder.

"Hermione! Hey, look at me! I'm a fucking cowboy! Jerry here lent me his hat. But he won't take off the boots. I asked," Draco slurred to her.

"Oh God, is he bothering you? I'm so sorry. He's completely bombed," she apologized to the man.

"Oh no worries, love. This young man of yours is a riot. I can take my licks about the hat. I got it in America last month. I went to the Alamo and went a bit crazy in the gift shop," he laughed jovially.

"Come on, Ginny needs a picture of me and cowboy Jerry. Otherwise who will believe this? Go get the camera!"

Hermione rolled her eyes but marched off to get the camera from Ginny.

"He wants his bloody picture taken with some guy named Jerry. Can I have the camera?" she asked somewhat put out.

"Oh hell no. We're all going over there. I want a group photo. Oh, can we all put on the silly hat? I want to!" Ginny shouted excitedly.

She dragged Harry up and they all trudged over with the camera. Jerry was a good sport and let everyone wear the hat, and got a photo of the whole group together as well. Draco finally gave the hat back and then he called over a waitress.

"Miss, whatever drinks these people have, put it on my tab," he told her. "Drink up mates! Order whatever you like. It's my treat. In fact, that table over there looks boring. Order them some drinks on my tab too."

Hermione grabbed Draco's arm and ushered him back to the table before he bought drinks for everyone in the whole place. She forced him to sit down but she couldn't help but giggle. Soon the whole table was simply laughing and couldn't stop.

"I had no idea you could be fun, Malfoy. I mean, you made a total ass of yourself! It was hilarious," Harry told him with a grin.

"Yeah, well there's lots you don't know about me, Potter. I've changed. And that stick I used to have shoved up my ass? I had it surgically removed years ago."

"I can see that. Are you always this insane? Is this what Hermione sees in you?" Harry wondered.

"No, he's not usually insane. But he does make me laugh a lot," she smiled.

"Hey, I promised I'd have fun tonight and not ruin things. And I had to do something to make you two stop glaring at me when you thought I wasn't looking. So happy now?"

"I'm rather happy, yes," Harry admitted.

"Me too. And I've got photographic evidence of your insanity. Do trust me when I say there will be many copies made and distributed to everyone I've ever met," Ginny informed him.

"As long as we get copies too," Draco reminded her.

"Of course."

"Wait. There should be one more picture. This one's important. This shows how much I've grown," Draco said drunkenly as he stood up and walked over to Harry. "Get the camera ready."

Ginny held it up and Draco grabbed Harry and planted a kiss on his cheek and ruffled up his hair so that it stood straight up. Harry wiped his cheek furiously with one hand, while trying to fix his hair with the other.

"What bloody fuck? Did you just _kiss_ me?" Harry said with horror.

Draco couldn't stop laughing and patted Harry on the back. "Don't worry Potter, I've only got eyes for Hermione. But that picture? Well, it's a keeper. Just wait until my father hears about this," Draco chuckled.

"Hermione, put a leash on him. He's not safe. He _kissed_ me!"

Hermione broke out in giggles and couldn't stop. "I'm sorry Harry, but that was hilarious. The look on your face!"

"And he broke out his usual line about his father. He's not going tell his father is he?"

"I think I'll wait for the picture and just show him. What do you think, Hermione? Will that be enough to induce a stroke or at least a fainting spell?" Draco wondered.

"Oh stop. You're not showing your father any of this night. Tomorrow, you won't even remember it," Hermione told him.

"Still the best night I've had in years. Well not counting the nights of crazy sex with you. But in public. This was fun. Wasn't it?" Draco asked everyone.

"Surprisingly enough, yes, it was," Harry admitted reluctantly.

"Yes, I don't hate you nearly as much right now. In fact, you almost made me pee a little when you asked that man about the rodeo," Ginny giggled with a smile.

"What the fuck is a rodeo anyway? I heard it on a movie with some old western looking men who chewed tobacco and spit a lot," Draco told them.

"A rodeo is some sort of cow wrangling thing, isn't it?" Hermione asked Harry.

"Don't look at me. I've got no clue. They didn't have cowboys in Little Whinging when I was growing up."

"But isn't that in Surrey?" Draco asked.

"I still never attended one if such a thing existed. Do I look like I grew up roping cattle? I grew up being locked in my room and pretending I didn't exist. A fucking rodeo could have taken place in my living room and I wouldn't have known," Harry informed them.

"Something to Google later, "Ginny informed them.

"What?" Draco asked with confusion.

"Google. You know, on a computer? You look shit up. They have the answer to every question you've ever wanted to know. My father showed me. He bought a computer," Ginny explained.

"This Google knows everything?"

"Just about. I've only done it a few times, but my father always has a new useless piece of Muggle information he's gathered on the Google thing. He's obsessed."

"Weird. Is this the interwebs or something?" Draco wondered.

"The internet. And yes. You can do all sorts of fun things with it, like meet people or make friends," Harry shrugged.

"That explains it. I used to meet girls and they'd ask me for my face space account or something. I had no clue what they were on about."

"My Space. Not face space," Hermione corrected him.

"Whatever. Do you lot have one of those things?"

They all shook their heads.

"We don't have Muggle friends," Harry told them.

"Yeah, me neither," Hermione admitted.

"I certainly don't. But it's something to think of. A computer that knows everything. Imagine that shit?"

"I think it's time for us to leave. Draco is starting to lean a bit too heavily on me and might pass out," Hermione informed them.

"Yeah, we should get home too. It's late. But it was fun. Truly. I enjoyed myself," Harry admitted.

"Good. So I won a few points tonight. Good on me. You two aren't nearly as annoying as I imagined."

"That's a load off," Harry smiled. "Take care of Hermione, will you? And don't puke on her on the way home."

Draco nodded and they all said their goodbyes. It had been a strained evening at first, but Draco made it work. Hermione was surprised by him every single day. She never knew what to expect. He kept her on her toes, that's for sure. But at least being with him was never boring. When they got home, Draco was considerably more inebriated than Hermione was. But she'd had her fair share. But Draco was stumbling and bumping into things and actually bent down and petted her couch cushion believing it to be Crookshanks.

"Love, your cat might be dead. He's not moving," he slurred to her.

"Draco, that's a bloody pillow, not the cat. Now come to bed," she urged him.

"Oh. It looked like the cat," he said confusedly.

She took his arm and led him towards the bedroom and he bumped the wall and knocked a picture down.

"Oops. Sorry. Let me get that," he told her.

"No, leave it. We'll get it in the morning."

She flipped on the bedroom light and Draco squinted and covered his face.

"Ugh, too bright!"

"Sorry," she said as she turned on a bedside lamp and turned off the overhead light. "Better?"

"Much."

He stumbled out of the room and down the hall into the bathroom and she took off her clothes and readied herself for bed. Then when Draco didn't come out for awhile, she went in after him. She found him standing there with his pants open and he appeared to be playing with himself.

"Draco! What the hell are you doing? Wanking off in my bathroom with the door open?" she asked with horror.

He just looked at her confused. "No, my cock won't fit back in my pants. It keeps getting stuck. Plus it's broken. I mean, I wanted to fuck you tonight but it's just lying there useless. What's happened to it?" he asked looking like he might cry.

"Oh God, Draco, you're hammered. You have whiskey dick. It happens. And I'm too tired to fuck anyone. Just take off the bloody pants and come to bed," she urged him.

"But you said you'd do anything I wanted," he reminded her.

"Yes, and I will. Tomorrow. Not now. It's 2am and you can't even hold your head up, much less get your cock up. Now just get in bed."

He peeled off his pants and almost fell over and she had to catch him. Then she led him to her room where he simply collapsed on the bed in his underwear and his ratty t-shirt.

"You promise me you won't vomit in my bed?" she asked, poking at him.

"Promise."

She turned out the light and snuggled down next to him.

"You were fun tonight," she whispered as she gave him a soft kiss.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Thank you for trying so hard with my friends."

"Don't mention it. Besides, I didn't mind. I kind of wanted them to like me, truth be told," he muttered sleepily.

"You did?"

"Sort of. I dunno. You know I met Potter when we were boys, before Hogwarts. It was in a robe shop. I liked him. I had no idea who he was, but he was buying nice robes, so I figured he was a decent enough bloke. But then when I found out who he was and tried to be his friend, he snubbed me. That fucking stung a bit. No one ever snubbed me before. And ever since then I just fucking hated his guts," Draco admitted drunkenly.

"Your feelings were hurt?"

"Yes, they bloody well were. I've told you, I'm not a robot."

"Well your hurt feelings made you act like a total prat for years. You've no one to blame but yourself," she chided him.

"I know. I'm a prat. But I was nice tonight. It's like it all melted away for a moment and I saw another life. A life I could have had if I'd been different. If I'd been raised different. I saw what it was like to have actual friends. I was part of something. It felt good."

"Draco, your life is just starting now. Forget the past. Just keep going forward," she stroked his hair and kissed him softly.

"Love you. You're my world. My girl. I never had anyone before but now there's you," he whispered, half asleep.

"Love you too. You'll always have me. Now go to sleep."

Before she could even say another word, he was snoring softly with his mouth hanging open. She smiled to herself and wondered if he'd remember any of this night at all. Somehow she doubted it. But at least there were pictures that proved it happened. She could not wait to get her hands on those.

**To be continued….I told you I'd be more timely with updates! How did you enjoy this spot of silly fun? I hope it made you smile when you read it since I had fun writing it. Please leave a review and thanks for following along!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, and Kelly Clarkson.**

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly  
>I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky<br>And I'll make a wish  
>Take a chance<br>Make a change  
>And breakaway<br>Out of the darkness and into the sun  
>But I won't forget all the ones that I love<br>I'll take a risk  
>Take a chance<br>Make a change  
>And breakaway<em>

The next morning, Draco woke up with a horrible hangover. He liked to drink a lot, but normally he kept his wits about himself so he wouldn't get into trouble. But this time was different because he had Hermione there and he figured she'd at least stop him from causing a riot if he got out of hand. But the truth was, he didn't remember much of anything. He opened up a sleepy eye and glanced at Hermione who was still fast asleep next to him. Then he looked at the clock. It was almost noon. He groaned and curled up in a ball and put his arms around Hermione, which stirred her from her slumber.

"Hmm, are you awake?" she asked sleepily.

"Sort of. What the hell happened last night? And why does my mouth feel all furry inside?" he asked miserably.

"You got incredibly bombed and passed out. You need water. You're dehydrated," she informed him with a yawn.

"Ugh. What were in those drinks? How many did I have?" he asked, rubbing his eyes to focus them.

"I have no idea how many you had. Too many. Do you remember anything at all?"

"No. I remember thinking the place sucked. And then it's rather a blur. Please tell me I didn't start a bar fight."

"Hardly. No, you were the bloody life of the party. And you may faint when you see your credit slip from the bar tab. You bought drinks for a bunch of strangers who apparently enjoyed some pricey champagne and about thirty cocktails."

"Oh fuck. I bought drinks for strangers? How much did I spend?" he said, holding his aching head.

"I think it was about twenty five hundred, but you didn't even bat an eye. Plus you gave all the waitresses fifty pound notes, even the ones who never served us."

"Oh fuck me. I'm an idiot. Thank God I'm rich or I'd have to sell my sperm or blood or something to pay for that little outing," he groaned.

"More like selling a kidney, I'd wager. But you were really bloody hilarious. Even Harry and Ginny loved you," she smiled at him.

"They did? What else did I do? Give them my trust fund? What would make them love me?" he asked with confusion.

"You honestly don't remember?"

"No."

"Oh boy, you're in for a treat. Ginny has photos. Loads of them. Do you remember the song you sung for me?"

"Song? I _sang_?" he asked as he sat up with a look of horror on his face.

"Oh yes. Witchy Woman. Very cute, by the way. And then you made friends with a cowboy from Surrey. Oh, and then you kissed Harry," she informed him trying not to burst into giggles.

"Okay, now I know you're fucking with me. I did not kiss Harry. I've never been drunk enough in my life to do that," he said, shaking his head.

"No you did. Ginny got a picture. I'm thinking of hanging it on the fridge when I get a copy."

"I fucking _kissed _him? On the _mouth_?" Draco looked faintly ill.

"No, no. The cheek. But I swear you did it."

"Please just kill me right now. Smother me with this pillow or get your wand. Just end it. I'm utterly humiliated. I can never show my face again," he lamented as he pulled the pillow over his head and hid from her.

"Oh stop it. It's not that bad. You made everyone almost piss themselves laughing. No one even knew you had a sense of humor. It was refreshing."

"I bet Potter and his Weasley were highly entertained by my antics. My God, I cannot believe I did that shit. Why didn't you stop me, you bint!" he joked as he smacked her in the face with the pillow.

"Hey now! Stop that!" she cried, hitting him back. "I couldn't stop you. You were crazy. I thought the cowboy guy was going to beat your ass in, but instead you acted like best pals. I tried to rescue you, but you just wanted me to get the bloody camera and take your picture," she informed him.

"This is beautiful. Lovely. I'm a complete asshat. Now your friends will never respect me or see me as anything other than a total moron."

"Oh get over it. Harry and Ginny thought you were fantastic. They don't want to _respect _you, they want to be your friend. And from what you told me last night, you want to be theirs as well. So it was a total success," she assured him.

"Wait, I said I wanted to be _their_ friends? I was only there for you. They're not my friends," he protested.

"Liar. You told me everything. You said Harry hurt your feelings when you were a wee lad, and you never forgave him. But you wanted to be his friend all along. Mission accomplished. He likes you now."

"What? I never would have said Harry hurt my bloody feelings. I don't know what you're talking about. That never happened," he said insistently.

"You said so last night. You poured out your heart to me. It was kind of sweet."

"This is worse than I thought. I poured out my heart? Did I cry? If I fucking cried, I mean it Hermione, just kill me now," he said miserably.

"No, you didn't cry. Well almost. But that wasn't about Harry, it was about your cock."

"What? My cock?"

"You looked ready to cry when it wouldn't stand at attention for you last night. You said it was broken. But really you were just far too drunk," she explained.

"I nearly cried over my useless dick? Wonderful. Every man wishes his girlfriend to know he can't get it up and wants to be found, limp cock in hand, about to cry. My life is absolute perfection now," he said shaking his head and wishing the ground would swallow him whole.

"Relax. I'm sure it works now. I hardly cared. I was too tired to have sex anyway," she shrugged it off.

"But still. That's embarrassing. That's never happened to me before. It always works! Do you know how many girls I bedded after drinking all night? Loads."

"Well I don't know what happened to it. Perhaps you never drank this much? I mean, you don't even remember anything at all," she pointed out.

He just laid there for a moment with his mind reeling, trying to recall pieces of the evening, but they wouldn't come to him. He looked over at Hermione.

"I really sang to you? Was it in private? I don't even know what Witchy Woman is. Is that a song title?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, you sang. And no, it wasn't private. You were on a stage. And Witchy Woman is by the Eagles. It's a classic. But sadly you murdered the poor song. But it was still sweet."

"I don't know what the Eagles are. A band? How on earth did I pick a song I've never even heard of?"

"I guess you liked the title. Come here and stop sulking. You've got that pouty lip again," she said as she pulled him over to her.

"I'm mortified, Hermione. That wasn't me last night," he said as he buried his face in her hair.

"Yes it was. It was _exactly_ you. For once you didn't put on airs or have a chip on your shoulder. And you weren't aloof or playing games. You were just you. And I loved it. Your guard was completely down and you simply had the time of your life. Stop fretting," she assured him as she held his face and kissed him gently.

"You really aren't embarrassed of me now?"

"Not one little bit."

"Alright, I trust you. But please cut me off next time, okay? At least I didn't take my bloody clothes off in the bar."

"Yes, let's be thankful it didn't go that far. Although Ginny requested a striptease, but you refused."

"She did?"

"She was kidding."

"Oh, good. Because that would be weird."

"No, I'm pretty sure you've not stolen Harry's girl away with your amazing charms and singing talent. She liked you, but not that much. Besides if she _did_ want to see you naked, I'd have to fight her and I'd hate to hurt a friend."

"You'd fight her for me?" he wondered with a small grin.

"In a heartbeat. I think I could take her too. Maybe. She's quite good, but I'm pretty confident I'm better."

He kissed her and held her tightly. "A chick fight is always hot. I'd pay to see that," he joked with her.

"You're an idiot."

"I know. But alas, you're still with me."

"Always."

Draco really wished he remembered this so-called amazing night, but he was a blank slate. He only hoped that she meant what she said and wasn't too embarrassed by him. But it did make him think. She said that had been the real him. He'd never considered it before. He was so much more open and laid back now that he was with Hermione, but his guard was still always up. He couldn't stop it. He still worried about appearances and he worried about getting his heart shattered. And he still stuck to some of his old traits and manners of behaving, especially in public. And he was always quick with a biting insult or snobbish remark, simply because he had been trained his whole life to be that way. It was a defense mechanism. Hurt them before they can hurt you. It was automatic. But obviously last night he'd lost his filter and his marbles. But perhaps that really did make him more affable to other people? The truth was, he'd never attempted to make friends outside his snobbish world. And all the women he took home, he never was particularly kind to them. It was all a front just to get what he wanted. But Hermione had been right when she said Draco wanted to be friends with her friends. He was just horrified he actually admitted that sad, dark truth. He never wanted anyone to know he used to wish he and Harry were friends and not enemies. That was something he buried incredibly deep and never let out. Not even to himself. But apparently he'd admitted it to Hermione. He must really love her to trust her that much. But the truth was, he'd never felt safer or more at home than when he was with her. He hated his flat and was always at hers, and he absolutely detested sleeping alone now. She'd changed him. Or else, he'd changed himself. He wasn't sure. But he knew that without her, he wouldn't have the courage to be who he really was inside. Without her, he'd probably still be a scared little boy who did nothing but run from his life and his past and refuse to allow anyone near him. He thought that was the answer to everything. The key to life. But the fact of the matter was, he was never living before. He was running and hiding. But now he was ready to live.

A week went by and Hermione arrived home from work on Friday night and plunked down a photo album in front of Draco, who was lounging on her sofa.

"What's this?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, it's just the key to all your life's mysteries. Or at least the night you don't remember. It's all in there. Harry gave that to me today. Ginny was kind enough to put it in a book for us," she told him.

"Shit, these are the crazy photos from the bar?"

"Yep. Open it up. I know you're dying to," she urged him.

"Maybe in a minute. I need to ask you something first," he said, putting the book aside momentarily.

"What? Is something wrong?" she wondered.

"No, not at all. It's just my parents invited us over for dinner again. Tonight. It's not much notice, so if you wish to refuse, that's fine. But I've got a bloody owl sitting on your fire escape awaiting my reply," he explained.

"There's an owl on my fire escape? How'd they know where I lived?"

"I told them. I'm hardly ever at my place these days. I told my mum your address."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I guess it's alright. I was kind of hoping for an evening in, but I'm game," she sighed.

"We don't have to."

"No, no. It's fine. You promised to have more regular visits, so we should oblige that. I don't want to disappoint your mum."

"Alright. Let me just send this note off," he said scribbling on a piece of paper, and then opening the window to hand the note over. The bird took off and he closed the window.

"Is this a fancy occasion again? Can I just wear this? Or are you wearing that outfit?" she wondered, noting his jeans and t-shirt.

"I'm wearing this. I know my parents think every meal should be treated as if the Queen herself were attending, but I'm not changing. So just put on your regular clothes," he told her.

"Are you sure they won't get upset if we're dressed like that?"

"I don't care. It was a last minute invitation anyway. They'll get over it."

"Okay. Well let me change, but do look at the album. I'm serious. It's hysterical," she leaned over and kissed him, before walking away.

He pulled the book on his lap and opened it up. The first pictures didn't seem so bad, but they progressively got worse. When he saw himself on a stage with a microphone, he wanted to die. But the cowboy hat picture was even better. Then he got to the gold. The picture of him kissing Harry. He closed his eyes and shook his head. What on earth was he thinking? But he had to admit, everyone looked happy as hell. It could have just been all the drink, but the group photos of the four of them made it seem as if they'd been best chums their whole lives. Draco didn't look excluded or out of place. Harry even had his arm around him in one photo. It was like flipping through a book of someone else's life. Like he had somehow taken the Weasel's place in the group and he didn't know how he got there. It was amusing and unsettling and just a little bit odd to see pictures of a night he couldn't recall living. He closed it up and put it back on the coffee table.

"Did you get a look? Did you die laughing?" Hermione asked, as she emerged in her fresh outfit.

"It was really fucking trippy to be honest. I mean, that was me in the photos, but I don't remember any of it. We all looked so happy. I looked like I belonged there and wasn't just an unwelcome interloper," he told her.

"You weren't an interloper. You were welcomed. I told you they enjoyed your company. Believe me, Harry and Ginny were just as shocked. They were prepared to be civil and nice for my sake, but they actually said they liked you."

"Has your ex seen this book yet?" he asked curiously.

"Ron? I have no idea. I didn't ask. Why?"

"I don't know. Just curious. I mean, he might not appreciate me having that much fun with his people. I've got my arm around his bloody sister in one of the pics. Something tells me he's not gonna like this."

"So what? Ron has his own life and his own wife now. I hardly think he gives a rat's ass that you touched his sister. It's not like you grabbed her ass."

Draco laughed. "Thank God I didn't. Or you lot all would have turned on me."

"You got that right, mister. But don't worry, you were perfectly fine, even if you were completely out of your wits. Stop worrying about Ron. You hate him anyway," she reminded him.

"I know. I do. But it's just weird seeing me sort of in his place. Shouldn't he have been there instead of me?"

"No. Not anymore. We've not been together in years. I'm friendly to him when I see him, but that's all. We don't hang out. He and Harry do, but I'm no longer part of that. There's no more Golden Trio. That ended ages ago. We've all moved ahead."

"Yeah, I guess so. It's weird how things change. But you're right, I'm being silly. It's a great book. Shall we show my parents?" he asked wiggling the book in her face.

"Are you mad? You wish to show _this_ to your stuffy parents? Do you want your father to stroke out?"

"No, but it's funny. They always complain they don't know what I do with my life, so maybe I should show them?"

"Perhaps you should show them a picture of you frolicking with a puppy or reading a book, instead of showing them your drunken antics that you don't even recall?"

"Fuck it. I'm taking the book. I'm not frolicking with anything and I haven't picked up a book since I fell in love with your telly," he admitted.

"Face it Draco, you live to piss people off. Admit it. It gives you a boner or a high or something," she said with a sigh.

"I do _not_ live to piss people off. I simply say what's in my mind. I can't help it if everything I think isn't polite."

"Have you ever heard of tact?"

"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I heard that on the telly too," he said defiantly.

"You watch way too many shows. You need a new hobby," she scolded him.

"Whatever. Let's just take the book and go. Are you ready?"

"Yes. But do not blame me if your parents keel over tonight. It won't be my doing. They already know about me, so this is all on you," she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh stop scolding me like I'm some devious child. It's a spot of fun. God knows my parents need some fucking fun in their miserable lives."

"You're right. They do. Perhaps we shall throw a keg party at the Manor and invite all the local university students to mingle with your folks? That would be fun," she joked playfully.

"Alright, now you're just being a sarcastic little brat. Some photos won't kill my parents. Now let's go," he smiled as he kissed her one last time before they apparated to the Manor.

They showed up and this time Hermione wasn't startled by the door swinging open. They marched in like they owned the place and Draco didn't even wait for his mother to greet him this time. It was still his house and he was done acting like a guest when he spent eighteen years living there. He waltzed them right into the lounge and found both his parents sitting in chairs, sipping drinks. They were startled when they simply marched in unannounced.

"Draco! I didn't know you arrived. I would have gotten up," his mother told him.

"No need, Mum," he said as he went over and kissed her cheek. Then he looked at his father. "Father."

"Hello Draco. Thank you for coming on short notice. Your mother got a wild hair and insisted we invite you. But as I see you obviously had no time to dress appropriately. What are these rags you're wearing?" he asked distastefully.

"They're my normal clothes. And I had the time, I just didn't bother. Who are we trying to impress? The house elves? There no one else here but us."

"Hello again," Hermione chimed in, trying to break the immediate tension that formed between father and son.

"Hermione, lovely to see you again dear," Narcissa smiled at her pleasantly.

"Yes, it is lovely. I suppose my son said to dress that way in trousers and what sort of footwear is that?" Lucius asked curiously.

"Uh, they're flip flops. You know, like sandals? It's summer. My feet get warm," she explained awkwardly.

"_Flip flops_? Sounds ridiculous. Muggles wear these, I take it?"

"Father, they're just shoes. Not everyone sits in their house dressed to the nines just staring at themselves in a mirror."

"Fine, fine. I'll be quiet. Do you two want a drink?" Lucius offered, trying to be polite.

"Sure. I'll get it," Draco said, motioning for his mother to stay seated.

He poured them both glasses of brandy and handed one over to Hermione. She sniffed it and set it on the table, unsure if she'd like it. But Draco took a gulp of his.

"So what's that you brought with you?" Lucius asked, noting the photo album.

"Oh this? It's just some photos. They were taken recently. I thought perhaps you'd like to see how I spend my time," Draco informed them.

"Spend your time? Are these photos of you helping homeless waifs on the street or am I to see you chugging ale from some sort of Muggle contraption they fashioned nowadays?"

"You mean a beer bong? Sorry Father, I've never tried that one. I didn't go to university, as you'll recall."

"University. That's a Muggle institution. What on earth would you do there?"

"I dunno. Chug a beer bong?" Draco laughed dryly.

"Cissy, make him stop. He's trying to annoy me on purpose," Lucius complained to his wife.

"Oh come on Father, lighten up. I'm clearly joking. And do you have to always ask Mum to run interference? She's not an owl. If you've something to say, say it to me. I'm right here."

"Very well, show us these photos of your life. I admit I am curious," Lucius sighed.

Draco handed the book over and his mother got up and went to stand over her husband as he perused the pages. Hermione went over to join them as well.

"What on earth is this place you're in? It looks filthy," Lucius remarked.

"It's a bar."

"Of course. I knew the helpless waifs were a pipe dream. Is that Harry Potter next to you?"

"Yep. It was me, Hermione and Harry and Ginny. She's a Weasley, so obviously you'll hate her. But look, that's me singing a song on a stage in front of actual people," Draco pointed at the photo.

"Dear lord, you were _singing_ on a stage?" his mother looked astonished.

"Sure was."

"Do you know how to sing?"

"Nope. How bad was I, Hermione?"

"Pretty awful. I don't think he'll be running off to join a rock band any time soon."

"This is ludicrous. What is on your bloody head here?" Lucius asked when he got to the cowboy hat photo.

"It's a genuine cowboy hat from Texas. You know, America. People really wear these things and not ironically. It's an actual fashion for some people."

"America? Did you run off across the pond and not tell me? Were you in Texas?" Narcissa asked worriedly.

"No Mum, _this_ guy went to Texas," he said pointing at the next photo of Draco with the man from the bar. "What was his name?"

"Cowboy Jerry from Surrey. You tried to steal his boots but he stopped you," Hermione reminded him.

"You tried to steal a person's shoes?" Lucius asked shaking his head.

"They were made of snakeskin. They were great."

"I thought you didn't remember anything from that night?" Hermione asked him.

"Well I remember the boots. Don't ask me why. But they were cool, I know that."

Lucius flipped the page and saw Draco kissing Harry's cheek and he actually gasped.

"Oh my God, what is _this_? You're _kissing_ Potter? Please tell me this was some sort of dare and not something you did willingly. Have you lost your mind completely?" Lucius grimaced and slammed the book shut.

"I don't know why I did it. It just happened. But I think he was more upset by it than you, if that's any consolation," Draco said with a smile, refusing to let his father get to him.

"Well, that's certainly a colorful album. Were you completely drunk the entire evening?" Narcissa inquired.

"Afraid so. But I was told that this was the best night of my life. I dunno, it looked pretty fun, didn't it?"

"Honestly Draco, _this_ is what you do with your life? And you're proud? Do you want a pat on the back?" Lucius asked with irritation.

"Father, were you ever young once? Did you never let loose and do stupid shit with your Death Eater pals, or was it always strictly business? I mean, my God, what good is it to be evil if you're not having any bloody fun?" Draco lamented.

"Evil? You think me evil? And if you must know, I had plenty of fun in my day. I was your age once, but I had responsibilities. I wasn't gallivanting around town getting drunk with bloody cowboys and trying to steal their shoes!"

"Please settle down, Lucius. It's just a silly book. It was one evening. Surely Draco does other things in his life. Right Draco?" Narcissa asked imploringly.

"Of course. Sometimes I'm downright boring. Don't worry, Mum. I just thought you two needed a laugh. Normal children share these sorts of things with their parents. Why do we always have to be so boring and stuffy? Mum, don't you own a pair of jeans? And Father, that cane doesn't make you look sophisticated, it makes you look like an old man who can't walk."

"Draco, I think you need to calm down. Your parents are not used to seeing this side of you," Hermione tugged on his sleeve.

"But this is the _real_ me. Hermione, you said so yourself. Shouldn't my own parents actually know me?"

"I think everyone needs more refreshments. Let me fill the glasses," Narcissa said uncomfortably, trying to ignore Draco's outburst.

Everyone sat back down and it was completely silent for way too long. But finally Lucius spoke.

"You know, when I was a bit younger than you Draco, my friends and I got into some mischief. I'll admit, there was much drink involved, but we thought it'd be amusing to turn some Muggle's house bright pink. So we snuck into some Godforsaken neighborhood and turned every house on the street different colors. It was like a rainbow. And then we disappeared before anyone saw us, but we were so inebriated we ended up apparating into the middle of a bloody forest, right into some Muggle's campground. We scared the living daylights out of them and one of my friends stole their marshmallows before we disapparated again. Then I eventually went home and vomited marshmallows and Firewhisky on your grandfather's priceless Persian rug in the foyer. Let's just say, he was displeased with me. But there you go, Draco. I _did_ have fun. I _was _stupid once. But I also grew up eventually. You'd do well to keep that in mind."

"You actually did that?" Draco asked with some shock. His father had never once told him a story of his youth and he'd never asked.

"I _did_ do it. And I'm sure your mother has other tales, I'd rather not share. But I'm not as stuffy and boring as you imagine. I had a life once. I _was_ young. But I was forced to grow up very quickly. I had no choice. You've been given one. I let you roam free and I've not stopped you. You may think me a tyrant, but you don't know tyranny unless you lived with _my_ father. Now _that_ was a tyrant. Perhaps I'm not hip to ways of youth today, but I'm trying. Not always succeeding, but I've always welcomed you home when you chose to show up. Perhaps I'm trying to make up for the youth you lost due to my dark allegiances. I wanted you to have a chance at what you missed while you were busy trying to save us all. I can't take back the past, but I'm not stopping you from enjoying your life. I just simply worry you'll never grow up."

"I will. I promise. I realize I'm not the son you dreamed of, nor the one you groomed so meticulously, but I'm better than that, Father. I don't want _your_ life. I want _mine_. Don't you get that?" Draco wondered somewhat desperately.

"Yes, I get it. You've made your point to me several times, in several ways. I get it. But you're twenty three now, not sixteen. You should be thinking of a career and marriage and family."

"I am! I've thought of them all. But I need to figure myself out first, okay? It's only the last few months I actually thought about who I am and what I really want in life. Before that, I was coasting. I was running. I was terrified of having an actual emotion, so I just shut down. But it's different now. I just need your patience," Draco explained.

"You test my patience quite often, but fine. I'll be quiet. I think I've said quite enough already," he admitted as he took a large gulp of his drink and tried to regain his composure. He was not used to speaking to Draco as an adult or even a real person, for that matter. But he knew if he didn't, he'd lose him. Draco was not him, just as he said. And he put up with the treatment his own father gave him, but Draco refused to fall in line the way he eventually did. But perhaps letting Draco find himself was better than forcing him to be what Lucius wanted. Maybe his son would live a wonderful life, without a prison record and a completely tarnished image. It was more than he could say for himself.

"Well this has been enlightening, but I think the food is ready," Narcissa announced as she stood up.

Everyone followed her into the dining room and they took their seats. The meal was pleasant enough and neither of his parents said anything offensive or derogatory. They even laughed a few times. And much to Hermione's surprise, they all wanted to hear about Muggle life and what it was like to have a car and the like.

"Have you ever seen an Aston Martin?" Draco asked Hermione over the meal.

"I don't know. I know nothing about cars except the ones my parents had."

"It's a beauty. Not that I know how to drive, but I saw it in a magazine. You'd even like it, Father. It's shiny and red and goes incredibly fast. Maybe I'll buy one?"

"Buy a car? Why?" Lucius wondered curiously.

"I don't know. Why not? Now you'd look good in a Rolls Royce. That's a pompous snobby automobile. You'd love it," Draco told him with a grin.

"A Rolls Royce? I have seen those. Cost a pretty penny."

"So? You can spare it. Just imagine hiring a driver and taking Mum for a trip in the country? You two never leave this house."

"We don't need a car. If we wish to leave, we just leave."

"Suit yourself. I still might buy the Aston Martin. Of course I'd have to get a license or something."

"I have a license," Hermione chimed in.

"You do? Since when?"

"I got it when I was eighteen. I have no clue why really. But I wanted to learn to drive. But then I never bought a car," she shrugged.

"Who taught you to drive?" Draco wondered.

"I hired a teacher. Harry did it with me. It was our silly thing. Ron wanted no part of it. He was scared of cars after he got stuck flying one to school that year."

"Oh yeah, I remember that. My God, what was he? Thirteen?"

"Twelve, actually."

"Man, I was so envious. Talk about making a grand entrance. I still can't believe he and Potter didn't get expelled."

"That's because Potter could never do anything wrong in Dumbledore's eyes and Weasley just skated by on his coattails," Lucius remarked.

"God, they annoyed the shit out of me. If I'd done that and crashed a bloody flying car onto school grounds, I would have been murdered," Draco lamented.

"Yes, by me. But luckily I don't own flying cars or any such nonsense."

"But if you did, you would have made them keep me in school. And you wouldn't have murdered me. Probably beat the crap out of me, but not murder."

"Yes, well, that's fair enough. I would have forced my hand to keep you there, but boy, you would have seen my wrath. Trust me."

"Oh I believe you. Remember when I broke that ancient urn of somebody or other when I was twelve and you hit me with a book until Mum pulled you off me?" Draco asked.

"That was the Urn of Osiris. It was one of a kind and I paid a fortune for it. It raised the dead. Supposedly. At least that's what I was told. But we'll never know now since you shattered it to bits with your stupid broomstick in the bloody house," Lucius grumbled.

"I was twelve! And why did you keep some weird resurrection urn sitting on a table in the library? It should have been locked up. Besides, who were you gonna raise from the dead?"

"I'd rather not say," Lucius looked down at his plate.

"Oh wait. Never mind. I get it. Voldemort. You were gonna use that to raise _him_?"

"It doesn't matter now does it? You destroyed it. End of story."

"How did it work?" Hermione asked out of curiosity.

"I don't know. The instructions were in Aramaic. For all I know I purchased a cheap piece of pottery from India and the scroll was simply gibberish. I never had time to delve into it," Lucius admitted.

"That's fascinating, you realize. I mean, not that you wished to bring back Voldemort, but that it might have been possible in such a way. I've read countless books and they all say resurrection is near impossible. And if you do succeed, you don't bring back what you lost. It's always a risk. I suppose that's why Voldemort was so ugly when he returned. He wasn't exactly the man you remembered, am I correct?" Hermione asked Lucius.

"No, he wasn't. He used to look more human than that. In his youth, he was quite handsome. I saw pictures. I imagine the girls fancied him, but he was never interested in such trivial matters," Lucius said quietly.

"Well, I'm glad Draco broke the urn. Obviously there was another way to get him back, but I'd hate you more if you'd been the one to do it," Hermione admitted honestly.

"Yes, well, I doubt I would have succeeded anyhow. It was wishful thinking at the time. But honestly, good riddance to the urn. I'm sorry I beat you senseless with a book, Draco."

"Don't worry, I got over it awhile ago."

"You do realize that bringing someone back from the dead is a huge magical no-no. I mean, imagine the consequences. I read once where someone tried to do that and they got themselves sucked into hell," Hermione informed them.

"Sucked into hell? Was this a book of fiction?"

"No, it really happened. I think anyway. I got the book in a Muggle metaphysical shop so perhaps it's not accurate. But it was fascinating anyway."

"So if you're so against resurrection, is it not accurate that your friend Harry Potter has possession of a resurrection stone?" Lucius inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah, yes. The stone. He doesn't have it anymore. Besides, it didn't really raise the dead. More like it brought back ghosts. They weren't alive," she explained.

"Hmm, so he really doesn't have it any longer?"

"No."

"Where is it?"

"You'd have to ask Harry."

"Yes, well, that's not happening any time soon. I was simply curious. I'm not planning to steal it, if that's what you're worried about," Lucius said haughtily.

"I'm not worried, I simply don't know. He said it was where no one would ever find it. But feel free to scour the globe if you'd like."

"No need. I don't wish to see any ghosts of my past. Let's leave them all as they are."

"Is it okay if I show Hermione around the house and the grounds? Dinner is over and she's never had a tour," Draco piped up, wanting to end the conversation.

"Sure. Feel free. It's still your home too," Narcissa smiled at him.

"Good. Don't wait on us for dessert. We'll be gone awhile," Draco said as he took Hermione's hand and pulled her along with him.

"Please tell me they are not going to have relations in our home with us sitting right here," Lucius said miserably.

"Oh my, I don't know. Is that what he meant by they'd be awhile?" Narcissa looked aghast.

"I have no idea. You think he'll at least use his old room? I don't want any more broken artifacts if they defile the library or the upstairs sitting room."

"Let's just stay here and not poke around too much. If something breaks, we'll send an elf to investigate," she said uncomfortably.

Draco led Hermione through the vast house and showed her various rooms, but deliberately stopped at the drawing room.

"Let's skip this room. You've seen it before," he said uncomfortably.

"Oh. Yeah. I hate that room. Show me your room. Is it upstairs?"

Draco nodded and led her to a back staircase and they went up silently. The hall was lit with candles hung suspended from the walls and it seemed to go on forever.

"This is enormous. How many rooms are there?" Hermione asked.

"Twelve regular rooms, three guest suites, and one master bedroom with two separate sitting rooms. Oh and downstairs we have these cupboards really. Not actual rooms. But that's where the house elves live."

"All these rooms and they live in cupboards? Dreadful."

"Hey, do you really think my father will put a house elf into one of his elite rooms? Be glad they've got cupboards. They're rather posh. Pillows and blankets and whatever silly trinkets my mum gives them to make them happy. They're quite content."

"If you say so. You don't want to get me started on elf rights," she warned him. "It used to be my raison d'etre. I handed out fliers and such in school."

"Yeah, I remember. I thought you were a loony. Not that I didn't already, but that just proved my point. I heard you knitted booties for them or some such nonsense," he remarked.

"I wasn't a loony! I was simply worried for them. And yes I knitted things for them. So what?" she scoffed.

"You know it didn't help, right? My old elf stole all the things you left out and none of the other elves wanted them. They were insulted."

"How do you know?"

"Dobby was my elf first. I grew up with him. He hated my father, but he didn't hate me. You think he never spoke to me once he was at Hogwarts?"

"No. Why would he?"

"Because. I just said why. I never hit him over the head or kicked him around. He'd slip me cakes from the kitchen at night when no one was looking."

"Then why did you never free him when he begged to be free?"

"I wasn't his master, my father was. And with that being said, you weren't the master of the elves at school either, the administration was. Therefore making your knitting chore very lame and pointless," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"You mean I wouldn't have freed them?" she asked dejectedly.

"No. But it was a good effort. Perhaps you'll knit me a jumper this winter? I might even wear it," he smirked at her.

She stuck out her tongue at him. "I'm not knitting you anything," she pouted.

"Come on, my room is right down here." He dragged her down the hall after him and stopped at a door with the Slytherin crest on it. He opened the door and inside was a large room with a huge bed and tons of posters and knick knacks all over the walls.

"It's huge! My room was probably more like the elf's cupboard, and we weren't exactly poor. But this is gigantic," she stood in awe.

"It's the biggest one, aside from the master."

"So this is where Draco Malfoy used to lie in bed and fantasize about me, eh?"

"Shut your mouth. I didn't fantasize about you," he shoved her playfully.

"It's a big bed. And you never snuck a girl in here?"

"Never."

"You're weird then. This place is so big you could have an orgy in here and your parents would probably never hear a thing."

He laughed. "An orgy, huh? Wanna invite over Potter and his gal and see what happens?"

"Eww! No! You're disgusting," she made a face at him.

"I'm kidding! Obviously. But we could probably make our own noise in here and no one would know," he said grabbing her up and throwing her onto the bed.

"Draco! What if your parents come looking for us?"

"They won't. Trust me. Now take off your bloody clothes before I rip them off. Do you know how badly I wanted to defile this room with my perverted antics? I've waited a long time," he purred in her ear as he grabbed at her clothes forcefully.

"You _are_ a pervert. Wanting to defile the room you grew up in? What would your teddy bears think?" she asked, glancing over at a chair that had two stuffed bears sitting on it.

He ripped off her shirt and threw it over the chair, effectively covering the bears. "Now they can't watch what I'm about to do to you," he said as he undid her pants and ripped off his own shirt. Then his head traveled down between her legs and she let out a low moan.

"Oh yes, you're so good at that," she murmured lustily.

"Better than anyone else?" he asked as he looked up at her with a sly grin.

"Much, much better. Now get back to work before I spank you," she threatened.

"Ooh, naughty girl. I better do as I'm told then," he said as he dove back in and drove her wild with passion. It didn't take long before she tumbled into ecstasy and lay naked sprawled across his bed. She opened her eyes and glanced around a bit and noticed a picture of his parents on the nightstand. She sat up quickly and tried to cover herself with her hands.

"What's wrong?" he asked, completely confused by her behavior.

"That picture! Your parents were staring at us the whole time!"

"Love, it's a photo. It's not an interactive portrait. They can't_ see_ us," he laughed at her.

"Well cover it! It's giving me a serious wiggins!"

"A what?"

"Wiggins. You know, it freaks me out."

"You are so strange," he muttered, but he reached over and turned the picture upside down. "There? Better?"

"Much."

"Good, because I'm not exactly done here," he informed her as he unbuttoned his own pants and tossed them aside, along with his boxers. "You ready to really defile this place?"

"Yes."

He smirked and pulled her off the bed and threw her against his dresser roughly, knocking everything onto the floor. Then he picked her up and drove himself into her before she could even prepare, which caused her to actually cry out in a manner that seemed to echo through the entire mansion.

"That's it. Be loud. Let them hear us. I don't care," he said as he kept thrusting into her, causing the dresser to bang against the wall loudly.

"You're fucking crazy," she uttered breathlessly.

"I know," he said as he grabbed her by the waist and flung her around and shoved her against his wall full of Quidditch posters and Slytherin banners. Her eyes were tightly closed but she opened them for a moment and saw Viktor Krum staring back at her from the poster on the wall.

"Oh, oh! Not here! My ex boyfriend is on your wall looking at me!" she cried out as she smacked him on the back to get his attention.

"What?"

"Viktor!"

He looked at the poster and merely ripped it off the wall and threw it aside. Then he grabbed her again and threw her onto the bed and climbed on top of her.

"Keep your eyes closed from now on. God only knows who else you'll feel is watching you. I'm trying to fuck you senseless, and you're messing up my concentration."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just stop looking at anything other than me, got it? Eyes closed, or on me."

She simply nodded and he went back to work and somehow they ended up sliding to the floor with a loud thud and a lamp fell over. Eventually they ended up sprawled on the floor on rug made of some sort of animal skin and they were finally spent.

"Oh God, we wrecked this place," she uttered breathlessly.

"I know. It was fantastic."

"There's no way your parents didn't hear all that crashing around."

"So what?"

"You really got off on this didn't you? Fucking me in your parents sanctuary?" she asked with a smirk.

"What can I say? I'm a little warped. But yes, I got off on it. And so did you. A couple of times, actually," he grinned at her.

"I guess it's too late in the game for me to pretend to be offended by that comment since you know me too well," she laughed slightly.

He kissed her neck and whispered in her ear, "I know every inch of you."

"Hmm, yes you do," she smiled contentedly. "What are we laying on, by the way? It's really soft."

"This old thing? It's a polar bear. My father gave it to me when I was a boy."

"A polar bear? Like a real one?"

"Of course. Did you know that hunting polar bears is one of the most dangerous of all hunts? But my father bagged this one."

"I never pegged him as a hunter. Isn't that a rather Muggle activity?"

"I dunno. It was an expensive and exclusive outing and I think he just cared about doing something dangerous so he'd look tough to his cronies. I didn't really dig too deep. I was only eight at the time."

"Hmm, well, it's comfy to lie on. But I feel sad for the poor bear."

"Love, it's kill or be killed. You come up against a polar bear and you'd kill it too. Not unless you'd like to be eaten."

"Speaking of bears…" she said as she got up and walked over to his chair and picked up the stuffed animals. "Did you cuddle these as a child?"

"Oh God, they're just decoration. My mum bought them when I was small."

"Why do you still have them?"

"I don't know."

"Oh come on. Tell the truth. You slept with them until you were grown, didn't you?" she teased.

"I did no such thing!"

"Aww, it's cute. Do they have names?" she wondered as she clutched them to her naked chest.

He groaned and got up to join her. He grabbed the bears and held them up. "This is Ted. I know, not very original, but I was like five at the time. And this is Mr. Worthington."

"Mr. Worthington? Why that name?"

"I don't know. It sounded posh and I was a child. But yes, these were my teddies and I loved them. Happy now?" he asked giving her a glare.

"Oh God, you're fucking cuter than I ever imagined. Teddy bears! Do you know how much fun your friends would make of you if they knew about this," she laughed.

"If you tell anyone, I _will_ punish you. And it might not even be in the good way that you like so well. So keep your lips sealed, woman," he said as menacingly as he could pull off, while standing stark naked holding two teddy bears in his hands.

"Alright, I'll keep your secret. You get nasty when your manhood is threatened."

"You know not to get on my bad side."

"I lived on your bad side for years and the worst that ever happened to me was I broke a slight sweat when I punched you in the face."

"Do you have to bring that up?"

"Yes. It amuses me. I think it's _you_ who should know not to get on _my _bad side," she said putting her hands on her hips.

He started laughing and tossed the bears across the room. "I can't take you serious when you're all naked and I'm holding stuffed animals. Get dressed. I'll show you the grounds," he said as he bent down and tossed some of her clothes at her.

She just did as he asked and got herself presentable again, but her hair was a disaster. "Look at my hair. Do you have a brush?"

"No. I took that shit with me. Here, let me fix it," he said as he pulled out his wand.

He pointed it at her and she held up her hand. "Wait! You know hair taming spells? You're not going to accidentally blow my head up, are you?"

"Would I do that? I rather like your head right where it is. Don't you trust me?" he wondered.

"Yes, but, why would you know how to magically fix hair?"

"I just do. Now shut up and let me fix it, will you?"

She closed her eyes and in a second her hair was straight and smooth and looked way better than it did before she arrived. She looked in the mirror. "Oh, damn, it's perfect. It never works this well when I try it. That's it, you're doing my hair everyday now."

"Now I'm your personal hairdresser, eh?"

"Yes. Now let's go see these grounds you speak of. How large is this estate anyway?"

"It's very large," he said as he opened his closet and rooted around in there until he pulled out a broom. "Aha! Here it is. I knew I left it in there somewhere."

"A broom? We're riding a broom? I rather expected we'd walk."

"No, that'll take too long. This is better. Plus it's a nice night for a ride."

She made a face and he sighed. "You scared or something?" he asked.

"No. I've ridden a dragon for God's sake. I'm not scared of a broom."

"A dragon? When the hell did you ride a bloody dragon?"

"Oh, just this time when I robbed a bank dressed as your aunt Bellatrix," she said casually.

He laughed. "You _robbed a bank_? Dressed as _my_ aunt? You look nothing like her, no matter how you're dressed."

"I took Polyjuice potion obviously. But it didn't matter anyway because the magic got washed away and then we had to escape on the dragon. But not before we robbed your aunt's vault, so it was a success if I do say so myself."

"You seriously robbed a fucking bank and escaped on a dragon? Why did I never hear of this?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Perhaps the goblins kept it from the press since one of their own aided and abetted us. They also probably didn't want the world to know that a couple of teenagers were capable of robbing their so-called impenetratable vaults."

"You're fucking brilliant, you realize? What did you steal from that crazy bint anyway? Money?"

"No, it was a Horcrux. Voldemort gave it to her for safekeeping. But we snatched it up and got the fuck out."

"I'm dating a bank robber. Somehow this makes me love you more," he grinned at her.

"Are we going broom riding or what?" she changed the subject and shook her head.

He opened the window wide and then he commanded the broom up. "Jump on and hold on tight. I go fast."

She climbed on after him and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "You think anyone will see us?"

"Nope. We're in the middle of nowhere. My parents own all of this," he assured her.

And then he jetted off into the sky before she could say another word. And as he said, he moved fast.

"Watch out! You almost hit that tree!"

"I did not! I saw it!"

"Please don't do any fancy shit like flip us upside down. I might vomit," she warned him.

"So I shouldn't do this then?" he asked as he dove straight down and whipped them in and out of trees, barely missing them by inches.

"You're gonna kill us!"

"No, I'm not. Watch this," he said as he tore straight up into the air and then immediately dove down in a spiraling motion, before he righted himself again and kept flying low.

"You are never, ever getting an Aston Martin nor a driver's license! You'll die for sure!" she yelled in his ear.

"Look over there," he pointed, ignoring her comments. "That's the lake."

"The lake? Is it private?"

"Yes, it's ours. My father puts fish in it, but who knows why since he'd never do anything as mundane as sit on his ass with a fishing pole."

"Can we go down and see it?" she wondered.

"Sure."

He took them over and down and landed gently on the banks as he helped her off the broom.

"See, now wasn't that fun?"

"You scared the shit out of me, Draco. The dragon was less frightening."

"Oh please. I've been riding a broom since before I could walk. You were perfectly safe."

She scowled at him and smoothed her hair back down, but he just grabbed her and kissed her instead.

"Wanna go skinny dipping? The water is warm. It's fueled by an underground hot spring," he told her.

"Skinny dipping? What if your parents see?"

"Love, the Manor is like two miles away. Do you think they'd trek out to the lake at this hour?"

"True. Oh, alright. I've always wanted to do this!" she gave in excitedly.

They both peeled off their clothes and he picked her up and threw her into the water.

"You bastard! No fair! Get your ass in here with me!"

He ran and jumped in and splashed her in the face really good. They had fun attacking each other and swimming around and stopping to kiss and grope intermittently. They were lost in their own world and they weren't really eager to be elsewhere. Hermione wrapped herself around Draco and he just held her tightly as they swayed in the water together, looking into each other's eyes.

"You make me so happy. Do you know that?" he asked her quietly.

She nodded her head. "You make me happy too. I never imagined anyone could ever actually do that. I thought there was something wrong with me," she admitted.

He smoothed her wet hair back and shook his head. "No, there was never anything wrong with you. You were just lost for awhile. But I found you."

"Yes, you did. And I found you."

"Yeah, I was bit lost as well. My mistake was believing I had to travel this life alone. I didn't know what it could be like to have a partner."

"Well now you do."

"I do."

He kissed her gently at first, but then he became more passionate until he finally broke free and just rested his head on her shoulder.

"Please don't ever leave me," he whispered almost inaudibly, embarrassed by his own words. They were so desperate and needy and nothing he'd ever normally say to anyone. But they just spilled from his lips.

She pulled his head up and held his face in her hands. "I never will. I promise."

He smiled at her and shook his head slightly. "I sound pathetic, don't I?"

"No, you sound like a man in love."

"Really? This is what it's supposed to feel like then? I'm not batshit crazy?"

"No. Well, yes you are, but not about this. This is normal," she laughed.

"Good, because I don't know what the hell I'm doing here," he admitted sheepishly.

"Neither do I. But let's just wing it together, okay?"

"Deal."

"Now lets get out of this water because I'm becoming a prune now."

He agreed and they waded out and laid down on the grass and held hands as they looked at the stars together.

"Do you know which constellation is yours?" she asked curiously.

"Mine? You mean, Draco?"

"Yes."

"Hmm, its to the north. Over there somewhere, but there are too many trees to see it properly," he explained as he pointed to the northern sky.

"I bet it's lovely. Do you remember the other constellations?"

"Honestly, not much. I kinda dozed off in that class. I figured learning about stars wasn't that important."

"Slacker," she teased him.

"Nerd," he teased back.

"Shut your mouth! You love smart girls and you know it," she slapped his chest playfully.

"I do. I admit it. I can't stand vacuous bimbos. God knows I met enough of them in my day."

"Did you still take them home with you anyway?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. I had standards. Sort of. I mean, I never took the _really _dumb ones home unless they had huge tits," he laughed.

"Oh God, you're a pig. Huge tits over half a brain? Typical male," she chided him.

"What? Tits are wondrous spectacles of nature. Can you honestly blame me?"

"Yes. I'd like to think there are more important things. Besides my brain is much larger than my tits so I feel a bit inferior, here," she said covering her chest with her hands.

"Oh stop. Your tits are spectacular. Perky little handfuls. What's not to love?"

"_Little_ handfuls?"

"I didn't mean little, I meant normal sized. Who needs huge anyway?"

"You want to buy me plastic tits so they'll be bigger?"

"No! Absolutely not. I can't stand fake tits. I was with this girl once and they just stuck out like atomic missiles aimed at my face. And I was worried they'd explode if I touched them."

"Alright, I get the picture. I saw The Spy Who Shagged Me with the fembots," she told him.

"The Spy Who Shagged Me? Is that a porno movie? What are you talking about?" he laughed at her.

"Oh it was some dumb movie. Austin Powers. It's a satire of James Bond movies. And they had robot girls with boobs that had guns sticking out of them."

"This is a movie you actually watched on purpose? Fembots? And yet you say the X-Files is crap," he scoffed.

"Do not belittle my taste in movies. I caught you the other day watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and it's bloody June! Why was that even on the telly?"

"I don't know! It was funny. You should have watched it. At least it didn't have robots with gun boobs in it."

"You drive me crazy," she sighed.

"So do you," he shot back.

Then they both just turned and made faces at each other and started laughing and kissing.

"We really should get dressed and go back to your folks. They must wonder where the hell we are," Hermione said after a time.

"Yeah, I guess. They're probably asleep."

"You think?"

"Possibly. They like to drink before, during and after dinner, so it's possible they're passed out cold in the lounge," he chuckled.

They got themselves dressed again and flew back to the house and climbed back into Draco's room. Then they crept down the stairs quietly so they wouldn't wake his parents, if they actually were asleep. But no such luck. They were both wide awake and sitting there waiting for them to come back.

"Where on earth did you go?" Narcissa asked them somewhat crossly.

"I took Hermione for a ride on my old broom. It took awhile," he shrugged.

"Do I dare even ask what happened to your room? I went up there looking for you and the place was destroyed," his mother gave him a disapproving look.

"Yeah, uh, we were just having fun. It got out of hand. You know how I accidentally break stuff all the time."

"Yes, well, I suppose you're leaving now?" Lucius asked curiously.

"Yeah. It's late. But thanks for the food and the interesting stories. I won't be forgetting that any time soon. And we'll see you guys later, okay?"

"At least give me a hug, Draco," his mother insisted.

Draco went over and hugged her and then he waved at his dad. Hermione waved them both goodbye, and then they headed out.

"Do you think they knew what we did in your room?" Hermione asked as they walked to the end of the driveway.

"Oh yeah, they knew. They weren't born yesterday. But that was my goal anyway. I had to do that. It was on my bucket list."

"You have a bucket list?"

"Not exactly, but if I did, that would be on it."

"You're wicked in all the right ways," she beamed at him.

He just smiled and grabbed her arm and they apparated back to her place. And he wondered how soon he could ask if he could just move in. He thought of it as his home, but it wasn't really. Not yet. But he worried it might be rushing things. But he also knew he was gonna ask anyway. Soon. Just not tonight. Tonight had been perfect and he wanted to remember it that way. He'd wait and talk to her later. He just hoped she said yes.

**To be continued…This one was a bit long, but I didn't want to break it into two parts. I hope you liked it! I'd love some reviews and a huge thanks to all my followers!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson and Richard Marx.**

_We were strangers  
>On a crazy adventure<br>Never dreaming  
>How our dreams would come true<br>Now here we stand  
>Unafraid of the future<br>At the beginning with you_

_I knew there was somebody somewhere  
>Like me alone in the dark<br>Now I know my dream will live on  
>I've been waiting so long<br>Nothing's gonna tear us apart_

Another week went by and Draco had still not asked Hermione about him moving in. He was scared of her answer, which he knew seemed silly since she'd already promised him forever. This would just be a step towards that goal. And not that much would change since he was at her flat all the time anyway. It would just be official. And he could pay the rent. And he could bring his stuff over and not just some random clothes and toiletries. He wanted to start an actual life with her. He just had no idea how soon normal people did such things. He wished there was some kind of handbook to read, but he was flying blind. But he did have plans to bring it up to her tonight. He was tired of worrying about it. He was just going to do it and see what she thought.

They were lying together on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and she was forcing Draco to watch Dawson's Creek with her. He complained the whole time and she had to keep shushing him or shoving popcorn in his mouth to make him be quiet.

"I still don't get this show. Dawson is a ponce and that other bloke is a total tosser. That girl with the boys name should ditch both of them and find someone better. I'm telling you that Dawson character is gonna turn out gay and become lovers with that other gay bloke. Mark my words. He's got closet case written all over him," Draco gave his commentary to her.

"God, will you be quiet? I happen to like this show! And Dawson is not going to be gay with that girl's brother. That's ridiculous," she told him.

"The whole show is ridiculous. Except I like that blonde party chick. She's hot. But something tells me she's gonna die. I can just feel it. I mean, she's the bad apple who parties too much, so obviously she'll od so that today's kids will learn a lesson to stay Puritans all their lives and never have any fun at all."

"She better not die. She's my favorite. I don't relate to Joey anymore because she's too pure and sweet. She reminds me of the old me. She bugs me. Maybe she'll die instead?"

"Nah, she's the main star. Besides how would she die? Falling off the dock and drowning in two feet of water? She never does anything interesting as far as I can tell. Unless she slips and falls off that stupid ladder going into Dawson's room. That might be a good death scene. Let's hope for that."

Hermione threw popcorn at Draco's head. "You're terrible. You want her to fall to her death off a ladder?"

"Sure. I mean, this show doesn't have Fluke worms to eat you, so it might as well be a ladder accident," he shrugged.

"Now you made me miss the end! What just happened? I wasn't paying attention," she scolded him.

"I don't know, I was too busy plotting the annoying girls death."

Hermione sighed. "Oh well, I'll figure it out next week I guess. But you can stay home next time. I don't wanna hear your comments," she pouted.

"Stay home? You mean my place?" he asked, slightly unnerved that she had uninvited him over the very moment he was about to ask to move in.

"Yes, _your_ place. Don't you still have one? You never leave my sofa, I swear."

"Yeah, about that. Um, I kinda wanted to ask you something," he said tentatively.

"What?"

"Well it's about my place."

"Did you forget to pay the rent? Did you get evicted? Because that would sort of make me laugh given all the money you've got," she giggled.

"No, I paid the rent. It's just why should I? I don't really live there anymore. Wouldn't it make sense for me to move in here?"

"Move in with me? Like officially?" she asked as she put the popcorn on the table and sat up.

"Yeah, officially. It's nice here and homey. And it has a cat. And you. Plus a telly and that DVR thingy. And you've got plants, which I water every day, mind you," he explained.

"I wondered why they weren't dead yet. I always forget about them."

"Well see, you obviously need me around. Otherwise your plants would die and your cat would get depressed. Do you realize he cries every time you leave? I have to shut him up with food and talk to him a lot or else he scratches your furniture and tries to eat your shoes."

"He does?"

"Yes."

"Oh. I wondered why all my shoes had bite marks on them."

"But see, I stop him. He likes me. He listens to me."

"That's because you spoil him with treats. Don't think I didn't notice the bag sitting in the pantry. You bribe him for his affection," she informed him.

"Okay, yeah, there's some bribery involved. But that doesn't negate the issue. I also happen to clean up and do the washing for you. And yes, I use magic, but I still do it! Frankly your place would be a hovel without me and probably covered in cat piss and ripped furniture and dead plants."

"Anything else you'd like to add? You don't cook. Will you cook?"

"Cook? Um, sure. I might need to find a book or something first though. But alright."

"How about daily foot rubs? Or possibly wearing a ripped pillow case like a house elf?"

"Alright, now you're just fucking with me. Am I completely off base here? Are you trying to tell me it's a bad idea?" he asked with a sigh.

She shoved him playfully and ruffled his hair. "Don't be silly, you dolt. Do you think I don't want you moving in? You basically already live here. I was just enjoying you pleading your case. It was adorable," she smirked at him.

"I'm glad I amused you. I was nervous! I didn't know what you'd say. I mean, I am here all the time, but all my shit isn't. How'd I know you'd agree to such a huge step? I've never done this before!" he told her with agitation.

"Just relax. It _is_ a huge step. But I'm not scared. I want to be with you. I adore coming home to you sitting on my sofa. Sometimes you even have wine waiting. It's heavenly. And I don't mind your shit. We'll find somewhere to put it all," she shrugged.

"Really? Just like that? It's cool? I can move in?" he asked curiously.

"Yes!"

"God, I stressed over this for what seemed like ages. And it's not even a big deal. I thought you might panic or something. Or want your space. I mean, you just told me to stay home next week so you can watch your silly soap opera," he reminded her.

"Yeah, well, I'll live. And you could just shut up and watch it. If you do, I'll sit through an episode of your beloved X-Files and I won't even say a word. Promise."

"You will?"

"Sure. Plus that FBI guy is rather handsome. Please tell me there's sex on the show. He's nailing his partner, right?" she wondered.

"No, they're just friends. I think so anyway. They're kind of vague about it. But it's not about sex, it's a supernatural crime show, not a porno, for God's sake."

"Yeah, but I like romance. I wanna see smoochies and crazy sex. It excites me," she admitted.

"Don't I give you enough of that in real life?" he wondered.

"Yes, but I still like to watch the fantasy unfold on the screen. Oh! Have you seen Moulin Rouge? You simply have to watch it with me. I love it," she proclaimed excitedly.

"Moulin Rouge? The red windmill? What the hell is that about?"

"You speak French?"

"Yes. We summered there when I was growing up. But you didn't answer my question. Is it about a windmill?"

"No, it's a nightclub. A risqué one. It's a tragic musical love story."

"A bloody _musical_? Give me a break. I want to move in, but I still want to keep my balls in my possession," he sighed.

"I'm not stealing your balls. We're compromising. I'll watch your boring crap and you have to watch mine. It's how men and women live together and not kill each other."

"Okay. Moulin Rouge it is. But not until after it's official. I want my crap here and put away and then I'll watch it," he relented.

"Perfect. So when do you want to do it?"

"How about as soon as possible? I don't have a lease and the month ends in a few days. It'd save me the money if I got out fast. But of course I'll pay for this place. I'm not a freeloader."

"I never thought you were. But you don't have to pay it all. We can split it."

"No, let me pay. I insist. Spend your money on other things. I pay for my own home."

"Alright. I won't argue. I don't mind being spoiled. Who knew I'd land a rich bloke? Certainly not me," she laughed.

"I'm gonna take perfect care of everything. Promise. Just leave it all to me from now on," he assured her.

"I trust you. I'm excited. Are you?"

"Yes. Very. You know someday I will do more than just shack up with you. But I'm not there quite yet," he admitted quietly, knowing her desire to eventually marry.

"It's okay. I've got time. This is the first step. A couple of months ago, you'd have a panic episode over this, and now you're the one wanting to move in," she chuckled slightly.

"What can I say? I'm under your spell."

"Good then my Imperius curse is working," she smiled playfully.

"Is that was this is?" he laughed.

"No. But don't be worried. It'll be great. Now lets go to bed, shall we?"

"It's only after nine."

"I never said I wanted to sleep."

"Oh, well then let's get a move on. The bed awaits."

She got up and grabbed his hand and they wandered down the hall together to what was now almost officially _their _bedroom. And this time Hermione knew she was getting it right. Not like with Ron. This was completely different. This time it was for keeps. She knew that deep down in her heart. She'd finally found the one.

In the next couple of days, Draco gradually emptied out his flat and brought his things to Hermione's place. He was giving up almost all the furniture, except a chair that he loved and refused to part with. But they were having trouble agreeing on where to put it.

"Why can't it just go here?" Draco asked, pointing to a spot where another chair resided.

"Because that's where my chair goes, and it matches the sofa. Your chair is black and my sofa is mauve. It totally clashes," she explained.

"Love, I'm consenting to live with a fucking pink sofa, the least you can do is let me put my bloody chair here. It's a recliner and it's leather and it's fucking comfortable!"

"The sofa is not _pink_, it's _mauve_. And where will I put my chair?" she wondered.

"How about over there?" he pointed to an empty alcove by the window.

"Over there? Why would I ever sit in a corner and stare at a wall?"

"You never use this chair anyway. You're always on the sofa."

"So are you!"

"That's because I never had my chair here before," he explained.

"Oh alright. Fine. Put the bloody chair there. I don't care."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I still think it's going to mess up the Fung Shui of the room."

"The what?"

"Fung Shui. It's an ancient Chinese practice of placing items in your home in proper arrangements so your entire life doesn't fly off kilter and chaos ensues."

"You actually believe that nonsense? Where did you learn that?"

"I read it in a book."

"Of course. Is there anything you haven't read?"

"Probably not."

"Well in Fung Shui land, where would the chair not cause chaos to ensue?"

"I don't know. Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's fine. I don't actually believe in Fung Shui anyway, but I figured why tempt fate? So I followed the stupid book."

"Love, I don't think my chair will bring about an apocalypse. It's a bloody chair. And so what if it doesn't match? Throw one of your frilly afghans over it and it'll blend," he told her as he held her shoulders and gave her a kiss.

"You're right. I'm being stubborn. It just reminds me of when I moved in with Ron and he took over the entire flat and didn't let me do anything I wanted. It was all his shit and he gave me a tiny corner of the bedroom to decorate as I wished. So when I moved out and into this place, it was like my sanctuary. I could do whatever I wanted and so I bought a mauve sofa just to be girly. I don't even like mauve that much."

"Look, I don't want to overtake your space. But you just said you detested living in a place where Ron didn't allow you any of your own things. Do you want me to feel that way?" he wondered.

She sighed and sat down on her sofa and shook her head. "No. I want this to be _our_ place. You're absolutely right. I want you to feel at home."

"Alright. And just so you know, I already feel pretty comfy here. I'm not requesting a total overhaul. It's a chair. And perhaps some pictures and well, I think my family sword would look spectacular over the fireplace."

"But what about the picture I already have there?" she pouted.

"It's just a painting of a sunset. Does it really mean that much to you?"

"No. You can put up the sword. I bought the painting in a thrift store. But I'm afraid the sword will make the place look like medieval castle or something. All we'd need is a suit of armor in the corner."

He laughed. "Oh stop. I'm not putting in a dungeon or suggesting we build a moat around the building. I thought you said this was exciting and cool? You said you weren't scared, but now you look a bit like a frightened kitten. Is this a bad move?" he wondered curiously.

"No, it's not. And I'm not scared, I promise. I _really_ want to live with you. It's just I'm particular about my space, that's all. I'm a bit anal retentive, if you hadn't noticed."

"Uh, I sort of noticed that about you twelve years ago. But it doesn't bother me. It's kind of cute. But it works because I'm rather easy to please. I grew up in a palace where I wasn't allowed to touch anything. Certain rooms were strictly forbidden. I had zero input on anything around me. My room was the only place I could do as I wanted, and even then, my father picked out all the furniture and bedding and draperies. I was simply allowed to hang my posters and my little knick knacks. I was never even allowed to pick out my own clothing! So if you really hate the chair, I'll sell it. It's fine," he told her seriously.

"No. Keep it. I mean, I had no idea how controlling your parents were. I certainly don't wish to emulate that sort of life for you. I'm letting you have free range. Do whatever you want to the place. But do not put up a Slytherin banner in any part of this home. I will tear it down," she said with a small smirk.

"Oh come on. Now you've ruined my plans to decorate the bedroom in green and silver and hang a large snake across the ceiling and a portrait of Salazar Slytherin above the bed," he joked.

"Shut up. You were not going to do that."

"Oh yeah, I was. And I was planning to build my own Chamber of Secrets downstairs in the incinerator room. I already ordered a Basilisk from the pet shop."

"You're ridiculous," she shoved him playfully.

"I know. But seriously, I'm not gonna take over. We're just gonna compromise a little and we'll be both feel content. That's all I want. At least you let me buy my own clothes."

"I like your clothes. Most of them. Except that silly old tattered school shirt. It belongs in a bin."

"Never. I will keep that shirt until there's nothing left but a scrap of fabric. It was the last thing I bought before my entire life went to shit. It's sentimental," he explained.

"Oh. I didn't realize. I thought you said it was your lucky shirt? It didn't seem to bring you much luck."

"Sure it did. I didn't die, did I? Everyone thought I would. Hell, it was practically a given. And I knew it. And yet, here I am. Still breathing. I was supposed to die that night on the tower, and I didn't. So that's luck."

"Actually it was love, not luck. You were never going to die that night. Perhaps you could have perished in the battle later, but you weren't going to die that night," she informed him softly.

"What do you mean? Dumbledore was supposed to kill me. I mean, I was supposed to kill him first obviously, but who are we kidding? He would have wiped the floor with me with both hands tied behind his back. That is if he hadn't been so ill and frail at the time."

"Yes, I know. But he was never planning to fight you at all, sick or not. And you were never going to be the one who killed him. It was always going to be Snape. It wasn't luck that put him on that tower with you that night, it was love," she explained.

"Snape loved me?"

"No, your mother did. Do you not know any of this?"

"I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Well, your mum was terrified for your safety. She knew as well as you did that you'd probably be killed if you fought Dumbledore. So she begged Snape to do it for you. They made the Unbreakable Vow. And along with that, Dumbledore was already dying and he asked Snape to kill him when the moment arrived. Dumbledore wished to save your soul, and your mum wished to spare your life. You honestly didn't know this stuff? No one told you?" she wondered.

He just sat there for a moment and took it all in. He shook his head. "No, no one told me. Why wouldn't someone have told me? Why wasn't it brought up at the trials? I don't understand."

"I don't know why it was never brought to light. I suppose it wasn't necessary with the other evidence."

"How did _you_ know all this? How could you know and not me when it was my life at stake?"

"I found out from Harry. He knows all kinds of things you'd never dream of. He was always with Dumbledore and he had secret meetings with him and Snape all the time. And plus he had access to a pensieve, which showed him all kinds of things no one else would ever know."

"Snape was actually willing to die himself rather than let me die? I mean, you can't break an Unbreakable Vow or you're history."

"Well he knew that he was always going to kill Dumbledore anyway. It wasn't a risk really. He made the vow because the plan was already in place."

"Then what was the bloody point of any of it? Why did I have to do all that work and worry myself to death and have endless panic attacks every night, when everything was already out of my hands? I did it all for nothing!"

"No, you still had to do what you did. You had to carry out the plans or Voldemort would have murdered you and your parents. You did what you were supposed to do and that was vital to your survival. It all happened as it was supposed to. If you had known the truth, you might have blown Snape's cover and ruined everything. He was trying to protect you. So was your mum."

"I guess I just don't understand why no one told me the truth eventually. I should have known about it."

"Perhaps your mum didn't feel you needed to know?"

"I knew she was worried about me, but I didn't know how far she went to make sure I would be okay."

"She may be a bit snobby and priggish, but she's still a mother. And from what I hear, there's nothing stronger than a mother's love for her child. Harry's mum died just to save him. Voldemort was going to let her go, but she refused to give up Harry to him. And your mum lied straight to Voldemort's face and said Harry was dead just so she could leave and find you."

"Yeah, that part I did know. My mother has stones, I'll give her that. I know some people look at her and just assume she's vacuous and nothing but a pretty thing to drape across my father's arm at parties. But she's no shrinking violet, nor a piece of arm candy. She's tough and she's brave and she's smart. Maybe that's why I like women who are the same way? I probably have a fucked up head complex and severe mummy issues that I'd rather not explore," he laughed slightly.

"I don't know about that, but I rather like your mum. I'm not sure how she feels about me, but I like her," Hermione smiled.

"I think she likes you. We'll see how much when I tell my parents I've moved in with you. That should be fun."

"You think they'll mind? Are they really that old fashioned?"

"Eh, not really. I mean, they used to tell me when I was young that a proper woman would never sleep with a man before marriage. And that I should uphold that and wait for my arranged wedding to God knows who, the moment I turned eighteen. But I got the fuck out of that house before that could happen, and I kind of made it clear that I wasn't exactly living a celibate lifestyle. Plus, there were rumors about me all the time. Don't think I didn't know what people said of me. I tried to keep a low profile and stick with Muggles who didn't know me, but somehow someone got wind of something or other and the next thing I knew I was being called a womanizer and a playboy and basically a huge douchebag," he laughed slightly.

"Well you _were_ all of those things, let's be honest," she said with a small smile.

"Alright, you got me there. The rumors were true. But still! Explaining that shit to my parents? My mum thought I was a virgin and I had to break her heart and tell her I'd lost that virtue when I was fifteen. You should have seen her face. But eventually they got over it. I mean, it's not the 1950's anymore. Who gets married as a virgin anymore?"

"I was a bit of a late bloomer. I was nearly eighteen. And then I didn't sleep with anyone for an entire year after Ron and I broke up. But then I sort of went crazy and became the town tramp. I don't know how that happened," she admitted.

"You were just young and having fun. You're not a tramp."

"I was though. I'm not exactly proud of the life I led. It was foolish. And if my parents had been around to see me that way, I would jump off a bridge rather than face them. They didn't raise me that way. And I was always so bloody uptight and sensible. I have no idea what came over me."

"You were escaping. So was I. But none of that matters anymore. The past is dead and gone. And I really wish to keep it that way. For both of us. We've got this new life right now and a home to put together. Let's just focus on that. Besides the sooner we get my shit put away, the sooner we can watch that dumb movie you want me to see. So let's keep unpacking, alright?"

She smiled and nodded her head. "Alright. I've made space in the closet for you. And I also emptied out some drawers in the bedroom. Oh, and please do put out your coffee maker because it's much nicer than mine. Just chuck mine in a bin. Oh and your blender. I don't own one and we could make margaritas with it. Why do you have a blender anyway?"

"I don't know. I simply went to the kitchen accessories shop and said I needed everything they had. I don't even know how to use it. It just sits on my counter all shiny and useless. But if you want it, it's yours," he smiled.

"No, it's _ours_."

"Right. _Ours_. I like the sound of that."

She snuggled up next to him and held him tightly. "I'm so excited to start a life with you. It's going to be amazing."

"Yes, it will be. I'll make sure of it," he promised her with a kiss.

They both knew it would be a bit of an adjustment, but they'd muddle through. It was worth it in the end. A few months ago, neither of them had anything or anyone and neither ever even dared to look into the future at all. But now they were both actually excited for whatever came next. They weren't flailing alone in the world anymore. They had each other. Two people who probably couldn't be more wrong for each other, yet they seemed to balance each other out somehow. The truth was, neither of them could envision being with anyone else. No one else would put up with them. They argued almost constantly, but it was always playful. They didn't take it seriously. And it was never mean spirited. Not like when Hermione and Ron would argue. That was always serious and he could be downright mean when he wanted to be. And he couldn't deal with her bossy attitude. But Draco loved it. It challenged him. And in the end, they also shared some very tender moments that neither had ever shared with anyone else before. Their trust in each other was limitless, which made little sense since they spent years detesting one another. But that was part of the attraction, twisted as it seemed. They liked the friction and the sexual tension and the passion. Deep down, they were two halves of the same coin. It didn't matter their history, it only mattered what they saw right now. And what they saw now was a chance at happiness. They'd both given up that hope, but they'd found it in each other. And neither of them were willing to ever let it go.

**To be continued…Okay, this one was quite a bit shorter than the last, but it's how I wanted it to be. I hope you enjoy it and please do leave a review! I love hearing your thoughts. Thanks for following along!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson and Richard Marx.**

_Is this a dream?  
>If it is<br>Please don't wake me from this high  
>I'd become comfortably numb<br>Until you opened up my eyes  
>To what it's like<br>When everything's right  
>I can't believe<em>

_You found me  
>When no one else was lookin'<em>

_How did you know just where I would be?  
>Yeah, you broke through<br>All of my confusion  
>The ups and the downs<br>And you still didn't leave  
>I guess that you saw what nobody could see<em>

_And I was hiding  
>'Til you came along<br>And showed me where I belong  
>You found me<em>

Nearly a month went by and Draco and Hermione had settled fairly well into their life together. There was minimal drama and only a normal amount of bickering, which meant they were both actually quite happy. Hermione arrived home from work and didn't find Draco in his usual spot in front of the telly, so she set her stuff down and was about to go look for him. But she stopped short when she noticed a large aquarium sitting on the far wall and another small terrarium of some sort sitting by the window. She peered in at the fish and smiled because they were actually quite pretty and she'd never thought to have fish before. But when she went to investigate the other enclosure she screamed and jumped back, which startled Draco who was just coming down the hall.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he rushed out to see her.

"What in the bloody hell is this thing?" she asked pointing at the terrarium.

"Oh that. It's a scorpion. It's harmless. Oh and look at this. You turn off the lights in the room and then watch," he said as he turned off the lamps and awaited her excitement. "See? It bloody glows in the dark! It's fascinating, don't you think?"

"Okay. That's wonderful. It's a disgusting claw like insect that glows. Why is it in our home?"

"It's a pet. You don't like it?" he asked curiously.

"Draco, a cat or a dog is a pet. This is a fucking creature that belongs in hell or someplace else I don't wish to be."

"Oh come on. It's tiny. It's not a fucking acromantula. I thought it was cool."

"The fish are lovely, but this is just ugly and useless. You're not actually going to take it out and pet it are you? It'll sting you. And honestly Crookshanks will probably eat it. Did you think of that?"

"They said it rarely stings, and it's not poisonous. I asked. But no, I don't really want to touch it, I just want to stare at it for awhile. I'm not going to set it on the sofa next to us or anything. And how will Crookshanks get into the terrarium? He won't eat it."

She sighed. "Draco, this terrarium needs to be cleaned at some point. You'll have to take the thing out to do that which means you'll have to touch it. And then where will you put it?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead. Shit. I have to actually pick this thing up with my bare hands?"

"Yes, you dimwit. Didn't they explain that to you at the shop in hell where you purchased it?"

"Not really. They had it all set up and I just bought the whole thing and took it home."

"What about the fish? Did you set that all up alone?" she wondered.

"No, they delivered that and set it up for me. But don't worry, I've got the fish covered. You pay someone and they come to your home and clean it and do whatever needs to be done. Think they'd clean this thing too?" he asked scratching his head.

"I seriously doubt it. Ugh. What possessed you to think I'd want this hideous thing in my house? What if it escapes and crawls in bed with us? I'll never sleep again! Besides you always fucking hated weird creatures and said that Care of Magical Creatures was the worst class they'd ever invented."

"Well this isn't a Blast Ended Skrewt, it's a little scorpion. And I never knew I'd have to touch it! I guess I just thought it didn't need to be cleaned."

"Didn't you realize that it's alive and thus will excrete some sort of shit that will begin to stink if it's not properly maintained?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I should have thought this through better, I admit. But don't worry, I'll handle it. No worries. I'll think of something. There's always magic. I can just like magically hover the thing over the terrarium and clean it up and the poof it back inside. Problem solved," he smiled at her.

"I swear if that thing gets loose, I'm moving out. You can keep the place," she said throwing her hands in the air.

"Move out huh? Where will you go?"

"I'll move in with your parents. How about that? I'll just sneak in and find a room and it'll be winter before they even noticed I was living there since the place is so huge."

"Good luck with that plan. I give you about two hours before you realize that my parents are scarier than the scorpion ever will be."

"Okay, perhaps that's true. At least your father. But honestly, a _scorpion_?"

"I'm a guy. We like weird shit. It was either this or the six foot python. And I knew you'd have a conniption over that thing, so I got this instead. I'm calling it Scorpius. Which by the way, is an excellent boys name for our first son," he remarked.

"Scorpius? First of all, you named this awful thing? And second, you want to name our _child_ after it? I don't think so," she scoffed.

"What's wrong with that name? I like it. What would you name our child? Bob? Something lame and dull and ordinary like that?"

"For your information I've not yet sat down and named our children yet. If you hadn't noticed I'm not pregnant and we've only been living together a month. But no, I'm not naming a child Bob."

"Do you at least like the fish? Can I be out of the dog house because they've very calming and pretty and colorful and will make you forget all about poor Scorpius sitting over here in the corner?" he wondered.

She sighed. "I do like the fish. They're lovely. But buying living things that we have to care for should probably be discussed before you just run off and do it. I wouldn't bring home a starving orphan without at least asking you first."

"Oh come on, an orphan is not the same as some fish and a scorpion. You don't put a child in a glass case and forget about it. Aren't you at least happy I passed on the snake?"

"Yes, incredibly happy. I hate snakes. I never wish to see another one if I can help it. And I would have forced you to take that back if you'd gotten it. But fine, you can keep your weird little pet. But I mean it, if it gets out and I find it, I'm squashing it immediately," she informed him.

"It won't get out. I promise. I don't think it's smart enough to figure out how to escape. Does it even have a brain?"

"Everything does, though I'd question the size of it. But I also question the size of yours sometimes too," she said with a smirk.

He made a face at her and flipped her off. "You're mean," he told her.

"Yeah, well you're just insanely impulsive sometimes. What possessed you to buy these things today? Nothing on the telly?"

"I was bored. I was just going for the fish at first, but then the scorpion sort of caught my eye. It was an impulse buy. Like a pack of chewing gum at the market. It wasn't planned, I just decided I needed it," he explained.

"Well next time buy something without a stinger and a crunchy shell of armor and claws. Why not buy a hamster?"

"A hamster? Your cat would gobble that son of a bitch up in five minutes if given the chance."

"True. Anyway. Obviously there's no need for me to ask how your day was since I've seen what did with your time."

"Well how was your day?"

"Perfectly fine until I got home. But that's okay. I'm ready to relax and get silly and eat tons of Greek food tonight," she said happily.

"Greek food? Are we going out?" he asked.

"Yes. Don't you remember? It's Harry's birthday. He invited us all to have dinner and drinks at that Greek place downtown. The one with the belly dancers? We just talked about it yesterday."

"Oh, right. I totally forgot. I guess I was too busy buying pets. I didn't get him a gift," Draco admitted.

"I've got the perfect one. Give him Scorpius. He'll love it," she teased.

"Yeah right. That's what Potter wants from me. He'd think I was attempting to kill him or something."

"Don't worry, I already bought him something. You just have to sign the card," she told him waving her hand in the air.

"So he won't expect something from me personally right? A joint gift is acceptable?"

"Yes, I mean we are a couple and we live together, it's only natural we'd bring one gift. Unless he was like your best friend then he'd probably expect something personal. But you're covered. The card is in my purse and I'm just going to change, okay?" she said as she headed off down the hall.

Draco fished in her purse and pulled out the card and he looked it over. It was a bit mushy and sentimental and he felt odd signing his name to it. It was all about the love between friends and sharing special moments together and it didn't exactly describe their relationship in the slightest. But he just shrugged and found a pen to write with.

'_Dear Harry, obviously I did not pick out this card. We have no fond memories of each other. Nor are we 'special friends'. But just so you know, I hope your birthday is happy anyway. Also, thanks for not letting me die in that fire that one time. It's a little belated, but still, thanks. Oh and sorry I kissed you that one time at the bar. I don't remember doing it, but I was told you enjoyed it thoroughly and are considering ditching Ginny and running away with me now. Sorry to break your heart, but I don't swing that way. Joking. Obviously. This is me trying to be funny and probably failing miserably. Truth is, I don't actually know you at all and I'm not sure what to say here. And I know you don't care for me much. But maybe someday that will change? Stranger things, and all that. Anyway, happy birthday. Sincerely, Draco.'_

He looked over what he'd written and sighed. It was stupid. It sucked. He should have just kept it simple but he wanted to say something genuine and nice. But instead he rambled on like a moron. Too late now. He just closed it up and shoved it back in the envelope and then went to the bedroom to change his clothes too. They got themselves ready and Hermione opened the card to sign it herself and she read what Draco wrote and started giggling.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"This," she said holding out the card. "Were you high when you wrote this? I mean it would explain why you bought a scorpion today, that's for sure."

"No I wasn't high. Is it too stupid? I was trying to be nice and also funny. It's horrible right? I should scribble it all out," he said shaking his head.

"No, no. It's perfect. He'll love it. And you were nice and funny. It's just sometimes you surprise me. I expected you to simply write your name and not a soliloquy."

"Well I wanted to say something personal. After all, I didn't buy the gift. I don't even know what it is. I figured I should at least make an attempt to be friendly or something," he shrugged.

"You did fine. I'm sorry I laughed. And by the way, we bought him a shirt."

"A shirt? That's it? That's kind of anti-climatic."

"What would you have bought him? A car?"

"No. I have no clue. I barely know him," he shrugged.

"He'll like the shirt. Trust me. There was a time when I swear he only owned two shirts. One for summer and one for winter. And they looked almost the same. He's a terrible clothes shopper. Luckily Ginny helps him now."

"Should I give him some money? People always like money. It can't hurt right?" he wondered.

"It's not necessary. Trust me. Just buy him a few drinks. He'll be happy," she assured him.

"Alright. If you say so. Oh, and please do not let me get hammered enough to kiss him again. I beg it of you."

"I promise. I'll cut you off if you start to act insane again," she smiled.

"Okay. Let's go then."

They set off for the restaurant and headed inside once they got there. Neither of them had ever been there before, but it was well known as a fun place in the city to dine and have drinks. They put on a belly dancing show every evening and made the men come dance with them. It was supposedly very entertaining and fun and that's why Ginny picked the place as the spot to gather. There was Greek music playing and people walking around in togas serving drinks and food. They spotted the table almost immediately because it was right in front of the belly dancing stage and Ron's red hair was impossible to miss.

"Wait. You didn't tell me the Weasel was coming," Draco complained as they stopped short.

"Well duh, he's Harry's best friend. I figured you'd assume he'd be here," she informed him.

"But I can't stand him. And honestly he's always hated me more than anyone. I think he hated me more than you guys did."

"I thought you shared a civil conversation with him at his wedding? You said he wasn't so bad."

"I kind of glossed it up a bit. He basically told me he hated my guts and that he and Harry would come kill me if I hurt you. We didn't exactly hug and become pals. The only reason he didn't try to strangle me was because he didn't want to ruin his wedding."

"Great. I thought he was decent to you! You made it sound like he was."

"I didn't want to upset you."

She sighed. "Well just ignore him. If you don't talk to him, maybe he won't talk to you?"

"Ugh, this is gonna suck. I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like his sister. But him? I wish he'd fall into a volcano or something."

"Just keep quiet and do not verbalize that fantasy okay? No one's falling into a volcano."

She took Draco's arm and dragged him to the table and when they approached Ron's smile faded quickly. He stared Draco down and Draco stared right back. But thankfully neither said a word. At least not yet.

"You guys made it!" Ginny exclaimed as she jumped up and hugged both of them, which threw Draco off a bit.

"Yes, we're here. Are we late? You guys already have drinks and appetizers," Hermione noted.

"No, we got here early. Sit down!" Ginny told them happily.

The only open seats were next to Ron's wife, Jennifer, and Ron himself. Hermione sat next to her and Draco took the end so as to be as far from Ron as possible.

"Happy birthday, Harry," Hermione said as she reached across the table and patted his hand.

"Yeah, happy birthday," Draco said politely.

"Thanks guys. I'm glad you came," he smiled at them.

"Yeah, we're all tickled pink now that Malfoy's here," Ron said snidely.

"Ron, shut it. We already had this conversation," Harry told him giving him a stern look.

"Whatever," Ron said, taking a large sip of his drink.

"Don't mind him. He's a bit cross that I invited you," Harry said to Draco.

"Yeah, got that message. Did he expect I wouldn't come with Hermione?"

"He sort of thinks you should be excluded from gatherings, like say his wedding. He's not quite over that. Or the fact that he saw the album of photos from our night on the town."

Draco laughed slightly and shook his head. "The Weasel thinks I'm stealing his people, right? I knew it. I know how his tiny mind works. But fuck that. I'm not leaving."

"Honey, no one is asking you to leave. Harry's just explaining," Hermione told him.

"Yeah, I know. But this is so juvenile. Potter, your friend needs to grow up and get over it. Whatever I did to him or said to him is ancient fucking history. How long can a person hold a grudge? Forever?"

"Possibly. But just don't look at him. Or speak to him. It should be fine," Harry assured him.

"Why don't I put up a magical barrier between us so he can't see me? Would that help?"

"Draco, let's just order some drinks and try some of this food. It looks wonderful," Hermione urged him.

"Fine. Where's a waitress?"

They flagged one over and she took their drink order and returned quickly. Draco downed his immediately and asked for another. Hermione let out a deep breath.

"Oh God, he's going to get hammered again," she muttered under her breath.

"So, I heard a story that you actually got on a stage and sung a song to a crowd of people. Is that actually true?" Ron asked Draco, who was trying very hard not to look Ron's way.

"You saw the pictures, right? You know I did," Draco said, never looking up from the table.

"I also heard you sucked. Made a right ass of yourself. I'm sorry I missed it."

"Yeah, we all wished you were there ruining our fun," Draco said giving him a glare.

"I still don't get why I wasn't invited that night," Ron grumbled.

"I already told you. It was just supposed to be for me and Hermione to hang out. Do I have to always include you in everything? We're not bloody Siamese twins," Harry told Ron in a snippy tone.

"We used to be! Well not really, but you get my drift. The point is, I don't want this wanker here. If you cared about my feelings, you would make him go," Ron shot back.

"Look Weasel, is this _your _bloody birthday party? No. It's Harry's. And your _sister_ invited me! I'm sorry I crashed your wedding, but I stayed out of your way. And if you'd stop acting like a six year old, maybe we could all just get along for a night? No one else here has a problem with me, do they?" Draco asked as he scanned the table. No one said a word. "See? Everyone else is a fucking adult. Grow up already!"

Harry stood up and put his arms out. "Enough. Seriously. Both of you shut it. This is _my_ party and I can invite who I want. Draco's right. Sorry Ron, but he's actually right. This isn't about _your_ feelings. It's about _mine_. And I want him here," Harry said pointedly.

"You actually _want_ him here? My God, has everyone lost it? Am I the only person who remembers the hell this bastard put us all through? Is everyone else here very brain damaged?" Ron asked heatedly.

"Ronald Weasley, just shut your damn pie hole for once in your bloody life. I may not be your girlfriend anymore, but you _will_ listen to me. Draco is _my_ boyfriend. He's part of my life. All of you are. If Harry and Ginny can actually find it in themselves to like Draco, even a little bit, then why can't you even _try_? Why? Why are you such an impossible wanker?" Hermione stood up and yelled at him.

Ron just looked at her and said nothing at first. And then he looked at his wife who was just sitting there holding her head in her hands, looking like she wanted to disappear. Ron poked her arm.

"Jen, are you just gonna sit there and let everyone yell at me? You know how I feel. Why aren't you standing up for me?" he asked his wife desperately.

She turned and looked at him. "Ron, you know I love you. But I don't even know this Draco person. I don't hate him. I don't care one way or the other. And honestly I'd like to actually speak to him at least once before I decide I hate him. I won't do it just because you tell me to. And truthfully, you're embarrassing me. And it looks like you're embarrassing everyone else, especially yourself. So please, just sit there and eat. It's what you do best," Jen told him as she picked up her drink and tossed it back.

Draco started chuckling and held his hand over his mouth to try and conceal the laughter, but he couldn't stop. "Well, well, Mrs. Weasley finally speaks. And she's got stones. I'm impressed. Good on you, Jen. You tell him like it is. I like you."

Ron just stood up and left the table and stormed outside. Everyone looked at one another but no one knew what to do or say. It was incredibly awkward.

"Should you go after him?" Hermione asked Jen.

"Me? No, I rather think he's pissed at me right now," she shook her head. "Harry should go."

"Me? Why? He doesn't listen to me."

"But you're his best friend."

"Yeah, and you're his wife."

"Make Ginny do it," Jen offered.

"Why me?"

"You're his sister. Perhaps he'll listen to you?"

"Ron never listens to me," Ginny informed them.

"Does he listen to anyone?" Hermione asked, no one in particular.

Soon all eyes fixed on Draco and he looked up at them.

"What? Don't even dare suggest it be _me_ who goes out there after him. I'm the one person here he might actually murder. Do you think he'd listen to _me_?" Draco shook his head furiously.

"So what, we just leave him standing outside sulking?" Harry asked.

"Oh, he'll get it out of his system and come back. He always does. This is Ron's thing. He gets pissed and then he runs off and expects someone to follow him. And when you don't, he gives up and comes back. Am I right, Hermione? You lived with him before I did, so you know him," Jen explained.

"She is sort of right. He does love to storm off angrily. But he always comes back," Hermione agreed.

"Okay, this is ridiculous. This is Harry's fucking birthday party and we're all sitting here fretting over Ron and his stupid feelings. I'm putting an end to this right now," Draco said as he stood up from the table.

"Wait! Are you leaving too?" Hermione asked.

"No. I'm going out there and I'm going to force that overgrown child to stop throwing a tantrum and get back in here."

"How are you going to do that?" Hermione wondered.

"Just trust me. I know what he needs."

"What? A kick in the head? Don't hurt him," Hermione pleaded.

"I'm not touching him. Just everyone relax and order more drinks. Order two for me. We'll be back," Draco informed them as he turned and marched out of the restaurant.

He found Ron sulking on the side of the building, kicking rocks with his shoes and muttering under his breath. Draco sighed and shook his head and walked over to him.

"Weasel."

"What the fuck do you want? Go away. It's obvious who's not wanted in there and it isn't you. It's me. You fucked up everything for me. I hope you're happy!"

"I am rather happy, thanks for asking. Look, let's just get this over with shall we?" Draco said plainly.

"Get what over with?"

Draco held out his arms and stood in front of Ron. "Go ahead. Hit me. Give it your best shot. No wands, just pure manly aggression. Get it out of your system. You know you want to. Just fucking hit me and get over it. Go on!"

"You want me to hit you?"

"Yes. Just go for it. It'll make you feel better."

Ron stood there for a moment and wondered if it was a trick or something, but Draco didn't budge. He just stood there waiting, arms out, completely unarmed. Ron smirked a little and then he just hauled back and punched Draco straight in the face as hard as he could. Draco cried out and grabbed his nose and Ron cried out and held his hand to his chest.

They both shouted out, "Bloody hell!" at the same time.

"Motherfucker, I think I broke my hand!" Ron complained as he shook it out and massaged it with his other hand.

"Your hand? What about my fucking face? Who taught you how to punch? Hermione? God damn it, that hurt!" Draco complained as he kept holding his nose and checking for blood on his hands.

"That was fucking awesome," Ron started laughing despite the pain.

"Yeah? Glad you enjoyed it. Am I bleeding?" he asked showing Ron his face.

"Kind of. I really got your nose good, Malfoy."

"No shit. Fuck! I know I asked for it, but I didn't realize how fucking hard you'd hit me."

"Well I violently dislike you," Ron shrugged.

"Yeah, my nose got the message. But do you feel better now?" Draco wondered.

"A little. I mean, that was brilliant. But I still don't want to be your friend."

"I didn't expect you would. But seriously, Weasley, why do you hate me so fucking much huh? I know I was a dickhead in school and I realize I was sort of quasi evil for awhile, but that was mostly an act! You know that. And lately I've done nothing except make Hermione incredibly happy. And your sister and Harry had a fucking blast with me when we went out. I've stayed out of your way. I didn't fuck up your wedding. I don't get it. Why continue to despise me so passionately? Everyone else thinks you're an idiot for holding this grudge so firmly," Draco told him seriously.

"You want to know why I hate you so much right now? It's because no one else does anymore. And Hermione was fucking miserable as shit with me and you waltzed in and swept her off her feet and now she's all happy and normal again. And Harry? You fucking kissed him! I saw the picture. And don't get me started on Ginny. She was the only one truly on my side until that supposedly wonderful evening and now she can't stop talking about how fucking funny you are. And Jen? My wife? She told me she thought you were handsome! At my own bloody wedding! It's like everyone suddenly loves you and now I'm the asshole!"

"Look, I can't help any of those things you just said. But maybe, just maybe, you could give me a tiny sliver of a chance and perhaps you'd realize that the reason everyone likes me is because I'm not what you remember. I'm different. I'm not a fucked up little brat anymore. And yes, I did some bad things, but I never once actually tried to hurt any of you. I never had the guts. All I had were my stupid insults. And if you can't get over that, then you need some therapy. It's been years, Weasley. _Years_! I'm not that person anymore. I'm just not. If you actually spent more than five seconds speaking to me like a real person, you might realize that."

Draco turned around and went to go back inside and then he looked back at Ron. "Are you coming back in or not? Everyone's waiting on us."

"They actually want me back in there?" Ron wondered quietly.

"Yes, you half wit. They're your bloody friends and your family and your wife. But that doesn't mean I don't belong here too. I'm gonna marry Hermione someday, so might as well just get used to me. And stop being an ass. This night isn't about you and me, it's for Harry. And right now, I'm being a better friend to him than you are. You gonna let that happen? You want me to replace you? Cause I can. Bet you never kissed him," Draco smirked at him.

"Ugh, you're warped. But fine. I get it. You're right. I'm being a selfish dick."

"Yeah, you really are."

"Are you seriously gonna marry Hermione?"

Draco sighed and shrugged. "That's the master plan. I'm not saying it'll be next week or anything, but yes. I'm in love with her. And if you hear my father tell it, I always have been. But personally I think he's nuts."

"You got that part right. He _is_ nuts. And a criminal."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. But you helped set him free, remember?"

"Don't remind me."

"You coming back in?"

"Yeah."

Draco just nodded and turned and opened the door and Ron followed behind him. Hermione jumped up when she saw Draco's face.

"Oh my God, what the hell happened to your face?" she asked grabbing a napkin and wiping his nose, but the blood was already dried.

"It's nothing. Just a spot of violence before dinner. It needed to happen. I'm fine."

"Ron, you _hit_ him? Are you mad?" Hermione scolded him.

"Relax, love. I told him to. He needed to do it. He's been dying to do it for about twelve years now, I suspect. So I let him have a go. I thought you hit hard, but he actually made me bleed. And oh, his hand might be broken too."

"Is this party ruined now? Should we just give up and go home?" Ginny asked with a disappointed look.

"No Gin, it's fine. We're all good now. And Harry, I'm sorry for being an ass. This is your party and I've got no right to tell you who to invite. Let's just forget it all and have fun. It's a party right? Everyone drink up!" Ron said as he picked up his glass and downed it.

"I'll be right back," Draco told Hermione.

"Where are you going now?"

"The bathroom. My face is a mess, I can tell. I need to wash up. I'll be right back."

He walked away and Hermione turned to Harry.

"Why did Draco let Ron punch him in the face? Has he got a death wish?" Harry wondered.

"No, he's just a little unconventional, that's all. But it worked. Ron came back and apologized. I guess Draco knew what to do after all."

"I guess so. I thought I talked to Ron enough and got through to him, but he's so difficult sometimes. Plus, I think he's jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah. He sort of took issue with me actually enjoying an evening with Draco present. He felt left out. But seriously, we're not twelve anymore. I'm engaged, he's married, you're living with Draco. Life isn't the same anymore. I don't think he wants to accept that the three of us aren't all joined at the hip anymore."

"But we're all so different now. Our lives changed.. He couldn't expect the three of us to move in together and be single all our lives and just run around hunting Horcruxes forever. That chapter in our story ended long ago, and I don't want to go back. I want to go forward."

"I know. Just maybe give Ron more time."

"Well the night has barely started so who knows what'll happen? Hopefully no more in fighting or insults."

"Fingers crossed."

Draco returned to the table and he no longer had blood all over his face and looked much more presentable. He took a seat and looked at Hermione and Harry who seemed thick as thieves when he arrived.

"So, what are you guys whispering about? Me or the Weasel?" he wondered.

"Truthfully, Ron. I'm sorry he gave you shit. You didn't need to goad him into punching you, though. That was unnecessary," Harry told him.

"No, it was necessary. Believe me. He's been itching to do it. Maybe you have been too? But that'll have to wait for another night, because my face hurts already."

"I don't want to punch you."

"You don't? I mean, the rest of your friends had that honor at some point, so why not you?" Draco asked curiously.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not mad at you anymore. The urge is gone. But don't worry, I'm sure it might come back eventually. So keep the offer open," Harry smirked.

"Okay, rain check then. But for now, I want to drink these drinks and actually eat something. Is the food still good or has it gone cold?"

"It's still good. Plus, there's still the actual dinner. These were just some appetizers."

Draco just nodded and helped himself to some of the food and took a big gulp of one of his drinks.

"You know, it was kind of crazy to let Ron punch you in the face," Hermione told him.

He sighed. "No one else was willing to go after the nitwit. Someone had to do something. And let's face it, it was me he had a problem with. Much as it pained me, it really needed to be me who went after him."

"Did he just hit you and then suddenly decided to come back inside?"

"No, we talked. Well, I did most of the talking and he just scowled at me, but eventually I made my point. Turns out he does have a little sense in that thick head of his. You just have to be blunt and to the bloody point. I think everyone else is so worried about his fucking feelings they just coddle him and that makes him act like he's entitled to special treatment. But the truth is, he just needs to get over himself and realize that school is over. We're all grown up now. And I haven't done a single thing to him in like six bloody years. Plus, I never actually did anything to him in the first place. So I made fun of him? Big fucking deal. You lot made fun of me too, but you don't see me weeping in my drink over it."

"Well whatever you said, he seems happy now. And also a getting a bit drunk. Remember, you told me to cut you off and you've already three drinks. Slow down," Hermione reminded him.

"I'm fine. Promise. This fourth drink is to numb the pain my face. It's medicine. But if I get drunk enough to start offering up hugs and kisses to the Weasel, just knock me out and drag me home because then it'll be clear I've had too much," he chuckled slightly as he took another sip of drink.

The rest of the evening, everyone ordered food and many more drinks, and no one got into anymore fights. Ron was still not excited to share a party with Draco, but he'd calmed down. He could be a bigger man. Because it was obvious to him that he was the only one left who actually held a grudge. He caught Harry and Draco laughing hysterically and patting each other on the back and it had stung a bit. He was all the way across the room watching his best friend have the time of his life with someone he hated. But what could he honestly do about it? If he acted like a spoiled child, Harry would just move farther away from him and soon he'd never be invited out again. So he walked over there with his drink and stood to face them.

"So what's so fucking hysterical? You two lot look like you're about to piss yourselves," Ron wondered curiously.

Harry looked up at him and tried to stop laughing. "Oh it was nothing. Draco was just telling me how he bought a new pet today and Hermione almost threw him out of their flat. He was doing this impression of the way she gets. You know how she gets? Well, it was funny. Maybe you had to be there," Harry shrugged since Ron didn't laugh along.

"Yeah, I know how she gets. Do you remember the time she got pissed at me for something, I don't even remember what, but she threw my bloody armchair out the front door and left it on the curb. And some homeless bloke tried to take it," Ron told them.

"Oh yeah, that was funny. God, you always pissed her off. She hated that chair," Harry reminded him.

"If it's any consolation, she hates my chair too. But so far she's not thrown it onto the street yet," Draco told him.

"She's kind of a handful, don't you think? I mean, I love her to bits, but sometimes I just wanted to chop my own head off so I wouldn't hear her harping at me at all the time," Ron lamented.

"But isn't that part of her charm? I rather enjoy her tirades. I always have, truth be told. She's a feisty bird," Draco laughed.

"Yeah, she is," Ron said, glancing over to where she was sitting with Ginny and Jen across the table and giggling to themselves. "She's much more suited to you than me, I think."

"What? You actually think so?" Draco was surprised.

Ron shrugged. "I dunno. Look at her. She's all giggles and shits now. I don't even remember her smiling when we were together."

"Well you've got a lovely wife now. And she seems a bit feisty herself. Not afraid to put you in your place," Draco quipped.

"Yeah, Jen's great. I was lucky to find her. Well, I guess I'll just go back to my seat and leave you two with your stories," Ron said somewhat dejectedly.

"Wait. Don't go. Sit with us," Harry urged him. "You never even heard what this so-called pet was that Draco bought. It's insane."

Ron stopped walking and grabbed up a chair and sat down between them. "Alright. So what did you buy? A fucking dragon or something?"

"Hardly. It was a little scorpion. And she acted like I'd purchased a hell beast. It's in a glass cage! It can't get out," Draco informed him.

"A scorpion? What sort of pet is that? Most people would call an exterminator if they saw one in their flat."

"Am I the only one fascinated by weird things? It glows in the dark under a special light. It glows! How is that not cool?" Draco said defensively.

"Yeah, but what do you do with it? Set it on your shoulder? Put a leash on it?" Harry wondered.

"No, it just sits there looking all menacing and scary. Guarding the castle, if you will."

"I seem to recall you having a heart attack at every creature Hagrid ever showed us in class. Not to mention the panic attack you had in the Forbidden Forest, so worried something would eat you. And yet you buy a horrid insect as a pet?" Harry prodded him.

"Why does everyone bring up my hatred of Magical Creatures class? This isn't magical or huge or deadly. It fits in your bloody hand. Not that I'm touching it. I just wanted to stare at it. No one understands me," Draco sighed.

"You got that right. You're completely bizarre," Ron chuckled as he took another drink.

"So my pet is bizarre, yet you used to sleep with a rat. That's disgusting. Rats are filthy animals that live in sewers and eat babies while they sleep. Not to mention your rat was really a bloody murderer so you essentially cuddled a fat ugly old man every night for years and had no clue," Draco started laughing again.

"Hey, a rat isn't filthy! He was cool. Sort of. I don't know. I didn't choose the pet, it was handed down to me. And I had no idea he was a murderer! I thought it was a stupid rat," Ron defended himself.

"Yeah, but still. A rat isn't even on the list of animals you're allowed to bring to school. I can't believe they didn't feed it to Hagrid's ugly old mutt when you weren't looking."

"Oh remember when you wouldn't speak to Hermione for like a month because you were convinced Crookshanks ate your rat?" Harry reminded Ron.

"Yes, I remember. I was mad! I hated that ugly cat."

"Crookshanks? I rather love that old thing. Yes, it's ugly, but he's a commanding presence. He knows he's special and deserves to be pampered. That cat loves me. I spoil it senseless," Draco informed them.

"Of course you would. Taking after your parents, I see. Spoiling someone rotten. I bet Crookshanks is now an elitist snob just like you used to be," Ron remarked.

Draco laughed and shook his head. "It's a cat, not a child. And so what if I spoil it? He was already an elitist snob when I met him. I had to work to gain his favor. Pity you obviously never tried, but that doesn't surprise me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ron wondered with irritation.

"Nothing, it's just you don't try very hard at giving things and people chances. Is it the ginger in you that makes you so stubborn? Ginny isn't near as bad. Your sister actually hugged me this evening. Perhaps you should take some lessons from her?" Draco suggested.

"You want me to _hug_ you?"

"Oh fuck no. Let's not get carried away. I just meant maybe you'd do well to give me a shot."

"I am. I'm sitting here talking to you, aren't I? And you're sitting there insulting my rat."

"I'm joking around! Do any of you lot not understand sarcasm or biting wit? Don't take me so bloody seriously. God knows I don't. Harry, was Ron always this touchy? Didn't you two ever rib each other or poke fun?"

"Not exactly. Maybe a little. But we were always too busy trying not to die to have much time for poking fun at each other. Life was always too dire," Harry admitted.

"Well that's a pity. Did either of you ever enjoy yourselves in school at all?"

"Sure we did. Loads of fun. But there was always sort of a dark cloud hanging over me," Harry sighed.

"Well that dark cloud is gone now. Loosen up. And stop taking me so seriously. I don't mean most of what I say," Draco told them.

"Then why say it?" Ron wondered.

"I don't know. My brain and my mouth work independently of each other sometimes. Perhaps in school I lived to torment you lot and meant to upset you. But now? I'm just having fun. Or else I'm just calling it like I see it. I don't believe people should be handled with kid gloves. That just allows people to lie to themselves and never own up to their own shortcomings."

"Right, cause you're so excellent at owning up to your shortcomings," Ron said sarcastically.

"I am! Go ahead and point out all my faults. I dare you. I promise you I already know them all, and probably a lot more than even you know. But if you think there's something I've not owned up to, then hit me with it. Not literally this time though. I don't want to be punched again," he told them.

"Fine, I'll go first," Harry said with confidence. "You're arrogant and pompous and snobby."

"Wait, arrogant and pompous mean basically the same thing," Draco pointed out.

"Okay, well it's a big one so it needed two words."

"Fair enough. Keep going."

"Alright you're a git. And you're a man whore," Ron told him.

"Ah, correction. I _was_ a man whore. I'm not any longer. I've given that life up," Draco defended himself.

"You're insensitive and mean spirited," Harry told him.

"Sometimes, yes. But not all the time!" Draco assured him.

"I got one. You're a coward," Ron stated smugly.

"Now I take issue with that statement. I'm _not_ a coward. Perhaps I'm not Harry bloody Potter, hero to the land, but I'm no coward," Draco said seriously, actually taking offense this time.

"How's that? I seem to remember you standing there at the end of it all with us and then you just fucking ran away to Mummy and Daddy. Literally running and not looking back. Didn't even have the stones to take a side. You could have stayed with us, proved you were good. But no, you ran," Ron told him.

"So that makes me a coward eh? I didn't take a side because the only side I was ever on was my own. It was about saving my own ass and that of my parents. But do you even have half a tiny clue the shit I had to face and carry out in order to just stay alive? Does a coward allow this hideous mark to be burned into their flesh, while pretending to be honored and not in blinding torment from the pain? Does a coward attempt to kill the most powerful wizard alive, aside from Voldemort himself, and be called a coward? I thought I was certain to die and yet I just kept following my orders so my parents would be safe. I stood up there on that tower ready to do something I knew would destroy my very soul, and yet I faced it down. That's not a coward," he told them both.

"Yeah, but you didn't kill anyone. You cried. You freaked out. You froze. I watched it all happen," Harry reminded him.

"And your point is? That makes me a _coward_? I think it makes me fucking human being and a decent person who wasn't capable of actually killing anyone. Would I be a braver man in your eyes had I just blasted Dumbledore off the tower and ran off laughing with my crazy aunt who was egging me on?" Draco wondered.

Ron and Harry were both silent for a moment and bowed their heads. Finally Harry looked up.

"No, you're right. It wasn't cowardly," Harry admitted.

"But you still tried to kill him. The poison that I got? The cursed necklace that poor Katie got blasted with? What about that shit?" Ron wondered.

Draco sighed. "Okay, I have no defense for either of those actions. I really don't. All I can say is that I was following orders under extreme duress. And no one died, did they? Small favors, at least."

"What if me and Katie did die? What would you feel then?" Ron asked challengingly.

"Do you think I would have been happy? Hardly. I didn't want to kill you, Ron. And I didn't even know Katie at all. You want the truth? If you lot had died or I'd actually murdered Dumbledore, I probably would have thrown myself off the tower right after him. Happy now? That's what I was going to do."

"What? You were going to kill yourself?" Harry was shocked.

"Yes. If I actually went through with it, if I succeeded, I was prepared to jump. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't. And that, perhaps, makes me a coward. But the rest of it? No, I'm not a coward."

Ron and Harry were both rendered mute at this declaration. It was suddenly serious and the air was thick around them. Draco finally had enough of the awkward silence and he stood up.

"I'm gonna go outside for a minute. Excuse me," he said quietly as he walked towards the door.

"I was not expecting that," Ron muttered quietly.

"Me neither. Do you suppose he was serious? He really would have _jumped_?" Harry wondered.

"He looked serious. God, can you imagine? I mean, I hate the bugger, but_ killing_ himself like that?"

"I think he's a bit more emotional and human than we ever gave him credit for. I mean, remember when I told you I found him crying in the bathroom? I actually sort of felt sorry for him at least until he tried to crucio me."

"Yeah, I dunno. He's probably just talking. He can't be serious," Ron shook his head.

Hermione noticed that Draco went outside so she excused herself and went out after him. She found him standing against a lamp post with a cigarette in his hand. She walked over to him.

"Smoking again? I thought we both said we'd quit?" she asked curiously.

"Caught me. I had a secret stash for emergencies. Want one?" he offered the pack to her.

"Oh sure. Why not?" she said with a devious little grin, as she took it and he lit it for her. "So why are you hiding out here smoking? Did something happen?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Sort of. It's just your friends. They kind of got to me."

"What did they say? Something rude?"

"Nah, not really. We were just sort of messing around and I was letting them get their licks in, just for kicks. But then I kinda said some shit I wished I'd just kept to myself," he sighed.

"What kind of shit? Something mean?"

"No, nothing like that. Just personal bullshit. About me. And my life. They didn't really need to know. They aren't really my friends, so they have no business knowing."

"What sort of personal bullshit? Is it something I don't know about?" she wondered curiously.

"Kind of. I mean, you know I don't like talking about the past. The things I did, or what I tried to do. It's upsetting. But then I just blurted this stupid shit out to Harry and Ron and now I feel exposed and foolish. And I'm not even really drunk so I have no excuse," he said shaking his head.

"Will you tell me what it was? I mean, if they know now and I don't know, shouldn't I know?" she asked quietly.

"Love, you'll think less of me. It's not important anyhow because it was just a stupid plan I had, and hearing it would only upset you. Just forget it, okay?"

"Draco, you tell me all kinds of private things. Why won't you tell me this? You had a stupid plan? A plan for what?" she asked imploringly.

Draco dropped his cigarette and crushed it out. And then he just stared at his feet and said nothing for a moment. Then he looked up at her.

"You'll think I'm crazy. And not in the silly way you usually think it. I had dark plans. Very dark. Are you sure you actually want to know?" he asked softly.

"Dark plans? Were you going to do something evil?"

"I was going to kill myself, okay? I was going to jump off the Astronomy tower that night. But I didn't. I didn't have to. So it's pointless to even mention it," he said irritated with himself.

"Kill yourself? Do you mean that?" she asked, reaching out to touch his arm.

"Yes. If I had to murder Dumbledore, if I was forced to and no one rescued me, I didn't want to walk away from it. I wanted to jump. Just be done with it. I figured if I did what I was told, my parents would live. But I, however, would have been done with it. How would I ever have lived with myself knowing I murdered a human being? That's not something I have in me. Not even that night in the alley. I mean, yes, I wanted to hurt that man a lot, but I stopped when you said I might kill him. I had to stop."

She stomped out her cigarette and went over and put her arms around his waist and pulled him towards her. She just held him tightly and rubbed her hands soothingly over his back.

"It's okay, Draco. I understand. And I don't think you're crazy. I think we've all had very dark thoughts sometimes, especially when faced with hard choices like we had to make when we were only kids. I seriously doubt Harry or Ron thinks badly of you for this. It might actually show them just how human you really are," she whispered as she held him close.

"The point was, they're not in my zone. _You're_ in my zone. No one else is. Draco Malfoy doesn't share his feelings with just anyone, and certainly not two people who don't even really like me," he said insistently.

She looked up at him and smoothed his hair out of his eyes. "I know you don't like to share, but maybe it's better you did? I mean, Harry has seen your fun side, which he never saw before. And he liked it. But no one is a total goofball all the time. People have feelings and substance. Perhaps he needed to see that part too?"

"Well did Ron need to see it? I don't think so. I think that's why I'm so upset. He's not someone I'd ever share a secret with. Never."

"I know you two have serious issues, but maybe he'll lighten up now? I saw you three talking and it seemed to be okay."

"It was. I guess anyway. But I just feel like I gave them ammunition to hurt me. And maybe Harry wouldn't use it, but I don't trust Weasley. I just don't. I'm not sure I ever will."

"He won't use it against you," she assured him.

"How do you know?"

"Because he just won't. I know him. Yes, he's stubborn and annoying and at times downright aggravating as hell, but he's not a bad person."

"If you say so."

"Come on, just shake it off. If you just let it go, I doubt they'll ever say a word about it again. You have to trust me on that because I know them better than you. Just go back in and let's have fun. We still have presents and the belly dancing show is starting soon. You don't want to miss that, right?" she said, trying to make him smile.

"Well I never can resist a pretty girl in a skimpy outfit jiggling around," he smirked.

She slapped his chest playfully. "Just don't enjoy them too much. Remember I'm right there."

"Don't worry, I promise not to run off with a belly dancer. But if I happen to chat one up and she really digs my scorpion, I might have to ditch you," he said with a shrug.

"Liar! You'd never ditch me."

He kissed her and smiled. "Nope, I never would. Thanks for listening to me mope. And I really do hope you don't think of me weird knowing the ideas I had back then."

"I don't think you're weird for that. Promise. No judgments from me. I'm just glad it didn't work out that way. Come on, back inside. It's a party, so smile."

He smiled a little and then he took her hand and followed her back inside. Everyone had been waiting on them to open the gifts, but Harry and Ron didn't say anything to Draco. They just kept it light and pretended nothing happened. Harry got to work opening his gifts. When he got to the one Hermione and Draco brought, he opened the card first. He read it silently and started laughing almost instantly. He looked at Draco.

"Lovely sentiment, thank you. Were you drunk when you wrote it?" Harry wondered with a grin.

"No. God, Hermione thought I was high and you think I was drunk. Can't a bloke just write some shit and not be out of his mind?" Draco laughed shaking his head.

"Well, it's great. And thank you too, Hermione. The card was very sweet."

He then opened the gift and seemed to really like the shirt, but Draco wasn't all that impressed with it. "I didn't buy that, she did. I wanted to give you money, but she stopped me," Draco informed him.

"You stopped him from giving me money? Are you nuts? You should have let him do it!" Harry joked.

"What? I thought the shirt was nice! You wanted more?" Hermione asked.

"Love, everyone always wants more than a shirt, don't they?"

"No, I love the shirt. I'm joking! But still, I wouldn't have thrown the money back either," Harry smiled.

Draco reached into his wallet and pulled out a hundred pound note and threw it at Harry. "Here. Go buy something stupid with it."

"Like what? A scorpion?"

"Oh God, he told you about that?" Hermione groaned.

"Yeah, and he said you were overcome with joy about it."

"Hardly!"

"A scorpion? Yuck! Harry is not buying that," Ginny made a face.

"I used to have a chameleon. It was quite cute. And it changed colors. It was exciting," Jen piped up.

"I could handle that. It doesn't have a stinger at least," Hermione told her.

Harry finished up the gifts and thanked everyone and personally went around to hug everyone. When he got to Draco he stopped for a moment then he just sighed and gave him a quick man hug and pulled back fast.

"No kissing," he reminded Draco.

"Don't worry, you don't look quite as handsome tonight as you did before. I think I can control myself," Draco smirked with a laugh.

Soon after, the belly dancers took the stage and everyone stopped to watch the show. Then they started grabbing random men from the crowd and pulling them on stage. No one at their table wanted to do this, but Ginny stood up and pointed at Harry and jumped up and down to get their attention.

"Ginny, stop!" Harry pleaded with her.

"No, I want to see you dance. It'll be great."

"I don't dance. Especially belly dancing. Do I look like I know how to do that?" Harry wondered.

But before he could protest more, a woman came down and grabbed him and yanked him towards the stage. Draco started laughing but then he got grabbed up too. He tried to resist at first, but then he just gave up and went up there. At least he wasn't singing this time. The girls all danced around them and tried to grab their hips and make them shake their asses, but Harry and Draco looked like two buffoons, which of course meant Ginny was snapping pictures like crazy. Ron looked dejected again because no one picked him and he was just sitting there watching as the girls shoved Draco and Harry at each other and forced them to dance together while they circled them.

"Oh my God, this is priceless!" Hermione giggled.

"I know! Look at them? Harry is useless as a dancer," Ginny laughed.

Ron just glared and then he finally had enough. He didn't wait to be picked, he just walked onto the stage and stood there for a moment.

"What the hell is he doing?" Hermione asked Ginny and Jen.

"He's about to make a spectacle of himself, I'm afraid," Jen sighed.

Ron started to try and dance but it looked even worse than Harry and Draco. But at least a girl finally noticed him and started dancing with him. But he kept looking at Harry and Draco who were now smooshed together between two gyrating women and he left his girl and went over and shoved Draco aside and took his place.

"Is he mentally challenged? Did he just _shove_ Draco out of the way?" Hermione asked.

Draco didn't like this and proceeded to grab Ron and shove him away instead. And the next thing anyone knew Ron jumped on Draco's back and was pulling his hair and Harry just stood there dumbfounded and all the girls stopped dancing and stared. Draco flung Ron off him and he went crashing to the floor, which really pissed him off. He stood again and launched himself at Draco, but Harry leapt in the middle, and the two of them went crashing across the stage and knocked two of the dancers over with them. It was utter chaos and Ginny was cursing and laughing and taking pictures, not quite sure if she should be angry or on the floor laughing her ass off. Jen just stood there and covered her eyes, while Hermione just chugged the rest of her drink and shook her head. The next thing any of them knew, two huge bouncers had rushed the stage and hauled up all three of the men and dragged them off the stage forcibly. Then they approached the table with the girls.

"I'm sorry ladies, but your men need to get the fuck out. Now. Which means, all of you do. These blokes will be outside waiting while you pay up. We don't tolerate fighting or hurting our dancers," one of the men said as he kept a firm hold on Ron's arm.

"I'm so incredibly sorry," Ginny told the man.

"Me too," Hermione said.

"Me three," Jen squeaked out.

"No worries, just pay up and go home. You can pick these tossers up on your way out," he said as he and the other bouncer dragged the three men out the door.

"Well shit. We didn't get to eat the cake!" Ginny cried irritably.

"It's okay, we'll go somewhere else. Let's just get our stuff together," Hermione said, gathering things up.

"Wait, I don't have enough money. Harry has the money," Ginny told them.

"Yeah, Ron has our money. I've only got five pounds," Jen admitted.

"I have money, but not enough for all this. God damn it. I'll be right back," Hermione said as she marched out the door to face the three delinquents.

They were standing in front of the building with zip ties around their wrists like common criminals. They all looked mortified as the two bouncers stood in front of them with their arms crossed glaring them down. They all looked extremely nervous when Hermione marched out.

"We need money, you idiots. We haven't got enough to pay the bill," she announced to them all.

"I can't exactly get my wallet with my hands tied up," Draco told her.

She just sighed and went over and dug through his pants until she got the wallet and took a wad out of it out. Then she turned to the other two.

"I'm sorry, but I'm fishing in your pants as well. So forgive me if I feel you up, but you made this necessary," she informed them as she went to Ron first and dug in his pants and pulled out his money. Then she moved to Harry.

"It's in my front pocket. Be careful digging. It's a deep pocket and you might get more than you bargained for," he warned her.

"Ugh, as if I want to touch your junk. I'll be careful," she said crossly as she stuck her hand in and carefully removed the wallet and took the cash. Then she just shook her head and went back inside to settle up.

"Oh boy, you're in for it later. She's got severe bitch face going on right now," Ron whispered to Draco.

"Me? You're the one who started it! I was _forced_ on that stage. You just invited yourself and then shoved me away. Afraid I'm stealing your boyfriend?" Draco snapped at him.

"Will you both shut up? This was my birthday! Now we're fucking zip tied with two scary sumo wrestlers giving us the evil eye. This sucks!"

"Ron shoved me and then fucking jumped on me and pulled my hair. Is he a five year old girl? Who does that?" Draco complained.

"Yeah Ron, seriously. This is your stupid fault. Why'd you attack _me_?" Harry asked angrily.

"I was aiming for _him_! You jumped in front of him like some knight in shining armor."

"I was just trying to make you stop. It's not as if I jumped in front of a bloody bullet for him," Harry said with agitation.

"Well why were you acting all chummy with him anyway? Dancing like two morons together. He's not even your friend, I am!" Ron shouted.

"Are you seriously _jealous_? Do you think we _asked _to be picked to dance together? It just happened!" Harry shouted back.

"Okay boys, settle down or we're gonna shove dirty socks in your mouths to shut you up," one of the guys warned them.

They all shut up and just stood there looking at their feet and not saying a word. Everyone was seething though, they just had to do so silently for the time being. Soon the girls came out and none of them looked pleased. But the bouncers cut the zip ties and told them never to come back again. They even took their pictures and said they'd hang them on the wall as to warn the staff they were banned from the restaurant. So essentially their mug shots would be on that wall for anyone to see. They all walked away from the place in silence at first. Everyone was too annoyed or upset to speak. And they didn't actually know where they were going either. Finally they all stopped when Ginny halted the grim procession by standing in front of everyone.

"Alright, I've got something to say here. Ronald, you are a twat. This is_ your_ bloody fault. And don't you even dare to try and blame anyone else. We all saw you act like a fuckwit up on that stage. Do you even have anything to say for yourself? Your bloody _mug shots_ are on the wall in there now! We can never go back. Are you happy? Say something!" Ginny yelled at her brother angrily.

"God Ginny, have a conniption, why don't you. I'm sorry! What more do you want me to say?" Ron asked.

"You need to apologize to Harry for ruining his birthday. And you need to apologize to Draco for shoving him and yanking his bloody hair like a little girl," she informed him with her hands on her hips.

Ron sighed. "Fine. Sorry Harry for ruining your birthday. And Draco, I'm sorry I pulled your stupid hair."

"And shoved me. Don't forget that," Draco reminded.

"Sorry for shoving you. Happy?"

"Honestly what was that about Ron? You had some sort of episode. Are you really that drunk?" Jen asked him.

"Yes, I'm a bit drunk. Quite a bit. I just wanted to dance too. It looked fun and you lot were laughing so much and I was just sitting there like dead weight. I was trying to have fun too!"

"So attacking Draco was fun? It was supposed to make everyone think you were funny?" Hermione wondered with irritation.

"I don't know what I was thinking! I just reacted!" he said defensively.

"Look, obviously the party is over. We're banned from Athena's Greek Delights for the rest of our bloody lives, unless we take Polyjuice potion and sneak in. But since I'm fresh out of that right now, let's just cut our losses and get out of here," Harry said with annoyance.

"But Harry, we're supposed to have cake. I brought a cake. It's your birthday!" Ginny reminded him.

"Yes, but where should we go? Back home?" he asked.

"I suppose. Is that alright with everyone?" Ginny asked the crowd.

Everyone agreed and they set off to find a spot that was private enough for all of them to apparate out of the city and back to Harry and Ginny's place. They all started walking but when Ron got near Draco, Draco stopped and looked at him.

"Stay away from me. I mean it. I let you have a go at me. I gave you a free pass to not only punch me, but insult me. And yet you still weren't satisfied. So keep your bloody distance from me or else next time, I'm using my wand. And I _will _hurt you," He said angrily.

"I'm not gonna do anything again. It's all out of my system now. I'm fine. So keep your wand in your pocket," Ron grumbled at him.

"Oh well as long as _you're_ all better, let us all rejoice. Just don't get us arrested as we walk down the bloody street. I don't fancy being in jail tonight because of you," Draco told him.

Ron just moved over and walked as far from him as possible. It was obvious that the two just couldn't co-exist peacefully no matter what. It would take a miracle. Once they made it to a nice dark alley they all rushed in and apparated quickly. They landed in front of Harry's place and everyone went up the steps and went inside.

"Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. I wasn't planning for us to come here," Ginny apologized as she threw some clothing and magazines across the room to clear off the sofa.

Hermione had been holding the cake box, while Jen and Ginny had the present bags. The bags were set down and Hermione placed the cake box on the dining table.

"I hope it didn't get squished when we apparated. I tried to hold it steady," Hermione told Ginny.

Ginny opened the box and it was slightly melted and smudged and looked like it said 'Pappy Irthday Larry' on it.

"Oh dear, this sucks. Pappy Irthday Larry? I'm sorry honey, but the cake is a bit worse for wear," she apologized to Harry.

"No worries, Gin. It'll still taste good," he assured her.

"We need candles."

"I've got some," Ron piped up with a small smirk on his face.

"Why are you smirking?" Ginny asked.

"No reason. I just brought candles. Here. Put all twenty three on," he urged her.

Ginny took them and her and Hermione started placing them all around the cake until it was completely covered. Then Ginny used her wand and said "Incendio!" and the candles lit up. She clapped excitedly.

"Okay, everyone has to sing. Especially you, Draco. We all know how lovely you sound," she giggled.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a rock star. Someone else has to start though," he insisted.

Ginny relented and started singing and everyone else half heartedly joined in since no one was much of an actual singer. But when the song was done, Harry made his wish and tried to blow out the candles. They went out and immediately flickered back on. He kept trying and the same thing kept happening. He looked at Ron.

"God damn it, are these trick candles from your stupid shop?" Harry wondered.

"Aren't they great?" Ron beamed proudly.

"How do you get them out?" Ginny asked as she herself tried blowing them out too.

"They'll stop. Eventually."

But they just kept burning and starting to spark and soon everyone was watching as the cake basically caught fire and melted before their eyes. Draco pulled out his wand and pointed it at the cake.

"Aguamenti!" he commanded and a burst of water shot out over the cake and snuffed out the raging fire that Ron's ridiculous candles caused.

"Shit, now it's all fucking wet," Ginny sighed.

"Sorry, but it was about to catch the tablecloth on fire," he shrugged.

"Nice candles, Ron. Thanks," Harry said giving Ron a look.

"I didn't think they'd set the bloody thing on fire," he admitted looking at his feet.

"Someone is very passive aggressive this evening, aren't they? First you ruin dinner, then you set Harry's cake on fire. Get some professional help. I beg it of you," Draco told him.

"It was supposed to be a joke! I mean, it's still funny. Look at the cake now. It's burned and soggy and kind of looks like a partially erupted volcano. It's abstract now. Gives it character," Ron explained.

Everyone just sort of stared at it and turned their heads sideways and studied the mess.

"It reminds me of what it looked like when they blew up the Stay Puft Marshmallow man in Ghostbusters," Draco pointed out.

"Ghostbusters? You've seen that movie?" Harry wondered.

"Yes, Draco is addicted to the telly. He's seen everything I think," Hermione informed them.

"What are we supposed to do with this cake? It's inedible now," Ginny asked unhappily.

"It's okay, I don't need cake. It's the thought that counts," Harry assured her with a kiss.

"I'm sorry this evening didn't go as planned. But it was mostly fun," Hermione offered up.

"Yeah, it was pretty fun at least until we got thrown out and my cake caught fire," Harry sighed.

Ron stepped forward. "It's all my responsibility. I know that. I already said sorry, and I meant it. I really did. But I realize that I totally cocked up the entire night. I won't blame you if you never want to speak to me again, Harry."

"Look, it's okay. No, I'm not exactly your biggest fan at the moment, but it'll pass. I know the candles were a joke, but the shit at the restaurant was childish," Harry told him.

"I know. What more can I say?" Ron wondered.

"Nothing. Look, I'm really happy everyone came to celebrate with me, but honestly, I'm wiped out. Maybe we should just call it a night?" Harry told everyone.

Everyone agreed and said their goodbyes. Hermione hugged Harry and gave him a kiss on the cheek. And Draco just held out his hand and Harry shook it.

"You know, I expected _you_ to do something asinine to ruin this night, but apparently I should have looked a different direction for the riot instigator. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that," Harry told Draco sincerely.

"It's fine. I'll live. But next time if you wanna see me and Hermione, don't bring Weasel. Neither one of us can stand each other and it's not ever changing. But cut him a tiny bit of slack. He's just worried, is all," Draco explained.

"Worried about what?"

"Worried that he's the outsider now and somehow I've taken over his world. But it's ridiculous. And I think we all know that, except him."

"I'll talk to him again. But not tonight. Honestly, I've had enough for one evening. But really, I'm glad you both came. Thanks for the gifts. Oh and I promise to spend the money on something useless," Harry smiled.

Draco just smiled back and took Hermione's arm and they headed out the door and disappeared back to their place. Hermione threw herself on the couch and Draco plunked down in his chair.

"Well that was the most embarrassing evening I can recall. I actually enjoyed that restaurant and now we can't go back!" Hermione sulked.

"Relax, we'll go back. I'll wear a disguise," Draco joked.

"I can't believe Ron acted that way. He's a grown man."

"I know, but he really dislikes me. He's afraid Harry will have more fun with me, and truthfully, I don't think he's completely over you either."

"What? Don't be ridiculous. It's been years. And he dumped me," she protested.

"I don't know, I got that vibe. I'm not saying he doesn't love his wife, but I'm fairly certain he's not over you. Not entirely. And he hates that I make you happy when he never could. He pretty much told me that."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well that's just weird. And kind of pathetic. _He_ dumped _me_!" she said irritably.

"I don't think it matters. I think he's just protective or something. Doesn't think I'm good enough. But he probably wouldn't think anyone was," Draco sighed.

"He always used to be like this. I mean, he was too chicken shit to make a move on me for years, but then he got furious at me for dating Viktor. And then out of the blue he suddenly decides I'm in love with Harry and gets all bent out of shape. But whatever. I don't want to talk about him anymore. I don't care. And as far as I'm concerned, he can just stay out of my life from now on. I'm done," she threw up her hands.

Hermione wished that Ron had been a bigger man who didn't act so childishly. He'd fooled her at the wedding because he appeared to be accepting of Hermione's choices. But apparently that was just an act so as not to ruin his special day. But he had no problem ruining someone else's special day. And for that, she was simply furious at him. She couldn't believe that she'd once thought she loved him. Or that she once envisioned her life with him. That seemed so long ago now. It was part of another life. And maybe she needed to stop trying to force him into her new life? It wasn't working. And they'd drifted so much that she hardly ever spoke to him anyway. It was time to cut the ties. She wanted to hold onto him in some capacity because she did have a great affection for him at one time. But she wasn't feeling it now. Mostly she was just disappointed. There was a time when seeing his face gave her comfort, but now it just stressed her out. She thought he'd be different once he was married, but that hadn't made him more mature. In fact, it almost seemed to make him worse. All she knew was that she was done trying keep him in her life. He had no place there anymore. That was the sad truth. They weren't really friends anymore, and they certainly weren't lovers. He was just somebody that she used to know, sad as that seemed to her. But it was the painful truth. Their story was over and it was time to let go and move on completely. And she was ready to do that now.

**To be continued….I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I would love some more reviews so I know if you're liking the story. Thanks to all my followers! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson, Richard Marx, Brad Paisley and the song Draco sings is by Ben Folds.**

_You used to say you wanted someone to know you inside out  
>And as I look back on things, well congratulations<br>Somebody knows you now_

_All of this time you told me you wished that you could figure yourself out  
>You say you're still a mystery but no, not really, not to me<br>Yeah somebody knows you now_

Draco was lounging about the apartment on a Sunday afternoon, just watching the telly and half heartedly glancing at a car magazine, still dreaming of perhaps purchasing one someday, while Hermione was out having lunch with Ginny. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and he was a bit surprised because they never had visitors. He wondered if maybe it was one of those religious nuts come to try and brainwash him into joining their church. He accidentally opened the door once to one of those types and he couldn't get rid of them. But the knocking persisted so he sighed and got up to answer the door. He was startled to see Harry standing there.

"Harry? What are you doing here? Hermione's not here. She's with Ginny. Didn't you realize?" Draco told him.

"No, I know. I'm not here to see Hermione, I'm here to see you actually. Can I come in?" Harry asked tentatively.

Draco was a little shocked but he just nodded. "Sure, come in."

Harry walked in and Draco shut the door and Harry took in the slightly new appearance of the flat. "I like the fish tank. That's great. Are they salt water?"

"Uh, yeah. The other fish were all boring, but these are so colorful. And look, we have some of those clown fish like in Finding Nemo. Did you go see that flick at the cinema?" he wondered.

"Finding Nemo? Isn't that a cartoon? You actually went to watch that?" Harry was surprised.

"Hermione wanted to see it. I just tagged along. I hadn't ever been to a cinema before. We watched it in 3D with these ridiculous glasses, but it was brilliant. Fish swimming right in front of your face? I didn't realize Muggle's had such cool inventions. It was like magic, but it wasn't."

"Maybe I'll take Ginny sometime? She'd probably get a kick out of it. So where's your scorpion?" Harry asked.

"Ah, Scorpius I call him. He's over here," Draco said leading the way across the room and pointing him towards the terrarium. "You know I told Hermione I wanted to name our son Scorpius as well and she thought it was a dumb name. What do you think?"

"Your _son_? Oh my God, is Hermione pregnant?" Harry asked with extreme shock.

"No! Oh God no. I just meant _someday_. A long time from now. But the name is cool right? No one would give any guff to a boy named Scorpius, would they?"

"What's wrong with a normal name, like Harry? You can't go wrong with a classic like that. I'm named after a prince."

"Harry? You wish us to name our child after _you_? I don't think so. But nice try. Besides your named after the useless prince and not the good one. Harry's a ginger and he'll never be king. He's irrelevant. Did you ever notice how he looks exactly like his mum's old riding instructor? Something tells me he's a bastard child, but no one will actually admit it. Too scandalous."

"Actually I did notice that. I saw it on a newsstand in the Sun. They had pictures of that bloke next to Prince Harry and they were like twins. But anyway, that's not why I'm here. I didn't come to talk about royal gossip or naming children," Harry told him.

"Right. Well why are you here?" Draco wondered.

"Can we sit down?"

"Sure."

They went over and Harry sat on the sofa while Draco sat in his chair and they both just kind of stared at each other for a moment and said nothing.

"So, you gonna speak or are we just gonna gaze longingly into each other's eyes?" Draco joked.

"Sorry. This is just a bit weird for me. But I came to apologize again for my birthday party," Harry explained.

"There's no need, Potter. Seriously. It's fine. And you didn't do anything wrong," Draco waved it away.

"I know, but it's my fault that things went haywire. Ron's my friend and I should have known better than to have the two of you both there."

"Right, so you regret inviting me, is that what you're trying to say?"

"No. Actually, I rather regret inviting him instead." Harry admitted.

"Oh come on now, don't be ridiculous. He's your best mate. I suspect you two will kiss and make up sooner rather than later. I mean, you've been friends forever and I'm nobody to you," Draco pointed out.

"That's not entirely true. And yes, Ron and I have been best mates forever, but sometimes people outgrow each other a bit. I don't know. Ron's not exactly adjusting to adult life the same way I am. I mean, I have a very important and stressful job, and it takes a lot of my time and energy. And when I'm not working, I like to be with Ginny mostly. Ron complains a lot that I never have time for him. But all he does is stand around a joke shop all day selling Puking Pastilles to twelve year olds. He doesn't get the stress I'm under or the fact that I don't always have the luxury of rushing off to have lunch with him whenever he wishes. I thought once he was married, he'd understand better. But I don't think he's adjusting to married life all that well either, to be honest," Harry explained.

"Trouble in paradise already? He's not happy being married?" Draco asked curiously.

"I don't know. He says he is, but he also complains a lot about how Jen demands too much from him sometimes and how he'd rather just hang out with me and knock back a few pints instead. It's not right. They're newlyweds! They should be blissful and shagging each other senseless every chance they get.. He shouldn't want to be with me all the time, should he?" Harry asked.

"Honestly, no. He should be with his wife. He should be happy he actually landed a girl who's nice and decent and pretty. Plus she appears pretty smart and tough too. Does he want her to walk away? She doesn't strike me as the type who will put up with a lot of bullshit before she just bolts."

"I know. I've tried explaining that to him. He just said he thought marriage would be more fun. Plus he's just got this twisted notion in his head that everything was simpler when we were kids, which is ridiculous because my life is far less complicated now because at least no one is actively trying to murder me all the time. But when he looks back, he remembers gorging himself on feasts in the Great Hall and sneaking about the castle getting into trouble. Or stuffing his face with sweets on the train. Or Quidditch. He still wants to play that all the time, but it's kind of hard without a team anymore or any place to actually do it. It's like he just glosses right over all the horrifying parts of our lives and wants to relive the golden moments. Which is all well and good, but there are other things to think of too. I think he's just horrible with change," Harry sighed.

"Well, I don't know what to say exactly. You know I can't stand him. I warned you on that very first day on the train to keep away from him, but you didn't listen. You snubbed me and chose him. Still don't get that, but whatever. But don't say I didn't warn you he was not the right sort to mix with," Draco shrugged.

"Please. You were a total dick that day. Of course I snubbed you. And Ron isn't a bad person, he's just a little screwed up. But he refuses to admit it. I think his brother's death really hit him hard. He never wants to talk about it at all. Ever. He never did."

"Some people don't handle grief that well. I don't know. Sometimes it's easier to just shut it all down and block it out. That's what I did for many years. I just coasted along and refused to even think about the shit that happened before. But I wasn't trying to live in the past and relive my glory moments, that's for sure. My glory moments were all me being a jackass that no one could stand. I don't even think my own friends liked me," he admitted.

"You weren't very easy to like, Malfoy," Harry informed him.

"I know. You think I don't know? But that's not me anymore. But I'm not gonna sit here and beg forgiveness or hug and cry and learn and grow. I just want to move on. And Weasley refuses to do so, so that's his fucking problem, not mine."

"I realize that. I never thought I'd say this, but I was actually on your side that night. The way Ron acted was mortifying to say the least. But he gets really fucking jealous. I mean, _insanely_ jealous. It's really annoying. This one time, back when we were all on the run and hiding together, he got fucking pissed at me and wanted to go home because apparently our little adventure was too boring for him. And when Hermione didn't agree to go with him, he acted like I'd stolen her away and practically accused her of being in love with me and choosing me over him. And then he just fucking disappeared. Poof! Gone!"

"So what do you want me to say, Potter? That you should ditch him? I told you that a long time ago. But I don't think that's what you want. Are you here asking me for advice or just venting?" Draco wondered, unsure what to do next.

Harry sighed and leaned back onto the couch. "I don't know. I have no idea what I'm expecting you to say or do. I guess I was just venting. And apologizing again, because I really felt bad about how things went. Hermione loves you, and I love her. So I want to have her in my life, and that means you come along with it. I guess I just put a bit more effort into spending time with her than I did with Ron, because I felt like he and I were okay. And Hermione and I had been somewhat estranged for a long time. I missed her. I was worried sick about her, especially when she told me the things she was doing to herself. I felt like she needed me more. So I guess you could say I chose her over him. And Ron sees it more as me choosing you over him. But that's not really it."

"Yeah, well I know that. It's not about me. You're just looking out for her. She was in a pretty bad place when I met her again. I'm talking really bad. But I'm not exactly one to talk since I wasn't doing any better than her. But we were good for each other, believe it or not. Our lives are different now. We actually _have_ lives. I don't know how much she's told you about the trouble she was in, but if I didn't come along, things would have been really ugly. I know I'm not the guy you dreamed for her, but trust me, without me? It wouldn't be pretty. I protected her when no one else could because she refused to even let you know what she was doing," Draco said seriously.

"She never really told me that much. Just enough to make me feel sick and scared. But I'm sensing there are things she's not told me. Did something bad happen?" Harry asked with quiet concern.

Draco sighed. "It's not really my place to tell you her secrets. You should talk to her, not me."

"But she doesn't want to talk about it. At least tell me this. Did someone hurt her?" Harry asked, afraid of the answer.

"No. No one hurt her. But that's only because I stepped in and stopped it. But you did not hear that shit from me, got it? Keep it to yourself. I told you it wasn't pretty. And if you want to know more, make her tell you," Draco insisted.

"Oh my God…it really _was_ bad, wasn't it? You stopped it? You sure?" Harry asked fretfully.

"Positive. She's fine. But please, just talk to her sometime. Maybe she'll tell you? And maybe then you'll actually understand why she fell in love with me," Draco said quietly.

"Alright. I'll try. But I don't want to upset her either. It's kind of a touchy situation," Harry admitted.

"Yeah, but you've got a way about you that makes people spill their guts. Like that shit I blurted out at the party. God, I felt so stupid. I just wish Weasel didn't hear me," Draco lamented.

"If it means anything, I'm glad you told me what you did. It made me think of you a bit differently. But not in a bad way. More like I understood you a little. There were a few people on that tower that night, but you and I are the only ones still alive to remember how it went down and what it was like."

"Yeah, we're the only ones left."

"Just so you know, I'm not sure I could have let you do it. You know, the jumping bit? I don't know if I could have let that happen," Harry admitted.

Draco laughed dryly. "You think you could have stopped me? Potter, I had a death wish. Even _you_ couldn't have saved me. I would have been better off, trust me. No one would have missed another murderous Death Eater roaming around. It would have saved everyone the hassle of a trial, at least."

"Maybe I'm just an idiot, thinking I can save everyone, even those who don't want to be saved?"

"You do have a wicked hero complex. It's kind of crazy. I read how you grew up and the way you were treated. How did you not grow up bitter and jaded and just plain cruel? I thought I put up with abuse, and I did, mind you. But I was still loved. I don't know how you stood living with those filthy Muggles all those years," Draco shook his head.

"I suppose I could have grown up bitter and angry and mean. But that's just not me. I watched my cousin turn into that sort of monster and I knew it could be me too if I wanted it to be, but I always had this foolish hope as a boy that someday life would get better. I knew I would eventually be old enough to leave that place, and I wasn't going to let those people ruin me. I always had this feeling inside me that I was special or different. I didn't know how or why or if I was just completely mad, but deep down I knew that there was something bigger waiting for me out there. I just had to be patient. And then bam! All these fucking letters kept flying into my house and the next thing I know Hagrid is dragging me off to Diagon Alley to buy fucking magical supplies. I thought I was dreaming. None it made a bit of sense at all, yet everything felt right for the first time ever. It's like I finally got it. Only I didn't really get it. Not until later. I didn't know what was in store for me. But I dunno. I just always had this burning need to help people. Maybe because no one ever helped me when I needed it?"

"I understand. I know you probably think that's bullshit since Draco Malfoy never did a single heroic thing in his life, but I get the desire to help someone who needs it. I never really did before, but now I do. I think I'm just a little less broadminded when it comes to who I'm willing to help," Draco told him.

"Yeah, well I think I'm gonna be a bit more discerning myself in the future. I can't help everyone. Namely my supposed best mate. If he doesn't grow up a bit, then I'm afraid I've had enough," Harry sighed.

"Eh, it'll work out, Potter. He'll get over it all eventually. And I know you're not gonna write him off. He's about to be your brother in law. You're sort of stuck with him, I'm afraid."

"God, I know," Harry grumbled.

"So when is this wedding of yours? Hermione never told me."

"Oh, well, we haven't settled the date precisely yet. She wants it to be Christmas day, but I want New Year's Eve. We're butting heads. Personally Christmas should be Christmas. But New Years Eve? That's when you have parties and celebrate. Plus it's a perfect way to ring in a new year, am I right?"

Draco considered the options. "I like New Years Eve too. I mean, your guests probably wish to spend Christmas with their families and such, but on New Years, everyone will probably love it."

"That's exactly what I told her! I'll tell her what you said. Maybe that'll convince her?"

"Is the wedding going to be a huge issue? I mean, Ginny_ is_ a Weasley. And then of course I assume Ron will be your best man. Should I just stay home? Seriously. I probably should," Draco informed him.

"No. I really want Hermione there and she won't come if you don't. I know my word is shit because I thought I already talked sense into Ron for the birthday party and I was mistaken. But this time I swear he will not fuck things up. Nor will his family. I'm going to have a very long and drawn out conversation if need be, with the entire lot of them," he assured Draco.

"Don't go to the trouble for me. Seriously. I'll just make her go without me. I'm not worth starting a family war over," Draco insisted.

"Look, in case you haven't realized it yet, I sort of enjoy hanging out with you. That's why I'm still sitting here. I'm not just doing this for your sake. I'm doing it for mine too," Harry said feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"You actually _enjoy_ hanging out with me? Are you on drugs of some sort? Did I hear that correctly?" Draco laughed slightly.

"Yes, you bloody well heard me. You're not so bad. And you're kind of insightful. And also you make me laugh. It's all very hard to take in. I'm still in shock. But you're coming to my fucking wedding okay? Otherwise who will sing the song for the first dance?" Harry joked.

"Oh God, I'm not fucking singing! But hey, it's your shindig. If you want me there, I'm honored. I'm kind of confused, but honored. Thanks," Draco said shaking his head.

"Don't mention it. Just don't kiss me again. I'd rather have you sing the entire evening than have your lips touching me again," Harry made a face.

Draco laughed. "God, you're so lame sometimes. Are you a complete homophobe? I'd think not since you were best buds with gay old Dumbledore. I'm simply secure enough in my own manhood to kiss you and not make a thing of it. Men do it all the time in France," Draco shrugged.

"Yeah, gay men."

"No you dolt, it's just a standard greeting like a handshake. Have you no culture?"

"Sorry, in my world, we just don't kiss other guys. It's weird. Did you kiss Crabbe and Goyle? Because I would have literally emptied out my vault and gave it to you if I saw that happen," Harry laughed.

"No, I didn't kiss _them_! I'm just kinda messing with you anyway. Truthfully I never kissed a guy, not even when I was in France. But I saw it happen! I didn't make that part up," Draco said defensively.

"Then if you don't do that, why'd I get that honor?"

"Because I was completely bombed out of my wits and do not even remember doing it. If you really want to know why, I can't say because I don't remember. But I suspect I did it to annoy you. Why else would I do anything?"

"Well it worked. But it's funny. I have to admit the picture is pretty fucking hilarious. Ginny put it on the wall in the bedroom. Can you believe that? She's such a pain sometimes. She lives to drive me batty, I swear," Harry sighed.

"I like her, Potter. At first I thought she was a royal bitch, but she's actually pretty fun. I generally do not compliment Weasley's of any sort, but she's a good catch. Pity the rest of her family sucks, but you can't win them all eh?"

"Well I'm glad you like her. For some reason she likes you too. But I think it's because you made an idiot of yourself and she finds that sort of humor insanely appealing. That's why she's always trying to make me sing and dance and be a moron in public. She thinks I'm kind of stiff and unable to let loose."

"You are."

"No I'm not! I can be fun."

"Name the last time you did something completely crazy and off the wall. And no, the belly dancing thing doesn't count because you were forced to do it and well, we all got thrown out."

Harry thought for a moment but he came up empty. "Alright, so I can't think of anything offhand. But that doesn't mean I'm dull."

"No it just means you don't know how to blow off steam and let go of your stress properly. You sit there all stiff and worried what people will think of you, when you should just do something ridiculous. I mean, if it turns your girl on, then what are you waiting for? Do it, man!" Draco chuckled.

"I'll take that under advisement. Look, I should go. I've got some errands before Ginny gets home. But thanks for the chat. I know it was a little odd me showing up like this."

"It's cool. I didn't mind talking to you. I wish I could fix your Weasel problem, but I'm afraid I can't help you there. But I'm glad you stopped by."

"Alright then. Um, see you some other time?" Harry said as he stood and headed towards the door.

"Yeah, sure. Hey, wait! You never said what you thought of my scorpion."

"It's unique, kind of like you. And by the way, Scorpius is not that bad of a name," Harry admitted with a small smile.

"Thanks. Alright, get out. You've worn out your welcome," Draco joked as he playfully shoved Harry out the door.

Then he closed it and sat back down and just thought for a moment. How weird was that encounter, he thought to himself. He never featured Harry to ever visit him personally or want to sit and gab about life with him. It was completely odd. But it didn't suck. Draco actually liked it. Obviously he'd had a brain transplant somewhere down the line and he just didn't realize it. Suddenly people he once hated and who hated him were all his best mates or his lover. It made no logical sense whatsoever. But the tide had changed. Everything had changed. And Draco just kind of smiled to himself because he actually felt like he fit into the world now, whereas he'd been all by himself for so long. He didn't belong anywhere before. And he didn't actually realize how much he wanted to belong somewhere until now. But this time it was a place he'd chosen, and not a life that was handpicked for him. These were his choices and his life and his friends now. He didn't know how liberating that would feel until it actually happened.

Later that evening, after Hermione had come home, he told her that Harry stopped by. And he told her how weird it was for him to actually have Harry want Draco's company. He still hadn't quite processed that yet.

"Do you think he actually meant what he said about enjoying hanging out with me?" he asked her as they lay on the sofa together cuddling up.

"Why would he lie? I told you he said he liked you," she assured him.

"Yeah, but it's so strange. I mean, we just sat here and talked like two regular people."

"Well you _are_ both regular people."

"No we're not. I mean, not exactly. We were arch rivals. Enemies. We don't just sit and talk about life," he explained.

"You and I detested each other. A lot. I couldn't even stand to see your face. I called you a loathsome cockroach once. Yet, here I am cuddled in your arms. And yet that's not strange to you?" she asked glancing up at him with a smile.

"Alright, that's strange too. It's downright ridiculous probably. But it still feels right. I mean, we're different now. Everything's different now," he told her.

"Yes, it is. Which means that it's not really that odd that Harry wishes to befriend you. I know part of it is for my sake, but I also think he genuinely likes you now. Plus he's just had a huge row with Ron and he's probably just desperate for another man to speak to."

"That's true. He is pretty upset with him. I didn't know what to tell him though. I'm not exactly unbiased."

"He'll figure it out on his own. Don't worry. I'm sure they'll eventually patch it up," she sighed.

"You know, Harry cares an awful lot about you. We sort of talked about that a bit too," he admitted.

"You did? What was said?" she asked curiously.

"Oh just how he worried for you for a long time. You kind of scared him a bit. I think he was just glad you seemed happier and wants to make up for lost time by seeing you more now."

"Well I was pretty much a raging bitch for awhile. I was dreadful. I knew he cared, and I knew he'd be there for me if I actually turned to him, but I just shut him out. And I know it hurt him. It hurt me too. But we patched it up," she explained.

"I think he still wants to talk about stuff with you. He wants to know more."

"More? Didn't I say enough? I'm still embarrassed by the way I blurted those horrid things out to him that one day," she shook her head.

"I don't know. Maybe you did say enough? He just asked me some questions that I felt you should answer and not me," he admitted quietly.

"Oh. He has _questions_?"

"Yes."

"What does he want to know? How much I debased myself? I think I already gave him a good enough picture of my pathetic old life."

"He just cares, that's all. You sure you two never…I mean, you weren't ever together?" Draco asked cautiously.

"What? _Together_? Like _romantically_? No! Why would you ask that?" she inquired giving him a weird look.

"I was just wondering. I mean, I know how close you guys are. And I also know you spent a lot of time alone together for awhile on that endless camping trip you told me about. But forget I asked. It was a silly question," Draco dismissed it.

"No, it's not silly, I just thought you knew that we were always only friends. It just surprised me, is all, that you'd ask."

"So you never slept with him?"

"I just told you we were never romantic!"

"I know, but I mean _sleep_. Like on the camping trip. Alone in a tent. The two of you? Did you guys share a bed?"

Hermione was quiet for a moment, contemplating what to say. She finally sighed. "Once. But only once. The whole ordeal was a nightmare from start to finish. And it had been a particularly rough day for both of us. Ron was gone, I was upset, we were getting no where. Plus we had this stupid bloody evil locket that made you go crazy if you wore it too long. And I think I wore it a bit too long that night. I was lying in my cot trying to sleep, but instead I started crying. I couldn't stop. I tried to be quiet and I thought Harry was asleep, but he heard me. So he got up and crawled in with me and held me. And he promised me he'd keep me safe and that we'd make it and that everything would work out. I didn't believe him, but I wanted to. So I just let go of it all and let myself take comfort in his words. And then we fell asleep. It wasn't planned. And it wasn't romantic. But it did mean something. He was all I had then, and I was all he had. We were scared and tired and both missing other people. But nothing happened."

"I see. Well, it wouldn't matter to me either way. I just wanted to know what your friendship was really like. I never had a Harry in my life. I don't know what it feels like to have a friend like that," he said quietly.

"He's always been wonderful to me. Right from the start. We just sort of clicked immediately. But I always thought of him as the brother I never I had. But when the war ended and I lost my folks and Ron and I got together, things were a bit off kilter. Ron wasn't really open to discussing the things we all went through, and I felt like I couldn't be close to him. So I pushed him away. But Harry was still there for me. So I leaned heavily on him. Too heavily. My emotional needs were not being met in my relationship with Ron, but Harry never left my side when I needed someone. Then one day I woke up and realized I was getting too attached. Like embarrassingly attached. So I panicked and started pushing him away too," she admitted quietly.

"_Embarrassingly attached_? You mean you had feelings for him?"

"Yes. But it was fleeting! It was desperation. It was completely insane. He was happy with Ginny and I was with Ron and it was just very wrong of me. So I freaked out and just closed it all up and kept everyone away from me. I had to. I was so screwed up. Like really fucking stupid and fucked up."

"Love, it's only natural to develop feelings for a person you feel that close to. Hell, I'm honestly shocked as shit you and Harry never had a relationship. I always thought you did back in school. Everyone thought so. Do you think it's really such a horrible thing?"

"Yes! He was my best friend. Like a brother! You don't get confused and weirdly attached and overly sentimental with someone like that. It just complicates everything. It's not like it was reciprocal. It was only me. And I put a right stop to it immediately. And believe me, I'm all clear headed now. I have been for a very long time. So no need to worry or anything," she assured him.

"I'm not worried. I've told you before that whatever came before me, I don't care about. And I'm not so daft to think I need to be jealous of him with you. I'm just glad you told me the truth. I wager you've never told anyone else," he remarked.

"God no. Never. Ever! I'm rather mortified I even told you. If Harry ever knew about my stupid wayward feelings he'd probably never come near me again," she said miserably.

"I highly doubt that. He'd probably be flattered. But it's all the past anyway. And I'm not telling him, so don't freak out. I wouldn't tell him anything you said or did or felt unless you expressly told me to. I'm safe, remember? Nothing leaves this room," he promised her as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"I know. I trust you. I wouldn't have told you if I didn't. I just never planned to ever tell _anyone_ about that. It was my secret to take to the grave."

"We don't need secrets like that. They only eat you up inside in the end. I mean, I didn't want to tell anyone my secret either. You know, the one about me throwing myself to my death? But I let it out and even if I was upset about it at first, it's better to have told someone. You're the one who said that to me," he reminded her.

"Yeah, but my secret isn't the same. Mine could mess up a lot of things if Harry ever found out."

"He's never going to find out. Promise. And it was a very long time ago anyway."

"It was. Ages ago. I guess I just feel silly because I've always been so self righteous and adamant that men and women can be only friends without someone getting other ideas. And I'm a big fat liar."

"You're not a liar. So you had some feelings? So what? They went away. Thus proving men and women _can_ be friends without anything else involved. You're doing it right now, aren't you?" he pointed out.

"True. I guess it just took me by surprise when it happened. It certainly was never my plan," she insisted.

"Who ever _plans_ to fall for someone? It just happens and we're helpless to stop it," he said with a sigh.

"I guess that helpless feeling kind of scares me a little. I mean, when I first started having feelings for you, I tried to stop those too. I don't like feeling out of control of my emotions."

"Neither do I. I totally get it. This with you? I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself. You were all I could bloody think about. It really pissed me off at first," he admitted with a small grin.

"Yeah? Well it pissed me off too. I just wanted you to go away, but every time I turned around, you were there."

"I know. I did a lot of lurking about. I'm not proud. But it served it's purpose well that one night. If I hadn't been lurking…well, we already covered that before."

"It's so strange now for me to think of a life without you in it. But it hasn't even been all that long since we've gotten together. Yet, I feel somehow like you've always belonged here," she told him.

He smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I know. I feel like this is what I'd been waiting for my entire life, but I wasn't even aware I was waiting for anything at all. I thought I was just fine, but I really was not. Not even close. I was that shut down that I didn't even notice how empty I was."

"Don't they say that you'll never find anything if you're actually looking for it? The best things happen when you're not prepared or actively seeking it out. It's like if you wish to wear a certain shirt and you simply can't find it anywhere, so you give up and put on something else. And then you come home and suddenly the shirt is just sitting right there on a chair waiting for you. But you were looking so hard before that you completely missed what was sitting right in front of your face the entire time."

"You think that's how this was? We were both too busy looking for something else that we didn't see what was right in front of us all this time?"

"I don't know. Maybe? Who knows?"

"Do you believe in fate?" he asked curiously.

"Hmm, yes. I do. I think some things are always meant to happen, or not happen. And I think that some people are always meant to meet and be in each other's lives. It doesn't have to be romantic, but I believe everyone we let into our lives is supposed to be there for some reason. It's just sometimes they aren't meant to stay there forever, even if we want them to," she explained softly.

"Do you think I'm meant to stay forever?" he whispered.

She nodded. "I think so. I really do. Do you think I'm meant to stay forever?"

He leaned down and kissed her softly. "Absolutely. In fact there's this song I heard and it reminds me of how I feel for you. I've been listening to it a lot when you're not around. It's really sappy and so not my style. But it speaks to me."

"What is it? Sing it to me," she urged him with a big smile.

"_Sing_ it? Hell no. I could just play it for you, you know."

"Yeah, but it'd be sweet if you sang it. No one else will hear it this time. It's just me," she pleaded.

"I don't have music! You want me to just sing without the tune?"

"Sure. Oh come on. I'll love it."

"I don't remember all the words. Just some of it," he told her.

"So sing me what you remember. Pretty please?" she batted her eyelashes at him.

"God, do you see what you've reduced me to? I'm actually considering this. That's how much I love you," he informed her.

"Good, so sing for me then," she grinned happily.

"Alright, but like I said, I don't remember it all. And I sound awful, you already know that. But fine. Just imagine I had a piano and actually knew how to play it."

"I know how to play the piano. I could teach you someday," she offered.

"Really? Well perhaps we'll start our own singing group then? You play piano and I murder the song for everyone," he laughed.

"Okay, you're stalling. Just sing me what you know. I'll shut up and listen," she promised as she lay her head down on his chest and waited.

He took a deep breath and let it out and knew he was going to sound ridiculous. But for her, he'd do it. So he began to sing softly.

"I don't get many things right the first time, in fact, I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here. And where was I before the day, that I first saw your lovely face, now I see it everyday. And I know, that I am, I am, I am, the luckiest."

She looked up at him and actually had tears in her eyes. "That was beautiful. I loved it."

"I sucked. But that's all I remember. I'm glad you liked it," he said, feeling his face actually turn a little red.

"It was wonderful. The most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. And you actually weren't that bad. Perhaps you sing better when you're sober?" she offered with a smile.

"Really? It didn't make you cry because it was painful to hear?" he asked.

She laughed. "No, those were tears of joy. It was just so sweet. I've never heard the song before. Was it on the radio?"

"Actually no. I sort of have been spending some of my days at the library. They have computers there with that internet thing. I did that Google thing Ginny talked about and sort of ended up discovering that they have music on there too. This kid next to me showed me how to find it and then he showed me this little device you carry around and you put the music on that. It's really cool."

"You bought an MP3 player? I had no idea. And why didn't you tell me you were sitting at the library all the time on the computer?" she wondered.

He shrugged. "I dunno. It was just something to pass the time. But now I'm hooked. So I'm gonna buy us a computer soon, just so you know."

"I can't believe how easily you get hooked on all these things your parents would never let you touch before."

"Well I had no idea what I was missing! I mean, magic is great, don't get me wrong. But Muggles have way better shit to play with," he told her.

"So then you really like living amongst the common Muggles? You don't miss the exclusivity and the old world mystery and charm of your old home?"

"Are you kidding? No I don't miss it. It was boring there. Especially since I couldn't do any actual magic until I was seventeen, and by then I was too preoccupied with trying not to die that I wasn't thinking about entertaining myself."

"Well I'm glad you like those things. I never would have guessed you'd feel that way given how you were brought up. But I'd like to have my kids exposed to both cultures. After all, it's how I was raised. I was a bit worried you might want to move back in with your family and raise kids there."

"Don't be crazy. Did my mum tell you that was my plan?" he wondered.

"No, not exactly. But she did sort of mention how once you finally settled down, you'd go back where you belonged."

"When did she mention that?"

"When we were over there the last time. You were busy telling your father something and she spoke to me a bit," she shrugged.

"Well that's not the plan. I mean, when I was younger it was expected of me to marry and live there and join the family empire and raise my wonderfully pureblood children in the proper environment. But do you honestly think I'd do that now? I've been in the regular world far too long. And we both know our children will be half bloods. And I do not want them raised in a stuffy old boring mansion in the middle of nowhere, with two overbearing grandparents trying to undermine my every move. No thanks," he said firmly.

"So you're really never going back there to join the family empire?"

"No. I'm not. I honestly have no idea exactly what my future plans are, but it's not that. I've got my own money and perhaps I'll make my own empire? Does it bother you that I'm a bit of a loaf about? That I don't have a job or any idea what to do with my life?"

"It doesn't bother me. I'm a little envious, actually. I mean, if I had enormous riches stored away, I don't know that I'd do much of anything either."

"Well, my money is your money, as far as I'm concerned. If you wanna quit your job and just hang out with me, go right ahead," he said with a smile.

"Are you serious? We're not even married. Your money is still yours. Not mine. Besides, I might get bored. Don't you ever get bored?" she wondered.

"Eh, sometimes. But I usually find something to do. Or someplace to go. And I don't know, but before I settle into some kind of career path, I want to go places. Travel. See the world. You know what we should do? We should go to Disneyland. In America! It'd be brilliant. We'd see Los Angeles and perhaps movie stars? Wouldn't that be a blast?" he asked her.

She started laughing. "You want to run off to Disneyland in America? Are you joking?"

"No, I'm dead serious. I want to see that stupid rat mascot and maybe ride a rollercoaster. Have you ever done such a thing?"

"First off, it's not a rat. It's a mouse! Mickey Mouse, not Mickey Rat. And second, no, I've not ridden a rollercoaster. How did you even learn of Disneyland? The computer?" she asked.

"I saw a commercial on the telly. They've got one in Paris and Florida, but I want to see California. That's where all the famous people live. And they also have the ocean where you can surf. I've no clue what that actually entails, but I hear it's fun."

"You want to go surfing? They always get eaten by sharks. You'd hate it. What if a shark eats you?"

"Love, a shark won't eat me. People do it all the time," he insisted.

"Have you seen Jaws yet?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What's that?"

"It's a movie. Go out and rent it and then tell me you wish to go surfing. Trust me, you'll change your mind," she told him.

"It's a movie about sharks eating surfers then?"

"Yes. It eats everyone! I saw it as a child and I wouldn't even go in a swimming pool for fear that a shark would jump out of the drain and eat me."

"Now that's just crazy talk. There are no sharks in a swimming pool."

"I was seven! I thought it might happen. I wasn't even supposed to watch the movie, but I snuck from my room and peered at the telly from the kitchen while my parents watched it. It was horrifying."

"Alright, well maybe no surfing. But Disneyland. Come on, you know you want to. No one's ever been eaten by anything there, have they?" he asked.

"I don't think so. Are you actually serious though? You want to take a holiday?" she wondered.

"Yeah. We should. Could you do it? Or are you desperately needed at work?"

"I suppose I have a lot of holiday time available. I never use it. I didn't wish to go anywhere before now."

"Well let's plan something then. It'll be great. And we can fly on an airplane. I've always wanted to do that."

"Okay. If you're really serious, we'll go. I'll talk to my boss and let you know when I can leave," she smiled.

"Perfect. I can hardly wait. We'll see everything there is to see. Hollywood, the whole works."

"You're so cute when you're excited about something," she remarked as she touched his face.

"Everything's exciting when it's with you."

She just snuggled down closer to him and held him tightly. He was exactly what she needed in her life. He was impulsive, where she was cautious and sensible. He brought out her fun side. And in turn, she kept him grounded too. They just worked. And for the first time in a very long time, she was actually looking forward to something. And it was all because of him. Together they'd have their own adventures, but this time they wouldn't be life or death matters. It would be purely fun. And she was desperately in need of more fun in her life. She couldn't wait to go away with him. It would be the time of their life. And thank God this time there would be no camping.

**To be continued…I hope you're enjoying this tale. I'm having fun with it! Please leave a review and thanks to all of you who are following along!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson, Richard Marx, Brad Paisley and the song Draco sings is by Ben Folds.**

_Good friends offer advice and words of wisdom._

_Real friends come over unannounced, with vodka, chocolate, glitter, duct tape, cat suits, explosives, and a plan._

Hermione had spoken to her boss at work and she was given the okay to take a holiday near her birthday, which was next month. It gave them plenty of time to plan and she'd be able to celebrate her big day on the trip. She and Draco were both really excited for it and they planned to be gone for ten days so that they could really see everything and enjoy the sights. Neither one of them had ever been to America before so it was going to be a real treat. Draco said he would do everything and also pay for everything and she was just going to let him spoil her. Every time she tried to pay for anything, he would always refuse to let her do it. She wasn't exactly used to that sort of thing, but she was also not so proud she'd argue with him. If he wanted to throw his money around, that was fine with her. She was dying to know how much he actually had, but never had the nerve to ask him. But she suspected it was way more than she'd ever see in her lifetime from her measly paychecks. She'd never been affected by money before and certainly never aimed to land a rich man. But what girl could complain about having someone who could whisk you off to Disneyland on a whim? She was telling Ginny all about it over the lunch they were having, after having gone shopping for wedding dresses for her upcoming big moment with Harry, even if they were still arguing over the date.

"So are you planning to take one of those tours of movie stars homes that I've heard about?" Ginny wondered as she sipped a drink at the outdoor patio table they were dining at.

"I don't know. Probably. Draco is really obsessed with famous people now that he's watched every movie or TV show ever made," Hermione told her.

"Do you think you'll see Brad Pitt? He's absolutely gorgeous. Especially in that vampire movie? Have you seen it? The one with that other fellow who's slightly bonkers and into some strange alien spaceship religion?"

"Do you mean Tom Cruise? I highly doubt we'll see either of them simply walking about the streets. They'd be mobbed. And you really liked Brad Pitt in that movie? His hair was all long and blond and reminds me too much of Draco's father," Hermione made a face.

"Eww! He does not look like Lucius Malfoy. That's a frightening thought. Though it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to learn Draco's father was really a vampire," Ginny giggled.

"I'm pretty sure he's not."

"Well either way, I do hope you'll see someone famous. Make sure to take tons of pictures. And get autographs!"

"I promise. That is if we see anyone at all. I have no idea what'll be like there. Do you suppose celebrities do just wander about the streets like common folk?"

"They must at some point. How else will they buy food or get petrol for their cars? Obviously they do ordinary things," Ginny pointed out.

"Well, we'll see how it goes. But I swear if I meet Brad Pitt, I'll get a photo and an autograph. You have my word," Hermione smiled.

They were silent for a bit as they finished eating and ordered up more cocktails so they could simply relax a bit and enjoy their girls day out. But Ginny finally spoke up.

"Can I ask you something?" she wondered tentatively.

"Sure."

"Well, it's a bit personal. Actually incredibly personal. And you'll probably think I'm completely perverted for asking," Ginny explained with her face turning pink.

"Perverted? What on earth do you want to ask me?" Hermione laughed slightly.

"Well, you know how when you do certain things for a bloke, do you…well, do you spit or swallow?" Ginny blurted it out.

Hermione started cracking up and looked around hoping no one heard her question. "Ginny! My God! We're in a public place," Hermione scolded her through her laughter.

"So? No one is listening. Just answer the question," Ginny urged her.

"Oh God, I don't know. I can't believe you asked me that. But fine. I swallow," Hermione admitted with a sigh.

"You do? Ugh! Am I the only one who finds that idea horrid?" Ginny asked with frustration.

"I don't know. Have you taken a poll or something? How do you know what other girls do?"

"I sort of asked a few other friends. They all said the same as you. Apparently I'm just a prude or something," Ginny lamented.

"You're not a prude. If you were, you wouldn't be giving anyone a blowie in the first place," Hermione pointed out with a giggle.

"True, I suppose. So Harry told me something and I hope you won't be cross with him because he was only worried for you at the time. But he sort of told me you were, shall we say, rather experienced with sex. And I was wondering, have you done all the things there are to do?" Ginny wondered awkwardly.

"What? Harry told you I was experienced?"

"Well you told him you slept with a lot of men. He confided to me."

"Wonderful," Hermione grumbled.

"I'm not judging! I'm simply insanely curious. Have you done all sorts of things? Like everything?"

"What do you mean by _everything_? How many sexual things can a person do?"

"I don't know. Lots of things. Positions, other areas of interest, that sort of thing."

"Other areas of interest? What does that mean?" Hermione asked confusedly.

"You know, not just regular sex, but other sorts focused on different parts of the body. Please don't make me actually say it out loud," she pleaded.

"Eww! Are you talking about what I think you're talking about? Are you asking me if I ever took it up the rear?" Hermione whispered with mortification.

"Have you?"

"Oh my God! No! You think I would do that? That's just weird and kind of gross. Have you?"

"Me? No! That's why I was asking you!"

"Did you poll your other friends about this as well?" Hermione asked.

"Not exactly. None of them have much experience either."

"So you decided to ask me because Harry told you I was a slut?"

"No! Absolutely not! He never said any such thing. And I certainly don't think that. It's just, you _have_ had a lot more experience than me. I've only been with Harry and he's only been with me. And we're about to be married soon and what if the sex gets boring? I'm worried. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I should be doing, that's all," Ginny explained desperately.

"What makes you think you need to do weird things to keep things exciting? Please don't tell me if this is something that Harry's asked you to do, because I really, really don't want to know," Hermione said shaking her head.

"He's never asked, no. But I heard from someone that all men fantasize about doing that. Is that true?"

"How would I know? Am I a man? No one ever asked me to do that, thank God. So I haven't a clue."

"Do you think it would be awful? Or do you think it might be interesting?" Ginny wondered.

"I don't know! Are we really talking about this? I would imagine it would hurt. But then again gay men seem to like it. Why don't you ask one of them what it feels like?" Hermione offered.

"I don't know any gay men. Do you?"

"No. Although there is this bloke at work, Michael, and I'm pretty sure he is. But he keeps it close to the vest," Hermione shrugged.

"So what am I to do? Come to your work and ask this Michael chap how enjoys getting his ass fucked?" Ginny asked before bursting into giggles.

"You're so crude and disgusting! What has come over you? I cannot even believe you're asking me these questions," Hermione laughed along with her.

"Well you're older than me, and as I said, more experienced. You're like this worldly woman and I'm completely clueless. I just thought you'd have secrets or advice for me. I want to ensure Harry never gets bored of me. I mean, we're talking about _forever_. One person for the rest of your life!"

"Is the sex boring now?"

"No. It's great. More than great. It's perfect. Harry's quite good considering he barely knew how to kiss when we got together," she admitted.

"Then I wouldn't worry. If he's getting the job done, then you're set. And men are pretty easy to please. All you have to is show up and get naked and they're pretty much satisfied," Hermione told her, taking a large sip of her cocktail.

"He gets the job done. It's just sometimes it takes awhile," Ginny sighed.

"For him or for you?"

"Me."

"Oh. Well it always takes women longer. That's normal," Hermione assured her.

"Yeah but sometimes it takes so long I grow bored and just pretend something happened when it didn't, just we can move things along. Is that terrible?" Ginny wondered with a grimace.

Hermione laughed heartily. "Oh no, my dear, I've faked it so many times I lost count years ago. I think every girl does it sometimes."

"They do? Do you fake it with Draco?"

"With _Draco_? No. I've never needed to. Which is quite remarkable, but no, he's very good. I mean, _amazingly_ good and skilled. The man should teach a class," Hermione laughed.

"Do you think he'd tell Harry his secrets? Should we throw them in a room and force them to talk about this? It might help."

"Are you mad? You actually want me to ask Draco to give Harry lessons on how to please a woman? First off, that's just weird. And second, if he did that, then Harry would catch a clue that he wasn't quite up to par all the time," Hermione told her.

"Well don't men just talk about that sort of thing naturally? Couldn't we just force them to go out and somehow this information just spills out accidentally?" Ginny asked.

"No, that's a ridiculous plan. Draco isn't going to do that. And do you think that Harry would actually listen to him? Besides I don't think the two of them are likely to be discussing sex tips together. They have a hard enough time just discussing the weather without both of them feeling awkward about it."

Ginny sighed and leaned back in her chair and gulped down her drink. "Do you suppose something else would help?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Like a toy or something?" Ginny blushed again.

"A _sex_ toy? I don't know. Why do you think I know all this shit?" Hermione asked with exasperation.

"Well don't you? You were a single girl for quite some time and I'm told every single girl owns some sort of pleasure device."

"Where did you hear that?"

"On Sex in the City. They spoke of a device called a rabbit. Do you have one?"

"Ginny!"

"What?"

"Stop asking me weird questions! You're making me all embarrassed. There are some things that are private!" Hermione cried hopelessly as she downed more of her drink.

"Well we're like sisters. If I had an actual sister, I'd ask her. But I'm not about to ask any of my brothers this shit. And could you even imagine my mum's face if I said any of these things at all in front of her? She still sees me as being seven years old and merely blocks out the fact that I've been living with Harry for years. In her mind, we spend our evenings sipping tea and playing chess," she explained.

"Alright. I may have owned something similar. But do not ever tell Harry that! Or anyone else! If you do, I swear I will hex the shit out of you. You're not the only one who's good at a Bat Bogey hex!" Hermione warned her.

"I'm not telling anyone! Do you think I'm completely daft in the head? Obviously this entire conversation never leaves this patio. I'd die if you told Harry any of this too!" Ginny informed her.

"I'd never dream of telling him. Believe me."

Ginny sipped more of her drink then she looked at Hermione. "So is it really better than a man?"

Hermione sighed. "Depends on the man."

"Well does it work fast?"

"Yes, it's brilliant really."

"I want one then. Where do you get one?"

"Ugh, where do you think? A sex shop."

"Where's one of those?"

"Why would I know? Do I look like a phone directory? Look it up!"

"But you said you had one so you must have bought it somewhere," Ginny pointed out with frustration.

"Fine, there's a place in the city. It's kind of creepy down there though. It's not the best part of town."

"We can go together. We'll keep each other safe. Come on, let's do it!" Ginny said excitedly.

"You've got to be kidding me. No. If you want to buy something like that, do it yourself! I'm not a bloody tour guide of sex town. I'm going to murder Harry for ever telling you what I told him in confidence. If he'd just kept his mouth shut, you'd never be asking me this crazy shit in the first place," Hermione grumbled.

"Oh come on, don't blame him. I really wanted someone to talk to about this who actually knows stuff. Who else would I ask? My other friends don't know any more than me. I'm just trying to be exciting and spice things up. Remember that part I said about forever? Well it's a long time! And maybe I just want to keep Harry interested while also keeping myself interested as well. Is that so wrong?"

"No, it's not wrong. But I feel strange. Why didn't you want advice about spells or potions or arithmancy? I'm smart about all that stuff."

"Because none of that stuff is going to help me in this case."

"Fine, fine, fine. I'll go with you. But you owe me big time for this!"

"How about being my maid of honor? I kind of held off on asking anyone else before now. When I first got engaged, we weren't really talking then. But I did hope all that would change. And now it has. So would you do it?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"Me? I'm touched. I rather assumed you'd already asked another friend. But of course I'd love to do it. Thank you," Hermione smiled at her.

"Well I really always wanted it to be you, but I worried for awhile that you didn't like me anymore."

"No, that was never the case. I was just in a really bad place for awhile. I feel dreadful for how I treated you and Harry. You guys didn't deserve that. But if you forgive me, then I suppose that's enough for me to agree to this ridiculous outing you want to take," Hermione smiled slightly.

"You're forgiven. Now hurry up and finish your drink so we can go shopping!" Ginny urged her.

They finished up their drinks and paid the bill. Then they set off to the only place Hermione knew of to go. She was certainly no expert and had only gone once, while completely drunk, years ago. She was surprised she still remembered where it was. But they found it. A huge neon sign lit up in front that read 'Delia's Den of Delights'.

"This place looks a little crazy. What is that thing in the window?" Ginny asked, perplexed.

"It's a swing," Hermione said uncomfortably.

"A swing for what?"

"I don't know. It's a sex thing obviously. And no, I've never tried one, so don't even ask me," she held up her hand.

"Alright, so we should just go inside right?"

"Or we could just stand out here on the street where everyone can see us staring at the place."

Ginny took a deep breath and opened the door and they both waltzed inside. They were both rather bowled over by all the items and clothing and special devices and contraptions that were all over the place. But they pushed on ahead and went to peruse the items. Ginny held up one thing and looked at Hermione.

"What in the fucking hell is this thing? Where do you even put it?"

"I haven't a clue. It's huge. Eww, just put it back!" Hermione said making a face.

Ginny picked up another item and it sort of flopped around and wiggled as she waved it in front of Hermione's face. "What about this? It's a fake penis with two heads. Why would you need such a thing?"

"Um, I think that's for two women to enjoy. You know, together?"

"Oh you mean like lesbians?"

"Yes." 

"Hmm, okay, putting this one back," Ginny muttered as she set it back on the shelf.

Just then a man came up to them and smiled.

"Cheerio ladies! Can I help you with something? I see you've found one of our best sellers. I think you two gals would really love it," he said indicating the item Ginny just put back.

"What? Oh no! We're not that sort of girls. We're not lesbians together. We're just friends," Ginny informed him.

"Ah, my mistake. No worries. Plenty of other things to choose from. What are you looking for?" he asked pleasantly.

Ginny just stared at him and Hermione poked her in the side.

"What? I don't want to tell _him_ what I'm after. It's embarrassing!" she whispered to Hermione.

"This is what he does. It's his job! He just tried to sell us lesbian supplies, so don't be shy. Tell him what you want," Hermione urged her.

"I can't!"

"She's looking for something fun to share with her fiancé. Something that perhaps vibrates and isn't incredibly large and intimidating," Hermione told him with a sigh.

"Yes, something for beginners. I don't even want to know what that thing over there is," Ginny said pointing to a very large and uncomfortable looking object.

"Beginner eh? I've got just the right selections. Right over this way," the man led them through the shop to a wall with all sorts of items more suited to her tastes.

"I think we'll be fine now. We'd rather browse alone if that's alright?" Hermione told the man.

"Sure, sure. Take your time. Have fun with the display models. Test them out. Well, not literally. I just meant you can feel free to turn them on and watch them go. Don't actually use them," he chuckled to himself as he turned and walked away.

"This is so embarrassing, Ginny. Just hurry and pick something," Hermione complained.

"Don't rush me. This is all new. I've got not idea where to even start," Ginny informed her.

Hermione just stood there tapping her foot and wishing she was anywhere else but there. But Ginny was examining things and making faces and taking her sweet old time with things. She picked up an item and started waving it around.

"Look at this! It's like a wand. A big squishy rubber wand that jiggles when you wave it," she laughed as she wiggled it in Hermione's face and accidentally hit her.

"Hey! Watch where you're waving that thing! You just smacked my face with a dildo," Hermione cried.

Ginny started cracking up. "I'm sorry! It was an accident!" she told her as she set the item back on the shelf.

"Look. Right up there. That's the Rabbit thing you mentioned," Hermione said pointing upwards.

Ginny grabbed it down and examined it. "This looks so weird." Then she pushed the button and turned it on and it started wiggling and rotating and vibrating. She burst into giggles. "Oh my, this is very interesting. It does all kinds of things all at once. I fear if I get this I won't need Harry at all!"

"Well that's what you said you wished to buy. So just buy it so we can leave, please."

Ginny put it back and shook her head. "I just can't. It's too strange. Harry will probably be frightened of it and think I'm some sort of crazed sex pervert if I whipped this out. This was a ridiculous idea."

"So you don't want it?"

"No, I think I changed my mind. I just can't do it. Let's get out of here!"

Ginny grabbed her hand and they practically ran out the door. Then they stopped on the street and both burst out laughing. Hermione shoved Ginny.

"I can't believe you dragged me in there and then you chickened out!" she cried.

"I'm sorry! I thought I was a modern woman, but I'm just not. I still think it'd be easier to just have Draco tell Harry what to do," Ginny told her.

"No way! I am not asking him to do that. Why don't _you_ just tell Harry what to do?"

"Because I don't know what he _is_ supposed to do! That's the problem. Maybe it's not even him? It could just be me. I might be difficult to please or something," Ginny sighed.

"Look, women are complicated creatures when it comes to sex. Sometimes if we get distracted, even a little bit, it just kills the whole thing. Trust me. It's best just to relax and stop worrying that nothing's gonna happen, because then it won't happen for sure," Hermione explained.

"Really? See, I do that. I sometimes worry that I'm broken or that I'll disappoint him, and then my mind just goes haywire," she admitted.

"Well that's your problem then. Stop thinking so much! And also stop worrying that things will get boring. They won't. If you're with the right person, it's never boring. And you two are wonderful together. Plus, he adores you. He'll never stray. That's just not who Harry is. You're not even married yet, so stop worrying about what might happen years from now. It'll be perfect. I promise," Hermione assured her as she held her arms and looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry I was so weird and highly intrusive today. My questions must have made me seem as if I were twelve years old again. It's just that I trust you and I value your advice. And I thought maybe if I talked to you about it all, I'd feel better. And I was right. I did! I do. What you just said was lovely, and I hope you're right. I'm just a bit scared honestly. Getting married is such a huge deal. And I just want it to be perfect."

"It _will_ be perfect. And it's okay about the questions. I felt rather embarrassed, but I know you only wanted advice. And sad as it is for to admit, I _have_ been around the block way too many times, so perhaps I understand why you'd ask me. But I was you once! I didn't know anything either. But you've got it so much better than I did because you've got an amazing man who loves you to explore all these wonderful things with. I simply threw myself into bed with strangers. Believe me, it's not the same. I can't say that I learned anything. Experience doesn't bring wisdom, sometimes. I've probably learned more about what I like and what excites me since I met Draco, then I ever knew before, to be honest."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Things are different when you actually love someone. There's a deeper connection and that's what makes it so good. All those other blokes I was with? It didn't mean anything to me. And half the time, it wasn't even worth the effort. I made huge mistakes in my life, Ginny. Don't ever wish you'd done the same thing. You got the better deal. You met your soul mate when you were very young. That's incredible and very lucky! I wasn't as fortunate," Hermione said softly.

"I really thought you and Ron _were_ soul mates," Ginny said looking down.

"Yeah? You weren't the only one. But it's okay. We were never suited really. Sometimes you just fixate on a person because they happen to be there all the time, and you think it's meant to be. When in reality, you drive each other crazy and can't even have a decent conversation."

"So you're really happy with Draco, then? You think he's a keeper? Not just a fling?"

"No, it's not a fling. It's pretty special, actually. I realize you all thought I'd lost my mind, but we just fit together. It's crazy, I know."

"It's not crazy. I mean, it sort of is. But love in itself is illogical really. It just happens."

"There's this quote that Draco told me the other night. It's from his favorite show. But it goes a bit like this: Chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite - your protector and endangerer. Chance embarking with this other on the greatest of journeys - a search for truths fugitive and imponderable. If one day this chance may befall you, do not fail or falter to seize it. The truths are out there. And if one day you should behold a miracle, as I have in you, you will learn the truth is not found in science, or on some unseen plane, but by looking into your own heart," Hermione recited to her.

"That's lovely. How did you remember all that?" Ginny wondered.

Hermione shrugged and smiled slightly. "I have a photographic memory. Besides, I rather thought it was beautiful and he's always throwing out movie and TV quotes at me. But this one stuck."

"Well I like it. And it is rather sweet he rattles off quotes to you."

"It is. He also sang to me again! This time when we were alone. It was so cute and touching. Can you even imagine that this is Draco Malfoy doing these things? Even I can't believe it, and I live with him," Hermione shook her head.

"He's definitely not the fuckwit I remember, that's for sure. I didn't know him well, but I certainly knew quite enough to despise him. Not to mention all the things Harry told me about him. I swear sometimes he spoke of no one else. But from what I gather they get along decently well now."

"Yeah, apparently do. Which is a good thing. I wasn't certain anyone would ever speak to me again once they knew I was actually involved with Draco. Your brother certainly has problems. Has he settled down at all?" Hermione wondered.

Ginny sighed. "Not exactly. He's being a total whiny little baby about everything. I honestly don't understand him at all right now. I told my mum that I would ban him from the wedding if he was going to cause a scene. She didn't like that idea much, but honestly it's Ron who's being an idiot, not Draco. I told her what he did at Harry's party and she just waved it off and said that obviously Ron was provoked. But that's not how it happened! We all saw what happened. But my mum won't listen to me. But I swear if he cocks up my wedding day, I will turn him into a toad!"

"Personally I've simply written him off. We weren't exactly close anymore anyway and now it's just best to keep our distance."

"I don't blame you. Honestly, let's not talk about the destroyer right now. I'm still in a good mood and there are more wedding dresses to look at," Ginny told.

"Yes, wedding dresses. It's not every day a girl shops for vibrators and wedding dresses al in one go," Hermione laughed slightly.

"Oh be quiet. I had a whim! I'm over it. I'm just going to do as you say and relax. Now let's go find the dress of my dreams, shall we?"

They took off back towards the more respectable part of the city and went about their business. Hermione was glad she'd talked to Ginny because she had no idea how nervous she was to be married. But Hermione supposed everyone got nervous. She wasn't sure exactly how she'd feel if it were her. But maybe someday she'd find out?

With Hermione out for the afternoon, Draco found himself on his own. He didn't mind really. But he still kind of missed Hermione and wished they'd spent the day together instead. But he wasn't going to mope about it. She had friends. Friends who desired her company too. And he realized that he still had at least one friend of his own that he'd not spoken to at all in over a year. It was high time he remedy that. He knew where his old friend Blaise lived and decided to just go see him. He showed up and found a rather large palatial estate nestled into the English countryside. It was a wedding gift from his mother, Draco knew. But since the actual wedding, Draco had dropped out of sight and hadn't even sent one note to Blaise. He knew he was a shitty friend, but part of Draco was dying to have something that was just his own again. It was interesting and somewhat gratifying to make friends with Harry, but that was still awkward and Harry would always be Hermione's friend first. Draco found himself feeling nostalgic for a friend that was solely on his side and who understood things that Harry never would since he didn't grow up the same way, or with the same social pressures and he and Blaise did. He was hoping it wasn't too late to enjoy some male bonding for old times sake.

He approached the door and rang the bell and waited. It wasn't long before a very pregnant woman answered the door and looked at him oddly.

"Yes? Can I help you?" she asked curiously.

"Uh, yeah. Cassandra right? I'm Draco. I was at your wedding. I'm a friend of Blaise's from school," he explained. "Is he here?"

She smiled widely and motioned him in. "Draco! Yes, I recall now. The Malfoy's son right?"

"Yes, the one and only. I'm sorry for coming unannounced, but I'm afraid I don't own an owl anymore as of late. And I was too lazy to go to the post and use one of theirs."

"No worries. Do follow me and I'll let him know you're here," she said walking him through the house.

"So when are you due?" Draco wondered curiously.

"Any day now. Honestly it's a miracle I can even get myself off the sofa. But the healers say that walking around is good because it might put me into labor sooner, so I bustle about this place as much as I can," she laughed as she showed him to a large sitting room.

"Is it a boy or a girl or do you know?"

"It's a boy. Blaise is beside himself. But I'm sure he wishes to tell you all this himself. I'll get him."

She disappeared and he just there waiting. Finally his old friend appeared in the doorway and he stood to greet him.

"Blaise."

"Malfoy. What the hell? It's been forever! Get over here!" Blaise laughed and the two of them hugged quickly and Draco patted him on the back.

"Look at you. About to be a father. Are you shitting yourself?" Draco wondered with a grin.

"Oh yeah. But it's rather exciting too. My mother is incredibly pleased. But forget all that, where the hell have you been? You left my wedding and then you just disappeared. I tried writing to that ridiculous flat you'd rented in London, but I never received anything from you. I rather thought I'd done something to offend you," Blaise told him.

"No, no. I was just a bit of a recluse I suppose. I didn't really keep in contact with anyone," Draco admitted.

Blaise just studied his friends appearance and it was like looking at a stranger. Draco's hair was messy and his clothing was distinctly Muggle and not posh at all. Blaise himself was dressed sharply, as always, and he remembered a time when Draco had done the same. He frowned a little and went over to the bar and poured the two of them drinks. He handed one over to Draco and then they both sat down.

"So, a recluse eh? What on earth for? My mother said that your father was very upset and worried about you. He said he never saw you anymore either."

Draco sighed and took a sip of his drink. "I just had a lot of shit in my head. I needed to get away from it all. And if you must know, I have seen my father recently. He exaggerates a bit at how wayward I've become."

"Is that so? Well, your father was always a bit of a drama queen," Blaise chuckled. "But seriously, shit in your head? How long does it take to come to terms with that? You've been gone for nearly six years in London. Are you ever going home?"

"Home? No. I have a home actually. And it's not with my folks. I'm rather content just where I am."

"Hmm, so is there a special girl in your life? I heard that you were trolling Muggle nightclubs and actually associating with those women. Had you lost it? Are there not enough suitable girls in our world for you to sow your oats with?" Blaise wondered.

"I wasn't interested in any of the girls in our world. Besides, it's not my world anymore. I've moved on."

"What do you mean 'moved on'? You're not a wizard anymore? That's impossible. What do you mean?"

"I just mean that I don't wish to bathe in snobbery and elitism any longer. Of course I'm still a wizard though. There's not a cure for that," Draco said with a small chuckle as he took another drink.

"So what have you gone and done then? Taken up with a Muggle girl? I mean, the way your dressed is interesting to say the least. I would have expected you to at least show at my home in a suit. What is wrong with you? Did you lose your mind at some point?" Blaise asked sipping his own drink.

"I've not lost my mind. And of course I'm not with a Muggle girl. Don't be ridiculous. I just couldn't live under my father's thumb any longer. I wanted to be free. So I'm free."

"Free? You sound as if your father kept you locked up doing household duties like an elf. Did he give you a sock? Are you a free elf now?" Blaise laughed.

"It's not funny. It's my life. And you have no idea what it was like living there. You didn't even know your father."

"Hey now. It's not my fault he died when I was small. But my mother was strict too. That's simply life. Of course I understand why you might wish to run off. Being Death Eaters is rather scandalous. But I suppose that wasn't your fault what your father got you mixed up with. But you lot were found innocent, at least, thankfully. You know I never had the stomach for such nonsense. I simply kept to myself and got the hell out when things went sour. Perhaps if you'd done the same and left with me and the others when the fighting began, you wouldn't have so much 'shit' in your head to deal with," Blaise said with a shrug.

"So it's my fault I have shit because I didn't run away before the fighting even started? I had reasons to stay. Reasons you'd never understand. I'm not even sure why I came here. I rather think I don't belong here anymore," Draco said as he stood up.

"Wait! Stop. I'm sorry. I'm being rude. It's just I've not seen you in ages. And then you show up looking like a beggar and I just don't understand. Just last week Lindsey Ramsey was asking about you. She's still single and her parents are urging her to find someone suitable. Why not let me set you up with her? She's glorious. Tall, slim, blonde. She's perfect for you. Imagine the children? They'd be angels."

"I don't want to meet Lindsey. I don't even know who that is. And I've already got a girl, if you must know. She's a brilliant witch and very smart and beautiful. I'm quite set," Draco told him.

"Well why didn't you say so? Good on you! Who is she and when is the wedding?" Blaise asked jovially.

"There's no wedding set, and you don't know her," Draco lied.

"Oh come on. I know everyone. Who is she?"

"You'll not approve, so why bother to tell you?"

"Not approve? Why wouldn't I approve? Is she ugly? Because honestly if you pulled yourself together and put on some proper clothing you could get any girl you wanted," Blaise informed him.

"I already said she was beautiful. It's just…well, she's not a pureblood," Draco admitted.

"What?"

"You heard me. She's not pure."

"Oh. Is she half blood then? I mean, that's a bit unconventional but I suppose it might be able to be overlooked."

"She's Muggleborn."

Blaise just stared at him for a moment and said nothing. Then he gulped down the last of his drink and set the glass on the table. "Now I know you've lost it. _Muggleborn_? Is that some sort of joke? You're Draco Malfoy! I highly doubt your parents would ever allow this to happen. Do you not remember what you've been taught? We both detested Muggleborns. You were the bloody ring leader! I remember when you used to say they shouldn't even be allowed to be at Hogwarts with the real witches and wizards. Have you sincerely gone insane? You might need a healer."

"I'm not bloody insane! And yes, I remember my stupid bigoted tirades. I haven't got amnesia. But people change! Everything changes. What does it even matter really? I thought you were my friend. I thought perhaps you'd understand me or something. But that was stupid," Draco said shaking his head.

"Draco, I've not understood you since sixth year. I tried, but you were off in your own bloody world most of the time. And if you want the truth, I only invited you to my wedding because your father asked me to. He thought perhaps you'd wake up from this weird tantrum of rebellion and see what a proper wizard was doing with his life. He hoped you'd be envious and go back home and find your own wife. But I gave up when you refused to answer any of my letters. And now you're saying you're involved with a _Muggleborn_? Seriously, I can't abide that. It's ludicrous," Blaise told him seriously.

"Fine. My mistake believing we were actually mates. I should never have come. I hoped that perhaps time and maturity would have made you more understanding, but you've not changed a bit," Draco said with disappointment as he started walking towards the door.

"Why should I change? My life is perfect. And yours could have been too! You were the one who turned your back on your people. I bet your parents are disgraced even more now than they were before," Blaise shot back at him.

Draco turned and looked at him. "You're a complete asshole. I can't even believe I ever called you a friend. Friends actually care. Friends listen. Friends forgive. And they don't judge either. You're no friend to me and you never were," Draco informed him.

Then he just turned again and showed himself out. He stood outside and tried to stop all the emotions he had swirling in his head. It was a huge mistake to think he could take up with an old friend when he was nothing like he used to be. Why would he ever think anyone else had changed too? But he had honestly believed Blaise was his friend. But it was obvious he wasn't and never really was. He was only with him in school because of his name. It wasn't ever about him. Blaise was a snob and a social climber, just like all the rest. Just like he used to be. But he didn't fit into that world anymore. And he didn't want to. He actually found himself wishing he'd chosen to visit Harry instead. And that was a crazy idea. But at least he was reasonable and somewhat accepting. Draco felt foolish for even making this trip at all. He'd been delusional. But at least now he knew where he stood. He knew where he belonged. And it wasn't with these people anymore. And it never would be again.

Draco waited for Hermione to come home and he poured himself copious amounts of alcohol in the process. He was mourning his old life, even if he wasn't entirely sure why. He had known going in what Blaise had always been about, because it was the same thing he'd always been about. But his mistake was in thinking that it was possible to live outside the box and still be accepted by his former pals. When Hermione walked in she threw her purse down on the floor and smiled at Draco.

"I'm home now. Did you miss me?" she asked as she went to him and gave him a quick kiss.

"Of course I missed you. I always do," he smiled back.

She noted the glass and the half empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. "Are you getting drunk? Did you miss me that badly? I was only gone for a couple hours."

He sighed. "I just had a rather shitty afternoon, that's all. How was shopping? Did she find a dress?"

She sat down on the sofa and put her feet up. "No, she didn't like anything we saw. They were either too elaborate or too boring. And she wants a strapless number, but I reminded her it'd be winter and also her tits aren't large enough to fill it out properly. It'll fall down all evening and no girl wants to expose her nipples on her wedding day."

Draco laughed slightly. "It would liven up the party, that's for sure. But I don't think she'd be too pleased to put on a titty show at her wedding."

"No. She wouldn't."

"So the afternoon was still good though?" he wondered.

"Yes. It was great. I mean, we shopped for dresses, then had cocktails and lunch, and then we went to a dildo store. It was interesting to say the least," Hermione informed him.

Draco started cracking up. "A _dildo_ store? What the fuck were you there for? Am I not enough for you? You need a rubber cock to keep you happy?"

"No! It wasn't for me, it was for her."

"What, Potter isn't packing enough in his pants? Not that I really want to know," he added as he took another gulp of his drink.

"He's got plenty, I'm sure. She was just feeling rather impish and impulsive. We'd had a few drinks! But she chickened out anyway. We practically ran from the store like two ten year olds. It was all very silly."

"Well I'm glad you had fun. I decided on a whim to see an old friend and it was disastrous. I have no idea why I even went," Draco lamented.

"Who did you see?"

"Blaise. Remember I said I went to his wedding? Well turns out he never even wanted me there in the first place. My father forced him to invite me. Thought I'd take a cue from him or something. Honestly I've no clue what I ever saw in those snobbish pricks. Was I really that horrid?" he wondered, taking another sip.

"Well, yeah. You were terrible. Surely you remember?"

He sighed. "I do. I do! It's just, God, what the fuck was wrong with me? I spent ten minutes with him and I wanted to Avada either him or me just so I wouldn't have to hear him speak anymore."

"So I take it he wasn't exactly accepting of your life choices?" she asked.

"Hardly. I barely even told him anything, but I said enough. And he said I looked like a beggar. A _beggar_! These jeans are new. And what's wrong with this shirt? It's not even wrinkled."

"There's nothing wrong with your clothes. They just aren't what you used to wear. But if he was such a dick, then just forget him. You don't need that in your life."

"I know. I really don't. I mean, my parents were bloody amazing about my life compared to him. But I guess that's because they actually love me, and he doesn't really give a shit, and never did. I was nothing to him, if I'm being honest with myself. None of those people actually cared one way or the other about me," he said sadly.

She got up and sat on his lap and gave him a kiss. "You don't need those people in your life anymore. You've got people who care. You've got me. And Harry and Ginny like you," she assured him.

"Yeah, but they're _your_ friends. I guess I just wanted someone who was _mine_. But there aren't any people like that. When I was growing up, all I cared about was being powerful and feared and respected. I didn't much give a fuck about forming bonds with people. I simply wanted to walk in a room and have everyone flock to me just so they could bathe in my light. But what kind of life is that really? Surrounded by sycophants and social climbers who didn't give a fuck if your brain was dead as long as you were bloody rich and proper and important and had a good name. Who was I even kidding? The Malfoy name doesn't even mean bollocks these days. You've got my father, a known Death Eater, who should rightly be in prison now if he wasn't pardoned by the very people he tried to kill once. And me? I'm also a known Death Eater who simply got off because I was a child. Do you think those snobs really respect my family anymore? Hardly. The only people who do are the ones we had sent to Azkaban because we ratted them out. I'm nobody anymore! I don't actually belong anywhere," he said bitterly as he ran his hands through his hair.

"You do belong. You belong with me. I know it's not the life you envisioned as a child, but you're actually happy now. You know now that the other life would have never satisfied you. Draco, you're far better than that. You've chosen a life where you don't have to impress anyone, and the people who are impressed, feel that way because of who you are and not what your social status is. Would you really wish to go back and be one of them?" she wondered softly.

He shook his head. "No. I have no regrets. The things I wanted as a boy and the things I want now are completely different. I just simply mistook people fawning over me as meaning they cared. But the reality was, when the chips were down, I was all alone. You were so bloody lucky to grow up with friends. _Real_ friends. Not phony pricks. I'm envious, honestly. I never thought I'd ever say that, but it's true. In fact, I was so bloody envious of you and your mates that I couldn't even see straight. They way they always stood up for you or the way you'd always be running about trying to save the world and such. You lot had purpose and actual caring for one another. I simply strutted around like a pompous prat and just kept lying to myself that it was you three who were envious of me. What a load of shit," he laughed with annoyance.

"You seriously thought we were envious of you? What would we be envious of? Your money? Or your charming personality?" she asked.

He gave her a dirty look. "I don't know. I thought I was more important than I really was. Who wouldn't envy me? But I see it all clearly now. I mean, I already did before, but after visiting Blaise? I really get that you lot just hated me, pure and simple. It had nothing to with wishing you were me. Being around him for even just a little bit opened my eyes to just how dreadful I used to be. I actually admitted to him that I was a bit lost and had shit to deal with and he never even asked me how I was or what I was even talking about. All he wanted to know was when I was coming home or if I'd taken up with a Muggle girl. I didn't even tell him about you really, but I said I was with a Muggleborn girl and he practically vomited on the floor and threw me out. Useless twat. And to think I used to help him with his bloody homework! He can kiss my ass. All of them can," he said as he reached down and took another drink.

"I'm sorry you had a bad experience and that it brought up all these thoughts for you. I don't know what to say exactly, except that I think you made a good choice. Not just because it means you're with me, but because I know who you really are. The real you. And that person would have lived his whole life never knowing a single moment of actual joy. And that makes me sad. You're very brave to have chosen to break free of those chains that bound you for your whole life. A weak person would never have the stones to leave everything they knew behind them. You're amazing. And I'm impressed by you, for what it's worth," she said, laying her forehead against his and staring into his eyes.

"You're too good to me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I really don't."

"Shh, stop that. Now you're sounding silly. And who decides who deserves what? People get what they give. And believe it or not, you've given out quite a lot of positive things these days. So what of your past? I think spending five years torturing yourself was enough to placate the Gods or whomever decides such things. If you didn't deserve me, then you wouldn't have me. And not that you asked for it, but I forgive you for the past. We both said none of that mattered anymore and I still believe that. All I care about is who you are now. And that person happens to be way more special than I ever would have known," she assured him.

He looked at her and touched her face gently. "You really are amazing, you know that? Somehow even when I'm at my worst, you still care and don't run off. You tolerate my tantrums and that's saying a lot. I need to just snap out of it. I'm feeling sorry for myself like a little ponce. I guess I just expected something else today. But I have no idea why. I suppose that since I'd changed, I had this weird hope that perhaps other people had changed too. But that's ridiculous because they don't see a world outside their own little bubble. They don't even know what they're missing and they don't care. And it's not my job to make them care. I do have others in my life now. You were right. And in the end, all I really need is you," he whispered.

"Well, you have me. I promised I'd always be here and I didn't lie. I love you, Draco, for who you are. Faults and all. After all, you love me the same way. I'm certainly not a saint nor am I easy to live with. Yet, you put up with me too, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. I rather love how difficult you can be. It keeps me on my toes. I don't think I'd be happy with anyone else. In fact, I know I wouldn't be. Do you know how many boring women there are out there? God, they're insufferable. But you? You're special."

"So are you. So then we deserve each other. It's settled. Lord knows no one else wants either of us," she said jokingly as she kissed him.

"You got that right," he laughed.

Draco knew now that he really did have to leave his old world behind and couldn't go back. But he realized this time that he honestly didn't miss it. Not even a little bit. He couldn't imagine being squired away in a mansion in the country with a pregnant wife and having to wear a suit when you weren't even going anywhere. That wasn't a life. That was a constant show you had to put on twenty four hours a day. He would have simply been an actor, faking lines for the rest of his life. And when it came down to it, he didn't want to fake his way through life. He wanted to actually live it.

**To be continued…I really hope you're enjoying this tale I'm weaving for you. I'm having loads of fun writing it. I hope you'll continue to read and leave reviews, as they really keep me going. Thanks for all my followers and fans! I just got my first Harry Potter tattoo today and I'm tickled pink about it. So in honor of that and my new Draco Malfoy t-shirt I sit here wearing as I type, I upload this chapter for you!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson, Richard Marx, Brad Paisley and the song Draco sings is by Ben Folds.**

_Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. _

_They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. _

_About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. _

_And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do._

It was only a week until they left on their holiday, and Draco and Hermione had already begun packing and setting things aside that they wanted to take. They had their passports, their plane tickets, and an entire folder full of brochures of places to visit while they were there. Hermione wasn't sure they'd actually be able to fit it all in, but they were certainly going to try. Draco had been in good spirits after his slight meltdown from meeting with his old friend. He just wanted to put that all behind him and look forward to the trip. And he found himself getting more and more comfortable with Hermione's friends, because he realized with clarity that they were now the only friends he could claim as well. Everyone was putting in an effort to get to know each other better and they'd had Harry and Ginny over for dinner once too. Tonight they were all going to go back to the bar that Harry loved, and this time Draco swore he'd actually remember the evening. He wasn't quite as nervous as the last time and he didn't feel as out of place, so there was no need to get completely bombed out of his mind just to survive it. But he was still planning to have fun.

They arrived at the place and walked down the steps and entered the establishment. This time they weren't as surprised by the atmosphere and neither of them really cared if they were probably the youngest ones in there. They spied Harry and Ginny in front of the stage again and they walked over to greet them. Ginny stood up and gave them both hugs, and it not longer felt so strange to Draco. He never thought he'd see the day that he and a Weasley actually liked each other, but life was full of surprises sometimes.

"So we finally picked the date for the wedding," Ginny announced as they settled in and waited for their drinks to arrive.

"You did? When?" Hermione asked.

"New Years Eve. It's what Harry wanted, and I suppose having it on Christmas was a silly idea. I finally gave in."

"I think it'll be great. I just hope it doesn't snow," Draco offered.

"It shouldn't. We don't get that much snow where our house is. And then usually it melts pretty fast. Everyone will just have to deal with it though if it does snow. Bring a parka or something," Ginny told him.

"So you guys must be pretty excited. You finally picked the date and it's not that long from now. It'll be here before you know it," Hermione said with a smile.

"My mum is completely freaking out and saying I didn't give her enough notice. But honestly, I'm the sixth wedding she's thrown. She could probably do it all in her sleep at this point. It's just a pity there isn't going to be a seventh wedding," Ginny added somewhat somberly.

"Yeah…" Harry agreed with her.

"Oh, right. Your brother that died. Sorry about that," Draco told her uncomfortably.

"It's okay. It just stings a bit on occasion when I know he won't be there to see my big moment. He used to tease me when I was ten that I would marry Harry Potter because I had such a crush on him. I almost fainted when I came to breakfast one day and he was just sitting at our table. Fred never let me live that down," she laughed nostalgically.

"I remember that. You looked like you were going to throw up or had just seen a ghost. I had no idea what your issue was," Harry joked to her.

"I was bowled over! Can you blame me? You were famous!"

"I was still just me. I'm just glad you didn't ask for my autograph," he teased her.

"God, Potter, do you remember that crazy kid who was always following you around with the camera? It was completely insane. He acted like you were a bloody movie star or something," Draco laughed.

"Don't remind me. That was so embarrassing. And I remember you teasing me mercilessly about it," Harry groaned.

"I gotta admit the first time I knew who you were I was interested to meet you. But I wasn't gonna whip out a camera and shove it in your face. You weren't that amazing. In fact, you didn't really do anything except not die when you should have," he told him.

"Yeah, I didn't get the hype either honestly. I was just a regular bloke! In fact, I was a completely daft moron about magic when I first arrived at school. I had no idea what I was doing and yet everyone expected me to just instantly do amazing things or something."

"I remember the first time you actually impressed me. It was when we were dueling and I shot that snake at you and then you fucking started speaking to it. I was floored. And super jealous. I wished I was a Parselmouth," Draco lamented.

"Well I'm not anymore. And I didn't even know I could do that in the first place! I had no idea why everyone was looking at me like I had three heads. But I don't miss that gift. Who wants to talk to snakes?"

"I would. It would be cool. But alas, I wasn't blessed with that talent. But I do speak French. Not that there's anything magical about that."

"I didn't exactly find it all that useful to speak Parseltongue. You're not missing much. Snakes don't have a lot to talk about," Harry informed him.

"Still, it was interesting at least. Pity you lost that ability. But I suppose it's a small price to pay to be rid of a piece of Voldemort's soul inside you. Now that's just fucking creepy," Draco said as he took a drink.

"You're telling me. How do you think I felt? It was awful. But forget all that shit. I don't want to talk about_ him_. It ruins my buzz," Harry told him.

"I'll second that," Draco raised his glass.

"And I think Ginny and I will drink to that as well," Hermione said raising her glass and Ginny joined her.

They all drank up and slammed their glasses down.

"So Draco, are you up to singing again tonight?" Ginny wondered with a playful smirk.

"Ugh, hardly. I'm not out of my wits entirely this time."

"Oh come on. I've decided I'm going to sing. And since Harry refuses and says he'd rather have his bollocks removed than sing, I need a partner," she explained.

"A partner? Is it a duet?" Draco wondered.

"No, but still, I'm not going up there alone! Are you mad? I'd be mortified."

"I did it! I don't remember it, but I did it! Grow a pair. If you wanna sing, sing!"

"Hermione, you'll sing with me, right?" Ginny pleaded.

"Me? Are you insane? Not a chance. I'm not going up there!" she protested.

"It can't just be me! I need support. You lot all suck. No one knows how to have fun. I thought for sure Draco would do it since he's a pro."

"I'm not a pro. I did it once and I don't even recall it."

"If you guys loved me, you'd do it," Ginny pouted.

"I don't love you," Draco shrugged.

Ginny kicked him under the table.

"Dumbass! I thought we were cool and then you say that shit?"

"We may be cool, but_ love_? I barely fucking know you. Let's not get carried away here," he said with a laugh.

"Hermione, you love me right?"

"Yes, I love you. But I'm still not doing it!" Hermione cried.

"Gin, darling, no one wants to sing. Please just get over it. Besides, I really don't want you to sing because it's embarrassing. I've heard you sing in the shower. It's not all that pretty," Harry admitted.

"You suck, Harry. I can't even believe I'm marrying you. You should compliment my singing. God knows you'll be hearing it for the rest of your bloody life," she said with annoyance.

Harry just made a face at her and she pouted into her drink. But they all ordered more and soon the music started up and she kept bugging Hermione and Draco.

"Pretty please? I'll come clean your flat. I'll be a bloody house elf for you. Just come up there with me," she pleaded with both of them.

"We don't need a house elf," Hermione shook her head.

"Alright, alright. I've had enough of this bint begging like a lunatic. You wanna clean our flat? Go for it. It'll save me the trouble. But only, and this I'm very serious about, _only_ if you clean out Scorpius's terrarium," Draco told Ginny somewhat drunkenly.

"Ugh, the _scorpion_? Eww! I don't want to touch that thing!" Ginny cried.

"That's the deal. Take it or leave it. You clean the terrarium and the toilet and I'll sing with you," he said adamantly.

"Will it hurt me? Does it sting?"

"No, it's harmless. And even if it did sting you, it's not poison. It'd be like a bee sting. You're not allergic are you?"

"No."

"Well then do we have a deal?" he asked.

Ginny thought for a moment then she nodded her head. "Okay, deal. But I pick the song. And you will hate it. And you can't just lip synch! I want to hear actual singing."

"Promise. Actual singing. Cross my heart."

Ginny thrust her camera at Hermione. "Here, capture this moment. It's gonna be bloody hysterical, trust me. He has no idea what song I'm choosing."

"Is it a bloody love song? Because I'm not telling Harry I want to sex him up or some such shit," Draco protested.

"It's not about sex, promise. But you'll still wish you were dead. Come on, you're my partner in crime and the only one with the balls to make an ass of himself," Ginny said grabbing Draco's arm and propelling him towards the stage.

"This is utterly humiliating. My fiancée and Draco Malfoy are about to sing to me. This can't ever be a good thing," Harry shook his head and drank some more.

"It's gonna be funny I bet. Ginny looks rather devious and evil right now. What sort of song do you suppose she's picking?" Hermione asked him.

"I haven't a clue. I'm afraid to find out."

"Isn't it weird that Ginny and Draco get along so well? I'd never imagine it. But she thinks he's the coolest person she's ever met. Aside from you, of course. No worries there. I hope so anyway, because then we'd both be left in the cold," Hermione rambled.

"It _is_ weird. She used to say such horrible things but now she tells me he's the only one who actually understands her sense of adventure. I'm a bit frightened. They won't run off together and leave us, right?" Harry asked with a worried frown.

Hermione watched the two of them waiting their turn for the stage and they were both talking and laughing and Draco had his arm draped over her shoulder.

"Ugh, I bloody well hope they won't. Are we really that dull, Harry? Do you think they think we're boring?" Hermione wondered.

"Maybe? I don't know. Ginny is a wild one. And Draco? Well, he's just batshit crazy sometimes. We might be boring," Harry admitted.

"Fuck. I need more to drink. I'm less boring when I drink. At least I think so. I know how to bloody party! I did it all the time. I'm not boring," she said with a pout.

"I don't think you're boring. I think you're fun."

"Thank you. I think you are too. We always had fun. The two of them are just weird."

"Yeah, totally."

"But I kind of love that about both of them," Hermione admitted with a small smile.

"Me too. Ginny's gonna keep my life interesting."

"Oh, there they go! They're walking onto the stage!" Hermione said, getting the camera ready.

Ginny took the microphone and tapped it and it made a horrible screeching sound. "Sorry! Um, I just wanted to say that this song is dedicated my one true love. The man I adore. And the one who saved the entire world once. Not that you lot actually realize that, but trust me, he did it! He saved the world. He's a hero. I love you Harry!"

Draco grabbed the microphone next. "I don't love you Harry. But you did save the world, so cheers to you for not dying all those times when you should have! And thanks for not murdering me even when you thought I was evil."

"Oh God, this is horrid," Hermione said shaking her head.

Harry just hid his face in his hands and refused to look up. The music started and Draco and Ginny began their song. It was 'The Wind Beneath My Wings'. And they were both trying their best to not screw it up.

"Did I ever tell you you're my hero? You're everything, everything, I wish I could be. And I could fly higher than an eagle, cause you're the wind beneath my wings…" they sang. "It might have appeared to go unnoticed, but I've got it all here in my heart. I want you to know the truth, of course I do, I would be nothing without you!"

"This is not happening," Harry said trying not to burst into hysterical laughter.

"I'm afraid it is. Oh, this is priceless. Fuck, we need a goddamn video camera! Why don't one of us own one yet?" Hermione wondered.

"Thank you, thank you, thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings…"

The song ended and Draco and Ginny both bowed as the crowd cheered and clapped for them. They were hanging on each other and trying not to fall over as they exited the stage and they made their way back to the table. Ginny leapt at Harry and kissed him and hugged him, and Draco just patted him on the back and sat back down next to Hermione.

"Now that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever done. The wind beneath my wings? What in the bloody fuck? I can't believe you made me sing that, Weasley!" Draco slapped Ginny's arm across the table.

"I told you that you'd hate it! But you were perfect. It was amazing. Were you embarrassed beyond belief, Harry?" Ginny wondered.

"Completely mortified, thank you. You realize these Muggles think you two are bloody fucked in the head. Saving the world? Why would you tell them that?" Harry asked with exasperation.

"Oh please, they don't care. And I don't care either. Let them wonder what I meant," Ginny scoffed, taking another drink.

"So Hermione, did I sound convincing? Did it seem like I grasped the song on a personal level? I was brilliant, right?" Draco asked her.

"You were a complete idiot. It was perfect. And yes, I was actually convinced that you thought Harry was the wind beneath your wings. I was worried you might leave me for him actually," she teased him.

"It's touch and go, love. When I look at him, you know it's hard to resist wanting to jump him, but I control myself well," Draco joked right back.

"You better because he's mine!" Ginny shoved him playfully. "Besides Harry doesn't want to eat cock. He likes girls only."

Everyone almost spit out their drinks and just looked at her. "Ginny! You're disgusting!" Harry told her, horrified.

"I don't want his bloody cock! I'm fucking kidding! Jesus Christ, don't believe everything I say!" Draco yelled out over the music.

"I know you were joking! I was too! God, everyone is so touchy sometimes. And why does everyone look at me like I've sprouted antlers when I say something crude? I'm not a child. Just because I'm the youngest one doesn't mean I'm a baby. I'm a grown woman!" Ginny told them all.

"I'm sorry, but the two of you are dangerous together. You say crazy shit and do even weirder shit, who knows what to bloody think?" Hermione told them.

"I'm not a fucking queer, Hermione. Harry, you know that right?" Draco looked at him.

"I know! I never said you were! I can take a joke. It's Ginny who said the shit about eating cock," Harry held up his hands.

"So what? I know lots of swear words. I grew up with six brothers! Shall I name all the words I know?" Ginny asked drunkenly.

"It's not necessary, Gin. We get the point," Harry told her.

"I swear, I never thought the day would come when I'd think Draco Malfoy was the only one who got my warped sense of humor. But at least he had the stones to sing with me. Can you even imagine what Ron would do if he were here? He would absolutely lose his shit. I kind of wish he _was_ here," Ginny said.

"I fucking don't. I hate your brother. And he hates me. And being with him is about as fun as being abducted by aliens and having a probe stuck up my ass. No thank you," Draco said, gulping down the rest of his drink.

"Yeah, he fucking hates your guts. And I don't know why really. He doesn't know you. Hell, I hated your guts too, but that was before I actually knew who you were. I only knew the bullshit from school. But honestly, I'm fucking relieved you and Hermione are together. It's awesome. I used to think it was tragic that she and Ron broke up, but forget all that nonsense. He's a stick in the mud. You're hilarious. Just keep being that way and we'll get on just fine," Ginny told Draco.

"Thanks, Ginny. That was actually nice. Are you that completely drunk?" Draco wondered.

"Oh, I'm bombed. But I meant what I said. Hermione is a great girl. I love her to bits. But even despite her little foray into the dark underworld of partying, she was always a bit uptight. You bring out the best in her. Ron only made her unbearable to be around," Ginny said.

"What? I was_ unbearable_ to be around? Thanks a lot!" Hermione scowled at her.

"I'm sorry! But it's true. It got to the point where every time we visited you and Ron I wanted to hex you or slap you silly. All you guys did was argue or snipe at each other. I felt guilty for actually being happy with Harry. It was really awkward."

Hermione thought on it and tried to remember that far back in her life. "It was really that bad?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. But it's all water under the bridge. Everything's great now. I'm having the time of my life. And who give's a shit what Ron's doing? He's probably at home right now sleeping in a chair in front of the telly."

"Gin, cut him a little slack okay? He's just going through some shit that has nothing to do with Draco or Hermione or you or any of us," Harry told her, trying to calm her down.

"What is he going through?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Yeah, what?" Ginny asked.

"I swore I wouldn't tell. I can't say. It would be wrong. It's not my story to tell," Harry held up his hands.

"Something wrong with the Weasel? He's not dying is he?" Draco wondered.

"No, he's not dying. It's nothing like that. I really can't tell. He'll be more pissed at me than he already is normally. Sorry."

"Well why wouldn't he tell me? I'm his bloody sister. Harry, what is it? At least tell me," Ginny pleaded.

"If he wanted to tell you, he would have Ginny. He only told me because I blew up at him and got in his face and threatened to curse him if he didn't stop acting so moody and annoying."

"Is it going to ruin our wedding? At least tell me that. Is he going to go off, half cocked, and start punching people or pulling their hair again?" Ginny wondered.

"No. He won't. He promised me. And this time he actually meant it. Truth is, he's just a bit down. And being with happy people is difficult. That's all I'm gonna say."

"Something happened, didn't it?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Yeah, you could say that. But he's gonna be fine. He just needs a little time. He was simply taking out his frustrations and anger on the wrong person before. The only person he's really upset with is himself. And he shouldn't be. It wasn't his fault," Harry said to her.

"I'm really confused. Harry, just tell me what happened. He's my brother. I should know. Otherwise I'm just gonna keep being pissed at him. Do you want that?" Ginny asked.

Harry was silent for a bit and then he finally sighed. He looked at everyone at the table. "If I tell you this, it never leaves this bar. I'm dead fucking serious. This isn't a joke or just Ron being a prat. If I tell you this, you can't say a thing to anyone."

Everyone held up their hands and promised not to speak, but they were all highly curious to know the sordid details.

"Alright, he and Jen have been arguing a lot. I know they're newlyweds, but it's been a bit of a hard adjustment for Ron. And then Jen got pregnant. He freaked out, even though he said he wanted it to happen, but he panicked and ran off like a scared little girl. Then he came back and everything was fine, but then she lost the baby. They've not told anyone at all. Not even family. No one. I'm the only one who knows. They're quite sad and upset and Ron blames himself because he was scared and for a moment he didn't want the baby. He thinks it's his fault, like he willed it to happen," Harry explained.

The table was deathly silent. There was a time for drunken jokes, and playing around, but this wasn't the moment. Everyone knew that. And no one knew exactly what to say. Finally Ginny spoke.

"I can't believe he never told me. We had words. Lots of words. And he never said anything," she shook her head.

"My mum lost a baby once," Draco piped up.

"What?" Hermione looked at him curiously.

"Yeah, I was two. I obviously don't remember. But she was seven months along. It was another boy. I would have had a brother. But something went wrong and he died. My mum didn't tell me about it until I was grown. But she still cries over it. I feel a bit bad for the Weasel and his girl," Draco admitted softly and sincerely.

"I feel terrible too. And for your mum, Draco. That's horrid. Seven months? That's nearly term," Hermione said sadly.

"Yeah, it was a huge blow I suppose. But this isn't about my family, it's about Ginny's brother. I'm sorry I said such terrible things. I had no idea what he was going through," Draco apologized.

"No one did. Not even me. I had to force it out of him. And I'm supposed to be his best friend. He just doesn't handle loss well. Not that any of us do. But he get's very angry and sometimes mean. It's just how he is. But he doesn't mean it. I'm not just defending him because he's my friend, but it's actually true. He's just volatile. But now that I actually know the truth, things are better. He's better. And I asked him about the wedding and I told him Draco was coming and he swears he doesn't care. He promised. Told me he wasn't even as pissed at you as he showed. He was just pissed in general and you were an easy target. He felt like he just lost something incredibly important, and he feared he was losing his friends and his sister to someone he didn't much like. He lashed out. But he's over it. I truly believe him this time. He just wants to get on with things and not have everyone angry at him," Harry explained.

"I'm not angry now. I'm sad," Ginny admitted.

"Me too," said Hermione.

"What can I say? I still don't like him. But yes, I feel bad. To lose a child? I wouldn't want to know what that feels like," Draco shrugged.

"Alright, everyone agreed. No one says a word. Do not fucking say anything. If he tells you, great. Otherwise, you didn't know a thing. Got it?" Harry told them all seriously.

"I'm certainly not saying a word," Draco held up his hands.

"Me neither. I won't. I'll pretend I don't know," Hermione assured him.

"I won't say anything either. But I am talking to him again. I want him to tell me. I should know! I'm his little sister. I'm family. That was my niece or nephew that was lost. I deserve to know," Ginny said sadly.

"Fine, you can try and get it out of him, but please do not let on that you already know," Harry pleaded.

"Promise. I won't."

Everything was quiet at the table for far too long. No one knew what to say or do. But everyone kept drinking quietly. Finally Draco couldn't take the awkwardness anymore.

"So what else is new with everyone? Somehow this party got depressing quickly. We need to liven this bad boy up," he told everyone.

"Nothing's really new. Except the wedding date, which I already announced," Ginny told him.

"Wedding date. Right. So I heard that you and Hermione went dress shopping awhile back and ended up in a dildo store. Is this true?" he wondered.

Ginny looked horrified and smacked Hermione's arm across the table. "You told him that?"

"I'm sorry! It slipped out. I didn't tell him anything else!" Hermione swore to her.

"A _dildo_ shop? You mean, sex toys? You actually went somewhere like that?" Harry asked curiously.

"Ugh, yes! It was a whim! I didn't buy anything. I rather freaked out and ran away. That is after smacking Hermione in the face with a large purple fake dong," Ginny giggled slightly.

"What?" Draco and Harry asked at the same time.

"She hit me with it! She's crazy. She was waving it around and said it was like a wand. Next thing I knew I had a rubber cock hitting me in the face. Don't blame me!" Hermione told them.

"Why would you go there? Am I not pleasing enough?" Harry asked awkwardly and confused.

"No, you're fine! I swear. It was a bit of girlish fun. She's the one who told me a vibrator was enjoyable!" Ginny pointed at Hermione.

Hermione gasped. "Ginny! I fucking told you that in confidence! You're the one who said you wanted the device you saw on Sex in the City. I just showed you where to go!"

"Wait. Sex in the City? What the hell is that?" Draco wondered.

"It's a show on the telly. She watched it, not me!" Hermione exclaimed.

"But you said you had one!"

"You have a dildo?" Draco asked trying not to laugh.

"I do not! I _had _something. Once! A long time ago. I don't use it now," she said defensively.

"A _dildo_? A fake dick? Oh God, this is more than I need to hear," Harry said covering his face.

"What? I was single! And honestly men are worthless sometimes. I slept with plenty and only a handful had a clue what they were doing. A girl needs something in her empty life," Hermione told them.

"Why did you want one? Harry not up to par?" Draco asked Ginny.

"No, he's fine. Ugh. This was supposed to be a secret! As if I'll ever use you as my secret keeper should I be in danger someday," Ginny said accusingly to Hermione.

"I'm sorry. I didn't say anything else. Just that we went to the shop! That's all!"

"Am I not doing something right?" Harry asked uncomfortably.

"No, you're brilliant. I'm perfectly content. It was a dumb idea and I didn't buy anything!" Ginny assured him.

"Shit, if I knew Hermione had such a thing we could have had fun with that," Draco smirked.

Hermione hit him on the arm. "Shut up! I'm already fucking embarrassed."

"Did you think you needed something made of machinery to make you happy? Because I thought I was doing alright," Harry told Ginny.

"You are! This is so silly. I just simply asked Hermione if normal women had these sorts of toys and she said she did. So I was curious. That's all!"

"You were more than curious. You said it took too long and you wanted Draco to give Harry sex advice!" Hermione cried, not caring anymore about secrecy.

"What? Are you two fucking insane? Sex advice? You wanted _me_ to give Harry sex advice? I'm not a bloody therapist or anything," Draco scoffed.

"Why the hell would I need advice from _him_? Am I that awful? You seem to enjoy yourself!" Harry told Ginny.

"I do! It's just that sometimes I don't exactly enjoy it as much as you, that's all. But I don't care. It doesn't matter. Everything's fine," she insisted.

"Sometimes you_ don't_ enjoy it? Since when? You always say it's perfect. Are you lying? Am I completely inept? And you told one of my fucking best friends I sucked in bed? How could you?" Harry cried with embarrassment.

"I never said you sucked! Far from it. It's just, well, sometimes I get bored. Sue me. What can I say? Sometimes it doesn't work. But it's probably my fault and not yours," Ginny told him.

"This is the worst conversation ever. How did I even get put in the middle of this? Offering Harry sex tips? I don't think we're good enough friends for that shit," Draco told them,

"We're not. Not at all. And I wasn't aware that I needed them in the first place. Can someone just kill me right this instant? I beg it of you This is mortifying," Harry said putting his head on the table.

"Hermione I'm going to kill you. Badly, and without remorse! This was a fucking secret!" Ginny yelled at her.

"I'm sorry, but you fucking told everyone that I owned a vibrator! All bets are off. How do you think I feel?" she shot back.

"Alright, enough. Potter, how old were you when you first lost it?" Draco asked him drunkenly.

"Lost what?"

"Your virginity, you half wit. How old?"

"I was almost eighteen. Why? How old were you? Twelve?"

"No, I was fifteen."

"Who'd you lose it to? Don't tell me it was Pansy the pug. That girl was horrid," Harry shook his head.

"For you information it _was_ her. And she wasn't a pug! She was cute. At least I wasn't fucking almost eighteen before I got some action," Draco scoffed.

"Pansy was ugly as shit. And when did you boff her? At school?" Harry wondered.

"Yes, at school. Where else?"

"You seriously had sex with her at Hogwarts? And no one caught you?" Harry wondered.

"Of course no one caught me. We did it in the empty Transfiguration classroom when no one was paying attention."

Everyone burst out laughing , despite the tension that had overcome the table.

"The Transfiguration classroom? Oh God, did you fuck her on McGonagall's desk?" Hermione asked him.

Draco groaned. "Yeah? What of it? The room was fucking empty!"

"Oh that's gross. I fucking touched that desk," Harry told him.

"It's not like I blew my wad onto the fucking desk. I don't think your precious hands were defiled," he informed him.

"Were you a stud right out of the gate? Was it amazing?" Ginny asked him.

"Amazing? Fuck no. It was fast and rushed and then we just got the hell out before anyone found us."

"So it was like five seconds then?" Hermione asked with a slight giggle.

"Let's be more generous, shall we? It was a good twenty seconds, give or take. What can I say? I was fucking fifteen! The minute my dick even got near her it practically burst. Being good at sex takes practice!" Draco informed them all.

"My first time was better than twenty seconds. It was at least five minutes," Harry informed him.

Ginny started laughing uncontrollably. "Five minutes? Are you high? Think more like two seconds. I wasn't even sure it counted as losing my virginity as it was over so quickly."

Draco started laughing and Harry glared at him. "Okay, maybe I'm being too generous. But it was more than two seconds!"

"No it wasn't! I was there. I remember! I was so waiting for my world to be rocked and then you were just done. Caput. Over. And I was so confused," Ginny reminded him.

"Fine, so I sucked the first time. Big deal. Even Mr. Stud over here admits he wasn't much better!"

"Look ladies, it's a totally different experience for a bloke to get laid the first time. Things just fucking explode prematurely. We can't help it! It's like having a loaded gun in your pants. One false move and boom! It's fucking over," Draco explained to the girls.

"You think you have it bad? The first time I had sex it was horrendously painful and I bled like someone stabbed me! I had no idea what the big deal was because it was awful. It's a miracle I even tried again," Hermione told them.

"Yes! It fucking hurt. I mean, I was kind of glad it was over so fast because it hurt so much. You lot have it easy. All a woman has to do it take her top off and you jizz in your pants from seeing some nipples. For a girl, it's much more complicated!" Ginny said passionately.

"Fine, fine, you girls have it bad. But it gets better. Women want sex just as much as men, and don't even try to say otherwise. I've fucked plenty of girls and they all asked for it. So clearly there's something good about it or you lot wouldn't even bother," Draco told them all.

"Yes, it does it get better. I'll grant you that. But still, some men are completely clueless. They suck a nipple for three seconds and then just shove it in and expect us to swoon. It doesn't work that way! Women need attention. Good, serious attention. And most men are totally unskilled or they simply don't care," Hermione told them from her own experience.

"Hey now, I'm fucking good at what I do. Don't be lumping me into that clueless category. I know what women want, and I fucking deliver!" Draco told her heatedly.

"I wasn't talking about you! I was speaking of men in general," Hermione explained.

"So I'm horrible then? I don't know what I'm doing? Is that what this about, Ginny?" Harry asked with his face turning red.

"No! You're not horrible. I promise. It's just sometimes it doesn't really work for me. That's all. But I still like it!"

"It doesn't work? Then what's all that moaning and crying out and shit? Is it fake?"

Ginny groaned and looked up at the ceiling. "Sometimes! I just want to get it over with. But that doesn't mean you're bad, it just means I'm weird. That's what Hermione told me. She said I was thinking too much, and I probably am. Believe me, I'm not unsatisfied!"

Harry looked at Ginny, then he looked at Draco. Draco shook his head. "Don't even think of asking me what you're doing wrong. I don't know, nor do I want to know. I don't fucking care!"

"This has all gotten out of hand. Everyone just shut up. This isn't suitable conversation!" Hermione told them all.

"Well I want to know if I suck. I at least deserve to hear the truth. We're getting married! And if Ginny isn't happy, then the whole world will explode into chaos. I wanna make this right, without her buying rubber sex toys to be happy, " Harry told them all.

"Harry, I didn't buy it. And you do not suck! It's me, not you. I'm stupid. I worry too much. I mean, the first time, yeah, it kind of sucked. But that was years ago! I'm perfectly happy. Please believe me," Ginny told him.

"Alright. If you're sure. I mean, I could do something different if you want. You just seemed happy. What the fuck do I know? You're the only girl I've ever been with."

"I know. And you're the only guy I've been with in such a way. This is all just so silly. I'm happy. You're great. I promise," she assured him.

"Okay, I gotta take a leak. This conversation is just too insane for me to listen to anymore," Draco announced as he stood from the table.

A couple seconds after he walked off, Harry stood up. "I gotta go too. I'll be back."

He walked into the bathroom after Draco and they looked at each other for a second, then both went to the urinals to do their business. They didn't speak at first. But then Harry glanced over at him slightly and Draco looked at him.

"What are you doing? Trying to take a peek at my dick? Stop looking at me!" he told him.

"I wasn't looking at you or your dick! I just glanced over for two seconds," Harry protested.

"Why? Don't you know the rules? When you're taking a piss, you look straight ahead and never at the bloke next to you."

"Sorry, I was just gonna ask you something, but forget it now. It wasn't important," Harry shook his head.

"Ask me something? While we're pissing? Couldn't it wait?" Draco wondered as he finished and zipped up and went to the sink.

"I was just curious… how you do it," Harry choked out awkwardly as he finished and joined Draco at the sink.

"How I do what? Take a piss?"

"No you idiot. I meant, how you make things so good during sex."

"I thought you didn't want my advice? And I already said I wasn't giving it out. Go read a book or something," Draco told him.

"I don't want to read a bloody book. I was just wondering if there was a special trick or something," Harry shrugged.

Draco sighed. "I don't know. Every girl is different. Sometimes what works for one, doesn't really work on another."

"How many girls have you slept with? Like a thousand?"

"No! A thousand? God, my cock would probably have fallen off by now if I shagged that many bints," Draco scoffed.

"Well how many then?"

"I honestly don't know. A lot."

"You know, Ginny was my first and my only. And I didn't have a dad to tell me the birds and bees and all that shit. I'm just winging it," Harry admitted..

"Look, my father didn't tell me a single thing. I didn't learn anything from him except how to be a Death Eater. I winged it too. I suspect every bloke does. Can you even imagine how mortifying it would have been if my father actually sat me down and told me how to have sex? I would have killed myself. Besides I don't want to think about him shagging my mum. That's a horrid image in the brain. I prefer to think I was conceived by immaculate conception, thank you very much," Draco told him.

"Immaculate conception? Yeah, the similarities between you and Jesus are stunning. I'm sure that's exactly what happened," Harry joked.

Draco just made a face at him and then he sighed. "What do you want me to tell you?" he asked.

"I don't know. But it's obvious you're doing something better than I am."

"What can I say? You just gotta pay good attention to your woman, like Hermione said," Draco told him.

"I do. I always pay attention to her."

"Yeah, but I mean _good _attention. _Down south_. I'm not talking about listening to her talk about shit. I mean, you gotta put some effort into things down below."

"Oh. Right. That sort of attention. I thought I did."

"Shagging her isn't always enough, you realize. You gotta do other shit first."

"I know. I do!"

"Do you use your hand or your mouth?" Draco asked pointedly.

"Um, usually just my hand," Harry admitted quietly.

"Try using your mouth. Or better yet, both at the same time. Trust me, that works. And don't be afraid to get a little enthusiastic either. If you're too cautious, it's not going to work. Just dive right in there and really go to town. But don't get too carried away. You're not actually trying to _eat _her, despite the euphemism."

"Okay. So I should be more enthusiastic? Not so gentle? I'm afraid I'll hurt her. It's all so mysterious and delicate down there, I try to be careful."

"Well that's your bloody problem then. You don't need to be _that _careful. Unless you're completely attacking her she's not gonna break. And some girls like it a bit rough. Keep that in mind."

"Rough? Are you talking about weird kinky shit with whips and chains and such?" Harry grimaced.

"No! God, I just mean don't always act like you need to float on a cloud together. Just get in there and give it to her hard until her eyes roll back in her head. She'll thank you later," Draco explained.

"I really have been doing this wrong. I've never done that before. I'm always trying to be romantic and sweet to her. I thought that was the right thing to do," Harry explained.

"No. I mean, sure romance is great. But sometimes a girl doesn't want romance and sweetness. Not when she's being fucked. She wants an animal. She wants to feel like you desire her so badly that you're just totally out of your wits and can't control yourself. And then after you've fucked her brains out, _then_ you can be sweet and romantic. But not _during_."

"Are you sure that's the right thing to do? Be an _animal_? I rather thought she'd want to feel loved and special and not like I'm pillaging her village and ravaging her like some sort of caveman."

"Hey, you can do what you want. I'm just telling you what works for me. I've got lots of satisfied customers, your best friend among them. But feel free to think I'm full of shit. I was only trying to help," Draco held up his hands.

"You swear you're not telling me some crazy bullshit so I'll freak Ginny out and she calls off the bloody wedding?" Harry prodded him.

"I'm just telling you my own experience. I'm not trying to sabotage you. Plus, I like Ginny. And she doesn't strike me as the type who is afraid to get a little down and dirty in the bedroom. She went to a fucking dildo shop! Just take my advice. And then you can thank me later," Draco smirked at him.

"Fine. I'll keep it in mind. Thanks," Harry said uncomfortably.

"Don't mention it. And I mean that. Seriously don't ever mention it. We never talked about this, okay?"

"We never talked. Promise. It's not like I want anyone to know I asked _you_ this shit anyway. I still can't even believe I did," Harry shook his head.

"Yeah, well, life is strange. You used to hate my guts and now this is the second time you've come to me asking for help or advice for something. It's completely bizarre."

"I know. It really is. But I kinda think you're sort of…well, cool now."

"Really? I'm cool eh? Never thought you'd ever say that shit."

"I know. You could have been cool before if you wanted to be. But you didn't."

"I _was _cool. Sort of. Just not to you. I don't know, maybe I never was as cool as I thought. But that's just because I was trying to be someone else. I was trying to be what was expected of me. But now, I'm just me," he explained with a shrug.

"Yeah, well it's an improvement, believe me."

"Look let's not get all sentimental and weird okay? We're in a bathroom. And if you try and hug me or something, I might have to kill you," Draco told him.

"Don't worry, I'm not that drunk."

Draco just nodded and he went out the door and Harry followed him. They got back to the table and both girls looked at them funny.

"What took so bloody long?" Ginny asked them.

"Yeah we thought perhaps you fell into the toilets and drowned," Hermione said.

"We were just talking. No biggie," Draco shrugged as he sat back down and picked up his drink.

"Talking about what?" Ginny wondered.

"It was nothing. When you run off to the loo with Hermione I never ask you what you talked about," Harry informed her as he sat down too.

"Well that's easy. We're usually talking about you guys. Were you talking about us?" Ginny prodded him.

"No. It was guy stuff. You wouldn't get it. Just drop it," Harry said uncomfortably.

"Guy stuff? Like tits and football or something?"

"Yes, that's exactly what we were talking about," Harry told her.

"But you don't even watch football," Hermione pointed out to Draco.

"Love, just forget it. You know what? I'm getting bored of this place. We should go elsewhere," Draco said, changing the subject.

"Like where?" Harry asked.

"I dunno. How bout we go to the liquor mart, buy a bottle of whiskey, and then apparate to the middle of the forest and just stare at the sky? I heard there were supposed to be meteors tonight. Loads of them. It would be fun," he suggested.

"The forest? I thought you hated places like that?" Harry asked.

"Since when? If you're talking about the Forbidden Forest, then yes. But I'm not suggesting we go there. I just mean someplace secluded and not filled with terrifying creatures."

"Oh, why don't we go to your parents place? You know, the lake? They'll never even know we were there," Hermione chimed in.

"We could do that. You two game?" Draco asked Harry and Ginny.

"You swear your folks won't be lurking about? Because I don't want to see your father," Harry told him.

"Do you think my father hikes out to the lake at this time of night? I don't even think he's been out of his lounge in years. All he does is sit there and drink all the time. He's not gonna see us."

"Sounds fun to me. I'm in!" Ginny told everyone.

"Alright. I guess that's cool," Harry shrugged.

They all got up and settled their bar tabs and then set off in search of a liquor store. They walked in and it was obvious they were all already quite drunk, but they managed not to knock anything over and break it. Ginny picked up a huge bottle of champagne and held it up.

"Oh, can we get this? I want champagne! It's very posh and tastes better than whiskey," she informed Harry.

"Gin, that bottle costs five hundred pounds. And we're not even celebrating anything. Find something cheaper," he told her.

"No worries, I'll get that," Draco said as he came up and yanked the bottle out of her hands.

"You don't have to buy that," Harry informed him.

"I know, but I can. Why not make the girl happy, right?" Draco smiled with a shrug.

"It's your money."

"Everyone is free to pick whatever they like. I'm buying," Draco announced a little too loudly.

"Draco, I think you just offered to buy shit for everyone in the store. People are grabbing things off the shelves now," Hermione whispered to him.

"Oh shit. Was I that loud? Sorry everyone, I wasn't talking to _you_ people. I don't even know you! I was talking to _these _people. They're with me. You lot are all on your own," he announced again and several people looked very disappointed as they put their bottles back.

"I'm not sure you need more liquor. You're already rather wasted. You're gonna forget this night, just like the last time," Hermione informed him.

"So what? I'm having fun. And so is everyone else. Why don't you go grab that one wine you love. The one you always ask me to pick up for you."

"Alright. But don't get upset if you black out and end up doing something weird again," she warned as she set off to find the wine.

Draco went up to Harry. "So what's your poison? You haven't picked anything yet."

"I dunno, you got that huge bottle of whiskey. Are you drinking it all yourself? I rather thought we could just share."

"If that's what you want. But you could get your own. I said I was buying."

"I can pay for myself."

"You're missing out on one of the perks of having a rich friend. Just pick a bottle."

"I don't really care about your money all that much. You don't have to buy shit for people just so they like you better," Harry informed him.

"I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm being nice. Do you always assume I've got some sort of agenda to my rare good deeds? We're friends, aren't we? This is what friends do."

"Alright. Then I want this," Harry said picking up a bottle of Absinthe.

"That? Have you ever tried that before?" Draco wondered.

"No. But I hear it's spectacular."

"You are gonna puke your guts out later and start hallucinating. But if that's what you want, go for it."

Everyone walked up to the counter and put their bottles down. The man rang it all up and shoved it into bags for them. He looked at them with a wary eye and could tell they were already drunk.

"I sure hope you lot aren't driving anywhere," he said shaking his head.

"Nah, we're teleporting. It's perfectly safe," Draco informed him.

"Teleporting?" the man looked at him oddly.

"He's a little bit insane. Don't listen to him," Harry said stepping in.

"Well have fun then with the teleporting thing," the man said as he handed over the bags to everyone.

They walked outside and Harry smacked Draco hard on the arm.

"Teleporting? Why'd you tell him that?"

"Relax. He just thought I was your average lunatic. Besides it's not teleportation, it's apparating. But I don't think he'd understand that term. Don't you ever just say shit to Muggles just to confuse the hell out of them and make them think you're nuts? It always amuses me."

"You are incredibly strange," Harry told him.

"Yeah? Tell me something I don't know. Now let's find a place and get the hell out of here."

They all walked along until they found an abandoned alley and they all hid behind a dumpster before disappearing and landing on the grass in front of the lake.

"So this your lake?" Ginny asked, taking it all in.

"Yep. Well it's actually my fathers, but it's mine too."

"Your family owns all of this land," she asked looking around her.

"We sure do. From what I've been told my great great grandparents or some such relatives bought up this entire area to ensure that Muggles wouldn't be anywhere near us," Draco explained.

"I can't even imagine owning my own lake," Harry said with some awe.

"It's all a bit over the top I guess, but it used be home."

"Why don't we all sit down and get comfy and open up our goodie bags?" Ginny said excitedly.

Everyone took their places on the grass and opened up the bags and everyone had their own bottle to drink from. They all just sort of sat in silence for a bit and enjoyed the relatively warm evening.

"Should we play a game?" Ginny suggested.

"Like what?" Harry wondered.

"What about Truth or Dare? I hear that's what lots of Muggles play at parties."

"Yeah, when they're twelve," Hermione pointed out.

"Did you either of you ever play with your Muggle friends?" Ginny asked Harry and Hermione.

"Uh, I didn't have any friends, Gin. I've told you that before. I was the complete weirdo with the dorky broken glasses and a stupid scar and clothes that didn't fit me. The only time anyone spoke to me in school was when they were asking if I'd like to be beaten up now or later," Harry explained with a sigh.

"Right, sorry. I kind of forgot. What about you Hermione?"

"I played it a couple times. But I always got kicked out of the game for trying to be reasonable and safe and warning everyone not to get hurt doing stupid dares. Everyone hated me. I was the girl who always woke up from slumber parties with frozen underwear and things drawn all over my face. I was a huge nerd."

"Frozen underwear?" Draco asked with a slight laugh.

"Yes. Whoever falls asleep first gets their underwear soaked and then put in the icebox. I barely had boobs, but my sad little training bra was stuffed in there amidst frozen peas and lamb chops. It was mortifying when I had to dig it out in front of this girls parents."

"Sounds like you had shitty friends," Draco told her.

"I did. Honestly they weren't really friends at all. I found out once that I was only invited over so they could laugh at me. I kind of hated girls for awhile. That's why my two best friends at Hogwarts were boys. At least Harry and Ron never stole my bra and froze it."

Harry laughed. "That actually sounds like something Fred and George would have done. But they wouldn't dare touch your bra for fear of your wrath."

"It does sound like something they'd do huh? Thankfully they had some limits to their jokes. I think their mum would have murdered them if they stole my underwear in the night," Hermione laughed.

"So should we play the game or not?" Ginny asked.

"Nah, that sounds dumb. I don't want to bear my soul with truths and I'm scared of what sorts of dares you lot would throw at me," Draco told them.

"Well then what else should we do? I don't see any meteors yet," Ginny told them.

"Just wait. It's still too early. The best light shows happen in the dead of night. I used to come out here all the time during the end of summer and just stare at the sky, and I always saw something," Draco told her.

"Would you come with friends or all by yourself?" Hermione asked.

"I would sit out here alone. It was peaceful. It was better than being locked in my room all the time."

"Were you ever actually _locked_ in?" Harry asked curiously.

"No, it's a figure of speech. But I might as well have been locked in there. My father didn't really want me around bothering him and my mum was always busy with her friends and such. They never even noticed if I was there or not most of the time."

"I get that. But I was literally locked in my room. I even had bars on the windows at one point," Harry told him as he took a swig of his Absinthe and made a yucky face.

"Do you ever see those people who raised you, Potter? Didn't you just want to go back at some point and strangle all of them?" Draco wondered.

"The thought crossed my mind. But no. I don't know where they even are. I highly doubt they think about me at all after all this time. They never thought about me when I was there, so why start now?"

"So the bint who raised you, she was your aunt? Your mother's sister?" Draco wondered curiously.

"Yes."

"And she didn't give a fuck for you at all? That's some cold hearted shit. My aunt was fucking loony tunes but she still sort of cared about me. Kind of. She probably would have killed me at some point, which does lose her some points. But at least she pretended she gave a shit for me, for my mother's sake."

"Yeah? Well my aunt didn't much care for my mum. She was insanely jealous because she wasn't magical herself. She wanted to be special too. And when she wasn't, she just got mean and horrible and nasty and detested my mum and anyone else associated with the magic world," Harry explained.

"See, that's why I used to hate Muggles so much. They were stupid and annoying and so obviously jealous to be nothing important and just have to live a boring ordinary life."

"They aren't all like that," Harry protested.

"I know. I've met a few decent ones, but it's not like I actually made friends with them."

"Me neither, to tell the truth. I much prefer my magical friends to anyone I ever met when I was living as a Muggle. Going to Hogwarts changed my life, that's for sure," Harry admitted.

They all just sat in silence for a bit, drinking from their bottles and getting a little more drunk than they were before. Ginny stood up after awhile and looked at all of them.

"I have to pee," she announced tipsily.

"There are trees over that way," Draco pointed off to the side.

"Trees? You want me to pee in the trees?" she asked miserably.

"Well what did you expect? That we had full service bathrooms out here in the woods? I know we're rich, but that's a little far fetched," Draco laughed slightly.

"Ugh, Hermione will you come with me?" Ginny asked desperately.

"Come to help you pee? Why do you need me?" Hermione complained.

"Because it's dark and weird over there. What if something attacks me? I need a lookout."

"So take Harry."

"No. I don't want Harry to watch me pee. A girls got to have some mystery to herself," Ginny informed her.

"You've never peed in front of him before?" Hermione was surprised.

"No! That's private."

"You'll shag him, but he can't see you pee?" Draco asked giving her a weird look.

"What? Is that so strange? I read in a magazine that if you get too complacent and do gross things in front of your partner, they'll stop seeing you as a sex object and more of a friend," Ginny told them.

"Fine, I'll go with you. But I highly doubt there's anything out there to attack you," Hermione sighed.

The girls stumbled off together and Harry and Draco were left alone, just staring at the sky. Harry jostled Draco's arm and held out the bottle of Absinthe to him.

"Here, try this. Tell me if it's just me, but it sort of tastes like licorice and petrol."

Draco grabbed the bottle and took a big swig and then he made a face and handed it back. "It's not just you. That tastes like atomic waste with a hint of wormwood. It's terrible."

Harry took another drink and made the same face, yet again. "Ugh. Why am I still drinking this then?"

"Because you're weird," Draco shrugged.

"I want to see the green fairy," Harry sighed.

"Well if you drink enough of that, you'll puke the green fairy onto your shoes," Draco laughed at him.

"You might be right. Can I have some of what you're having instead?"

Draco handed the whiskey over and Harry took it and then took a swig and handed it back. "Wanna see something cool?" he asked drunkenly.

"I don't know. If this has anything to do with you puking a fairy onto my lap, then no."

"I'm not gonna puke. I was gonna show you something else."

"Alright."

Harry pulled out his wand and aimed it over the lake. "Expecto patronum!" he shouted, and his patronous shot out and galloped over the water and off into the night before it disappeared. "Wasn't that cool? Can you do that?" Harry asked.

"It was pretty fucking cool. But no, I can't do that spell," Draco shook his head.

"Oh come on. A great wizard like you? You can't cast a patronus?"

"Honestly I never tried. Never had need of one. And to be very frank, I didn't have any happy memories to think of," Draco admitted quietly.

"Well I bet you have some now. You should try it. I can show you. I taught loads of people to do this back in school," Harry told him.

"Yeah, in your secret little club, eh?"

"Yes, until you helped put an end to all that."

"Well maybe I was jealous that I wasn't invited in?" Draco said with a shrug.

"Please. As if you would have joined us. But it's not too late to learn it. I'll show you," Harry told him.

Draco pulled out his wand and Harry told him to aim it across the lake, like he did. "Now just concentrate really hard on your happiest memory and then say it."

Draco steeled himself and tried really hard to think of his happiest moment and then he shouted out, "Expecto patronum!" A little blue light shot out and flickered and then fizzled right before his eyes. "Bloody hell. Either my patronus is a blob or I did something wrong," he complained.

"Just concentrate harder. I know you can do it. It takes good concentration to crucio someone and I know you can do that," Harry said somewhat flippantly.

"What's that supposed to mean? You think I run around using crucio at every turn?"

"No. It's just, I know you've done it. You tried to do it to me before," Harry pointed out.

"Yeah? I seem to remember you interrupting me with a lovely little spell of your own that ripped me to pieces. Thanks for that, by the way. I already wanted to kill myself that day and you just did me a favor," Draco said with a tinge of bitterness.

"Look, I'm sorry about that spell. I didn't know what I was doing. But that was a long time ago. I'm trying to show you something cool now," Harry said, trying to forget the past.

Draco sighed. "Fine. I'll try again. I'll concentrate better." He thought about what it felt like to hold Hermione in his arms and he focused on the way her body felt like home to him. He closed his eyes and then he shouted out the spell again. "Expecto patronum!" A huge ball of blue energy erupted from his wand and slowly took the shape of an enormous dragon. "Shit! Look at that!" he shouted with happiness.

"Now _that_ is fucking cool. See, I told you, you could do it!" Harry said with a smile.

"Damn, I was worried my patronous would be stupid, like a fucking frog or something, but a dragon? That was pretty fucking spectacular," Draco said proudly.

Just then the girls came traipsing back to where they were sitting and plunked themselves down on the ground.

"So what were you two doing?" Hermione asked as she nestled herself closer to Draco.

"Harry showed me how to make a patronus charm. I'd never done it before," Draco said with excitement.

"Ooh! What was it?" Ginny asked excitedly.

"Here, I'll show you guys. It's really cool," he told them as he readied himself to try again. He said the spell and the dragon shot out again and it flew around in circles before disappearing into the sky. "Wasn't that awesome?"

"It was great! A dragon. I should have known," Hermione smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"What's yours?" he asked Hermione.

"It's an otter."

"An otter?"

"Yeah, don't ask me why. I haven't a clue, honestly. Other than I think they're cute," Hermione shrugged.

"What about yours, Ginny?" Draco asked.

"It's a horse."

"Hmm, I'm sorry you guys, but mine is the best fucking one. Hands down. I win at this spell," Draco said with a smug little laugh.

"You know patronuses can change sometimes too. Like if you love someone enough, it could change to theirs," Harry explained.

"Really?"

"Yes. Snape's patronus was a doe like my mum's. Kind of weird, honestly," Harry told him.

"Wait, Snape loved your _mum_?" Draco asked giving him a weird look.

"Yep. Apparently he loved her quite a lot. Since they were children."

"Ugh, I didn't think Snape loved anyone," Draco admitted. "Did your mum and he used to date? Because that's kind of scary. What if he was your father instead? Imagine that shit."

"They did _not _date. Never. Please don't even go there. Snape as my dad? I wouldn't be this amazingly handsome and my hair would be greasier. But perhaps I would have not needed these blasted glasses," Harry said with a sigh and a chuckle.

"Amazingly handsome eh?" Draco laughed at him.

"Well he is," Ginny piped up as she snuggled up to Harry. "But I rather love your glasses. They make you look smart."

"So I'm not actually smart, it's just the glasses playing tricks on everyone?" Harry wondered with a laugh.

"You know what I meant! I just like them. They're part of who you are."

Draco reached over and grabbed Harry's glasses and yanked them off his face and put them on. "Do I look smarter now?" he asked everyone drunkenly.

"Give those back!" Harry yelled as he tried to grab them.

"Jesus man, you are fucking blind as a bat, aren't you? Everything looks all fuzzy and distorted," Draco said trying to adjust his eyes to the lenses.

"I _am_ fucking blind, so give them back!" Harry shouted at him and tried to yank them back.

Draco shoved him away and got up and took off running in the glasses. Harry got up and chased after him.

"You're not funny, Draco! I'm gonna run into something chasing you. It's dark and I already can't see!"

But it was Draco who was too drunk to run properly or see with the thick glasses on his face. He tripped over a rock and landed in a heap on the grass. He was laughing so hard that he wasn't even sure if he got hurt or not. But before he could figure it out, Harry jumped on him and they started rolling around on the ground together as Harry fought to get the glasses back.

"What the fuck are you two doing? It looks like you're making out!" Hermione shouted at them with a giggle.

"My God, boys are so dumb sometimes," Ginny sighed as she watched them wrestling around.

Harry managed to get on top of Draco and pull the glasses off. He put them back on and glared down at him. "You're such an ass!"

"Get off me, Potter! And that really better be your wand I'm feeling pressed against me or I might have to drown myself in the lake."

Harry got off him quickly and scrambled to his feet. "You wanna drown in the lake? Fine by me," Harry said as he grabbed Draco's shoulders and started dragging him across the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing? Let me go!" Draco said as he struggled to break free.

But Harry managed to drag him all the way to the shore and then he just shoved him enough so that he rolled right into the water. Draco sat up and sputtered and wiped the water out of his eyes. He stood up and faced Harry who was laughing hysterically.

"Think that's funny?" Draco asked as he rushed Harry and tackled him down and then used his feet to shove Harry into the water too.

"Stop! Now I'm all wet!" Harry yelled as he struggled to stand up.

"So am I!"

Ginny and Hermione ran over to where they were.

"Are you guys _actually_ fighting or are you just being idiots?" Hermione asked giving them a questioning glare.

"I think we're just being idiots," Draco admitted as he grabbed Hermione and picked her up and then swung her right into the water.

She made a huge splash and she sputtered and coughed and shot him an evil look.

"Draco Malfoy! You suck!" she yelled at him. "Harry, throw him in again!"

Harry went for him and he ducked out of the way. But Ginny joined him in the chase and soon the both of them had a hold of Draco and shoved with all their might until he toppled into the water again. But not before Draco grabbed both of their shirts and pulled them in right on top of him.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking everyone with me!" Draco laughed as everyone was now in the water and completely soaked.

Hermione made her way over to Draco and she tried to dunk his head under the water playfully. But he just grabbed her and pulled her to him and kissed her greedily.

"Oh yuck. Now they're making out," Harry said miserably as he and Ginny pulled themselves together and waded out of the lake.

"It's kind of sweet, isn't it?" Ginny said glancing at the couple still in the water.

"It's not sweet, it's gross. I swear, they better not take off their bloody clothes, or I'm out of here."

"You know, we could just leave them alone for a bit," Ginny suggested as she nibbled playfully on Harry's ear.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't be daft. I'm saying they're having fun, and so should we. The trees weren't scary after all. We could sneak over there together if you want?" she said with a suggestive smile.

"You mean you want to shag in the trees?" he asked with some shock.

"It'll be naughty. Come on. Don't you want to be crazy?" she asked.

Harry thought about what Draco had told him in the bathroom. Sometimes a girl didn't want romance. And maybe sometimes she wanted something a little bit wild and out of control. Plus he was just drunk enough to agree. He grabbed her hand and they went running off towards the thick of trees together. Meanwhile in the lake, Draco was getting out of hand. He had undone Hermione's pants and stuck his hand down inside, which caused her to gasp out.

"Stop! Draco! Ginny and Harry are right over there!" she scolded him, despite the pleasure she felt.

Draco glanced over and saw an empty lake and no one at all standing on the banks.

"I think they ditched us," he said as his nimble fingers went back to work.

"Oh God…" she moaned. "Wait, what? They're gone?" she asked snapping back to reality and glancing around.

"Looks like it's just us right now," Draco smiled as he bent down to nibble her neck while his fingers worked their magic.

Knowing they were alone, she allowed herself to fully enjoy everything he was doing. And she fumbled under the water to unzip his pants and stick her hand inside and grip him tightly. He drew in a sharp breath and kissed her hard on the mouth. They both worked furiously to get each other off and at one point they almost fell over because things got so intense as they both reached their climax within moments of each other. They just sort of swayed in the water holding each other as they both tried to catch their breath.

"Hmm, well that was fun," Hermione said with a devious little grin.

"You are a very bad girl," he smirked as he kissed her again.

"You're the one who's bad. You started it."

"What can I say? You all wet like that? I couldn't resist you."

Just then they heard a loud shrieking moaning sound coming from the woods where Hermione and Ginny had been earlier.

"What the hell is that? An animal of some sort?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Uh, not unless the animal is getting it's brains shagged out. That sounded like a sex noise to me," Draco said with a laugh.

"Oh. Eww. Is that where Harry and Ginny ran off to?"

"Beats me. But I'm pretty sure that's not my parents out in the woods fucking. And if it is, well, then color me scarred for life."

They waited a minute but the noise stopped. They got themselves together and waded out of the lake and laid down on the grass together, all snuggled up as they looked at the sky. A few minutes later, Harry and Ginny came stumbling out of the woods and made their entrance as Ginny tripped over her own feet and jelly legs and almost face planted in the grass. But she righted herself and they started to walk over to them.

"Oh yeah, that girl has just been shagged senseless. She can't even walk," Draco told Hermione with a smirk.

"She's probably just drunk. That noise we heard couldn't have been her. It sounded like a dying coyote," Hermione informed him.

He burst out laughing and then she started laughing too and couldn't stop.

"What's so funny you guys?" Harry asked as he took Ginny's hand and pulled her down on the grass next to him.

"Oh nothing," Hermione said trying to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, we're just really drunk and hearing things," Draco laughed, despite his efforts to keep it together.

"Hearing things? Like what?" Ginny asked curiously.

"Oh just noises in the woods. Did you hear them?" Draco asked slyly.

"No." Harry and Ginny both said at the same time.

"I'm sorry, but you guys aren't that sneaky. We heard you!" Hermione cried as she burst into more giggles.

"Heard what?" Ginny asked, feigning innocence.

"Hermione thinks your fucking noises sound like a coyote dying," Draco laughed heartily.

Ginny gasped and Harry just looked at the grass.

"A dying coyote? I do not sound like that! And since when have you heard a coyote die? We don't even have those here," Ginny protested.

"I'm sorry, but it was really loud!"

"Fine, fine. Laugh all you want. I made that noise for a good reason. You're just jealous," Ginny said as she laid down on the grass and pulled Harry down with her.

"We're not jealous. We had plenty of fun in the lake, trust me," Draco informed her.

"I'm never getting in that lake again now, you realize? God knows what else is swimming around in there, other than fish," Harry told him.

"Yeah, you don't really want to know," Draco concurred.

They were all silent for a time, just relaxing and watching the sky as they enjoyed the moment. Finally the meteors started showing and they all watched in awe as they streaked across the sky.

"See I told you this was cool," Draco said to everyone.

"Yeah, it is. I hope everyone's making wishes on these stars," Hermione said.

"I don't need any wishes. I've already got everything," Draco said as he pulled her closer.

No one else said anything and they all just lay there together enjoying the show. A new band of friendships had been formed and they were making memories together. Draco had never felt so content in his entire life. He really meant what he said. He had everything he ever wanted for the first time ever. And he was never going to forget how that felt. Despite the copious amounts of drink he consumed, he was never forgetting this evening. Ever.

**To be continued….I hope everyone is continuing to enjoy the tale I'm telling. I'd really love some reviews so I'll know if you guys like it. Thanks to all my followers!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I just use them for own amusement and often make them do things JK Rowling would hate me for. Alas I thank her for letting me have my fun. I make no money off these stories. It's purely entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended.**

**Summary: Post war. Hermione is 23, young and carefree. At least in her spare time. She leads a double life, hiding her true self from her friends and colleagues at work. Deep inside, she's still struggling over the aftermath of the war, the loss of her parents, and a failed romance with Ron. She meets up with someone she didn't expect to meet, who is also fighting their own post war demons. None other than Draco Malfoy. What will happen between them? Can two enemies come together or will they still bear grudges over the past? **

**Authors note: This story is somewhat similar to another story I started but sadly lost the muse and did not finish. I wanted to tell a somewhat darker tale about loss and self destruction and finding oneself when the world as you once knew it no longer exists. I wanted a story about two people who are in pain and self loathing, coming together in mutual self destruction. I know it might sound terribly depressing, but I do like a happy ending. But I think these two characters need to work for it. So this story is what I really wanted to write. It won't leave my head, so I hope I can stop letting the romantic in me take over and do the story the proper justice. Rated M for a reason. No actual smut, but plenty of sexual situations. Mentions of rough sex and non consensual sex, but no actual non-con takes place. Bad language, drinking, smoking. It's a dark world, but I still believe in redemption. And that's what this story is ultimately about. Lyrics by Alanis Morissette, Three Days Grace, Poe, The Perfect Day, Lifehouse, Simple Plan, Kelly Clarkson, Richard Marx, Brad Paisley and the song Draco sings is by Ben Folds. Additional lyrics by Lower Than Atlantis.**

_This is goodbye  
>Catching our flight tonight<br>Can't stay  
>Going away today<em>

_We'll get lost and find ourselves in a foreign land  
>We'll swim in seas and lie on sand<br>Singing We're English kids in America!"  
>Singing We're English kids in America!"<em>

_Shades and bikini babes,  
>I'm planning on a drink or two<br>Hang 10 and catch some waves,  
>I've forgotten everyone I knew<em>

Draco and Hermione were at the airport awaiting their flight to America. They had some time to kill, so they were sitting in the bar lounge having a few drinks, and just talking about what the trip would be like.

"I know we'll only be in New York for three hours, but I want to make sure I see the place. I want to see the Statue of Liberty," Hermione told him.

"Love, I don't know if the airport is near there. Plus, after we go through customs and get to the next gate, we might not have much time at all," he reminded her.

"Damn. Do you suppose we'll at least see it outside the airplane window?"

"Possibly? I don't know. I've never been there."

"Don't let me sleep through it if we do pass by it. And I at least need to buy something from the airport gift shop to prove I was actually in New York, even if for a brief time."

"I won't let you sleep through it, and you can buy whatever you like. Some tacky I heart New York t-shirt or something?" he laughed slightly.

"I don't know. I'll buy whatever strikes my fancy, as long as it says New York on it."

"Hey, drink up. They just announced our flight is boarding," he told her as he quickly downed his drink.

She downed hers quickly as well and then they gathered all their things and headed to the gate. They handed over their boarding passes and walked down the long tunnel to the plane.

"This is so weird. I've never been on an airplane. Is this tunnel thing always so rickety and bumpy?" Draco asked.

"Yes, it's normal. You'll enjoy this. Trust me. I've flown loads of times," she assured him.

They made their way into the actual plane and a stewardess showed them to their first class seats. They shoved their bags above them and sat down and got comfortable in the nicely sized leather seats. Draco was in awe of the whole spectacle and how huge the plane was. He was messing with the air control and pushing buttons and Hermione grabbed his hand.

"Stop. You just rung for help. We've not even left the gate yet. Don't mess with the gadgets," she scolded him.

"Sir, do you need something?" the stewardess asked him politely.

"Oh, sorry, no. I was just playing with the buttons. It's my first flight. I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted.

"Well I hope the journey is pleasant and not too bumpy. We're expecting good weather. I'll be back as soon as we're done boarding to take your drink orders," she said as she walked away.

"Drink orders? So we can get hammered on the plane? Why didn't you tell me that?" he wondered.

She sighed. "Because I didn't want you to get hammered on the plane. Then you might start acting weird like you often do and the last thing we need is to be escorted off the plane by air marshals and then thrown into airport jail."

"Airport jail? What's that like, you suppose?"

"I don't want to find out."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be as bad as Azkaban. No dementors at least."

"Yes, well, let's still try and not get arrested at forty thousand feet, shall we?"

Draco sighed and looked out the little window. Then he tapped on the glass.

"Sure this little window won't explode with us being so high in the sky?" he wondered.

"No, it won't explode. The cabin is pressurized."

He pulled down the tray table and found a television screen hidden behind it.

"Look, it's a telly! We get to watch the telly on the trip?"

"They usually show a movie on long flights. But put the table back up. You have to wait until we're in the air to let that down," she instructed as she put it back up for him.

"Sorry, am I being too annoying? This is just all new to me and I find it fascinating," he told her.

"You're being fine. Just a bit silly, that's all. Try and relax and soon we'll be taking off."

He leaned back in the chair and just watched the other passengers boarding with curiosity. Some woman boarded the plane toting three small children under the age of five who were already either crying or complaining and he cringed at that.

"Oh God, please don't let them be sitting anywhere near us," he muttered.

"What? You don't want to listen to screaming children for six hours?" she laughed slightly.

"I'd rather ride in the luggage compartment."

Thankfully they disappeared through the curtain and went to the back of the plane. Draco relaxed again and soon they were headed out to the runway for take off. They waited for a bit and then the plane started moving very quickly and gained speed fast. Draco held onto the armrests with a death grip.

"Okay, this is kinda scary. We're going _very_ fast," he said uncomfortably. Then all of a sudden the plane rose up and went straight into the air. "Holy shit, this is fucking terrifying," he told Hermione.

She reached over and put her hand on his. "It's fine. You'll be okay. Once we're at cruising altitude it'll be a piece of cake."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"How do these things manage to stay in the air? I don't understand that part. This thing is huge and yet it flies and doesn't just drop like dead weight onto the ground?" he asked.

"I don't know how they work, but obviously the engines and the wings hold it up."

"We won't crash right?"

"No."

"I should have brought a parachute or my broom. If this thing starts to fall out of the sky, then at least I'd have a means of escape," he told her.

She couldn't help but laugh a little. "Draco, you don't need a parachute or your broom. Look, we already starting to level out. Then you can have a drink."

He just nodded and closed his eyes. He didn't realize that something so common as flying would give him a panic attack. He'd flown a broom forever and that was a lot more dangerous and exposed than sitting in a cushy chair inside of a nice little cabin. But something about him not having any control of the aircraft made him nervous. What if the pilot was drunk? What if he fell asleep? What if he had a massive heart attack? There were too many variables. Not to mention that the plane could be filled with terrorists and bombs and other things he wasn't quite equipped to deal with. But he tried to just think happy thoughts. Hermione was perfectly calm and he was trying to take his cues from her. If she started to get worried, then he'd worry. Otherwise he knew he just needed to relax.

Once they reached cruising altitude the seatbelt sign went off and the stewardess appeared almost instantly to take drink orders from them.

"What would you like?" she asked them pleasantly.

"What do you have?" Draco wondered.

"Oh we have just about everything."

"Do you have whiskey?"

"Certainly. And you?" she asked Hermione.

"Um, I'll have a vodka tonic."

They got their drinks and Draco was amused at how tiny the bottles were.

"These are so little. It's like two sips. These are leprechaun sized drinks. I'm pretty sure I won't get hammered off this, unless they let me drink everything on their cart," he told Hermione.

"It's just supposed to take the edge off, not get you wasted, remember? Plus, I think they have a limit of how many cocktails you can order," she informed him.

"Damn, so I can't just have her park the cart next to us and go to town?" he asked with a small smirk.

"I'm afraid not."

"Will they be giving us peanuts? I always hear people talk about eating peanuts on a plane. Why is that? Is it some sort of weird Muggle tradition that flying makes you peckish for peanuts?" he wondered.

"I don't know. There usually are some peanuts involved, but don't ask me why," she shrugged.

"Maybe they're good luck or something?"

He settled himself in and his drink was gone very quickly, as anticipated, but he was allowed another one. Then they announced the movie they'd be showing and started handing out headphones to people who wanted to watch it. It was How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Draco had obviously never heard of this but he grabbed up the headphones anyway and Hermione did the same. They sat and watched and Draco pulled out his earphones for a moment and he poked her to get her attention.

"This movie is kind of stupid. I would go running from that bint after ten minutes and not ten days," he told her.

"It is a bit silly, but it's funny. Just put your headphones back on and watch!" she urged him.

He sighed and did as he was told, but he was getting really bored. He wasn't scared anymore, which was a plus. But he wasn't drunk either, which was a negative in his mind. And even though he hadn't really smoked in months, he was suddenly craving a cigarette just because he knew he couldn't have one. He was getting restless sitting in one spot for so long with nothing but a ridiculous chick flick to keep him entertained. Once the movie ended, he realized they still had three hours to go on the flight. He thought he might go insane, and then he realized that this was just the first leg of their journey. After they landed in New York, they had another six hour flight to Los Angeles. He was beginning to rethink this silly desire to travel the Muggle way. It wasn't as exciting as he hoped. He looked over at Hermione and she was reading a book and seemed perfectly content. He jostled her arm.

"So what book is that?" he wondered.

"Oh, it's Interview with a Vampire. I've seen the movie, but never read the book. Thought I'd give it a shot," she told him.

"Is it boring?"

"No, it's pretty good."

"So it's just me that's bored then?" he wondered.

"You should have brought a book yourself or something," she told him.

"I didn't realize how dull traveling was. Hey, you wanna go in the loo with me and fool around? I heard there's a club you join called The Mile High club," he told her with a wicked little gleam in his eyes.

"Draco, no! Are you mad? We can't shag in the loo."

"Why not?"

"Have you been in there yet?"

"No."

"Well go in there and see how small it is. You thought the drinks were tiny, wait till you see the bathroom. There's not even room for one person, much less two," she explained.

"People do it all the time. Obviously it can be done," he pointed out.

"I'm sorry, but no. I don't want to get in trouble!"

"You're no fun," he pouted.

"I'm lots of fun. But I just don't want to get caught. The bathroom is right next to where the stewardesses are hanging around. They'll see us go in together. And like I said, it's tiny. If you don't believe me, go take a look," she told him.

"Alright. I'll go look. Got nothing else to do, I suppose."

He got up and went over to the little bathroom door and opened it up. He frowned at it but then he stepped in a shut the door and locked it. She was right, it was very tiny. He could barely move at all and was afraid he'd accidentally step into the toilet trying to maneuver himself around. He figured he might as well do his business while he was in there though, so he readied himself for that and then the plane started bumping around and he almost fell over. He was a bit worried that something was wrong, but Hermione warned him that sometimes there was turbulence. Just then the whole bathroom seem to shake and he accidentally missed his target in the toilet bowl.

"Oh bloody hell," he said, looking down at his shoes as he silently cursed airplanes and all the Muggles that invented it.

He finished and then washed up and went to take his seat again. He leaned over to Hermione.

"You were right. It's too small in there. I couldn't shag a fruit fly in there without landing in the toilet. Plus, I pissed on my shoes," he informed her with a sigh.

She giggled. "Eww, you have piss on your shoes?"

"The bloody plane started shaking! I lost my aim."

"Yuck. Well, I'm sure they'll dry," she assured him.

"Yeah, but now I gotta sit here with piss covered shoes. And my wand is in the luggage so I can't even do a spell to clean them," he sighed.

"Well if it's any consolation, you don't smell like you pissed on yourself. I don't think anyone's gonna know."

"When we get to New York, I'm buying new shoes and socks. My sock on the right is all soggy. This is so humiliating," he griped.

"Poor Draco. Why don't you try and take a nap? We'll be there soon enough."

He just sighed and closed his eyes and tried to will himself to sleep. The next thing he knew the captain was blaring across the intercom that they were making their decent into LaGuardia. By this time it was dark outside and he and Hermione both craned their necks to the window to see if they could spy the beloved Statue of Liberty. The captain said it was out there on their side, but all they could see were random lights and indiscernible shapes.

"I think that's it. That looks like something in the water," Draco pointed.

"Where? What? That little thing?" she asked curiously.

"I think so. I'm sure it's much more interesting on the ground," he shrugged.

She sat back in her chair and sighed. "Well that was boring. I can't even take a picture of that."

"Hey, if we like it in America, we can always go back another time and see New York properly. You know, go to all the tourist things there and hope we don't get murdered by gang members or terrorists."

"Promise?"

"You have my word."

Once the plane landed and Draco stopped freaking out over how incredibly intense the sensation was, they pulled into the gate and exited the plane. It felt so nice to be back on land again. They had almost three hours to kill, so they set about working their way through the necessary channels and finding their next departure gate. Then they just sort of walked around and tried to look for shops and someplace to eat. The place was rather run down and old looking. The carpets were soiled and Draco swore he saw a roach scurrying in front of them at one point. And most of the shops were closed because it was nearly 4am in New York.

"This place is disgusting. Suddenly my pissed on shoes feel right at home as I feel like there's probably piss all over this carpet in varying spots," Draco complained distastefully.

"It is rather dreary in here. And totally boring. Nothing is open. Don't they realize some of us travel in the middle of the night?" she griped.

They found a service desk and went up to it.

"Excuse me, but are they any open shops or places to eat in here?" Draco asked the woman behind the counter.

"Coffee shop, terminal C. And Gift's Galore, right down that way," she said without evening looking up from her papers.

"Right. Okay. Where's terminal C?" he wondered.

"Maps. Over that way. To the left," she pointed, again not looking up.

Draco just nodded and walked away with Hermione. "People here are rude as fuck too. She didn't even look at me."

"She was just busy I guess. Important airport business."

"Business my ass. She was reading the bloody newspaper."

"Let's just see if we can find the maps," she took his hand and pulled him along.

They found the places that the woman suggested and they decided to eat first. It wasn't much to look at, and a lot of the tables were dirty and they had to find a clean one tucked away in a corner. A waitress walked up to them and she looked bored and half asleep.

"What do you want?" she asked quickly.

"Uh, we just sat down. And there aren't any menus," Draco told her.

"Menus, on the table," the waitress pointed.

"Oh, sorry. Okay."

"So what do you want?" she asked again.

"Can we have more than two bloody seconds to decide?" Draco snapped at her.

"Um, we'll start with two coffees," Hermione piped up.

"Alright. I'll be back."

"Okay, so far not loving the America experience. Is everyone here very rude and annoying?"

"Maybe she's just having a bad night? It is after all really late, or very early. I wouldn't want to be working at this hour," Hermione pointed out.

"Yeah? Well then she needs to get a new fucking job then."

The waitress plunked down their coffees and a little pitcher filled with cream. "Have you decided yet?"

"I'll have the ham and cheese omelet," Hermione told her.

"I'll have the same, I guess," Draco said putting the menu back in it's slot.

"Coming right up."

She walked away and Draco went to fix his coffee how he liked it and then took a sip.

"Oh for fuck's sake. This coffee tastes like nuclear waste. Has it been sitting here since this morning?" he made a yucky face.

"It is rather horrible," she laughed slightly as she pushed her cup away from her. "So the airport isn't that great. But surely this is not representative of normal American culture."

"I bloody well hope not. And did you see the price of the omelet we ordered? Seventeen dollars! For some fucking eggs and ham. I could buy a steak for that back home," Draco complained.

The food arrived and they began eating, but found the meal was not much better than the coffee. Neither one of them finished it. Draco just left money on the table and did not tip very well, and they got out of that place and went in search of the only open gift shop. But first they both needed to use the restroom so they found those and parted ways momentarily. Draco walked in and there was some guy standing by the urinals just leaning against the wall and not doing anything except staring at Draco when he entered. He was immediately creeped out and decided to forgo the urinal and enter a stall instead. He was feeling rather nervous and uncomfortable about the creepy lurker in the corner, so he sort of tapped his foot on the floor anxiously as he did his business. The next thing he knew someone knocked on the door. He tried to ignore it, but he kept knocking.

"Uh, kinda busy, mate!" he called out to whoever it was knocking.

"Ooh, a Brit. I love your accent," the man told him.

"Oh God," Draco muttered as he hurriedly zipped up and flushed, but was scared to open the door.

"You gonna open up or what?" the man asked impatiently.

"Um, not with you standing right there. What the fuck do you want? Go away!" Draco told him.

"Oh come on, dude. You gave the signal. Open up and we can have some fun."

"Signal? What signal?" Draco asked, worried he was about to be violated by some sick weirdo in the airport.

"Tapping your foot. It means, 'come and get it'. And hey, I saw you walk in and I figured you were a ripe one," the man told him.

"Oh my God. I was just nervous because you were staring at me! The foot tapping wasn't a bloody signal of anything. I wasn't saying 'come and get it'! If I was saying anything it was 'get the fuck out of this bathroom before I kill you'!"

"Hey, sorry. My mistake. I thought you were looking for a little excitement," the man said.

Draco waited a moment and then he saw the man's feet disappear from under the door. He sighed and opened it up and walked out. The same man was still standing there, but he was back to his corner. Draco glared at him and went to the sink hurriedly.

"So you sure you don't want a blow job? I'm really good at it," the man told him.

Draco gave him a disgusted look. "Sorry, I'll have to pass. My girlfriend gives good ones too and I'm kinda not into cock or random sex with blokes in a fucking toilet. Get lost!"

"Nah, I'm just gonna wait. Someone will come along. They always do. I'm heading to Minneapolis. Where are you going?" the man tried to make conversation.

"I'm going somewhere very far from there and you and this bathroom," Draco said as he dried his hands quickly and stormed out of the bathroom.

He ran into Hermione who was waiting for him outside.

"Was the men's room as filthy as the women's? Someone actually left a tampon on the ground. I almost vomited that horrid seventeen dollar omelet onto the floor," she said with a yucky face.

"Love, I would have enjoyed seeing a room full of tampons compared to what's lurking in that men's room. Some bloke tried to give me a blow job!" Draco said with horrification.

"What?" Hermione burst out laughing.

"He did! He said he liked my accent. And then he said I gave him some sort of gay signal, which I so did not! I was taking a piss! God I fucking hate this place. Can we just go home?" he asked miserably.

"Relax. I'm sure California is better. Plus, this is an airport. I'm sure things are much better in the outside world," she tried to calm him down.

"I hope so because so far, I hate America."

They made their way to the gift shop, but it was very small and boring and had a poor selection of items. They didn't sell shoes or socks, so Draco was out of luck fixing his shoe problem. And the only thing Hermione could find to her liking was a keychain with the Statue of Liberty on it. They trudged back to their gate and waited for the flight to board, which it thankfully did. They got aboard and Draco just immediately sat back and closed his eyes.

"I'm fucking exhausted. Wake me when we get to LA," he informed her.

She just nestled her head into his shoulder and they both ended up sleeping the entire way to California. They were awoken when the captain announced their decent and they both looked out and saw the ocean below them, along with what appeared to be an amusement park on a pier. It was almost 10:30am in Los Angeles, so things were already bustling down below. Once the plane rolled into the terminal at LAX they were both fairly rested and eager to actually see America outside of an airport. They did all the necessary things they had to do and got their luggage and their rental car keys and then hopped on a shuttle bus that took them to the vast parking lot to find their car. They sat down and had everything piled around them and then Hermione noticed a man board the shuttle and sit down across from them. She jostled Draco's arm.

"Oh my God, look who that is!" she whispered as she discreetly pointed across the way.

"Who is it?" Draco asked confused.

"That's Billy Bob Thornton!"

"Who?"

"You know, the actor? He was married to Angelina Jolie until just recently. Surely you've heard of him?" she prodded him.

"Sort of. I mean, I know who Angelina Jolie is. But him, not so much."

"Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, and you probably hate this sort of thing, but aren't you Billy Bob Thornton?" Hermione asked the man with the beard and dark glasses.

"Hey peaches. That's me. You English? I love how you Brits talk."

"Yes, we're from London, here on holiday. Is that a guitar? Do you play?" she asked noting the case he had sitting next to him.

"I sure do. I've got a band. We just got back from a tour."

"How exciting! Oh, this is my boyfriend, Draco," she said pointing at him.

Billy Bob reached out to shake his hand and Draco took it. "Nice to meet you. I'm afraid I'm a bit challenged with popular movie stars. I don't actually know who you are," Draco admitted.

"Really? Well that's kind of refreshing. The tabloids had a field day with me these last couple of years. It's kind of nice to meet a blank slate," Billy Bob smiled.

"So will your band be playing in town or are you on a break now?" Hermione wondered.

"Oh no, we'll be at the House of Blues next Saturday. You two should come. It'll be great," Billy Bob said enthusiastically.

"What sort of music?" Draco wondered.

"Oh we're sort of a rockabilly band. You'll love it."

"Rockabilly? What is that?" Draco asked confused.

"Just come on out and watch the show. You'll love it."

The shuttle slowed to a stop and Billy Bob stood up.

"This is where I get off," he told them.

"Oh wait! Can I get a picture? Is that too silly?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Anything for you, darlin'. Hand over the camera to those people and the three of us can get in the picture."

Hermione handed the camera to some random woman sitting next to her and she and Draco stood next to Billy Bob and he put his arms around them. The flash went off and Hermione thanked him and the lady who took the picture.

"Y'all have a great time here in Cali. Hope to see you next Saturday!" he said as he grabbed his bag and his guitar and exited the bus.

"Now he was cool. See? Not all Americans are horrible or perverts. And he's a celebrity and they're supposed to be snobby and rude, but he was brilliant!" Hermione told him.

"Yeah, he seemed great. I just wish I could be as excited because I don't know who he is."

"Well just trust me when I say that was exciting. We're in LA for less than an hour and already we met someone famous! This is the best holiday ever," she beamed.

They got to the rental car lot and searched the rows for the number they were given to find their car. They stopped when they came to a shiny red Mercedes convertible.

"_This_ is _our_ car?" she asked with some surprise.

"Yeah, I wanted something nice and totally California looking. A convertible! Isn't it perfect?" he beamed.

"How much is this car costing per day? I rather envisioned us in a Mini Cooper or a Ford Focus or something."

"Please. As if I'd drive either of those pieces of shit," Draco scoffed.

"Uh, you my love, aren't not driving at all. You have no license!" she reminded him.

"Oh come on. You're not gonna let me drive this?" he whined.

"No. You'll get arrested and we'll be deported instantly."

"But you don't have an American license either," he pointed out.

"No, but I have a British one. Remember how they actually took copies of it at the counter? I'm responsible for this car, not you."

"But I'm paying for it!"

"Just put our bags in the boot and be quiet. I'm your chauffer. Get used to it," she informed him.

He sighed and did as he was told. Then he climbed in the passenger side and watched as she gleefully turned the car on and it roared to life.

"Oh this is so much nicer than the car I learned to drive in. This is spectacular!" she cried with joy.

"Do you know how to use this gear shifter thing?"

"Yes. Now how do you put the top down?" she wondered.

They both looked around at all the buttons and gadgets until they found the right one. She pushed it and the top glided open and the window lowered down and every tucked itself away nicely.

"I already love LA. Let's find the hotel!" she said excitedly as she backed out and skidded through the parking lot.

"Slow down, love! You're the one who will get arrested. This isn't Germany, despite the car. They don't have an Autobahn here."

"Sorry, it just goes very fast. I'm barely pushing down the pedal," she said sheepishly.

She made an effort to slow it down and tried to get used to the car. But once they exited the lot, going too fast was not going to be an issue. The traffic was every bit as horrid as they'd always heard about in rumor. Plus, they had no actual idea how to get where they were going. Draco was having difficulty with the map directions. He told her to turn down one street, but she couldn't do it.

"It says One Way. We can't go there," she informed him.

"Alright, then turn down the next street. We'll figure it out."

They drove in circles for what seemed like forever until they finally found what they were looking for. They were staying in a hotel on the beach in Santa Monica and when she pulled into the carport, valets jumped to attention and ran to open their doors.

"Good afternoon. Are you checking in?" one of the men asked.

"Yes, we are," Hermione told him with a grin as she handed the keys over to him.

He opened up the trunk and unloaded the bags onto a trolley and gave Hermione the valet ticket. They followed the man inside the hotel and it was beautiful in there. Everything was very nice and posh and there were potted palms all over the place. It was everything either of them ever dreamed of when they thought of California. They checked in at the desk and got their room number and the valet took the trolley up in the lift with them.

"So, is this your first time in the States?" the man wondered.

"Yes, first time. We had a stop over in New York and I gotta say, I didn't love that place. But everyone here seems really pleasant," Draco admitted.

"Oh we have our fair share of jerks too, but for the most part you won't find a more chill and laid back place as Santa Monica. You'll love it."

"Chill? Is it going to be very cold?" Draco wondered.

The valet laughed. "No, chill as in cool. Like cool people. The weather's great, so don't worry there. And the beach is right out the back door. Plus the pier is in walking distance. If you need any help with anything, the concierge can work miracles. Need a table at Spago? Done. Just say the word."

"Spago? Is that a good restaurant?" Draco asked.

"The best. Anyone who's anyone eats there."

The elevator stopped on the fifteenth floor and they all exited and went down to the room. It was a suite and Hermione was bowled over at how incredibly luxurious and posh it was. The valet unloaded everything and showed them the mini bar and the plasma TV and the balcony. And then Draco handed him a generous tip before he disappeared. They both walked out to the balcony and looked out at the ocean.

"It's beautiful. And look, there are surfers!" Draco said happily.

"Yes, and lots of boats in the distance. Plus this room? My God, will you be completely broke at the end of this trip?" she wondered.

He pulled her to him and kissed her. "Relax, love. I won't be running out of money any time soon. I wanted us to have the best."

"I sort of love that you're rich. I mean, I never cared about money before. But I have to admit, I don't mind being pampered," she admitted as she kissed him again.

"Well get used to it. This is your life now. Your life with me. And we're going to have a fucking blast."

"Shall we try out that big Jacuzzi tub I saw in the bathroom?" she asked with a devious little smile.

"Absolutely."

They practically ran back inside and took off all their clothes. There was plenty of time to see the sights later. They had ten whole days. And they were going to make the most of it.

The next week went by and they'd already seen so many things. They'd gone to the pier and Draco literally ran right into Ashton Kutcher. He stopped and apologized and then he recognized him from the telly, but was too flummoxed to say anything. Ashton just patted him on the back and kept walking, but Hermione wanted to chase him down and get a picture. Draco wouldn't let her though, and she pouted about that for awhile. They'd seen the Hollywood sign, taken a tour of movie star homes, went to the Chinese Theater to see the handprints and spent far too much time in gift shops spending all their money on things they'd probably never wear or actually use. They also got gifts for Harry and Ginny. Way too many of them. But everything was so fascinating that they both kept thinking that the two of them would love whatever ridiculous item it was, so they just bought it. Might as well spoil their friends as well as themselves. And today they'd taken the drive to Disneyland finally, which ended up being a lot farther away from LA proper than they realized it would be. It took them two hours with all the traffic. But now they were in the happiest place on earth and they were like two little kids running around with delight. Draco insisted they get their picture taken with Mickey Mouse and also the Little Mermaid. Right now, they were waiting in line for the It's a Small World ride. Draco was starting to get impatient at the length of the wait.

"My God, that song is incessant. Does it ever stop? Over and over and over. I'm going to chop my head off soon," he complained.

"It's a cute song. But yeah, it was a lot cuter the first twenty times we heard it. But we're almost to the front!" she told him.

They got on the ride and found it to be a little more boring than they hoped.

"This isn't a rollercoaster or anything. You just sit here and look at fake children singing. I liked Space Mountain way better," he told her.

"Yeah, me too. But we'll go to the Matterhorn next. That's a rollercoaster," she told him.

They exited the ride and set off to find something more interesting and they weren't disappointed by the Matterhorn. It was much more their speed. Then they went to a gift shop and perused all the Disney items. Draco picked up some Mickey ears and put them on his head.

"What do you think? Does this suit me?" he asked with a laugh.

"You look like a complete moron, so yes, it suits," she teased him.

"I'm getting these. And they even put your name on it. I'm getting Harry some too. I can't wait to see his utter glee at having personalized mouse ears to wear around," Draco chuckled as he grabbed another pair of ears off the shelf.

"Harry isn't going to wear that," she shook her head.

"Oh yes he will. I'll force him. At least long enough so I can get a picture of it."

"Ooh, I'm gonna get this for Ginny. It's a fairy godmother wand from Cinderella!" Hermione said excitedly as she grabbed it off the shelf.

"Why would she want that? It's fake. It's not a real wand. She has a real one, remember? One without sparkly bits and tinfoil streamers hanging from it," Draco pointed out.

"So? If you're getting Harry personalized Mickey ears, I can get Ginny this. It's a novelty! I know it's fake," she said pointedly.

"They are either gonna love us when we drop all this shit in their laps, or they'll hate us for buying such ridiculous items," Draco laughed.

"Should we get Ron something?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Ron? Are you crazy? Why?" Draco asked giving her a weird look.

She shrugged. "I don't know. He's been through something terrible. Maybe if we bought him and Jen something silly from here, they'd get a laugh."

"I know they've been through hell, and I'm sympathetic. I really am. But he's still not my bloody friend. But if you wanna get them something, go right ahead. Just don't expect me to hand deliver it. I'm not going to his house," Draco told her.

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"I thought we were both on the side of hating his bloody guts. Now you want to buy him a gift?" Draco said shaking his head.

"I _was_ hating his guts, but I feel bad after what Harry said. Don't you?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I do. But it doesn't change things. He's still a wanker. And he still hates me. And he still doesn't want you with me. You really think he'll be excited to get some fucking Mickey Mouse shirt or a fake wand, knowing it was from a vacation you took with _me_?"

"You do have a small point. But I think maybe a peace offering is needed. How about this lovely snow globe with the Cinderella castle in it?" she asked, holding it up.

"Just what every man wants. A snow globe."

"Well what would you get him?" she wondered.

"A bag of dog shit?" Draco offered with a smirk.

She smacked him hard on the arm. "You suck. Be serious! What is a good peace offering gift?"

He rubbed his arm. "Ouch! Watch it! Why are _we_ giving _him_ a peace offering? Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Draco asked.

Hermione sighed and put the snow globe back on the shelf. "You're right I guess. We don't owe him a gift. But I still feel like I should get something. For Jen! I mean, we don't hate her, right?"

"No, I don't hate her. Feel sorry for her being stuck with the whiny little Weasel, but I don't hate her."

"How about this sweatshirt? It's got Minnie Mouse on it. And we could just get the matching Mickey one for Ron."

"Ugh, I thought you said just Jen?"

"Well, then he'd feel left out! Plus, they go together. They match. Just let me do it and be quiet."

"Fine. But you're using your own money for that. I'm not buying it."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Are you mad at me?" she asked him.

"No. I'm not mad. I just don't understand why you give a shit, is all. He's angry at you and he fucking hates me. He attacked me! And yet you still wanna buy him gifts. I don't like it," Draco told her seriously.

"Sorry, it's just that it's hard for me to not give a shit at all. He used to be one of my best friends!"

"Yeah, and your ex _boyfriend_. Color me stupid, but most blokes don't want their girlfriends buying presents for their ex."

"Oh please. You can't honestly be jealous. I bought him a wedding gift and you didn't care," she pointed out.

"I'm not jealous exactly. I just think it's weird. It'd be different if he was cool and we were all actually friends. It makes sense that we're buying Harry and Ginny ridiculous things because they actually like us. Why even bother with someone who doesn't care about us or respect us at all?" Draco told her.

"He didn't always act like such a jerk. I spent years by his side and he has a huge heart. He's not a villain. He's just a little annoying, that's all," she explained.

"Look, buy whatever you want. But don't try and sell me on how big his fucking heart is. I don't care," Draco said as he took his items and stalked off to the register to have the names put on the stupid hats.

Hermione just watched him walk away and wondered if he was right. She had written Ron off before, but she couldn't help feeling sorry for him now. He had something bad happen and it was likely to make even the best person a little out of sorts. Plus, she still had good memories of him and she knew Draco wouldn't understand that. But it was hardly as if she were pining for him. She simply hated that things were all screwed up and that they couldn't get along anymore. She hoped that maybe a gift would show that she was willing to forgive and forget, if Ron was. She knew Draco was mad, but she grabbed up the shirts anyway and tucked them under her arm and went to check out.

They spent the rest of their remaining time at Disneyland just walking around and looking at things. They ate some dinner at a little café, but Draco was noticeably chilly towards her. She thought he was being ridiculous though. But he finally said he'd seen enough of the place and wanted to go back to the hotel. She agreed and they set off and headed back to LA in relative silence. Once they got to their room, she tossed all the stuff onto a chair and kicked off her shoes and laid down on the bed. Draco put his items on the table and sat down in a chair.

"Are you seriously that pissed off at me over some stupid sweatshirts?" she asked finally.

"No. I'm fine. I'm just tired, that's all," he told her.

"I know when you're lying. If it really makes you that upset, I'll give the gifts to Harry and Ginny. Alright? Happy now?" she wondered.

"It's not about the gifts. I just wish you wouldn't think about the Weasel so fondly. He's been nothing but a prat since you and I got together. Why can't we just forget he exists?" Draco asked.

"Because he's Ginny's brother, for one. And also, he's Harry's best friend. And he used to be my best friend too! He's going to be in our lives in some capacity, so why not at least try and make nice?"

"He hasn't tried to make nice with me. And I don't know. Maybe I am jealous. But not in the way you're imagining it. I know you're over him that way, and he's married now. But I…well, oh, never mind. I'm not making sense. Just forget it," he said waving his hands in the air.

"What? Tell me. You're jealous, but not really? I don't understand. You must realize I don't want him anymore. Not at all! This is simply a friendship gesture," she explained.

"I know. I just wish he wasn't still everyone's friend, okay? I mean, where the hell has he been when you or Harry needed advice or help or a friendly ear to talk to? Where has he been all those nights we all go out and have a blast and act like idiots and drink way too much? I'm the one who's there! Not him. And maybe I just wish he'd drop off the earth and disappear," Draco told her.

She just stared at him for a moment and then shook her head. She started laughing slightly. "Oh my God, you're jealous that he's Harry's best friend and you're not! This isn't about me. It's about _Harry_!"

Draco stood up and glared at her. "It is not! It's about _all_ of you! I mean, Ginny can't help it cause he's her brother, but you two lot don't have to wanna be his fucking friend anymore! He doesn't deserve it, as far as I'm concerned. And who do you think Harry's been talking to for months now? Who gave Harry fucking sex tips in a bathroom? That was me! I'm the one he talks to now."

"I can't even believe this. You're jealous because you think you're a better friend to Harry and Ron doesn't deserve the title of best friend anymore? This is insane," she informed him.

"Just forget it. You're right. It is insane. I'm fucking insane. And I need a Goddamn drink," he said as he stormed off towards the door.

"Wait! Where are you going?" she asked.

"To the hotel bar. I need a bit of a breather and a couple of drinks," he said as he opened the door and slammed it behind him.

He marched down the hallway cursing himself under his breath. He was acting like a spoiled little child and he knew it. He had no idea how important it was for him to be considered Harry's friend and confidant. They spent years hating each other and now he was incensed at the thought he would never earn the title of 'best friend' when he was far more worthy of it. But the fact that this bothered him made him feel like a complete fool. He wanted to slap the shit out himself for it. Who really cared? They weren't little children anymore. He just hated that he'd put a buttload of effort into gaining favor with Harry and Ginny and Ron had done nothing but act like an asshole, and yet he was still afforded the honor of being best mates with everyone. It just got under Draco's skin and he wanted to rid himself of this ridiculous train of thought by drinking himself silly.

He found the bar and sat down and ordered up his usual, whiskey neat. He just sat there and stewed for a bit and was on his third drink when a very beautiful blond girl sat on the stool next to him. He glanced at her for a moment, but then shifted his gaze back to his drink.

"So, what catastrophe has coming crashing down from heaven to make someone like you look so down and out?" she asked him with a flirtatious grin.

"What?" he asked with confusion.

"I just meant, what's got you looking so blue?" she wondered.

"Oh, nothing. I'm fine. I'm just knocking back a few, that's all," he shrugged.

"Oh God, you're English! You're from England? Oh, talk to me some more. I love the accent," she said excitedly.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked with a slight laugh.

"Anything. I could think of a few things I'd like to hear you say," she told him coyly as she touched his arm.

"Oh, well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I've got a girlfriend already. So I don't think I'll be saying anything all that exciting to you," he informed her as he removed her hand from his arm gently.

"Damn. Of course you're taken. Why wouldn't you be? I mean, look at you? Have you seen you lately, because you're a dish," she said with a sigh.

"I have looked in a mirror, yes. And thanks. But I'm still not single. Sorry."

"Well where's your girlfriend? Back at home in England? Because if she is, then I don't think she'd know what you were doing."

"She's upstairs in our room. And honestly, I'm flattered, but not interested. Why not go chat up that bloke at the end of the bar? He looks lonely," he instructed her.

She looked over and then back at Draco. "Oh please. He looks about forty and I'm pretty sure that's a toupee on his head. It looks like a furry cabbage. I'm not that hard up," she told him.

Draco laughed in spite of her slightly annoying persistence. "A furry cabbage? Yeah, I guess you're sorta right. Does he think that looks natural?"

"I know. He must not look in a mirror. Hey, I'm Vanessa, by the way. I'm from Chicago. I'm here in LA with some friends, but they all went to a club and I was more in the mood to stay in," she told him.

"Nice to meet you."

"Do you have a name?"

"Yes, it's Draco."

"Draco? Now that's a unique name. Are there lots of guys named Draco in England?" she wondered.

"I highly doubt it. My mum has this family tradition for naming children after constellations. It's a quirk," he explained.

"Constellations? You mean, stars?"

"Yeah."

"There's a constellation called Draco? What does it look like?"

"Um, it supposed to be a dragon. Draco means dragon in Latin," he told her.

"Ooh, dragon! Now I like the name even better. I remember when I was a child I saw Puff the Magic Dragon and I wanted my very own to keep as a pet," she informed him.

"Dragons make terrible pets. They get rather large and have a tendency to set you on fire or eat you. They're a bit hard to tame," he said as he took another sip of his drink.

"Yeah, as if dragons are real!"

"Oh they are. You didn't know that?" he asked.

"Ha, ha. I get it. You're making fun of the stupid American girl. Am I supposed to believe that there are really dragons in England?" she laughed at him.

"There are lots of things. Fairies, centaurs, mermaids, dragons, unicorns. You name it."

"Cute. I like that you're funny. But I'm not that gullible. Let me buy you a drink," she said, refusing to give up on him.

"That's okay, I'm set."

"Well then buy me a drink," she said with a smile.

He sighed and signaled the bartender. "Drink for the lady, on me."

"I'll have another chardonnay," she told him, and then looked back at Draco. "So really, why are you sitting here alone drinking if your girlfriend is upstairs? Did you have a fight?"

"Not a fight exactly, no. More like I had a tantrum. It's all very stupid and not worth speaking of. Besides, I'm over it now," he told her with a shrug.

"Well why'd you have a tantrum?"

"Because I'm a moron. It's just my girlfriend has this ex, and I can't fucking stand him. But everyone keeps wanting him in our lives, despite the fact that he's a complete jerk. I just wish he'd disappear. Except that he's kind of the brother of one of my friends, so I guess I'm stuck with him," he complained.

"Your girlfriends ex is still in your life and is the brother of another friend?"

"Yes."

"That does kind of suck. Do you think she still wants him or something?" she asked as she sipped her drink.

"No. She doesn't want him. It's not like that. They were over years ago and he's married. It's just that I have a bit of a colorful history with these people. I had to work hard to gain their trust and their favor. And then this moron just waltzes around doing idiotic shit and punching me and attacking me, and somehow everyone just forgives him instantly, without any actual effort on his part. It's maddening! Wouldn't that piss you off?" he asked her desperately.

"Yeah, I guess it would. He punched you?"

"Yes! I mean, I kind of let him do it, but still. He practically broke my face. And then he got us thrown out of a restaurant for jumping me and attacking my hair. Oh, and then he set a cake on fire!" Draco ranted.

"He sounds kind of crazy to me."

"He is."

"And your girlfriend is on his side? Even after all those things he did?" she asked as she touched his arm again.

"She feels sorry for him."

"What about you? She should feel sorry for you instead, putting up with that." She flipped her hair and leaned in closer to him.

"Damn right," he said as he gulped down the last of his drink.

Right then, Hermione walked up and spied the two of them at the bar. The girl was leaning in close and had her hand on Draco's arm. He was making no move to stop her. He was just laughing at something and the girl tossed her hair back and whispered to him. Hermione seethed as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. She marched up to them and shoved Draco as hard as she could until he flew off the barstool and landed on the ground.

"What the fuck?" he cried, trying to figure out what the hell just happened to him, as it happened so quickly.

"What the hell are you doing? Chatting up this bimbo? Is that how you deal with problems? You just run off to the bar and find some other girl?" Hermione shouted at him.

"Will you get your knickers untwisted! I wasn't chatting her up like that! We were just talking!" Draco said as he pulled himself off the ground.

"Right. Looked real cozy to me. I should have realized that when even the tiniest thing went wrong you'd just revert back to your old self," she yelled at him.

"Okay, you're being a crazy fucked up bitch, right now. I didn't do anything!" he shouted back.

"Um, honestly, he didn't do anything. I swear. Not for lack of me trying, but he was seriously just talking to me. That's it," Vanessa said as she stood up and came to Draco's defense.

"So you _were_ hitting on him then?" Hermione asked her angrily.

"Yes! Sue me. He's gorgeous. But he turned me down!"

"So you weren't flirting with her or trying to hurt me just because we had a disagreement?" Hermione asked Draco.

"Is that what you really think of me? That I'd just run off and find some strange girl so I could hurt you, just because we exchanged a few angry words? Love, we argue all the fucking time! Have I ever done anything to hurt you? God, I can't believe you. I wasn't even mad at you before really, but now I bloody well am!" he shouted at her.

"I'm gonna go. Nice to meet you, and good luck with everything," Vanessa said as she grabbed her purse and left the bar quickly.

"I'm sorry, Draco. I completely overreacted," Hermione said with embarrassment.

"You think? You see me speaking words to another girl and you run in here and shove me off the stool and start accusing me of bullshit? I thought you fucking knew me better than that," he said somewhat sadly.

"I'm really sorry. I am. I'm an idiot. You just seemed so upset when you left, and then you were gone for so long, and then I saw you with that girl. And she's very pretty and blond and it just looked like something was going on. I kind of had a moment of panic. I just reacted," she explained.

"Look, everyone is staring at us. Let's just go back upstairs," he said, grabbing her arm roughly and dragging her out of the bar and across the lobby into the elevator.

Once inside he just stood there and wouldn't look at her at all.

"I said I was sorry. What more can I say? I made a huge error and I know I was a bitch. Please don't give me the silent treatment. I hate that," she pleaded with him.

"I don't know what to even say to you right now," he said shaking his head.

The doors opened and they walked and went back into their room and they both just stood there and said nothing at first. Then he finally faced her.

"Look, I know my past isn't stellar. I know I used to be a complete fucking asshole, and I know I have a reputation for meeting women in bars so I can forget my problems. But I thought we were miles past all that. I fucking love you! I adore you! We share our lives together. I've pledged my devotion to you on many occasions, and I'm spending a fucking fortune on this holiday, and yet you actually doubted me? Even for a moment? I would never have done that to you! I wouldn't have embarrassed the shit out of you in a public bar if I saw you merely speaking to another bloke. I trust you. And I thought you trusted me. But once again, everyone gets to play 'knock Draco around and insult him and assume the worst' when people like your beloved Ron can do whatever the fuck they feel like, and everyone gives him a free pass! I'm sick of it!" he shouted at her.

She just stood there and didn't know what to say. She felt horrible and she was incredibly embarrassed and she knew Draco was right. She didn't know what to do, so she just burst into tears. She couldn't stop it.

"Oh God, tears? Really? You know I hate seeing you cry," he said with an irritated sigh.

"I'm sorry. I really, really am. I have no excuse for my behavior. I went completely off my bird, and I made a mistake. I didn't mean to embarrass you and I'm sorry I didn't trust you. It's just…Draco, it's so hard for me to trust sometimes. I want to. I just get scared occasionally. And apparently I'm a bit more jealous than I realized because I just honestly hated seeing you sitting with that girl. I felt like she was so much prettier than me. But I should have trusted you. You're right. And you can shove me onto the floor or throw me off the bloody balcony if you want. I fucked up. And you do deserve better," she admitted through her tears.

He softened his angry stance and went over and put his hands on her shoulders. "Hermione, listen to me. I love you. I've never loved anyone else in this world, except you. And yes, you fucked up tonight and made fools of us both. And I'm still kind of pissed, but I'm not throwing you off a fucking balcony or knocking you around. Don't be ridiculous. I just expected better of you, that's all. I mean, have I not been a good boyfriend to you? I know we had a weird start and yeah, I was mean to you and playing games, but I've been fucking good to you ever since we actually got together. I'd do anything for you. You know that. For someone so fucking smart with books and everything, you're completely sack of hammers when it comes to relationships. And that's coming from a bloke who's never even been in an actual relationship before," he told her seriously.

She looked up at him with tear stained cheeks. "Sack of hammers? Am I really that daft and horrible at this love stuff?"

"Yes, you are sometimes. Tonight being one of them. I mean, first you freak out on me at Ron's wedding and now you're throwing me off barstools and accusing me of cheating on you just cause I sat next to some bint in a bar? Catch a fucking clue, will you? I'm totally devoted to you. I'm gonna marry you someday, you silly bint. Would I fucking say that to you if I didn't mean it?" he asked.

"You really want to marry someone as fucked up and stupid as me?" she asked with a slight smile, despite how horrible she felt.

"I do. Which probably doesn't say much for my own mental health, but yes. I want to be with you forever."

She put her arms around him and held him tightly. "I really am sorry. And if it honestly upsets you that I bought Ron and Jen gifts, I won't give them. I'll just burn the stupid shirts. You were right that I shouldn't be the one trying to mend fences, it should be him. Please just forgive me for all this stupid crazy shit? Please?"

He pulled her back and kissed her gently. "You're forgiven. God knows you've forgiven me for worse in the past. But just a tip. Next time you see me speaking to a bird, don't fucking throw me across the room. I was a fucking Death Eater and yet you're more violent than I ever was. Shit, you punch me, you throw me off stools. You're insane, my dear. Bloody insane. But I still love you," he laughed slightly.

"I am a bit prone to attacking men when they've upset me. God, am I really this horrid? I once attacked Ron with a flock of birds and then I pummeled him in the forest. And yes, I punched you and threw you off a stool. Ugh. I need anger management."

"It might help. Seriously. But I kind of like the fire you have. I just wish you'd use that fire for good and not evil. Aren't you supposed to be the good one and I'm the bad one? Did I miss something?"

"Ugh. I'm an idiot," she groaned.

"So what's this about attacking Ron with birds and pummeling him in the forest? These sound like stories I want to hear," he said trying to make her smile.

"Oh God, I don't even want to go there. No wonder he broke up with me. And you? Glutton for punishment obviously. I'm Hermione the fucked up hurricane of bad decisions and fury. Why do you even like me at all?" she asked miserably.

"Oh stop it. Now you're going overboard. No self pity. That's my area of expertise. Let's just forget all this shit, shall we? Seriously, it never happened. I just want to get out of these clothes and into bed with you. I'm knackered. Disneyland is tiring. And it's late," he told her.

"Alright. It's forgotten then. And I'll stop the self pity fest, promise. I just feel like you were right. You've been a great boyfriend. And maybe I've not been the best girlfriend," she shrugged slightly.

"Nonsense. You're wonderful. A little fighting is good for the soul. Keeps things interesting. Now go get ready for bed. Tomorrow is a new day. And it's your birthday too, remember? So cheer up!"

"It is my birthday tomorrow. I can't believe our trip is almost over. Or that I'm going to be twenty four! Ugh. That sounds so old."

"Yeah, twenty four is pretty ancient. You might need to buy a cane and join a bridge group at the tea parlor with all the other old hags," he joked with her.

"Oh shut up. I'm not going to join that club until I'm at least thirty. _Then_ I'll be ancient."

He just laughed and shooed her towards the bathroom so they could get ready for bed. She drove him crazy, but somehow he still couldn't resist her. He didn't quite get it exactly, but the things that drove him mad, also attracted him as well. He might be one sick puppy, but he couldn't imagine a life with a dull uninteresting or helpless damsel who was all meek and subservient. He'd tire of that in about three seconds. And that was just the type of girl he would have ended up with had he allowed his father to pick her out for him. Which made no real sense since his mother was nothing like that at all, yet somehow his father thought Draco would be happy with a girl like that. He would just have to put up with her ridiculousness since she put up with his. After all, he started the whole debacle by storming off over something trivial and immature. And he supposed he could see why she might assume he was flirting with that girl, but the thought never even entered his mind. The girl could have taken all her clothes off and been clutching hundred dollar bills and bottles of his favorite whiskey and he'd still walk away. He just hoped Hermione truly understood that. She had no need to be worried or insecure. And he realized he was being a bit idiotic himself to be jealous of Ron and whatever relationships he had with the people around him. Draco couldn't worry himself with who was more worthy of who's friendship. He just had to keep being who he was and stop worrying about who he wasn't. If he let it bother him, the Weasel won. And he couldn't stand that thought. He just wanted to forget it all and start the day fresh in the morning.

**To be continued….Thanks for reading along! I hope you're still enjoying this. Some of the events in this story are based on my own trip to LA once, where I did meet Billy Bob Thornton on a shuttle bus and ran into Ashton Kutcher on the pier. What can I say? I write what I know. Unfortunately Draco Malfoy was not my date on that vacation though. Please leave a review and thanks for all my followers!**


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